The Meaning of Life Is That Nobody Knows the Meaning of Life

Woody Allen? Ken Kelley? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: Philosophers, religious figures, and spiritual gurus have been making claims about the meaning of life for millennia. The comedian Woody Allen apparently offered his own quixotic analysis. Would you please help me to find a citation? Quote Investigator: On July 1, 1976 “Rolling Stone” magazine printed an …

In the Beginning, There Was Nothing. The Lord Said, ‘Let There Be Light.’ Then There Was Still Nothing, But You Could See It Much Better

Ellen DeGeneres? Woody Allen? Joe Doyle? The Flying Karamazov Brothers? George Burns? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a joke based on the biblical creation story that contains the famous line “Let there be light”. The punch line of the gag is: There was still nothing. But you could see it a whole lot better. …

The Most Fun You Can Have Without Laughing

H. L. Mencken? Woody Allen? Walter Winchell? Alfred Lunt? Sarah Bernhardt? E. V. Durling? Jim Bishop? Colonel Stoopnagle? Frederick Chase Taylor? Leo Rosten? Humphrey Bogart? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The following declaration of high praise has been applied to love making: The most fun you can have without laughing. Influential commentator H. L. Mencken and …

The Most Beautiful Word in the English Language Is Benign

Erma Bombeck? Woody Allen? L. M. Boyd? Mark Hatfield? David B. Whitlock? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: If you or a loved one has faced cancer then the following assertion would be understandable: The most beautiful word in the English language is ‘benign’. This notion has been attributed to two well-known humorists Erma Bombeck and Woody …

Speed Reading: I Was Able To Go Through ‘War and Peace’ in 20 Minutes. It’s About Russia

Woody Allen? Rod Riggs? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The ability to read and comprehend text quickly is a valuable skill. Several decades ago courses were developed that attempted to teach “speed reading” or “quick reading” techniques. The well-known comedian Woody Allen created a joke about applying speed-reading strategies to Tolstoy’s massive tome “War and Peace”. …

Cloquet Hated Reality But Realized It Was Still the Only Place to Get a Good Steak

Woody Allen? Groucho Marx? Cloquet? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: The comedian and movie director Woody Allen sometimes constructs ontological jokes. For example, the following is attributed to Allen: I hate reality, but it is still the only place where I can get a decent steak. Oddly, the following very similar quip has been credited to …

Comedy Is Tragedy Plus Time

Carol Burnett? Woody Allen? Tig Notaro? Steve Allen? Lenny Bruce? Bob Newhart? Thomas Hardy? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Some humorists are able to transform disastrous or mortifying episodes in their own lives into hilarious comedy routines. Usually some time must pass before a painful memory is distant enough that it can be transmuted into something …

Showing Up Is 80 Percent of Life

Woody Allen? Marshall Brickman? Donkey Hotey? Apocryphal? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: I am trying to track down the origin of a quotation about success in life that has divaricated into many versions. Here are some examples: Ninety percent of success is just showing up. Showing up is 80 percent of life. Eighty percent of success …