Creator: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), famous humorist Context: Understanding the humor in the following passage requires familiarity with the cherry tree legend. A young Washington received a hatchet as a gift and impetuously chopped down a cherry tree owned by his father. When the future president was confronted he said “I cannot tell a lie. …
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I Never Argue with a Man Who Buys Ink by the Barrel
Roger Branigin? Mark Twain? Charles Brownson? Irving Leibowitz? William I. Greener Jr.? H. L. Mencken? Benjamin Franklin? Dear Quote Investigator: If a newspaper editor or publisher dislikes a viewpoint you are advocating then you may have to endure a long series of negative articles. The following three statements express this notion: Never argue with a …
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The Secret of Getting Ahead Is Getting Started
Mark Twain? Agatha Christie? Sally Berger? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: To overcome procrastination one must initiate a task. Although this is straightforward advice it is an arcane approach according to the following adage: The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The famed humorist Mark Twain and the popular mystery writer Agatha Christie have both …
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If I Cannot Swear in Heaven I Shall Not Stay There
Mark Twain? Albert Bigelow Paine? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: There are a set of statements attributed to the famous humorist Mark Twain about allowable behaviors in heaven: If I cannot swear in heaven I shall not stay there. If I cannot drink bourbon in heaven, then I shall not go. If I can’t smoke cigars …
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The More I Know About People, the Better I Like Dogs
Mark Twain? Madame de Sévigné? Madame Roland? Alphonse de Lamartine? Alphonse Toussenel? Louise de la Rameé? Alfred D’Orsay? Thomas Carlyle? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: A popular expression combines disappointment with humanity together with praise for canines. Here are four versions: The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. The more I learn …
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Recipe To Create a Publisher: Take an Idiot Man from a Lunatic Asylum . . .
Mark Twain? Frank Nelson Doubleday? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: Mark Twain apparently held a very low opinion of book publishers. He suggested that publishers could be created via a multigenerational combination of individuals from lunatic asylums. Could you please help me find a citation for this sentiment? Quote Investigator: In 1897 Frank Nelson Doubleday and …
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Some People Are Troubled by the Things in the Bible They Can’t Understand. The Things That Trouble Me Are the Things I Can Understand
Mark Twain? Hugh Elmer Brown? Joseph Fort Newton? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: The following quotation is often attributed to Mark Twain, but I do not know whether it is accurate: It ain’t the parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. Would you please …
Never Attempt To Teach a Pig To Sing; It Wastes Your Time and Annoys the Pig
Mark Twain? Robert Heinlein? Paul Dickson? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Teaching a pig to sing is a futile task that aggravates the porcine student according to a popular saying. Luminary Mark Twain and science fiction author Robert Heinlein have received credit for this adage. Would you please determine the accurate ascription and the original context? …
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Never Wrestle with a Pig. You Both Get Dirty and the Pig Likes It
George Bernard Shaw? Mark Twain? Abraham Lincoln? Cyrus Stuart Ching? J. Frank Condon? Richard P. Calhoon? N. H. Eagle? Cale Yarborough? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: A popular metaphorical adage warns individuals not to engage with disreputable critics. Here are two versions: Don’t wrestle with pigs. You both get filthy and the pig likes it. Never …
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Put All Your Eggs in One Basket, and Then Watch That Basket
Mark Twain? Andrew Carnegie? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Proverbial wisdom tells us never to put all our eggs in one basket, but an inversion of that advice has been ascribed to the renowned humorist Mark Twain and the business titan Andrew Carnegie. Who should receive credit? Quote Investigator: On June 23, 1885 Andrew Carnegie addressed …
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