Robert Mitchum? Gloria Pitzer? Lloyd Robson? Apocryphal?
Question for Quote Investigator: A movie star was once asked about the impressive longevity of his marriage, and he replied that the two partners displayed mutual forbearance. Each partner believed that the other would do better tomorrow.
This statement has been attributed to Golden-Age Hollywood actor Robert Mitchum, but I do not know the precise phrasing, and I have not seen a solid citation. Would you please help?
Reply from Quote Investigator: Robert Mitchum starred in many films including The Sundowners (1960), Cape Fear (1962), and Ryan’s Daughter (1970). In March 1971 “Reader’s Digest” magazine published the following item under the title “Marriage Counsel”. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
Screen actor Robert Mitchum, asked what had made his marriage of 30 years last when so many had failed, replied, “Mutual forbearance. We have each continued to believe that the other will do better tomorrow.”
—“The David Frost Show,” Westinghouse Broadcasting Co.
QI has not seen the episode of “The David Frost Show” containing the quotation; hence, the accuracy of this information is dependent on the veracity of the item in the “Reader’s Digest”.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
In 1972 the quotation appeared in “Tarbell’s Teacher’s Guide” which contained religious lesson plans:2
When movie actor Robert Mitchum was asked what made his marriage of 30 years last so long when so many others failed, he replied, “Mutual forbearance. We have each continued to believe that the other will do better tomorrow.”
There is good humor in that remark—and real truth. God keeps on extending His undeserved grace to a mankind which He eternally hopes will be better tomorrow.
In 1973 a humor column by Gloria Pitzer in “The Times Herald” of Port Huron, Michigan printed a version of the joke without attribution:3
“Irreconcilable differences” are frequently cited as the cause for a divorce these days, but that’s all my husband and I have ever had in common. Really, though, it is “mutual forbearance” that holds us together. We have each continued to believe that the other will do better tomorrow. We never do, but we can hope, can’t we?
In 1985 “The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes” included the following item:4
Mitchum, happily married for thirty years, was asked what he thought had made his marriage last, when those of so many of his show-business colleagues had failed. “Mutual forbearance,” he replied. “We have each continued to believe that the other will do better tomorrow.”
In 2008 journalist and novelist Lloyd Robson published “Oh Dad!: A Search for Robert Mitchum”. Robson considered Mitchum to be a surrogate father and guide to masculinity. The book included miscellaneous quotations:5
In the eighties Mitchum claimed, wryly, that their success as a couple was down to a ‘lack of imagination’ and on another occasion said, almost apologetically, ‘I suppose with us it’s a mutual forbearance… I think we have each continued to believe the other will do better tomorrow’.
Robson’s book also contained quotations credited to Mitchum’s wife:6
‘Sure there were rough times. Sometimes the women would elbow me out of the way to get to Bob. But… whatever he does, he always comes back.’
Dorothy Mitchum
‘I knew Bob’s faults. I don’t care. When there is love, who needs perfection?’
Dorothy Mitchum
In summary, there is substantive evidence supporting the attribution to Robert Mitchum. The earliest evidence found by QI occurred within “Reader’s Digest” magazine in 1971 which stated that Mitchum delivered the quotation during a television appearance on “The David Frost Show”.
Image Notes: Two golden rings symbolizing marriage from Sandy Millar at Unsplash. The image has been cropped and resized.
Acknowledgement: Great thanks to David Rosen whose inquiry led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration.
- 1971 March, Reader’s Digest, Volume 98, Number 587, Marriage Counsel, Quote Page 212, The Reader’s Digest Association, Pleasantville, New York. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
- 1972, Tarbell’s Teacher’s Guide: For September 1972 to August 1973, Edited by Frank S. Mead, Sixty-Eighth Annual Volume, Lesson XII—May 20, Start Page 276, Quote Page 282, Fleming H. Revell Company, Old Tappan, New Jersey. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
- 1973 August 16, The Times Herald, No Laugh ’N Matter: Choose in-laws, then husband by Gloria Pitzer, Quote Page 6B, Column 4, Port Huron, Michigan. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1985, “The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes”, Edited by Clifton Fadiman, Section: Robert Mitchum, Page 403, Column 1, Little, Brown and Company, Boston. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
- 2008, Oh Dad!: A Search for Robert Mitchum by Lloyd Robson, Chapter: Take 21, Quote Page 342, Parthian Books, Cardigan, Wales. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
- 2008, Oh Dad!: A Search for Robert Mitchum by Lloyd Robson, Chapter: Take 21, Quote Page 342 and 343, Parthian Books, Cardigan, Wales. (Verified with scans) ↩︎