Quote Investigator® – Tracing Quotations

Joke Origin: “Do You Serve Lobsters Here?” “Yes, We Serve Anyone”

Life Magazine? Milton College? Joan Kochanowski? Norman Brinkmeier? Anonymous?

**Illustration of Lobster (Homarus Americanus) from N.Y. Public Library**

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a family of wordplay jokes in which a customer asks a waiter about the availability of seafood. Here are three examples:

“Waiter, do you serve shrimps here?” “Sure. We don’t care how tall you are. Sit down.”

“Do you serve crabs?” “Yes, we treat all customers alike.”

“Do you serve lobsters here? ” “Oh, yes sir, we serve anyone. Sit right down.”

In each of these jokes, the seafood term is not interpreted as a menu item; instead, the term is applied to the customer. Would you please trace the history of this family of jokes?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared in “The Scioto Gazette” of Chillicothe, Ohio in March 1901. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

“Do you serve lobsters here?” asked the new arrival.

“Well,” replied the waiter, “we ’as our instructions to discriminate as much as possible among them as comes in to eat.”

This joke can be understood as an absurdist misunderstanding. Further, circa 1901 there were several different slang interpretations for “lobster”. Here are three senses listed in “Green’s Dictionary of Slang”:²

2. (a) (US) a slow-witted, awkward, or gullible person; a general term of abuse; esp. of a socially inept or foolish person.

2. (b) an older man who gives a younger woman presents and/or money in return for sexual favours.

3 (US) in the context of obtaining money, one who is a waste of effort.

The joke above appeared in several newspapers in 1901 including “The Omaha Daily News” in Nebraska,³ “The Washington Reporter” in Pennsylvania,⁴ and “The Wilsonton Journal” in Kansas.⁵

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Proverb Origin: It Is Better to Die on Our Feet Than to Live on Our Knees

Emiliano Zapata? Dolores Ibarruri? Franklin D. Roosevelt? Ernest Hemingway? Aeschylus? François-Noël Babeuf? Joseph Heller? Luciano J. Rivas? Rafael Tellez Giron? Anonymous?

**Wooden figures depicting one person helping another**

Question for Quote Investigator: A popular saying extolls courage and condemns subservience even when conditions are challenging:

It’s better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

This motto has been attributed to Mexican revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata, Spanish politician Dolores Ibárruri, French revolutionary leader François-Noël Babeuf, ancient Greek tragedian Aeschylus, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, U.S. literary figure Ernest Hemingway, U.S. novelist Joseph Heller, and others. This situation is confusing. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match found by QI appeared in the Mexican periodical “El Mundo Ilustrado” (“The Illustrated World”) in September 1906 within an article about Mexican leader Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla written by Luciano J. Rivas. Here is a Spanish excerpt followed by an English translation. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Mexicanos imitémoslo, recordando que “vale más morir de pie que vivir de rodillas.”

Mexicans, let us emulate him, remembering that “it is better to die standing than to live on one’s knees.”

The saying above was enclosed within quotation marks which signaled that the statement was already an existing proverb.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: If We Knew What We Were Doing, It Would Not Be Called Research

Albert Einstein? Charles F. Kettering? Wernher von Braun? Luis de Florez? Charles Erwin Wilson? David C. Hazen?

**Laboratory picture from CDC at Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: There are no guaranteed outcomes when research is conducted. The results might be valuable or worthless. The following saying reflects this uncertainty. Here are two versions:

(1) If we knew what it was we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research, would it?

(2) If we knew what it was we would learn, it just wouldn’t be research, would it?

This saying has been attributed to the famous physicist Albert Einstein, but I am skeptical because there are so many fake Einstein quotations. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive evidence that Albert Einstein wrote or spoke this statement. It is not listed in the comprehensive reference “The Ultimate Quotable Einstein” from Princeton University Press.¹

This notion can be expressed in many ways; hence, it is difficult to trace. Here is an evolutionary overview with dates and attributions:

1923: Research wouldn’t be research if we didn’t try everything but the right thing. The only time it’s disgraceful to fail on a research is the last time. (Charles F. Kettering, President of the General Motors Research Corporation)

1946: If I knew in advance what the results will be, the work wouldn’t be research. (Luis de Florez, Rear Admiral in the United States Navy)

1954: If you knew for sure you were going to get the answer you wanted to get it would not be research. You would have passed that stage. It would be in the engineering application stage. (Charles Erwin Wilson, U.S. Secretary of Defense)

1958: If everything you started was bound to be successful, it wouldn’t be research and it wouldn’t be development. It would be just straight engineering. (Charles Erwin Wilson, Former U.S. Secretary of Defense)

1959: We don’t know really for sure what is going to come out of these programs—they wouldn’t be research programs, of course if we knew ahead of time what we were going to do. (Harold W. Ritchey, Vice President, Rocket Divisions, Thiokol Chemical Corp.)

1965: If research and development didn’t have its failures as well as its successes, it wouldn’t be called research and development. (Remark in anonymous editorial in “Army” magazine)

1967: If we knew what it was we would learn, it just wouldn’t be research, would it? (Attributed to David C. Hazen, Professor of Aerospace Engineering at Princeton University)

1986: If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research. (Anonymous epigraph in PhD thesis by John Stewart Denker)

1989: If we knew how it worked, it wouldn’t be called research. (No attribution given in a message posted to Usenet newsgroup comp.sys.mac)

1991: If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research. (Attributed to Argonne ATLAS in a message posted to Usenet newsgroup comp.os.vms)

1992: If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research. (Attributed to Wernher von Braun in a message posted to Usenet newsgroup rec.music.makers)

1994: If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it? (Attributed to Albert Einstein in a message posted to Usenet newsgroup alt.usage.english)

Below are details for selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Good News Is, We’ve Discovered the Secret of Immortality. The Bad News Is, It’s Not for Us

Geoffrey Hinton? Will Douglas Heaven? Alex Hern? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: A modern AI system is implemented with an intricate hardware device, but the crucial distinguishing characteristic of the device is a collection of parameters called weights. It is possible to store a copy of these weights in a separate location.

If the hardware device is damaged or destroyed, then a new comparable device can be constructed. The previously stored weights can be placed into the new device, and the original AI system can be resurrected. A prominent AI researcher once said the following when comparing the longevity of humans to the longevity of these digital neural network systems:

So, the good news is, we’ve discovered the secret of immortality. The bad news is, it’s not for us.

This statement has been attributed to Turing Award winner Geoffrey Hinton. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In May 2023 Geoffrey Hinton appeared at the EmTech conference, and he was interviewed by journalist Will Douglas Heaven. A transcript was published in the trade publication Computerworld. Hinton spoke about the future of humanity and immortality:¹

“I think it’s quite conceivable that humanity is just a passing phase in the evolution of intelligence. You couldn’t directly evolve digital intelligence. It would require too much energy and too much careful fabrication. You need biological intelligence to evolve so that it can create digital intelligence, but digital intelligence can then absorb everything people ever wrote in a fairly slow way, which is what ChatGPT is doing, but then it can get direct access experience from the world and run much faster. It may keep us around for a while to keep the power stations running, but after that, maybe not.

“So the good news is we figured out how to build beings that are immortal. When a piece of hardware dies, they don’t die. If you’ve got the weights stored in some medium and you can find another piece of hardware that can run the same instructions, then you can bring it to life again.

“So, we’ve got immortality but it’s not for us.”

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I’m Sick and Tired of These Old Cliches. Let’s Have Some New Cliches

Samuel Goldwyn? Louella Parsons? Sylvia Porter? Leonard Hall? Apocryphal?

**Clichés illustrated by cartoonist J. Priestman Atkinson of Punch**

Question for Quote Investigator: A famous producer from the Golden Age of Hollywood once complained to his scriptwriters that their stories were uninspired. The producer made an inadvertently comical request:

Let’s have some new cliches.

This saying has been attributed to Samuel Goldwyn, but I am skeptical. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest ascription to Samuel Goldwyn found by QI appeared in an article by prominent gossip columnist Louella Parsons published in the September 1948 issue of “Cosmopolitan” magazine. Parsons used the initials S. G. when referring to Goldwyn. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

I wouldn’t, naturally, want to mention any names. But one of Hollywood’s most alert producers, whose initials are S. G. and who, a little more than a year ago, got an Oscar for a particularly fine picture, has lately been belaboring his writers “to come up with some new cliches.”

The notion of “new cliches” began to appear many years earlier, but usually the intention was not humorous. For example, in 1913 the book “Harry the Cockney” by Edwin Pugh discussed the influence of working-class Londoners:²

Every day he is enriching the English tongue with new forms of speech, new cliches, new slang, new catchwords.

In 1921 “The State” newspaper of South Carolina printed the following:³

The American position in regard to Hungarian affairs is said to be one of “interested observation.” This deserves to rank alongside “view with alarm,” and “point with pride.” Some brand-new cliches, to use a paradox, are getting themselves made every day.

In 1927, theater critic Harold E. Clurman wrote about the emergence of “new cliches” in plays, but this usage was also not intended to be humorous:⁴

So today many “unconventional” plays dealing with various types of Americans: the puritan, the repressed, the straitlaced, and hard-headed, the emancipated and the simple, are more or less conventional hokum cut after the latest pattern—the new cliches. So too, for example, the majority of plays, however intelligently maneuvered, dramatizing a “sex problem” on a psychoanalytic basis or plays about plain people with very plain speech.

The notion of deliberately creating and employing “new cliches” was discussed by journalist Leonard Hall in 1936:⁵

… we are busily trying to age some new cliches to fit these matters.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Nothing Needs To Be Exposed Since It Is Already Barefaced

Toni Morrison? Karl Shapiro? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: A prominent literary figure once said:

Nothing needs to be exposed since it is already barefaced.

I am having trouble finding a solid citation. Would you please help me to trace this expression?

Reply from Quote Investigator: U.S. author Toni Morrison won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1993. Morrison’s Nobel lecture included a statement she attributed to an unnamed poet. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

We have heard all our short lives that we have to be responsible. What could that possibly mean in the catastrophe this world has become; where, as a poet said, “nothing needs to be exposed since it is already barefaced.” Our inheritance is an affront. You want us to have your old, blank eyes and see only cruelty and mediocrity.

QI and other researchers have not yet been able to identify the unnamed poet.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Genius Is Hard Work, Stick-To-It-Iveness, and Common Sense

Thomas Edison? Julia Marlowe? Samuel Smiles? Anonymous?

**Portrait of Thomas Edison by Abraham Archibald Anderson from 1890**

Question for Quote Investigator: A famous entrepreneur once spoke about the ingredients needed for success. Here are two versions:

(1) I tell you genius is hard work, stick-to-it-iveness, and common sense.

(2) The three great essentials to achieve anything worthwhile are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense.

These statements have been attributed to inventor and businessman Thomas Edison, but I have not seen solid citations. Would you please help?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1910 Frank Lewis Dyer and ‎Thomas Commerford Martin published the two-volume authorized biography “Edison: His Life and Inventions” which included the following remarks about genius. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

The idea of attributing great successes to “genius” has always been repudiated by Edison, as evidenced by his historic remark that “Genius is 1 per cent. inspiration and 99 per cent. perspiration.” Again, in a conversation many years ago at the laboratory between Edison, Batchelor, and E. H. Johnson, the latter made allusion to Edison’s genius as evidenced by some of his achievements, when Edison replied:

“Stuff! I tell you genius is hard work, stick-to-it-iveness, and common sense.”

“Yes,” said Johnson, “I admit there is all that to it, but there’s still more. Batch and I have those qualifications, but although we knew quite a lot about telephones, and worked hard, we couldn’t invent a brand-new non-infringing telephone receiver as you did when Gouraud cabled for one.”

The biography author Dyer was the general counsel of the Edison Laboratory, and Martin was the former president of the American Institute of Electrical Engineers. Both authors were friends of Edison, and Edison participated in the creation of the book as discussed within an article printed in “The New York Times” in 1910:²

Not only has he read every word of it, testing the statements in it by original documents and a memory of stupendous retentiveness, but he has furnished to it several hundred pages of autobiography, nearly all of which is quoted in his own nervous and forceful language.

The crucial conversation containing the quotation was between Edison, Batchelor, and Johnson. QI does not know who described the conversation to the authors of the biography. In any case, Edison reviewed the text, and he endorsed the quotation; hence, QI believes that the quotation should be ascribed to Edison.

The variant statement containing the phrase “three great essentials” was attributed to Edison in 1917. The citation appears further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: A Cat Has Absolute Emotional Honesty. People Hide Their Feelings, But Cats Never Do

Ernest Hemingway? Leicester Hemingway? Elizabeth Hamilton? Lois L. Vine? Apocryphal?

**Picture of cats in a basket from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: The following statement appeared as a crossword puzzle clue in “The New York Times”:

Human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a ___ does not.

This statement was attributed to Ernest Hemingway, and the missing word was “cat”. But I am skeptical that Hemingway ever wrote or said this. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1961 Leicester Hemingway published “My Brother, Ernest Hemingway”. Ernest used the nickname “Baron” when referring to his brother Leicester. The remark about cats was ascribed to Ernest Hemingway by Leicester Hemingway. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Much has been written about Ernest’s enormous fondness for cats. He claimed they were superior to people of unknown quality. “A cat has absolute emotional honesty, Baron,” he told me once. “Male or female, a cat will show you how it feels about you. People hide their feelings for various reasons, but cats never do.”

The accuracy of the quotation is dependent on the veracity of Leicester Hemingway. Ernest Hemingway died in 1961, the same year Leicester published the book about Ernest.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Anecdote Origin: I Hope Your Honor Will Have Mercy on a Poor Orphan

Artemus Ward? Charles Farrar Browne? Leo Rosten? Punch Magazine? Malakoff? Anonymous?

**Illustration of a wooden gavel and sounding block from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: A grotesque comical tale illustrates the notion of chutzpah. A young person was found guilty of murdering his father and mother. The judge asked, “Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?” The defendant replied, “I hope your Honor will show some consideration for the feelings of a poor orphan.”

The precise phrasing of the question and reply vary. This tale has been credited to the nineteenth-century U.S. humorist Artemus Ward, but I have not seen strong evidence, and I am skeptical. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match known to QI appeared in April 1856 within the “New-York Daily Times”. The anecdote appeared in a section called “Paris Gossip”. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

French Sang Froid
A Frenchman was tried the other day in one of the Departments, for having killed his father and mother. The crime was committed under the most revolting circumstances; and at the end of the pleadings, when he was about to be condemned to death, the President of the Tribunal asked the usual question, if he had any thing to say in his defence?
“Mon Dieu, non, Monsieur le President,” he replied, “Only I hope you have pity on a poor orphan!”
MALAKOFF.

The setting was France, and the defendant and judge were anonymous. The correspondent who shared the tale was only identified with the single name “Malakoff”.

Another version of this tale with an Arkansas setting was presented by Artemus Ward in 1858, but the story was already in circulation. See the citations further below. Artemus Ward was the pseudonym of Charles Farrar Browne.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Young Man Knows the Rules, But the Old Man Knows the Exceptions

Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.? Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.? Clinton Cushing? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Young people emerging from rigorous training are familiar with the rules of their professions, but it takes time and practical experience to recognize and adapt to the exceptions to these rules. A sage once said the following:

The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.

This remark has been credited to the influential U.S. physician Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. and the prominent U.S. Supreme Court justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. Would you please help me to find a citation to resolve this ambiguity?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In March 1871 Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. delivered the valedictory address to the graduating class of the Bellevue Hospital Medical College in New York. The text of his speech was printed in “The New York Medical Journal” in April 1871. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions. The young man knows his patient, but the old man knows also his patient’s family, dead and alive, up and down for generations.

Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. deserves credit for the expression under examination. During subsequent years the attribution specified was often ambiguous. In 1981 the statement was incorrectly credited to the famous jurist Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

Below are selected citations in chronological order.