Quote Investigator® – Tracing Quotations

Quote Origin: Everything Beeps Now

George Carlin? Jeremy Clarkson? Carol Mueller? Larry Tobin? Bill Hall? Cheryl Saban? Ben Rubin? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Electronic devices beep when reporting notifications. Trucks beep when they are backing up. Microwave ovens beep when food is ready. A wit commented on our modern soundscape. Here are three versions:

(1) Everything beeps now.
(2) Now everything goes beep
(3) Everything beeps in this society.

U.S. comedian George Carlin has received credit for this quip, but he is a quotation magnet. Many jokes have been erroneously attributed to him. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: George Carlin did employ this quip in his 2001 book “Napalm & Silly Putty” which included a section called “Short Takes” with the following item. Boldface added to excepts by QI:¹

Everything beeps now.

Thus, George Carlin helped to popularize this quip, yet it was already in circulation. For example, in 1984 columnist by Larry Tobin of “The Tomahawk Leader” in Wisconsin wrote the following:²

Remember how it used to be that people made such a big deal over the fear of “things that go bump in the night?” …

Well that must have happened so often with no gruesome result that people finally ignored it. Nothing goes “bump” anymore, so somebody decided to change the format. Now everything goes “BEEP!”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Phrase Origin: A Solution in Search of a Problem

Author: Jerrold R. Zacharias? Abigail Johnson? S. Paul Johnson? Theodore Maiman? Anonymous?

**Exhibit at the ArtScience Museum of Singapore from Unsplash**

Technology: Laser? Nuclear Energy? Electronic Computer? Meteorological Satellite? Artificial Intelligence? Bitcoin? Blockchain?

Question for Quote Investigator: When the first laser was built it received high praise, but the applications of the invention were unclear. A clever phrase described the situation. Here are two versions:

(1) A solution in search of a problem
(2) A solution looking for a problem

Ultimately, many applications emerged. For example, lasers transmit data down optical fibers, and laser diodes read the data recorded on optical disks.

The phrase above has been applied to nuclear energy, computers, AI, bitcoin, and other technological developments. Would you please explore when this phrase emerged? Also, which technology originally inspired the coinage of this phrase?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest strong match found by QI appeared in March 1951 within the “Journal of the Electrochemical Society”. Jerrold R. Zacharias published a review of a book which discussed the economics of nuclear power. The title of the review contained the phrase under examination:¹

Nuclear Power — a solution in search of a problem

This title reflected Zacharias’s contention that the authors of the book had failed to find an economically advantageous use for nuclear power. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:

If this work were called “Economic Aspects of Cheap Heat,” it would be rightly named and beyond reproach. It seems to a nuclear physicist to be a fine work on industrial engineering, but it does not find the problem for which nuclear power is the solution.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Dialogue Origin: “I Got Me a Dream” “Eat Your Eggs”

Lorraine Hansberry? Stephen King? Helene Keyssar? Apocryphal?

**Egg with a pink background from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: I am trying to find the source of the following dialogue. The setting was a breakfast table. One person enthusiastically described a grand plan and said, “I have a dream” or “I want to fly”. The other person attenuated the emotional intensity by simply saying “Eat your eggs”.

This exchange has been attributed to playwright Lorraine Hansberry and horror author Stephen King. Would you please help me to find the precise dialogue together with a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Lorraine Hansberry’s play “A Raisin in the Sun” was produced in New York in 1959. The character Walter ardently described a plan for opening a liquor store with two friends. Walter was hoping to obtain the seed money for this venture from a family member. But Ruth was skeptical, and she attempted to change the topic of conversation:¹

RUTH Walter, leave me alone! (She raises her head and stares at him vigorously—then says, more quietly) Eat your eggs, they gonna be cold.

WALTER (Straightening up from her and looking off) That’s it. There you are. Man say to his woman: I got me a dream. His woman say: Eat your eggs. (Sadly, but gaining in power) Man say: I got to take hold of this here world, baby! And a woman will say: Eat your eggs and go to work. (Passionately now) Man say: I got to change my life, I’m choking to death, baby! And his woman say — (In utter anguish as he brings his fists down on his thighs) — Your eggs is getting cold!

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Life Is Full of Trials With an Occasional Conviction

Thomas Robert Dewar? Grafton Grabb? A Ragged Tramp? Anonymous?

**Illustration of a wooden gavel from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: Everyone faces trials, i.e., adversity. A humorous remark uses wordplay to tie together these hardships with the legal system:

Life is full of trials with an occasional conviction.

This quip has been attributed to Scottish whisky distiller Thomas Robert Dewar, but I have not seen a solid citation. Would you please explore this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: An anecdote published in the January 22, 1887 issue of the New York humor magazine “Judge” employed the same wordplay. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

NOT USED TO SYMPATHY.
“Come in, my poor man,” said a benevolent lady to a ragged tramp, “and I will get you something to eat.”
“Thanky, mum; don’t care if I do.”
“I suppose,” continued the lady, setting a square meal before him,“your life has been full of trials?”
“Yis, mum; an’ the wust of it wuz I allus got convicted.”

The final line used eye dialect to render the following phrase “Yes, mam; and the worst of it was I always got convicted”.

This joke evolved over time and was streamlined. In 1915 “Puck” magazine printed an instance without attribution which precisely matched the expression under examination. In 1926 Lord Dewar (Thomas Robert Dewar) used the line while delivering a speech, but the quip was already in circulation.

Below are details for selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: When I Want Your Opinion, I’ll Give It To You

Samuel Goldwyn? Bill Keisler? Bobby Wayne? Vladimir Semyonov? Sam Levenson? Laurence J. Peter? Anonymous?

**Picture of microphones from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: The following astringent remark perfectly embodies the attitude of a high-handed boss who ignores feedback:

When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

This line has been ascribed to movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn. The statement has also been attributed to the domineering partner of a marriage. Would you please trace this expression?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match found by QI appeared in “Coronet” magazine in February 1952. Boldface added to excepts by QI:¹

In a New York restaurant, a woman was overheard to tell her henpecked husband: “Keep quiet. When I want your opinion I’ll give it to you!”
—Bill Keisler

The item above was submitted to a section of “Coronet” called “Grin and Share It” by Bill Keisler. Strictly speaking, the creator of this line was an anonymous woman. The person who recognized its humour was Keisler.

Singer Bobby Wayne received credit for the joke in March 1952. Soviet administrator Vladimir Semyonov received credit in 1953. Samuel Goldwyn received credit in 1965.

Below are details for selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I May Not Always Be Right, But I Am Never Wrong

Samuel Goldwyn? Mrs. Jones? Cy Rigler? Margaret Grant? George Bernard Shaw? Harry Rapf? William Brown Meloney? Anonymous?

**Picture representing unerring accuracy from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: Samuel Goldwyn was a powerful Hollywood movie mogul who was famous for humorous gaffes. His malapropisms and paradoxes became known as Goldwynisms. For example, while discussing the accuracy of his predictions Goldwyn reportedly said:

I may not always be right, but I’m never wrong.

Unfortunately, the majority of Goldwynisms are apocryphal. Clever lines were crafted by witty people and incorrectly reassigned to Goldwyn. Can you determine whether the line above was spoken or written by Samuel Goldwyn?

Reply from Quote Investigator: A closely matching but more elaborate version of this joke appeared in 1903 within several newspapers such as “The Seattle Post-Intelligencer” of Washington,¹ “The Toronto Daily Star” of Canada,² the “St. Louis Post-Dispatch” of Missouri,³ and “The Philadelphia Inquirer” of Pennsylvania. Each of these newspapers acknowledged a periodical called “Comfort”. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:⁴

A Distinction Without a Difference

Mr. Jones—It is useless my arguing with a woman who says she is always right.

Mrs. Jones—I never made any such assertion, and it’s utterly cruel and unkind of you to say so. I did not say I was always right. I simply asserted that I was never wrong. — Comfort.

QI tentatively credits this joke to the anonymous creator who published this item in “Comfort” magazine in 1903.

The concise version of this joke has been attributed to a variety of people. For example, in 1935 Major League Baseball umpire Cy Rigler received credit. In 1937 movie producer Harry Rapf received credit. In May 1938 pseudonymous novelist Margaret Grant employed the joke. In June 1938 movie producer Samuel Goldwyn received credit.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quip Origin: Dogs Believe You Are a God. Cats Believe They Are Gods

Christopher Hitchens? Brian Crane? Susie Blair? Brian K. Lebowitz? P. G. Wodehouse? Pickles? Muffin the Cat? Roscoe the Dog? Anonymous?

**Picture of a dog and a cat from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: The attitudes of dogs and cats differ substantially according to a popular humorous analysis. A dog which receives food, water, care, and affection concludes: “My benefactor is a god”. A cat which receives food, water, care, and affection concludes: “I am a god”.

This notion has been credited to British political commentator Christopher Hitchens, U.S. cartoonist Brian Crane, and others. Would you please explore the provenance of this comical observation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This notion can be expressed in many ways; hence, it is difficult to trace. The earliest full match located by QI appeared in “Reader’s Digest” magazine in May 1994. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

With a dog, you feed him, you give him plenty of affection, you take him for walks and he thinks, “Wow, this guy must be a god.” With a cat, however, you feed him, you love him, you care for him and he thinks, “Wow, I must be a god.”
—Contributed by Brian K. Lebowitz

QI tentatively credits Lebowitz as originator although it remains possible that Lebowitz was sharing a joke he acquired from someone else.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Joke Origin: The Unjust Steals the Just’s Umbrella

Samuel Butler? Eliza Mary Ann Savage? Ogden Nash? Mandell Creighton? Charles Bowen? George Ferguson Bowen? William Burns? Anonymous?

**Norman Garstin’s painting titled “The Rain It Raineth Every Day”**

Question for Quote Investigator: A well-known bible verse, Matthew 5:45, discusses God and the weather:¹

Your Father who is in heaven, who maketh his sun to rise upon the good and the evil, and raineth upon the just and the unjust.

This Biblical verse has attracted humorous commentary. Here is one version of a joke that has been circulating for more than one-hundred years:

It raineth by th’ eternal laws
Upon the just and unjust fella;
But mostly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just’s umbrella.

This jest has been attributed to the prominent English novelist Samuel Butler, the popular U.S. poet Ogden Nash, the English judge Charles Bowen, the British administrator George Ferguson Bowen, and others. Would you please explore the provenance of this comical analysis?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This joke is difficult to trace because it can be expressed in many ways. A partial match occurred within the 1853 book “Life in New York, in Doors and Out of Doors” illustrated by William Burns. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:²

Heaven makes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust; the just and the unjust resort to umbrellas for protection from too much of the blessing—the former buying them honestly, the latter stealing them dishonestly—and so comes that large class of workers—the umbrella makers.

The above passage did contain the core elements of the joke, but it did not state that the “just” people encountered more raindrops. The omission of this punchline rendered this instance incomplete.

The earliest full match located by QI appeared in October 1879 within the “Bucks County Gazette” of Bristol, Pennsylvania. The newspaper printed a set of miscellaneous quips under the title “Odds and Ends” which included this item:³

It rains alike on the just and the unjust—on the just mainly because the unjust have borrowed their umbrellas.

The creator of the joke was anonymous. The attributions to Samuel Butler, Ogden Nash, Charles Bowen, and George Ferguson Bowen all occurred later, and QI has not yet found substantive support for these attributions.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Proverb Origin: Don’t Believe Everything You Think

Tom Sims? Edgar Allan Poe? Mary Margaret McBride? Sidney K. Bennett? Clayton Rawson? George Stracke? Anonymous?

**Illustration of impossible cubes from Pixabay**

Question for Quote Investigator: A commonplace warning states that you should not believe everything you hear. But the following extreme version of this caution embodies even greater skepticism:

Don’t believe everything you think.

I once saw this statement on a bumper sticker. Would you please explore the provenance of this proverb?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1934 an exact match for the target statement appeared within an astrology column by “Wynn” which was a pseudonym for Sidney K. Bennett. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Don’t believe everything you think, especially today, particularly in money matters and relations with those in money professions, such as bankers, brokers, cashiers, et al.

QI believes that it is not possible to assign authorship of this proverb to a single individual. It developed over time. Here is an overview with dates which summarizes the evolution:

1845: Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see (Edgar Allan Poe)

1898: Don’t believe anything you think and only half what you know (Anonymous)

1925: It’s a great life if you don’t believe everything you see, hear, think or know (Tom Sims)

1926: Don’t believe everything you know (Student Verlie)

1930: Don’t believe everything you think and see when watching a football game (George Stracke)

1934: Don’t believe everything you think, especially today (Sidney K. Bennett)

1940: Never believe anything you think at the end of a hard day’s work (Diana)

1949: Don’t believe everything you think (Clayton Rawson)

1953: Don’t believe everything you think you know (Mary Margaret McBride)

1974: Don’t believe everything you think (Advertisement for TV Guide)

1997: Don’t believe everything you think (Bumper sticker)

Below are details for selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Labyrinthine Man Never Seeks the Truth but Always and Only His Ariadne

Friedrich Nietzsche? Claudia Crawford? Walter Kaufmann? Karl Jaspers? Roland Barthes? Apocryphal?

**Picture of a maze with a gazebo from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: In Greek mythology, the Cretan princess Ariadne helped the hero Theseus slay the Minotaur and escape from the labyrinth. Ariadne gave Daedalus a ball of thread so he could successfully navigate through the deadly maze. While contemplating this myth, the famous German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche reportedly wrote the following:

A labyrinthine man never seeks the truth, but only his Ariadne— whatever he may tell us.

I have never seen a solid citation for this remark; hence, I have become skeptical of this attribution. Would you please help me to trace this statement?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Friedrich Nietzsche recorded some of his ideas and impressions in a group of notebooks which were not published while he was alive. The Musarion edition of the “Gesammelte Werke” (“Collected Works”) of Nietzsche included material from these notebooks. The fourteenth volume included a pertinent remark written by Nietzsche while he was working on the important opus “Also sprach Zarathustra” (“Thus Spoke Zarathustra”). This note did not appear directly in “Also sprach Zarathustra”. It was published posthumously. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Ein labyrinthischer Mensch sucht niemals die Wahrheit, sondern immer nur seine Ariadne, — was er uns auch sagen möge.

Here is one possible translation into English:

A labyrinthine person never seeks the truth, but always only his Ariadne – whatever he may tell us.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.