Quote Origin: Accept the Children the Way We Accept Trees—With Gratitude … You Don’t Expect Trees To Change, You Love Them As They Are

Posted byquoteresearch

Isabel Allende? Apocryphal?

Tree with Autumn leaves from Unsplash

Question for Quote Investigator: Children are independent beings who cannot be rigidly controlled by the expectations and desires of parents. Children need unconditional love. The prominent Chilean-American writer Isabel Allende once made this point while comparing children with trees. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 2008 Isabel Allende published the memoir “La Suma de Los Días” (“The Sum of Our Days”) which contained the following passage. Translated from the Spanish by Margaret Sayers Peden. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1

In passing, I gave her a bit of advice that had I put in practice myself would have saved a fortune in therapists: Accept the children the way we accept trees—with gratitude, because they are a blessing—but do not have expectations or desires. You don’t expect trees to change, you love them as they are.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

The website of Isabel Allende includes a webpage with an undated interview. The “Wayback Machine” of the Internet Archive indicates that the interview text given below was present on the website by July 2014:2

There are many forms of love, but the kind I am talking about is unconditional. For instance, the way we love a tree. We don’t expect the tree to move or to do anything or to be beautiful. The tree is just a tree, and we love the tree because it’s a tree. You love an animal that way. We love children that way. As relationships become more complicated, you start demanding more. You want something in exchange for your love.

In conclusion, Isabel Allende deserves credit for this quotation comparing children to trees. It appeared in her 2008 memoir. A similar remark appeared on her website by 2014.

Image Notes: Tree with Autumn leaves from Volodymyr Hryshchenko at Unsplash. The image has been cropped and resized.

Acknowledgement: Great thanks to Eli A whose inquiry led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration.

  1. 2008 Copyright, The Sum of Our Days: A Memoir  by Isabel Allende, Translated from the Spanish by Margaret Sayers Peden, Chapter: Matchmaker, Quote Page 166 and 167, Harper Perennial, New York. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
  2. Website: Isabel Allende, Webpage title: Interview with Isabel Allende, Date on website: No date specified, Website description: Personal website for Isabel Allende. (Accessed isabelallende.com on January 4, 2025) link snapshot dated July 22, 2014 link ↩︎