Mark Twain? Merle Johnson? Albert Bigelow Paine?
Question for Quote Investigator: A famous humorist apparently said something like the following about taxation. Here are two versions:
(1) “What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?” “The taxidermist takes only your skin.”
(2) The difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist only takes your hide.
This quip has been attributed to Mark Twain. Would you please help me to determine the correct phrasing?
Reply from Quote Investigator: Mark Twain died in 1910, and the earliest published evidence located by QI appeared in a slim volume of Twain’s one-liners titled “More Maxims of Mark” compiled by Merle Johnson and privately printed in November 1927. The following three items appeared on page fourteen. The original text was all uppercase. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.
We can’t reach old age by another man’s road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
The quip also appeared in 1935 within “Mark Twain’s Notebook” which was published by Albert Bigelow Paine who was Twain’s literary executor. This book included observations, ideas, and diary-like material from Twain’s collection of notebooks. The following four items appeared in a section dated 1902:2
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
Only he who has seen better days and lives to see better days again knows their full value.
Circumstances make man, not man circumstances.
You must not pay a person a compliment and then straightway follow it with a criticism.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
In 1862 the “Cleveland Morning Leader” of Ohio reprinted a quip which compared a taxidermist and a tax-gatherer:3
The difference (according to the Boston Transcript) between a taxidermist and a tax-gatherer, is this, saith the philosopher: the former stuffs the skin, the latter skins the stuff.
In 1909 “The New York Times” published a quip which compared a taxidermist and a taxicab:4
There is quite a difference between a taxidermist and a taxicab, in spite of the fact that they can both skin you.
As mentioned previously, the joke appeared in “More Maxims of Mark” in 1927 and in “Mark Twain’s Notebook” in 1935:
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
In November 1935 a newspaper in Vallejo, California credited Twain with a variant of the joke using the word “hide” instead of “skin”:5
Charles T. Lark, a friend, read a number of Mark Twain’s epigrams. Two most applauded were:
“The only difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist only takes your hide.”
In 1943 “Quote” magazine printed another version using “hide”:6
This conundrum, attributed to Mark Twain, was contributed last wk by a long-suffering taxpayer to the columns of the NY Herald-Tribune:
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?” “The taxidermist takes your hide only.”
In 1969 “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” contained the following entry:7
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain
In 1996 “The Gazette” of Montreal, Canada printed another phrasing:8
As Mark Twain wrote, “The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.”
In conclusion, Mark Twain deserves credit for this joke based on the 1927 and 1935 citations. Twain wrote the quip in one of his notebooks circa 1902. Different phrasings have evolved over time. Some instances use “hide” instead of “skin”.
Image Notes: Illustration of a U.S. tax form. The image has been cropped and resized.
Acknowledgement: Great thanks to the anonymous person whose inquiry led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration.
- 1927, More Maxims of Mark by Mark Twain, Compiled by Merle Johnson, Quote Page 14, First edition privately printed November 1927; Number 14 of 50 copies. (Verified with page images from the Rubenstein Library at Duke University; special thanks to Mike) ↩︎
- 1935, Mark Twain’s Notebook by Mark Twain, Edited by Albert Bigelow Paine, Chapter 33: Back in America, Date of section: 1902, Quote Page 379, Harper & Brothers, New York. (Verified with hardcopy) ↩︎
- 1862 March 22, Cleveland Morning Leader, (Filler item), Quote Page 1, Column 2, Cleveland, Ohio. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1909 September 12, The New York Times, Section: Magazine, Musings of the Gentle Cynic, Quote Page 11, Column 4, New York, New York. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1935 November 20, Vallejo Evening News, Leaders Extoll Life pf Mark Twain, Quote Page 5, Column 1, Vallejo, California. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1943 November 15, Quote: The Weekly Digest, “Well Spoken!”, Quote Page 7, Column 1, Droke House, Indianapolis, Indiana. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
- 1969, A Treasury of Humorous Quotations for Speakers, Writers, and Home Reference by Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V. Prochnow Jr., Section: Taxidermist, Quote Page 325, Published by Harper & Row, New York. (Verified on paper) ↩︎
- 1996 January 24, The Gazette, Section: Letters to the editor, Letter title: Flat tax on rich and poor would bring about boom, Letter from: Rick Blatter of Montreal, Quote Page B2, Column 5, Montreal, Quebec, Canada. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎