Quote Origin: Gambling Is a Sure Way of Getting Nothing for Something

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Wilson Mizner? Reverend T. L. Eliot? Charles G. Reinhart? Punch? Walter Winchell? Earl Wilson? Anonymous?

Picture of five rolling dice from Unsplash

Question for Quote Investigator: Wishful thinkers are attracted to the dream of obtaining something for nothing. Too often schemes of enrichment are based on betting; however, a wise cynic has said:

Gambling is a sure way of getting nothing from something.

This statement has been attributed to U.S. playwright and raconteur Wilson Mizner, but I have not seen a solid citation. Would you please explore the provenance of this remark?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI believes that this quip evolved over many years, and the creator remains anonymous. Yet there is some evidence which is presented further below that Wilson Mizner used this joke.

In 1878 Reverend T. L. Eliot delivered a lecture in the Unitarian Church of Portland, Oregon about the dangers of gambling. The “Morning Oregonian” newspaper published Eliot’s earnest admonition. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1

Winner has got something for nothing, and wants more by the very law of his being. Loser has got nothing for something, and wants something back. One has the fever of unworked for gain, the other has the fever of a violated sense of absolute justice. … The inflamed state of mind in winner and loser are legitimate consequences: loser is driven to recover, winner is intoxicated to pursue.

In 1882 “The Omaha Daily Bee” of Omaha, Nebraska published an article with an unspecified author which discussed betting. The key elements of the quip existed in the following excerpt:2

… use caution in betting on other folk’s games, or investing in schemes which promise to give something for nothing, as they generally wind up by giving nothing for something.

In 1892 the “Grand Rapids Herald” of Grand Rapids, Michigan printed an anonymous filler item which contained a version of the joke tailored to slot machines:3

Among the latest devices for getting nothing for something, the nickel-in-the-slot machine stands close to the head of its class.

In 1895 “The Flaming Sword” of Chicago, Illinois presented a general principle describing transactions:4

For every one who gets something for nothing, some other man gets nothing for something. — New Earth.

In 1926 Charles G. Reinhart published a piece about Monte Carlo which included a wordy version of the joke:5

Sir Basil, it is said, never enters the gambling Casino. This is only natural. With all his experience he probably realizes what most of the habitues have yet to learn—that gambling, at Monte Carlo or elsewhere, is less a method of getting your money for nothing than a method of getting nothing for your money.

In March 1927 the London humor magazine “Punch” published an anonymous lengthy version of the joke:6

A contemporary describes betting as a means of getting something for nothing. Experience teaches us that it is usually a method of getting nothing for something.

“Punch” was an influential magazine, and other periodicals reprinted the joke. For example, in April 1927 “Life” of New York reprinted the joke while acknowledging “Punch”.7

In 1929 “Wise Cracks: Wit, Wisdom and Fun Suitable for Use on All Occasions” compiled by C. O. Frederick printed the same joke while crediting “Punch”.8

In February 1947 the popular syndicated gossip columnist Walter Winchell attributed a lengthy version of the joke to Wilson Mizner:9

The gambling scandals which have hogged the headlines recall Wilson Mizner’s snapper: “Some people think that betting is a means of getting something for nothing. Experience teaches us that it is usually a method of getting nothing for something.”

Wilson Mizner was born in 1876, and he died in 1933. Hence, the attribution from Winchell was rather late. In January 1948 Winchell credited Mizner with a different phrasing for the joke:10

A horse player was giving Wilson Mizner counsel on gambling. “I think.” he said, “that most people can’t resist the temptation to bet because it is a way of getting something for nothing.” “If you gamble long enough,” Mizner rejoined, “you will discover that it is a way of getting nothing for something.”

In April 1948 the “Reader’s Digest” credited Mizner with a compact version of the quip while acknowledging Winchell:11

Deft definitions: Bigamist — one who loves not wisely but two well . . . Alcohol — an excellent liquid for preserving almost anything but secrets . . . Gambling — a way of getting nothing for something (Wilson Mizner, quoted by Walter Winchell)

In 1951 Walter Winchell revisited the topic and credited Mizner with a condensed version of the quip:12

THE GAME COCK proprietor sends a Wilson Mizner comment on gambling. When he was told “most people dislike gambling,” Mizner edited: “The people who dislike it are those who lose.”

He also described gambling as “a way of getting nothing for something.”

In 1953 “Crackers in Bed: The Book of Jokes, Gags, and Funny Stories” compiled by Vic Fredericks credited Mizner with a version using the word “sure”:13

Gambling, Wilson Mizner summed it up, is the one sure way of getting nothing for something.

In 1964 the widely syndicated columnist Earl Wilson published the following:14

REMEMBERED QUOTE — “Gambling is a sure way of getting nothing for something.” — Wilson Mizner.

In 1968 Evan Esar included an equine variant in his collection titled “20,000 Quips and Quotes”:15

Betting on the horses is getting nothing for something.

In 1999 a newspaper in Reno, Nevada printed a version using the word “from” instead of “for”:16

Gambling thought of the week
“Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something.” — Wilson Mizner

In 2012 Robert Byrne published the compilation “The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said” which contained the following item:17

Gambling is getting nothing for something.
—Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)

In conclusion, tracing this joke is difficult because it can be expressed in numerous ways. QI believes that the quip evolved over many years, and it should not be credited to a single person. The anonymous instance in “Punch” is a wordier version of the modern compact quip. Walter Winchell repeatedly credited Wilson Mizner with the joke beginning in 1947, but Mizner died in 1933, so this evidence was not ironclad.

Image Notes: Picture of five rolling dice from Robert Stump at Unsplash. The image has been cropped and resized.

Acknowledgement: Great thanks to Mardy Grothe whose inquiry led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration. Grothe presents a cornucopia of quotations on his website “Dr. Mardy’s Dictionary of Metaphorical Quotations”.

  1. 1878 March 30, Morning Oregonian, Gambling: A Discourse in the Unitarian Church, Portland, March 10, 1878, by Rev. T. L. Eliot, Quote Page 5, Column 4, Portland, Oregon. (Newspapers_com) link ↩︎
  2. 1882 September 18, The Omaha Daily Bee, Picker Up by Peelers, Quote Page 6, Column 4, Omaha, Nebraska. (Newspapers_com) link ↩︎
  3. 1892 July 26, Grand Rapids Herald, (Filler item), Quote Page 4, Column 2, Grand Rapids, Michigan. (Newspapers_com) link ↩︎
  4. 1895 November, The Flaming Sword, Volume 9, Number 2, Sharp Cuts, Quote Page 238, Chicago, Illinois. (Google Books Full View) link ↩︎
  5. 1926 May 9, The Birmingham Age-Herald, To End Scandals of Monte Carlo “Blow the Casino Into the Sea,” Demand the Monacoans by Charles G. Reinhart, Sunday Magazine Section, Quote Page 3, Column 6, Birmingham, Alabama. (ProQuest) ↩︎
  6. 1927 March 2, Punch, or the London Charivari, Charivaria, Quote Page 225, Published at the Punch Office, London, England. (Google Books Full View) link ↩︎
  7. 1927 April 7, Life, Volume 89, Number 2318, Our Foolish Contemporaries: “Aut Scissors aut Nullus”, Quote Page 38, Column 1, Life Publishing Company, New York. (Google Books Full View) link ↩︎
  8. 1929 (1930 Reprint), Wise Cracks: Wit, Wisdom and Fun Suitable for Use on All Occasions, Selected by C.O. Frederick and E.E. Frederick, Topic: Gambling, Quote Page 148, G.P. Putnam’s Sons, New York. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
  9. 1947 February 7, Wilkes-Barre Times Leader, Walter Winchell (syndicated), Quote Page 19, Column 3, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. (Newspapers_com) link ↩︎
  10. 1948 January 14, Newark Star-Ledger, Walter Winchell On Broadway, Quote Page 21, Column 1, Newark, New Jersey. (Newspapers_com) link ↩︎
  11. 1948 April, Reader’s Digest, Volume 52, Number 312, Spiced Tongue, Quote Page 128, The Reader’s Digest Association, Pleasantville, New York. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
  12. 1951 November 29, Syracuse Herald-Journal, Walter Winchell, Quote Page 59, Column 6, Syracuse, New York. (Newspapers_com) link ↩︎
  13. 1953 Copyright, Crackers in Bed: The Book of Jokes, Gags, and Funny Stories compiled by Vic Fredericks, Chapter: Safecrackers, Quote Page 46, Frederick Fell Inc., New York. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
  14. 1964 September 8, The Honolulu Advertiser, Beatle’s Fab Sound from Dixie by Earl Wilson, Quote Page B4, Column 6, Honolulu, Hawaii. (Newspapers_com) link ↩︎
  15. 1968, 20,000 Quips and Quotes compiled by Evan Esar, Subject: Horse Race, Quote Page 395, Doubleday, Garden City, New York. (Verified on paper) ↩︎
  16. 1999 July 22, Reno Gazette-Journal, Section: BestBets, Strike when they ask by Mark Pilarski, Quote Page 24, Column 5, Reno, Nevada. (Newspapers_com) link ↩︎
  17. 2012, The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said, Compiled by Robert Byrne, Quote Number 2001, Touchstone: A Division of Simon & Schuster, New York. (Verified on paper) ↩︎