Quote Investigator® – Page 87

Can’t Somebody Bring Me a One-Handed Economist?

Harry Truman? David Boyd Chase? Ben Turner? Charles E. Wilson? Charles Frederick Carter? Edwin C. Johnson? Apocryphal? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Economists, lawyers, scientists, and other experts often provide tentative and inconclusive advice to clients. These wily advisers avoid definitive statements and employ locutions such as: on the one hand, but on the other hand. Here are four comical phrases describing the decisive advisers desired by clients:

One-handed economist
One-armed lawyer
One-armed tax man
An expert with only one hand

U.S. President Harry Truman apparently wished for a one-handed economist. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: The earliest published evidence of this family of quips known to QI appeared in 1936 within an editorial published in multiple Scripps-Howard newspapers, e.g., “The Evansville Press” of Indiana[ref] 1936 June 12, The Evansville Press, Landon—and the Platform, Quote Page 6, Column 1, Evansville, Indiana. (GenealogyBank)[/ref] and “The Knoxville News-Sentinel” of Tennessee.[ref] 1936 June 12, The Knoxville News-Sentinel, Landon and the Platform (An Editorial), Quote Page 6, Column 3, Knoxville, Tennessee. (GenealogyBank)[/ref] The editorial criticized the political platform of the Republican party because it embraced two stances concerning soil conservation that were contradictory. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:

One the one hand, they condemn the New Deal soil conservation farm program because it tends “to promote scarcity and to limit by coercive methods the farmer’s control over his own farm,” but on the other hand they favor “protection and restoration of the land resources, designed to bring about such a balance between soil-building and soil-depleting crops as will permanently insure productivity.”

Strictly on a reading of the piece it becomes obvious that what the Republicans need is a one-armed platform writer.

Harry Truman was the President between 1945 and 1953; hence, this type of quip was circulating while he was in office; however, QI and other researchers have not yet found solidly-dated contemporary evidence indicating that Truman employed the joke. On the other hand, a 1974 citation and later testimony did attribute the two phrases “one-handed economist” and “one-armed economist” to Truman. See details further below.

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I Ring It Whenever I Want an Hour of Uninterrupted Privacy

Dorothy Parker? Alexander Woollcott? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: A patient in a modern hospital room can push a button to call for the help of a nurse; however, on occasion, the response time is long because nurses have many medical tasks to perform. The famous wit Dorothy Parker created a joke on this topic. She claimed that pushing the button enabled her to experience an extended interval of privacy. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared in a 1933 article by prominent critic Alexander Woollcott in “Hearst’s International-Cosmopolitan” magazine. Woollcott described visiting Dorothy Parker who was being treated in a hospital. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[ref] 1933 August, Hearst’s International-Cosmopolitan, (Hearst’s International combined with Cosmopolitan), “Our Mrs. Parker” by Alexander Woollcott, Start Page 70, Quote Page 88, Column 3, International Magazine Co., New York. (Verified with photocopies; thanks to local and remote librarians) [/ref]

Tiptoeing now down the hospital corridor, I found her hard at work. Because of posterity and her creditors, I was loath to intrude, but she, being entranced at any interruption, greeted me from her cot of pain, waved me to a chair, offered me a cigaret and rang a bell. I wondered if this could possibly be for drinks. “No,” she said sadly, “It is supposed to fetch the night nurse, so I ring it whenever I want an hour of uninterrupted privacy.”

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The Artist . . . Must Drive To the Heart of Every Answer and Expose the Question the Answer Hides

James Baldwin? Salim Muwakkil? Leonard Shlain? Jeff Baysa? Edgar H. Sorrells-Adewale? Tom Barone? Alva Noë? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The commonly accepted answers to questions are sometimes flawed. Deeper and more truthful discoveries are concealed by shallow and misleading explanations. A germane assertion about the objective of art has been attributed to the prominent author and social critic James Baldwin:

The purpose of art is to lay bare the questions that have been occluded by the answers.

Often the word “hidden” appears in the statement instead of “occluded”. I have been unable to find a solid citation for either statement. Would you please help?

Quote Investigator: The 1962 collection “Creative America” included a piece by James Baldwin titled “The Creative Process”. Baldwin discussed the mindset and intentions of an artist within a society. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[ref] 1962 Copyright, Creative America by John F. Kennedy, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Harry S, Truman et al, Chapter: The Creative Process by James Baldwin, Start Page 17, Quote Page 18 and 19, Published for the National Cultural Center by The Ridge Press, New York. (Verified with scans) [/ref]

Society must accept some things as real; but he must always know that the visible reality hides a deeper one, and that all our action and all our achievement rests on things unseen. A society must assume that it is stable, but the artist must know, and he must let us know, that there is nothing stable under heaven. One cannot possibly build a school, teach a child, or drive a car without taking some things for granted. The artist cannot and must not take anything for granted, but must drive to the heart of every answer and expose the question the answer hides.

QI conjectures that the statement under analysis evolved from the final sentence highlighted above. It is possible that Baldwin penned more than one version of this thought, but QI has not yet discovered a closer match to the target statement.

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The Curate’s Egg: Parts of It Are Excellent

Punch Magazine? Judy Magazine? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: A famous one-panel comic shows a lowly curate who is visiting the house of a powerful bishop for breakfast. The bishop notices that the curate has unfortunately been served a spoiled egg, and the curate’s response is overly polite and deferential. Here are two versions:

My lord, really, some parts of it are very good.
My lord, I assure you that parts of it are excellent.

A spoiled egg is typically thrown away and not eaten. It is viewed as entirely bad. Nevertheless, the meaning of the term “curate’s egg” has shifted over time. It is used figuratively to refer to something which has a mixture of positive and negative attributes. It is both good and bad. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: This joke is usually traced to a cartoon published in the humor magazine “Punch” on November 9, 1895, and that cartoon is shown further below; however, the origin can actually be traced to an earlier time.

A precursor anecdote without a cartoon illustration appeared in “The Academy” journal in 1875. The creator of the story was unidentified, and the punchline was a bit different. Also, it did not include the claim that parts of the egg were good. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[ref] 1875 July 26, The Academy, Book Review of: “Our Bishops and Deans” by the Rev. F. Arnold (Late of Christ Church Oxford), Start Page 651, Quote Page 652, Column 2, Robert Scott Walker, London. (Google Books Full View) link [/ref]

Without pledging our credence, we could afford a grin to the story of the “young Levite” who at a bishop’s breakfast-table, was so ‘umble as to decline the replacement of a bad egg by a good one with a “No thank you, my Lord, it’s good enough for me;” . . .

On May 22, 1895 “Judy: The London Serio-Comic Journal” published a cartoon with a bishop and curate. This is the first close match located by QI:[ref] 1895 May 22, Judy: The London Serio-Comic Journal, Scene-Bishop’s Breakfast Table (Single-panel comic showing a Bishop and Curate at a breakfast table), Quote Page 245, London, England. (Gale 19th Century UK Periodicals) [/ref]

SCENE—BISHOP’S BREAKFAST TABLE.
Bishop (to timid Curate on a visit). DEAR ME, I’M AFRAID YOUR EGG’S NOT GOOD!
Timid Curate. OH, YES, MY LORD, REALLY-ER-SOME PARTS OF IT ARE VERY GOOD.

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What You Read When You Don’t Have To, Determines What You Will Be When You Can’t Help It

Oscar Wilde? Charles Francis Potter? Mabel C. Wolcott? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The famous wit Oscar Wilde was an avid reader and an excellent classicist. The following statement has been attributed to him:

It is what you read when you don’t have to that determines what you will be when you can’t help it.

I am skeptical of this ascription because I haven’t been able to find a citation. Would you please help?

Quote Investigator: This remark is not listed in the valuable compendium “The Wit & Wisdom of Oscar Wilde” assembled by quotation expert Ralph Keyes.[ref] 1996, The Wit & Wisdom of Oscar Wilde, Edited by Ralph Keyes, (Quotation “…what you read when…” not found during search), HarperCollins Publishers, New York. (Verified with hardcopy) [/ref] QI believes that the attribution to Oscar Wilde is mistaken. The discussion accompanying the 1948 citation given further below suggests one possible mechanism for the error.

QI thinks that the prominent Unitarian minister Charles Francis Potter deserves credit for the remark under analysis. In June 1927 a newspaper in Burlington, Vermont reported that Potter had spoken to members of the local Athena Club on the topic of “Books and the Home”, and he used a version of the expression. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[ref] 1927 June 7, The Burlington Free Press, Says Highbrows Are in Need of Education, Quote Page 7, Column 3, Burlington, Vermont. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]

“What you read when you don’t have to, determines what you will be when you can’t help it,” according to Mr. Potter. Libraries must be for the people and they must be accessible. He believes as much should be spent for the libraries as is for the streets.

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We Must Get Beyond Textbooks, Go Out Into the Bypaths and Untrodden Depths of the Wilderness of Truth

John Hope Franklin? John Hope? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Educator and activist John Hope has received credit for the following statement:

We must go beyond textbooks, go out into the bypaths and untrodden depths of the wilderness.

Confusingly, these words have also been attributed to historian and educator John Hope Franklin. Some versions use the phrase “get beyond” instead of “go beyond”. Would you please help?

Quote Investigator: The ascription to John Hope Franklin is incorrect. This error corresponds to a known misquotation mechanism. A statement is sometimes improperly reassigned to an individual with a name that is similar to the actual creator of the quotation.

John Hope died in 1936, and in 1948 the biography “The Story of John Hope” by Ridgely Torrence appeared. The book reprinted part of a speech that Hope delivered in Nashville, Tennessee on “The Need of a Liberal Education for Us”. Hope stated that black people should enter into the highest echelons of scholarship and should perform original research. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[ref] 1948, The Story of John Hope by Ridgely Torrence, Chapter 7: Going Home, Quote Page 116, The Macmillan Company, New York. (Verified with scans) [/ref]

We must get beyond textbooks, go out into the bypaths and untrodden depths of the wilderness of truth, and explore and tell to the world the glories of our journey.

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Success Don’t Konsist in Never Making Blunders, But in Never Making the Same One the Seckond Time

Josh Billings? Henry Wheeler Shaw? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Making mistakes is unavoidable in life. There is an insightful adage stating that the key to success is not making the same mistake twice. Would you please help me to find a citation for this notion?

Quote Investigator: In February 1872 “The Daily State Journal” of Alexandria, Virginia published a miscellaneous collection of sayings under the title “General Items” including the following. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[ref] 1872 February 2, The Daily State Journal, General Items, Quote Page 3, Column 2, Alexandria, Virginia. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]

—Josh Billings says: “Success don’t konsist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one the seckond time.”

Josh Billings was the pen name of humorist Henry Wheeler Shaw. He often employed nonstandard spelling to represent distinctive pronunciations.

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Somebody Has To Do Something. . . It Seems Pathetic That It Has To Be Us

Jerry Garcia? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Celebrities often use their charisma to highlight social or environmental movements. The prominent guitarist Jerry Garcia of “The Grateful Dead” rock band advocated for the preservation of the world’s rain forests, and he apparently spoke with a mixture of candor, humility, and sadness about his involvement:

Someone has to do something. It’s just incredibly pathetic it has to be us.

Would you please help me to find an exact quotation and citation?

Quote Investigator: On September 13, 1988 members of “The Grateful Dead” participated in a press conference in New York promoting a benefit concert supporting organizations working to preserve rain forests. The lead guitarist delivered a slightly garbled version of the statement specified in the inquiry. YouTube has a short video from the press event, and Garcia speaks the line starting at 47 seconds. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[ref] YouTube video, Title: Grateful Dead Press Conference, Uploaded on Oct 28, 2010, Uploaded by: EverythingMustGoFilm, Description: Press conference of Grateful Dead members held at United Nations in New York on September 13, 1988. (Location and date from superimposed text on video). Description from uploader: Clip from Len Dell’Amico’s personal collection. Quotation begins: 0 minutes 47 seconds of 2 minutes 22 seconds. (Accessed on youtube.com on March 23, 2019) link [/ref]

Jerry Garcia: Somebody has to do something. It seems incredibly, in, in fact, it seems pathetic that it has to be us, you know.

The description supplied by the YouTube uploader states that the clip was selected from the personal collection of filmmaker Len Dell’Amico.

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In Etymology Vowels Count for Nothing and Consonants for Very Little

Voltaire? Antoine Court de Gébelin? Louis de Bonald? Edward Moor? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet) has often received credit for a humorous remark about the study of language and its evolution. Here are two versions:

In etymology vowels are nothing, and consonants next to nothing.
Etymology is the science where vowels matter naught and consonants hardly at all.

Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: Numerous researchers have been unable to find this statement in the writings of Voltaire who lived between 1694 and 1778. The first attribution to the famous French philosopher known to QI occurred in 1836 which is quite late. See the citation further below.

The earliest thematic match located by QI occurred in a 1775 French book about the origin of language and writing by Antoine Court de Gébelin titled “Monde Primitif, Analysé et Comparé avec le Monde Moderne, Considéré dans l’Histoire Naturelle de la Parole; Ou Origine du Langage et de L’Écriture”. The book presented guiding principles for etymological analysis including the following statement about vowels. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[ref] 1775 (MDCCLXXV), Title: Monde Primitif, Analysé et Comparé Avec le Monde Moderne, Considéré Dans l’Histoire Naturelle de la Parole; Ou Origine du Langage et de l’Écriture, Author: Antoine Court de Gébelin, (De la Société Economique de Berne & de l’Académie Royale de la Rochelle), Quote Page 47 and 48, Publication: L’Auteur, rue Poupée, maison de M. Boucher, Secrétaire du Roi, Boudet, Imprimeur-Libraire, rue Saint Jacques, etc. (HathiTrust Full View) link [/ref]

SIXIÉME PRINCIPE.
Les voyelles ne sont rien dans la comparaison des mots.

Here is one possible rendering in English:

SIXTH PRINCIPLE.
Vowels are nothing in the comparison of words.

The book also proclaimed a principle about consonants that emphasized their mutability. Here is the original French followed by one possible translation:

SEPTIEME PRINCIPE.
Les Consonnes correspondantes ont été sans cesse substituées les unes aux autres, sur-tout celles du même organe.

SEVENTH PRINCIPLE.
The corresponding consonants have been constantly substituted for each other, especially those of the same organ.

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No One Wants a Drill. What They Want Is the Hole

Clayton M. Christensen? Theodore Levitt? L. E. ‘Doc’ Hobbs? Percy H. Whiting? Leo McGivena? Robert G. Seymour? Zig Ziglar? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Companies sell products to solve the problems that their customers encounter. An emphasis on existing products and incremental changes causes an organization to ignore or misunderstand customer motivations. Here is one version of a popular business adage:

People don’t want quarter-inch drill bits. They want quarter-inch holes.

The message is cautionary. If a company obsessively focuses on selling drill bits and their customers start to cut holes with waterjets or lasers, then the company is in deep trouble.

Harvard Business School Professor Clayton M. Christensen has employed this adage; however, he credited Harvard Business School Professor Theodore Levitt. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: A thematic precursor that did not mention drills appeared in a Reno, Nevada newspaper in 1923 within an advertisement for plumbing. Several products were mentioned together with the implicit goals of customers:[ref] 1923 August 18, Reno Evening Gazette, (Advertisement title: There is no Substitute! Advertisement for: Reno Master Plumbers Association), Quote Page 8, Column 6, Reno, Nevada. (“razor” was misspelled “rozar” in the original text) (Newspapers_com) [/ref]

“When you buy a razor, you buy a smooth chin—but you could wear a beard. When you buy a new suit, you buy an improved appearance—but you could make the old one do. When you buy an automobile, you buy speedy transportation—but you could walk. But when you buy plumbing, you buy cleanliness—for which there is no substitute!

The earliest strong match for the adage known to QI occurred in an advertisement in a Somerset, Pennsylvania newspaper in 1942:[ref] 1942 December 12, Somerset American, Income Checks (Advertisement for Provident Mutual, Life Insurance Company of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, C.C. Wagner, Agent), Quote Page 6, Column 7, Somerset, Pennsylvania. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]

Hardware stores report that over one million men bought one-quarter inch drills in one year. Not one of those million men wanted the drills. They wanted quarter inch holes in metal or wood.

People who buy life insurance don’t want life insurance; they want monthly income for their families.

The advertisement was run by agent by C. C. Wagner of the Provident Mutual Life Insurance Company of Philadelphia. Yet, QI conjectures that the drill adage was already in circulation.

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