Mark Twain? Albert Einstein? Lee Segall? Lee Segal? J. Millar Watt? John Peer? Anonymous?
Quote Investigator: The earliest match known to QI appeared in “The San Diego Union” of California in September 1930 as a filler item. The creator of the quip was unnamed. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[ref] 1930 September 20, The San Diego Union, (Filler item), Quote Page 4, Column 1, San Diego, California. (GenealogyBank) [/ref]
Confusion—Retail jewelers assert that every man should carry two watches. But a man with one watch knows what time it is, and a man with two watches could never be sure.
The ascription remains anonymous. QI has found no substantive evidence supporting the attributions to Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, and John Peer. Lee Segall probably did employ the joke by 1961, but this occurred only after the joke had been circulating for three decades.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
Many thanks to Barry Popik who researched this topic before QI and located the key citations. Popik’s article is available here.
In 1878 “The North Devon Journal” of Barnstaple, England printed a thematically related jest:[ref] 1878 December 26, The North Devon Journal, Facts, Scraps, and Pleasantries, Quote Page 6, Column 1, Barnstaple, Devon, England. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]
Smart.—It was the foolish fashion for the fine gentlemen of Horace Walpole’s time to carry two watches—a fashion which that wit explained thus:—“One of them is to show what o’clock it is, and the other what o’clock it isn’t.”
In September 1930 the joke appeared in “The San Diego Union” as mentioned previously. In October “The Literary Digest” of New York[ref] 1930 October 18, The Literary Digest, Topics in Brief, Quote Page 14, Column 2, Funk & Wagnalls, New York. (Unz) [/ref] and “The Brooklyn Daily Times” of New York[ref] 1930 October 21, The Brooklyn Daily Times, (Filler item), Quote Page 6, Column 3, Brooklyn, New York. (Newspapers_com) [/ref] both reprinted the joke while acknowledging the California newspaper:
Retail jewelers assert that every man should carry two watches. But a man with one watch knows what time it is, and a man with two watches could never be sure.—San Diego Union.
In 1943 the gag appeared in a comic strip called “Pop” by J. Millar Watt. The final two panels of the four panel strip stated the following:[ref] 1943 December 14, The Pasadena Post, Comic Strip: Pop by J. Millar Watt, Comic Strip Title: The Two Timer!, Quote Page 8, Column 4, Pasadena, California. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]
A MAN WITH ONE WATCH ALWAYS KNOWS THE TIME
A MAN WITH TWO COULD NEVER BE SURE!
In 1957 a newspaper in Washington, Missouri published the following instance:[ref] 1957 February 28, The Washington Missourian, Editorial Shorts, Quote Page 4C, Column 2, Washington, Missouri. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]
Too much is often too much. The man with one watch has the correct time, but one with two is never sure.
In 1960 “The Banner-Democrat” of Lake Providence, Louisiana printed an instance:[ref] 1960 May 20, The Banner-Democrat, Here and There, Quote Page 4, Column 6, Lake Providence, Louisiana. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]
HERE and THERE
“Don’t ask for any more than you need. A man with one watch knows what time it is, but a man with two, never can be sure.”
In 1961 the popular syndicated columnist Earl Wilson attributed the joke to a Dallas, Texas broadcaster:[ref] 1961 June 5, Wilmington Morning News, It Happened Last Night by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 15, Column 3, Wilmington, Delaware. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]
EARL’S PEARLS: It’s possible to possess too much. A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure.—Lee Segall, KIXL, Dallas.
In 1968 “20,000 Quips and Quotes” compiled by Evan Esar included this variant:[ref] 1968, 20,000 Quips and Quotes by Evan Esar, Subject: Watch, Quote Page 855, Doubleday, Garden City, New York. (Verified on paper) [/ref]
A man with one watch knows what time it is, but a watchmaker with dozens of watches can never be sure.
In 1976 “The Burlington Free Press” of Vermont published an instance using “person” instead of “man”:[ref] 1976 April 4, The Burlington Free Press, Old-Timer Says, Quote Page 8A, Column 3, Burlington, Vermont. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]
A person with one watch knows the time. A person with two watches is never sure.
In 1977 “The People’s Almanac Presents The Book of Lists” spelled “Segall” as “Segal”:[ref] 1977, The People’s Almanac Presents The Book of Lists by David Wallechinsky, Irving Wallace, and Amy Wallace, Chapter 21: Etcetera, List: 18 Unnatural Laws, Quote Page 481, William Morrow and Company, New York. (Verified with scans) [/ref]
SEGAL’S LAW
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
In 1979 “1,001 Logical Laws” compiled by John Peers also labeled the gag as “Segal’s Law”.[ref] 1979, 1,001 Logical Laws, Accurate Axioms, Profound Principles, Compiled by John Peers, Edited by Gordon Bennett, Section: Written Proof That Life Isn’t All That Serious, Quote Page 188, Doubleday & Company, Inc., Garden City, New York. (Verified with hardcopy) [/ref]
In 1992 “Quotable Business: Over 2,500 Funny, Irreverent, and Insightful Quotations About Corporate Life” selected by Louis E. Boone contained the following entry:[ref] 1992, Quotable Business: Over 2,500 Funny, Irreverent, and Insightful Quotations About Corporate Life by Louis E. Boone, Section 1: The Art and Science of Managing, Chapter 7: Controlling, Quote Page 76, Random House, New York. (Verified with scans) [/ref]
It’s possible to own too much. A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure.
Lee Segall (1905- )
American communications industry executive
In 2000 “A Thousand Paths to Wisdom” assembled by David Baird contained this entry:[ref] 2000 Copyright, A Thousand Paths to Wisdom, Assembled by David Baird, Chapter: Famous Voices, Page Number 213, MQP – MQ Publications Limited, London. (Verified with scans) [/ref]
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
John Peer
In 2005 a columnist in Pittsboro, North Carolina attributed the gag to Mark Twain:[ref] 2005 September 22, The Chatham Record, Time flies like the wind, whether you own one calendar or none by Randall Rigsbee, Quote Page 2A, Column 1, Pittsboro, North Carolina. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]
“Does anybody really know what time it is?” Decades before the band Chicago asked that musical question, Mark Twain answered it: “A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two is never sure.”
In 2006 “Treasury of Wit & Wisdom” published by Reader’s Digest credited a famous scientist:[ref] 2006, Treasury of Wit & Wisdom: 4,000 of the Funniest, Cleverest, Most Insightful Things Ever Said, Compiled by Jeff Bredenberg, Topic: Ignorance, Quote Page 171, The Reader’s Digest Association, Pleasantville, New York. (Verified with scans) [/ref]
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
— Albert Einstein
In conclusion, the joke under examination entered circulation by 1930. The originator remains unknown. The attributions to Mark Twain and Albert Einstein are unsupported.
Image Notes: Multiple clock face images by geralt at Pixabay. Image has been resized.
(Great thanks to the anonymous person whose inquiry led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration. Also, thanks to researcher Barry Popik for his pioneering work on this topic.)