I Require Only Three Things of a Man. He Must Be Handsome, Ruthless, and Stupid

Dorothy Parker? John Keats? Richard L. Jenkins? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: A prominent witty woman once described three qualities she desired in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. This viewpoint has been ascribed to poet and critic Dorothy Parker. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Quote Investigator: Dorothy Parker died in 1967. The earliest match for this expression known to QI appeared in the 1970 biography “You Might as Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker” by John Keats. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:^[1] 1970, You Might as Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker by John Keats, Part 2, Section 4, Quote Page 105, Simon and Schuster, New York. (Verified with hardcopy)

She decided to give life another chance. “Into love and out again/Thus I went and thus I go,” she said, and so it was with her. She would give love another chance, too, but this time on her own terms.

“I require only three things of a man,” she said. “He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”

The first quotation above concerning love is from the eight-line poem “Theory” which appeared in Parker’s 1928 collection “Sunset Gun”.^[2] 1941 (Copyright 1928), Sunset Gun, Poems by Dorothy Parker, Poem: Theory, Quote Page 64, (Published in 1928 by Horace Liveright), The Sun Dial Press, Garden City, New York. (Verified with scans)

The second quotation about Parker’s three requirements has not been antedated, and John Keats did not provide a citation. Nevertheless, researchers find the attribution credible.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

The three idiomatic qualities of a desirable man are: tall, dark, and handsome. An early example of this triple occurred in the 1820 novel “Warbeck of Wolfsteïn” by Margaret Holford:^[3] 1820, Warbeck of Wolfsteïn by Miss Holford (Margaret Holford), Volume 3 of 3, Chapter 13, Quote Page 335, Printed for Rodwell and Martin, London. (Google Books Full View) link

“It is ten years since Julian’s shipwreck:—he was then but eighteen; but his traits are deeply impressed on my remembrance—he was a tall, dark, handsome youth.”

In 1954 psychiatrist Richard L. Jenkins published “Breaking Patterns of Defeat” which included a tripartite description with the word “stupid”:^[4]1954, Breaking Patterns of Defeat: The Effective Readjustment of the Sick Personality by Richard L. Jenkins (Chief of Psychiatric Research, Psychiatry and Neurology Service, Veterans Administration, … Continue reading

In college she was a good student, became popular and developed a feminine self-assurance and a gay, active and enjoyable social life. In her sophomore year she became attracted to a young man she described as “tall, handsome and stupid.”

After Keats published “You Might as Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker” in 1970 it was reviewed in the “Chicago Tribune”. The critic found several of Parker’s quips worthy of repetition including the remark under examination:^[5]1970 October 25, Chicago Tribune, Section: Book World, Heartbreak into wisecrack by Robert Lasson (Book reviews of “You Might as Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker” by John Keats and … Continue reading

Any marriage in which the wife refers to her vacationing husband as “the wickedest woman in Paris” may be too far gone for even Dear Abby. “I require only three things of a man,” she said with her usual insight. “He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.”

In 1986 the biography “The Late Mrs. Dorothy Parker” by Leslie Frewin also included the remark:^[6] 1986, The Late Mrs. Dorothy Parker by Leslie Frewin, Chapter 17: Enter Ernest, Quote Page 109 and 110, Macmillan Publishing Company, New York. (Verified with scans)

It was clear to her friends that she desperately needed a deep, emotional involvement, if only as a sacrifice to her familiar state of being in love with love.

When teased by the Round Tablers, she would reply with characteristic irony: “I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.” Was that an underlying truth or was she wearing her customary mask?

Also, in 1986 the quotation appeared in “The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotations” compiled by Fred Metcalf. The supporting citation pointed to “You Might as Well Live” by Keats.^[7] 1986, The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotations, Compiled by Fred Metcalf, Section: Men — The Female View, Quote Page 162, Column 2, Viking Penguin, New York. (Verified on paper)

In 1996 researcher Rosalie Maggio included the quotation in “The New Beacon Book of Quotations by Women”. The accompanying citation pointed to “You Might as Well Live”.^[8] 1996 Copyright, The New Beacon Book of Quotations by Women, Compiled by Rosalie Maggio, Topic: Men, Quote Page 440, Column 1, Beacon Press, Boston, Massachusetts. (Verified with scans)

In conclusion, QI believes that Dorothy Parker deserves credit for this remark based on the 1970 biography “You Might as Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker” by John Keats. This evidence is not ideal because Parker died in 1967. On the other hand, there are no substantive alternative candidates, and Parker received credit in the earliest known instance.

(Great thanks to Laurence Horn whose inquiry led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration.)