Groucho Marx? David Bellamy? Max Miller? Monty Python? George Little? Barney Horrigan? Anonymous?
Question for Quote Investigator: In 1979 the Bellamy Brothers released a popular country music song with a humorous title:
If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
This line has been attributed to the famous comedian Groucho Marx, but I have not been able to find a solid citation. Also, I have heard the following variant based on the same word play:
Person 01: What would you do if someone criticized your figure?
Person 02: Oh, I wouldn’t hold it against them.
Would you please explore the provenance of this family of jokes?
Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared in “The Petroleum Engineer” magazine of Dallas, Texas in 1935. A miscellaneous collection of humorous items appeared together on a page under the title “Laugh With Barney” including the following dialog. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
He: What would you do if a fellow criticized your figure?
She: Oh, I wouldn’t hold it against him.
The compiler of the humor page was Barney Horrigan, but the creator of this specific wordplay was anonymous. QI hypothesizes that the one-liner which appeared by 1945 evolved from the dialog version of the jest.
Groucho Marx died in 1977, and QI has found no direct evidence that he employed a joke in this family. An instance was tentatively attributed to him in 1979.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
In 1938 a newspaper in Sydney, Australia published a single-panel comic by George Little which depicted a man and a woman in bathing suits at the beach. The man addressed the woman, and she replied:2
“What would you do if I criticised your figure?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t hold it against you.”
In 1941 the English comedian Max Miller published a column in a London newspaper, and he included the quip:3
That girl was smart. I remember I said to her once, “What would you think if any chap criticised your figure.” “Well,” she said, “I wouldn’t hold it against him.”
In 1945 the students of Central Collegiate Institute in Calgary, Alberta published the yearbook “Analecta” which included a one-line version of the joke as a filler item:4
Oh! Hoh! — “Honey, if I told you that you had a lovely shape, would you hold it against me?”
In 1948 the widely distributed periodical “Reader’s Digest” printed an instance:5
Boy to beautiful girl, “If I told you that you have a gorgeous figure, would you hold it against me?”
In 1954 the dialog continued to circulate in the joke book “Extra Sextra Special”. The name Dr. Sinzee was wordplay on Dr. Kinsey:6
Dr. Sinzee: “What would you do if I criticized your figure?”
Model: “Oh, I wouldn’t hold it against you.”
In 1962 “The Berkshire Eagle” of Pittsfield, Massachusetts printed the following within an article about Valentine’s Day messages:7
If I said you have a beautiful figure would you hold it against me?
In 1970 a columnist in the “Detroit Free Press” of Michigan published a collection of graffiti recorded by correspondents which included these three items:8
Going Insane Is All In Your Mind.
If I Told You You Had A Good Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?
I Wish I Were Different Like Everyone Else.
The comedy troupe Monty Python’s Flying Circus used the line during a sketch about a transgressive Hungarian phrasebook within episode 25 which was broadcast by the BBC in 1970. A U.S. television listing in 1975 mentioned the line:9
Tonight’s weird doings involve the trial of Alexander Yahlt, who has published an English/Hungarian phrase-book which provides translations like “If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me” for a simple request for matches.
In 1977 the “Encyclopedia of Ad-Libs, Crazy Jokes, Insults, and Wisecracks” printed instances of both versions of the joke:10
What would you do if I criticized your figure?
I would hold it against you.If I ever told you you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
In 1979 an article in “The Philadelphia Inquirer” of Pennsylvania attributed the quip to Groucho Marx:11
In the grand tradition of the late Groucho Marx — who used to ask young women, “If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” — we bring you Christopher Harris, who hugs total strangers for a living.
Also, in 1979 a newspaper in Florida published an article about the Bellamy Brothers. The songwriter David Bellamy tentatively credited the line to Groucho Marx:12
The most recent song, which played both popular and country-music stations, became a No. 1 single. Its title and hook was a line David had heard for years, perhaps a Groucho Marx line; David can’t remember — If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me?
In conclusion, this family of jokes has an anonymous origin. The earliest instance found by QI appeared in dialog form in 1935. The cartoonist George Little used the dialog in a one-panel comic in 1938. The English comedian used the dialog in an article in 1941. The one-liner appeared by 1945 without attribution. The ascription to Groucho appeared after his death and is unsupported.
Image Notes: Picture of Auguste Rodin’s 1882 marble sculpture “The Kiss”. This image is in the public domain. The image has been cropped and resized.
Acknowledgement: Great thanks to linguist Ben Zimmer, quotation expert Nigel Rees, and music critic Tom Breihan whose writings on this topic led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration. Breihan mentioned the song by the Bellamy Brothers and the attribution to Groucho Marx. Zimmer located key early citations in 1945, 1948, and more. He also found the attribution to Groucho in 1979. Rees mentioned the dialog version of the joke, and he noted the attribution to Max Miller.
- 1935 July, The Petroleum Engineer, Volume 6, Number 11, Laugh With Barney, Edited by Barney Horrigan, Quote Page 91, The Petroleum Engineer Publishing Company, Dallas, Texas. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
- 1938 February 7, The Daily Telegraph, Supplement: Daily Telegraph Home Magazine, Single-Panel Comic by George Little, Quote Page 16, Column 5, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1941 March 23, Sunday Dispatch, Max Miller by Max Miller, Quote Page 4, Column 7, London, England. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1945 June, Analecta, Volume 30, Number 1, Section: Advertisers, (Filler item), Quote Page 136, Column 2, Published by the students of Central Collegiate Institute, Calgary, Alberta. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
- 1948 April, Reader’s Digest, Volume 52, Number 312, Spiced Tongue, Quote Page 128, The Reader’s Digest Association, Pleasantville, New York. (Verified with hardcopy) ↩︎
- 1954 Copyright, Extra Sextra Special: A Sintillating Sexcapade, At Arms Length, Unnumbered Page, Scylla Publishing Company, New York. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
- 1962 February 5, The Berkshire Eagle, Sentimental Valentines Making Comeback by Arthur Myers, Quote Page 7, Column 4, Pittsfield, Massachusetts. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1970 June 1, Detroit Free Press, For Fire Prevention Week, Marry the Boss’ Daughter by Bob Talbert, Quote Page 9A, Column 3, Detroit, Michigan. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1975 July 5, Streator Daily Times-Press, Section: TV Day, TV Listing for July 6th at 10:30PM, Quote Page 3, Column 2, Streator, Illinois. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1977, Encyclopedia of Ad-Libs, Crazy Jokes, Insults, and Wisecracks, Compiled by Leopold Fechtner, Part 2: Crazy Jokes, Topic: Zany Jokes, Quote Page 81 and 240, Parker Publishing Company, West Nyack, New York. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
- 1979 February 10, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Scene: In the nation and the world, Americana: Squeeze me, ma’am, Quote Page 3A, Column 1, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1979 December 14, St. Petersburg Times, Singers pick farm over fast lanes by Robert Ely, Quote Page 3D, Column 1, St. Petersburg, Florida. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎