John Pierpont Morgan? Elizabeth Cutter Morrow? Anne Morrow Lindbergh? Mary Roberts Rinehart? Art Arthur? O. O. McIntyre? Apocryphal?
Question for Quote Investigator: An embarrassing incident occurred when a famous U.S. financier visited the home of a popular hostess. The financier had an obtrusive bulging nose, and the hostess had a young child who was inquisitive and outspoken. The child was carefully told not to make any comments about the nose.
During the visit the youngster was well-behaved and said nothing discomfiting. However, after the child was dismissed the relieved hostess began to serve beverages and said to the financier: “Would you like cream or lemon in your nose?”
According to legend the financier was John Pierpont Morgan, the hostess was Elizabeth Cutter Morrow, and the child was Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Is this anecdote grounded in truth?
Reply from Quote Investigator: John Pierpont Morgan died in 1913. The earliest match for this tale located by QI appeared in a piece by U.S. writer Mary Roberts Rinehart published in “The Saturday Evening Post” in 1928. Rinehart did not precisely identify either the financier or the hostess. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
Sometimes I feel as distracted as the small boy’s mother, when a great financier was coming to Sunday luncheon. Now this financier had a very large and bulbous nose, and Johnnie was warned neither to stare at it nor to mention it. Nor did he, but when the coffee came on and Johnnie was finally excused, his distracted mother turned to the guest and said:
“Mr. Blank, will you have sugar and cream in your nose?”
QI does not know whether Rinehart was presenting a fictional scenario. In most later versions of this story the child was a daughter instead of a son. A denial of the anecdote by Anne Morrow Lindbergh was printed in “The New Yorker” magazine in 1999. See the citation given further below.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
A precursor tale appeared in “The New Century Speaker” in 1901. This story featured a child named Johnny who was not well-behaved and made embarrassing remarks about a nose:2
The candor of the small boy is occasionally very distressing to his friends and relatives. In the waiting room of the Austin depot there was a lady, with a small boy, and a benevolent looking old gentleman, who had a very singular protuberance on his nose, which attracted the attention of the youth.
“Mister, did God make that round lump on your nose?” “Hush, Johnny,” said his mother. “I aint talking to you, ma, I am talking to this gentleman.”
In 1928 Mary Roberts Rinehart recounted an instance of the tale within a piece titled “Just a Touch of Celebrity” in “The Saturday Evening Post” as mentioned previously. Rinehart placed the tale in a section titled “Imp of the Perverse” alluding to a well-known story by Edgar Allan Poe.
In 1933 columnist Art Arthur presented a version of the anecdote in the “Brooklyn Daily Eagle” newspaper of New York. The financier and the hostess were unidentified:3
One of the world’s most famous financial giants (his name would awe you) has a nose that is as big, if not bigger, than Jimmy Durante’s. It is the first thing that strikes you (I don’t mean that literally) when you run into him (I don’t mean that literally, either). And he is very sensitive about the schnozzola.
T’other week the tycoon accepted a house party invitation. His hostess had three very mischievous and impudent children.
Art Arthur explained that the hostess lectured the children about proper behavior, and they refrained from commenting about the visitor’s nose during the visit. Yet, the hostess was unable to control her wayward impulse.
A few minutes later she served tea. Although still a little nervous, she did her own pouring. Her guest accepted a cupful. “And now, Mr. Van Blank,” she asked sweetly, “will you have cream or lemon with your nose?”
Was she mortified!
The following week in 1933 Art Arthur stated that a radio broadcaster had retold the story; hence, it achieved wider circulation:4
… Bide Dudley told that “will you have cream or lemon with your nose?” story on the air t’other day …
In February 1936 widely syndicated newspaper columnist O. O. McIntyre presented a version. McIntyre indicated that the financier was J. P. Morgan, the hostess was Elizabeth Cutter Morrow, and the child was Anne Morrow Lindbergh. McIntyre spelled “Anne” as “Ann”:5
J. P. Morgan, the elder, was coming to tea at the Dwight Morrows’ when the present Ann Lindbergh was a little girl in pigtails. Fearing the frankness of childhood, Mrs. Morrow had the governess bring little Ann to her for a talk.
McIntyre explained that the child was told not to mention the nose, and the child acted appropriately during the visit. Yet, the mother was unable to repress her thoughts:
At last the child was gone—safely gone. Mrs. Morrow breathed an inner sigh of relief and drawing some tea into a cup she asked her visitor with a new complacence: “And now Mr. Morgan, will you have cream or lemon in your nose?”
In April 1936 the widely distributed periodical “The Reader’s Digest” reprinted O. O. McIntyre’s version of the anecdote under the title “The Sinister Subconscious”.6
In 1942 “Thesaurus of Anecdotes” compiled by Edmund Fuller contained a pertinent entry:7
When her daughters were very small girls, Mrs. Dwight Morrow gave a high tea at which one of the guests was to be the senior J. P. Morgan. The girls were to be brought in, introduced and ushered out. Mrs. Morrow’s great fear was the possibility that Anne, the most outspoken of them, might comment audibly upon Mr. Morgan’s celebrated and conspicuous nose.
Anne was well behaved, but Mrs. Morrow was not:
With a sigh of relief Mrs. Morrow turned back to her duties as hostess and said to her chief guest, “And now, Mr. Morgan, will you have cream or lemon in your nose?”
In 1946 “A Treasury of Laughter” compiled by Louis Untermeyer included an instance with the same participants and the following punchline:8
“And now, Mr. Morgan,” she said to her guest, “will you have one or two lumps of sugar in your nose?”
In 1955 the “Orlando Sentinel” newspaper of Florida printed a variant tale while acknowledging “Charley Jones Laugh Book”. The tale was about a man who lost his nose in an accident:9
Understandably nervous, the hostess impressed one order upon her young daughter: “Under no circumstances do I want you to mention Mr. Oliver’s nose. No matter what you think or say, now, just don’t mention his nose!”
And when Mr. Oliver arrived, of course, the little girl looked startled. After a few moments she burst out with, “Mama, why did you tell me not to mention Mr. Oliver’s nose? He hasn’t got any!”
In 1979 “Isaac Asimov’s Treasury of Humor” published an instance with the following punchline:10
Anne was as good as gold but Mrs. Morrow dared not relax. Turning to the financier with a gracious smile, she prepared to pour tea and said, “Will you have one or two lumps in your nose, Mr. Morgan?”
In 1999 Jean Strouse who wrote a biography of John Pierpont Morgan published a piece in “The New Yorker” magazine which included a discussion of Morgan’s nose:11
Morgan in middle age suffered from an inherited skin disease called rhinophyma, which gave him what Margot Asquith, the wife of the British Prime Minister, graphically described as “a Cyrano nose of vast blue oozing glands, a hideous deformity.”
Strouse presented a version of the anecdote followed by a strong denial from Anne Morrow Lindbergh:
The main problem with this ubiquitous story (I’ve heard it on both sides of the Atlantic) is that Dwight Morrow did not join the bank until after Pierpont Morgan died. I checked with Anne Morrow Lindbergh, who confirmed that the tale has “not a grain of truth in it,” but acknowledged that it is too funny to disappear.
In conclusion, QI believes that this tale probably did not happen to John Pierpont Morgan and the Morrows. The earliest appearance in 1928 was many years after Morgan’s death in 1913. Also, Anne Morrow Lindbergh denied the story in 1999. Perhaps this anecdote was based on some genuine incident involving different people and details will be uncovered by future researchers.
Image Notes: Picture of a teapot and teacup from Milada Vigerova at Unsplash. The image has been cropped and resized.
Acknowledgement: Great thanks to researcher Nigel Rees who discussed this topic in his “Quote…Unquote” Newsletter of October 2024. Rees described the anecdote and mentioned the 1999 article in “The New Yorker”. Rees also stated that a version of the tale had been told during his BBC radio show on April 24, 2000.
- 1928 January 14, The Saturday Evening Post, Volume 200, Number 29, Just a Touch of Celebrity by Mary Roberts Rinehart, Section: The Imp of the Perverse, Start Page 6, Quote Page 84, Column 4, The Curtis Publishing Company, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Google Books Full View) link ↩︎
- 1901 Copyright, The New Century Speaker, Writer and Etiquette: A Standard Work on Elocution, Composition and Etiquette, Compiled by T. Edward Hollinshed, Section: Humorous and Dialectic Recitations, Infantile Curiosity (Acknowledgement to Texas Siftings), Quote Page 147, American Book and Bible House, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Google Books Full View) link ↩︎
- 1933 December 19, Brooklyn Daily Eagle, Reverting to Type by Art Arthur, Section: On Her Mind, Quote Page 21, Column 5, Brooklyn, New York. (Newspapers_com) link ↩︎
- 1933 December 29, Brooklyn Daily Eagle, Reverting to Type by Art Arthur, Section: Thither and Yawn, Quote Page 10, Column 5, Brooklyn, New York. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1936 February 10, Hickory Daily Record, New York Day by Day by O. O. McIntyre, Quote Page 4, Column 2, Hickory, North Carolina. (Newspapers_com) link ↩︎
- 1936 April, The Reader’s Digest, Volume 28, Number 168, The Sinister Subconscious by O. O. McIntyre, Quote Page 4, The Reader’s Digest Association, Pleasantville, New York. (Verified with hardcopy) ↩︎
- 1942, Thesaurus of Anecdotes, Compiled by Edmund Fuller, Topic: Absent-Mindedness, Anecdote Number: 84, Quote Page 15 and 16, Crown Publishers, New York. (Verified with hardcopy) ↩︎
- 1946, A Treasury of Laughter, Compiled by Louis Untermeyer, Section: Anecdotes of the Great and the Near Great, Quote Page 90, Simon and Schuster, New York. (Verified on paper) ↩︎
- 1955 August 27, Orlando Sentinel, Sentinel Laughs, Quote Page 5, Column 3, Orlando, Florida. (Newspapers_com) ↩︎
- 1979 (1971 Copyright), Isaac Asimov’s Treasury of Humor: A Lifetime Collection of Favorite Jokes, Anecdotes, and Limericks with Copious Notes on How To Tell Them and Why by Isaac Asimov, Part 6: Tables Turned, Joke Number 299, Quote Page 201, Houghton Mifflin Company, Boston, Massachusetts. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
- 1999 March 29, The New Yorker, A Reporter at Large: The Unknown J. P. Morgan by Jean Strouse, Start Page 66, Quote Page 68, Column 1, The New Yorker Magazine Inc., New York (Online New Yorker archive of digital scans) ↩︎