Marriage: One Partner Can’t Sleep With the Window Shut and the Other Partner Can’t Sleep With the Window Open

George Bernard Shaw? Ogden Nash? Viva Begbie? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I once heard the following humorous definition:

Marriage — An alliance between two people: One can’t sleep with the window shut; the other can’t sleep with the window open.

This definition has been attributed to the Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw and the U.S. poet Ogden Nash. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: In May 1948 “The Saturday Evening Post” published the poem “I Do, I Will, I Have” by Ogden Nash which considered compatibility between marriage partners. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:^[1] 1948 May 8, The Saturday Evening Post, “I Do, I Will, I Have” by Ogden Nash, Start Page 82, Quote Page 82, Saturday Evening Post Society, Inc., Indianapolis Indiana. (EBSCO MasterFILE Premier)

I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by
a man who can’t sleep with the window shut and
a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.

The poem also contained the following lines:

Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between flora and fauna, and flotsam and jetsam,

I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgetsam

QI has found no substantive evidence that George Bernard Shaw employed the quip under examination. He died in 1950, and the joke was attributed to him by 1989.

Below are selected citations in chronological order.

George Bernard Shaw did discuss sleeping with an open window within the preface of a 1937 collection of his critical writings about music. Shaw described his mother’s charismatic music teacher George John Vandaleur Lee who embraced unconventionality:^[2]1937, London Music in 1888-89 as Heard by Corno Di Bassetto: (Later Known as Bernard Shaw) with Some Further Autobiographical Particulars by George Bernard Shaw, Section: Preface, Quote Page 16, … Continue reading

At first his ideas astonished us. He said that people should sleep with their windows open. The daring of this appealed to me; and I have done so ever since. He ate brown bread instead of white: a startling eccentricity.

In June 1948 columnist Viva Begbie of “The Shreveport Times” in Louisiana noticed Ogden Nash’s poem in “The Saturday Evening Post”, and she reprinted it in her column with this introduction:^[3] 1948 June 20, The Shreveport Times, Around Our Town by Viva Begbie, Quote Page A10, Column 3, Shreveport, Louisiana. (Newspapers_com)

We can never resist Ogden Nash and keep an eye peeled always while flipping over the mag pages. Here’s his latest “I Do, I Will, I Have” which we pass on with relish.

In 1949 “Fun Fare: A Treasury of Reader’s Digest Wit and Humor” reprinted a condensed version of the poem which included the quotation. Ogden Nash and “The Saturday Evening Post” were acknowledged.^[4]1949, Fun Fare: A Treasury of Reader’s Digest Wit and Humor, Section: A Definition of Marriage, (Condensed from The Saturday Evening Post), Start Page 20, Quote Page 20, The Reader’s … Continue reading

In 1972 “The Reader’s Digest Treasury Of American Humor” also reprinted a condensed version of the poem under the title “A Definition of Marriage” with credit to Nash:^[5]1972, The Reader’s Digest Treasury Of American Humor, Selected by the Editor’s of Reader’s Digest, Chapter: Be It Ever So Humble: Domestic Affairs, Section: A Definition of Marriage … Continue reading

I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.

In 1989 columnist Joe Pollack writing in the “St. Louis Post-Dispatch” of Missouri credited Shaw with the quip:^[6] 1989 October 15, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Who Owns What Won’t Affect Film Fans Now by Joe Pollack, Quote Page 6F, Column 1, St. Louis, Missouri. (Newspapers_com)

George Bernard Shaw said it: “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”

In 1994 the collection “Quotable Sex” compiled by Carole McKenzie contained the following entry:^[7] 1994 (1992 Copyright), Quotable Sex by Carole McKenzie, Topic: Marriage, Quote Page 105, St. Martin’s Press, New York. (Verified with scans)

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.
George Bernard Shaw

In 2006 a local production of the play “Engaging Shaw” was reviewed in the “Rutland Daily Herald” of Vermont. The play concerned Shaw’s marriage to wealthy heiress Charlotte Payne-Townshend. The reviewer attributed the joke to Shaw:^[8] 2006 August 17, Rutland Daily Herald, ‘Engaging Shaw’ opens at the Oldcastle Theatre, Quote Page C6, Column 1, Rutland, Vermont. (Newspapers_com)

But among Shaw’s comments on marriage are, “It is most unwise for people in love to marry,” and “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”

In conclusion, Ogden Nash crafted the joke under analysis, and he included it in his 1948 poem titled “I Do, I Will, I Have”. George Bernard Shaw received credit for the same joke by 1989, but QI has found no substantive evidence that he ever employed it.

Image Notes: Public domain illustration from the story “The Marriage of Kitty” published in “St. Nicholas an Illustrated Magazine” in August 1907. Image has been resized and retouched. This illustration depicts a fanciful marriage between two animals. It is not directly related to Ogden Nash’s poem.

(Great thanks to Andrew Crowther whose inquiry led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration. Crowther remarked that Shaw and Nash had both received credit. He also found a 2019 blog post pointing to Nash’s poem “I Do, I Will, I Have”.)