Oscar Wilde? CosmoGIRL? L. G. McVean? William J. Locke? Elizabeth Cooper? Holiday Mathis? Apocryphal? Anonymous?
Dear Quote Investigator: There is a popular saying about the intimate connection between people who are in love that has been attributed to the famous wit Oscar Wilde. The closeness is expressed using an auditory metaphor:
You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.
Highlighting a “fancy car” in Wilde’s time period seems prochronistic. Did Wilde make this remark?
Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence that Oscar Wilde spoke or wrote a statement of this type. It is not listed in the excellent compendium “The Wit & Wisdom of Oscar Wilde” which was compiled by quotation expert Ralph Keyes.[ref] 1996, The Wit & Wisdom of Oscar Wilde, Edited by Ralph Keyes, HarperCollins Publishers, New York. (Verified on paper)[/ref]
The earliest full match known to QI appeared relatively recently in the 2006 book “CosmoGirl!: Words to Live” from the editors of the now defunct magazine CosmoGIRL, and the attribution was anonymous. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[ref] 2006, Book Title: CosmoGirl!: Words to Live By from The Editors of CosmoGIRL, Chapter: Love Lines, Quote Page 52, Hearst Books: A Division of Sterling Publishing Company, New York. (Google Books Preview)[/ref]
“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.” —Anonymous
The notion of a song that is only audible to one’s lover has a long history, and QI has found citations beginning in 1888 although this trope is probably much older. Details are presented below.
Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.
In 1888 “The Travelers’ Record” published a poem by Mrs. L. G. McVean that emphasized the secrecy as well as the singularity of a song intended only for a loved one:[ref] 1888 January, The Travelers’ Record, Volumes 23, Number 10, Poem: Inscribed to ______ by Mrs. L. G. McVean, (Written for The Travelers’ Record), Quote Page 8, Column 1, Published by Travelers Insurance Company, Hartford, Connecticut. (Google Books Full View) link [/ref]
Ah! keep my songs within your heart
(The heart that holds the singer too),
And never to the world impart
The music only meant for you.
Nor breathe one word, one tender word aloud,
Lest it be heard by the cold-hearted crowd.To sing what only you can hear
Will keep my heart in perfect tune;
As sings the nightingale, when clear
Above her shines the summer moon,
And every tone of truthful love that flows
Is heard alone by the enraptured rose.
In 1900, near the end of his life, Oscar Wilde did get a chance to interact with an automobile as reported in Hesketh Pearson’s biography of Wilde. He was invited to visit with a friend named Harold Mellor who had recently purchased one of the new-fangled vehicles. Wilde’s comment about the technology reflected its incomplete development:[ref] 1946, Oscar Wilde: His Life and Wit by Hesketh Pearson, Chapter 18: The End, Quote Page 323, Harper & Brothers, New York. (Verified on paper)[/ref]
. . . enjoying the automobile, which constantly broke down: “They, like all machines, are more wilful than animals—nervous, irritable, strange things,” and he thought of writing an article on “nerves in the inorganic world.”
The above remark suggests that Wilde probably would not have constructed a quotation with the term “fancy car” used as a symbol of status when his primary experience was with an erratic failure-prone contraption.
In 1913 the novel “Stella Maris” by William J. Locke employed a simile with an Aeolian harp which makes sound when wind passes through it. This instrument is also called a wind harp:[ref] 1913, Stella Maris by William J. Locke, Quote Page 197, John Lane Company, New York. (Google Books Full View) link [/ref]
He smiled.
“You are like an Aeolian harp set in the wind, my dear.”
“Only you can hear it.”
“Every one hears it.”
She shook her head.
“No; only you.”
In 1916 a tale called “The Bedouin Song of Songs” by Elizabeth Cooper was published in “Travel” magazine. The author mentioned a song that could be heard only by one’s mate. The mate was a gateway to the “True Beloved” which corresponded to a godhead or deity:[ref] 1916 July, Travel, Volume 27, Number 3, The Bedouin Song of Songs by Elizabeth Cooper, Start Page 38, Quote Page 51, Published by Robert M. McBride & Company, New York. (Google Books Full View) link [/ref]
Love your mate, the woman of your choice, not because of beauty, grace or tinkling anklet, but because she sings a song to you that you alone can hear. This song will sweep your soul from mountain top to mountain top, until at last you find the True Beloved, Who will give of His fullness unto you and you will find the fountainhead of all desire.
In 1917 the same author, Elizabeth Cooper, wrote a novel set in Japan, and she included similar figurative language about romance:[ref] 1917, The Heart of O Sono San by Elizabeth Cooper, Quote Page 153, Published by Frederick A. Stokes Company, New York. (Google Books Full View) link [/ref]
I could not tell her what love is. Your lover sings a song that you alone can hear.
In June 2006 a syndicated horoscope column from Holiday Mathis referred to an individually tailored lover’s song:[ref] 2006 June 19, Charleston Daily Mail, Forecast for Tuesday by Holiday Mathis, (Astrology Column), Quote Page P3C, Charleston, West Virginia. (NewsBank Access World News)[/ref]
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You’re not sure why you love whom you do. Maybe they’re singing a song only you can hear. Or maybe you’re the question, and they’re the answer. No matter the reason, today, you know it’s true.
Also in 2006 the quotation under examination appeared in “CosmoGirl!: Words to Live By” as noted previously.
In 2007 a relationship advice book titled “Loving Your Man Without Losing Your Mind” by Susie Davis was published, and the saying was included with an anonymous ascription.[ref] 2007, Loving Your Man Without Losing Your Mind by Susie Davis, Chapter 7: Romance Redefined, Sub-section: The Secret Story of Romance, Unnumbered Page, Published by Revell: A Division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan. (Google Books Full View)[/ref]
You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear. —Anonymous
In 2013 a writer named Talia Felix at “Miss Information’s Blog” explored the provenance of this expression and concluded that it had been misattributed to Wilde. Felix located some valuable citations such as the ones dated 1916 and 1917 presented previously.[ref] Website Snapshot at Wayback Machine, Date of snapshot: February 25, 2015, Website: Miss Information’s Blog, Article title: Quotations by Oscar Wilde, Article Poster: Talia Felix, Date on website: December 14, 2013, Website description: Miscellaneous articles that pose and answer questions, (Accessed archive.org with snapshot of /msinformationblog.blogspot.com on November 30, 2015) link [/ref]
In conclusion, the first known instances of this quotation were anonymous and appeared recently. The linkage of the words to Oscar Wilde was spurious. The metaphorical framework of songs that are audible only to lovers has a history stretching back to the 1800s or earlier.
(Great thanks to Alan, Mille Stelle, Cynthia Schrage, and Angel Arvello whose inquiries led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration. Special thanks to Jay Dillon who located the post by Talia Felix. Additional thanks to discussants Linda Sandagger and Marsha Calhoun.)