Quote Investigator® – Page 11

Quote Origin: The Only Traditions of the Royal Navy Are Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash

Winston Churchill? Harold Nicolson? Paddy Leigh Fermor? Anthony Montague Browne? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: According to legend a British statesman was once criticized for disregarding naval tradition. The statesman responded with the following zinger:

The only traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy, and the lash.

This line has been attributed to Winston Churchill, but I am skeptical because I have never seen a solid citation. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence known to QI appeared in a diary entry written by British diplomat Harold Nicolson on August 17, 1950. Nicolson stated that British travel writer Paddy Leigh Fermor told him the following story about Winston Churchill. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

. . . when Winston was at the Admiralty, the Board objected to some suggestion of his on the grounds that it would not be in accord with naval tradition. ‘Naval tradition? Naval tradition?’ said Winston. ‘Monstrous. Nothing but rum, sodomy, prayers and the lash.’

The evidence above was not direct. It was thirdhand. Fermor heard the anecdote and told Nicolson who wrote it in his diary in 1950. The diary was published in 1968.

Churchill quotation expert Richard M. Langworth has reported that Winston Churchill denied making this remark. Langworth published the important reference work “Churchill By Himself: The Definitive Collection of Quotations” which contained an entry on this topic. The initials WSC correspond to Winston S. Churchill:²

Naval tradition
Don’t talk to me about naval tradition. It’s nothing but rum, buggery [sometimes “sodomy”] and the lash.
Circa 1914-15, Admiralty.

In dinner conversation ca. 1955, private secretary Anthony Montague Browne confronted WSC with this quotation. “I never said it. I wish I had,” responded Churchill. (AMB to the editor.)

The evidence above was also indirect. Anthony Montague Browne spoke to Churchill and subsequently described the conversation to Langworth. Currently, the available data is discordant. Thus, QI is uncertain whether Churchill made this remark.

Below are additional selected citations organized chronologically.

Quip Origin: If God Had Intended That People Should Go Naked, We Would Have Been Born That Way

Walt Willis? Zorima? Raymond Duncan’s Wife? Anonymous?

**Public domain illustration of a clothesline**

Question for Quote Investigator: The “appeal to nature” argument asserts that something which is natural is good, and something which is unnatural is bad. This style of reasoning has produced the following entertaining statements:

(1) If God wanted us to wear clothes, we would have been born that way

(2) If God intended us to go naked, we would have been born that way

Nudists embrace the first pronouncement, and humorists employ the second pronouncement. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This family of statements is difficult to trace because the phrasing and the intended meaning are variable. Here is an overview of pertinent remarks with dates

1902 Oct: If God wanted children to wear clothes, children would be born with clothes upon them (Credited to The Cleveland Press)

1910 Feb: If God had intended us to wear clothes Adam and Eve would have been born that way (Attributed to Raymond Duncan’s wife)

1914 Dec: If God had intended us to wear clothes Adam and Eve would have been born that way(Attributed to the leader of a new religion)

1934 Jun: If God had wanted people to go naked, why did He make coats of skin and clothe Adam and Eve as we read in Genesis 3:21? (Christian Girl of Akron, New York)

1934 Jul: If God had intended that we should be clad in the fibers of grasses or the skins of animals he would have provided us with these coverings. We are born nude (The Cavalier columnist)

1941 Aug: I feel that if we had needed clothes, God would have provided them (Zorima, Queen of the Nudists)

1964 May: If God had meant us to be nudists, we’d have been born without clothes (Attributed to Walt Willis)

1969 Jul: If God had intended that man should go naked, he would have been born that way (Anonymous)

1969 Dec: If God had meant for us to run around without any clothes on, we would all have been born naked (Anonymous)

1970 Sep: if God had meant us to walk around without clothes, we would have been born naked (A. D. Coleman)

1979: If God thought that nudity was O.K., we would have been born naked (Ellis’ Eloquence)

1994: If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way (Olum’s Observation)

Below are the details for selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Way That Person Believes In Themselves Is Quite Refreshing In These Atheistic Times When Many Believe In No God At All

Israel Zangwill? G. K. Chesterton? George Bernard Shaw? William Thomas Stead? H. G. Wells? Apocryphal?

**Illustration of Rays of Sunlight from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: Intellectuals often think very highly of themselves. One wit satirized this self-absorption with the following quip:

The way he believes in himself is very refreshing in these atheistic days when so many believe in no God at all.

This comical remark has been credited to British author Israel Zangwill. The target of this barb was either Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw or English editor William Thomas Stead. Yet, I have not seen any solid citations. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: William Thomas Stead was an influential newspaper and magazine editor who campaigned against child prostitution. Stead had broad interests, and over time his fascination with ghosts, spiritualism, and psychical research grew.

In 1891 Stead published “Real Ghost Stories”, and in 1893 he founded the magazine “Borderland” about supernatural phenomena. Tragically, Stead received no warning from the spirit world when he boarded the ill-fated RMS Titanic, and he perished when it sank in 1912.

In 1893 “The Pall Mall Magazine” published a piece by Israel Zangwill which skeptically discussed Stead’s enthusiasm for investigating ghosts. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

And you cannot kill Ghosts. Perhaps because they do not exist. No other dead thing is so tenacious of life as your ghost. If ridicule were really fatal, we should have given up the ghost long since. Consider the fires of burlesque through which he has passed unscathed. What indignity has been spared him? Now at last he is to encounter the supreme test—he is to be taken seriously.

Mr. Stead has the matter in hand—or should one say, the spirit? Once a quarter there will be a pilgrimage to Borderland (terms, 10s. 6d. per annum). Mr. Stead, who believes in himself in a way that is refreshing in these atheistic times, will either rehabilitate the ghost or lay him for ever.

The phrase “10s. 6d.” corresponded to ten shillings and sixpence, the cost of an annual subscription to the Stead’s magazine “Borderland”.

Based on the above citation QI believes that Israel Zangwill authored this zinger, and the target was William Thomas Stead and not George Bernard Shaw. During subsequent years the joke was repeated and altered. The phrasing evolved, and the target shifted.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Anecdote Origin: In the Wild Hill Countries from Whence My Client Comes They Talk of Little Else

Alexander Martin Sullivan? Marshall Hall? Henry Harte Barry? John Chute Neligan?

**Illustration of a wooden gavel from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: A popular anecdote in legal circles concerns a lawyer who was representing a client from a rural area. The judge condescendingly asked the lawyer whether the client was familiar with a legal doctrine which was identified via a pompous Latin phrase such as “Sic utere tuo ut alienum non laedas” or “Res ipsa loquitur”.

The lawyer punctured the pretension by replying, “My Lord, in the bogs of western Ireland where my client comes from, when friends are gathered together for a drink on Saturday night, they talk of nothing else.”

There are many versions of this tale. The Latin phrase, the rural location, and the sardonic reply vary. Yet, the overall template is the same. Would you please explore the provenance of this anecdote?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This tale is difficult to trace because of its variability. The earliest published match known to QI appeared in “The Yorkshire Post” of England in April 1949. The lawyer was Alexander Martin Sullivan of Ireland who held the rank of Serjeant-at-Law. The judge was unidentified. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

The Serjeant’s client, a poor illiterate Irish peasant, was claiming damages for personal injury. The Judge took the view that there were legal objections.

“Mr. Serjeant,” he protested, “has your client never heard of the maxim, volenti non fit injuria? (an injury is not done to a person who consents).

The Serjeant fixed the Judge with a steely eye.

“My Lord,” he retorted in his rich brogue, “in the village of Ballymena, from which my client comes, it is almost the sole topic of conversation.”

Interestingly, Sullivan published a memoir in 1952 within which he told a different version of this anecdote. He also disclaimed credit for the punchline. See further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Literary World Is Made Up of Second-Rate Writers Who Write About Other Second-Rate Writers

Mickey Spillane? Terry Southern? David Halberstam? Apocryphal?

**Public domain illustration of a typewriter**

Question for Quote Investigator: The best-selling author of pulp thrillers was excoriated by literary critics. His reported response was harsh:

The literary world is made of second-rate writers writing about other second-rate writers.

This statement has been credited to Mickey Spillane, but I am skeptical because I have never seen a citation. Is this quotation genuine? Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: U.S. crime novelist Mickey Spillane created the detective character Mike Hammer. Spillane wrote “I, the Jury” (1947), “My Gun Is Quick” (1950), “Kiss Me Deadly” (1952), and other bestsellers. In 1963 “Esquire” magazine published an interview with Spillane conducted by Terry Southern who mentioned that he was preparing a magazine issue covering the U.S. literary scene. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

After a terrific guffaw, and a slow, rather deliberate and somehow menacing cracking of knuckles, the Mick said, “Yeah, I’ve seen those articles—they never mention me; all they talk about are the Losers.”
“The Losers?”
“The guys who didn’t make it—the guys nobody ever heard of.”
“Why would they talk about them?”
“Because they can be condescending about the Losers. You know, they can afford to say something nice about them. You see, these articles are usually written by Losers—frustrated writers. And these writers resent success. So naturally they never have anything good to say about the Winners.”

Spillane’s answers above did not precisely match the quotation under examination; however, his remarks did exhibit a conceptual match. The term “losers” corresponded to “second-rate writers”. See the 1993 citation further below to learn more about the true creator of the quotation.

The 1963 interview contained other sharp replies from Spillane:²

“How do you feel about literary criticism of your books?”
“The public is the only critic. And the only literature is what the public reads. The first printing of my last book was more than two million copies—that’s the kind of opinion that interests me.”

When Spillane was asked about a fellow writer he was unsparing:

“Thomas Wolfe was a lousy writer,” he said. “He didn’t know what he was doing.”

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: There Is No Such Thing as a New Idea. We Simply Take a Lot of Old Ideas and Put Them Into a Sort of Mental Kaleidoscope

Mark Twain? Albert Bigelow Paine? Caroline Thomas Harnsberger? Apocryphal?

**Illustration of a kaleidoscope held by a hand from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: A famous author once suggested that humankind was not generating any genuinely new ideas. The author illustrated this viewpoint via a clever simile. Ideas were like pieces of colored glass in a kaleidoscope. The ideas which appeared to be new were only configurations of old ideas obtained by twisting the kaleidoscope.

This notion has been attributed to Mark Twain, but I have never seen a citation. Would you please help?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1906 Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Clemens) traveled to Washington D.C. to testify before Congress in favor of extending the length of copyright ownership for authors. Twain traveled by train with several friends including Albert Bigelow Paine who later became Twain’s biographer and literary executor. During the journey Twain spoke about ideas to his companions. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

On the trip down in the dining-car there was a discussion concerning the copyrighting of ideas, which finally resolved itself into the possibility of originating a new one. Clemens said:

“There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.”

Twain died in 1910. The passage above appeared posthumously in 1912 within the third volume of “Mark Twain: A Biography: The Personal and Literary Life of Samuel Langhorne Clemens” by Albert Bigelow Paine.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Joke Origin: A Person Who Makes Puns Should Be Drawn and Quoted

Fred Allen? John Florence Sullivan? Charlie Rice? Red Skelton? Anonymous?

**A visual pun for the word “quartered”**

Question for Quote Investigator: Puns are regularly lambasted, but the complaints are often comical as in the following slyly self-reflexive joke:

A person who makes puns should be drawn and quoted.

This statement has been attributed to comedian Fred Allen, newspaper columnist Charlie Rice, and entertainer Red Skelton. Would you please help me to find the true originator?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This joke alludes to the penalty of drawing and quartering which was ordained in England in the thirteenth century for the crime of treason.

The earliest match for this joke found by QI appeared in a column by Charlie Rice in the widely distributed Sunday newspaper supplement “This Week Magazine” in April 1961. Rice credited Fred Allen. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Meanwhile, let us hope for the best, and remember the words of the late Fred Allen: “Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns. He should be drawn and quoted!”

Fred Allen (stage name of John Florence Sullivan) was one of the most popular humorists on the radio in the U.S. in the 1930s and 1940s. He died in 1956.

Additional compelling evidence appeared in the 2001 book “All the Sincerity in Hollywood” which contained writings from Fred Allen compiled and edited by Stuart Hample who was able to access the private collection of the Allen family and an archive of Allen’s documents at the Rare Book & Manuscript Division of the Boston Public Library. Hample explained the strategy Allen used to gather material for his radio program:²

Allen penciled random thoughts on the sheets of foolscap he kept in his pockets, some written as grist for his radio comedy, others for reasons known only to himself.

Hample indicated that Allen’s notes were written in lower case. Here were four items:³

most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing our wild oats — then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

hanging is too good for a man who makes puns, he should be drawn and quoted.

everything in radio is as valuable as a butterfly’s belch.

celebrity — person who works hard his whole life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: There Are Only Two Ways To Live Your Life. One Is As Though Nothing Is a Miracle. The Other Is As Though Everything Is a Miracle

Albert Einstein? Basil Wilberforce? Gilbert Fowler White? Robert E. Hinshaw?

**Glass sphere on the beach from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: Some skeptical individuals doubt the existence of anything miraculous or supernatural. Yet, some spiritual individuals believe that everything is miraculous. Here is a pertinent saying about this dichotomy:

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

This statement has been attributed to the famous scientist Albert Einstein, but I am unconvinced because I have never seen a solid citation. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match known to QI appeared in notes kept by the prominent U.S. geographer Gilbert Fowler White in 1942. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

What was this? Happy chance? A miracle? As I look back over the truly crucial events in my life I realize that they were not planned long in advance. Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is”.

The text above appeared in Robert E. Hinshaw’s 2006 biography titled “Living With Nature’s Extremes: The Life of Gilbert Fowler White”. The source note accompanying the text stated that it occurred in Fowler’s personal notes of 1942.

It is not clear how White learned about this quotation, and QI has not yet found any additional substantive support for the attribution to Einstein. Hence, this evidence is weak. Based on current knowledge QI would not ascribe these words to Einstein, and the creator remains anonymous.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: When You Have Eliminated the Impossible Whatever Remains, However Improbable, Must Be the Truth

Arthur Conan Doyle? Edgar Allan Poe? Dorothy L. Sayers? Apocryphal?

Picture of a magnifying glass on a wooden table from Unsplash

Question for Quote Investigator: A famous fictional detective once explained the methodology for solving mysteries. The sleuth should gather facts and systematically eliminate hypotheses that are impossible. When a single hypothesis remains, however improbable, it must be the truth.

The description of this approach has been attributed to Arthur Conan Doyle’s detective Sherlock Holmes, Edgar Allan Poe’s ratiocinator C. Auguste Dupin, and Dorothy L. Sayers’s sleuth Lord Peter Wimsey.

I am confused because I have not seen a proper analysis with citations. Would you please help me to find the correct phrasing and the true originator?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This is a difficult task because many phrasings are possible. The earliest match known to QI appeared in the short story “The Fate of the Evangeline” by Arthur Conan Doyle which appeared in the periodical “The Boy’s Own Paper” of London in 1885. This tale did not include the character Sherlock Holmes. Interestingly, the saying was credited to C. Auguste Dupin who was the fictional mystery solver of U.S. short story master Edgar Allan Poe. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

“It would be well,” the “Scotsman” concluded, “if those who express opinions upon such subjects would bear in mind those simple rules as to the analysis of evidence laid down by Auguste Dupin. ‘Exclude the impossible,’ he remarks in one of Poe’s immortal stories, ‘and what is left, however improbable, must be the truth.’

Researchers have been unable to find this statement in the writings of Poe. Hence, the credit remains with Doyle himself although he may have been inspired to formulate the saying after reading Poe’s detective tales.

Doyle presented the expression multiple times in his works. Others noticed and highlighted the saying. Here is an overview with dates:

1885: Exclude the impossible and what is left, however improbable, must be the truth (The Fate of the Evangeline by A. Conan Doyle)

1890: Eliminate all other factors, and the one which remains must be the truth (The Sign of the Four by A. Conan Doyle)

1890: When you have eliminated the impossible whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth (The Sign of the Four by A. Conan Doyle)

1892: When you have excluded the impossible , whatever remains , however improbable, must be the truth (The Adventure of the Beryl Coronet by A. Conan Doyle)

1896: Eliminate the impossible, and what is left, however improbable, must be the truth (Attributed to Sherlock Holmes within Beyond the Verge by De Witt C. Chipman)

1908: When all other contingencies fail, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth (The Adventure of the Bruce-Partington Plans by A. Conan Doyle)

1930: When you have eliminated the impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be true (Attributed to Sherlock Holmes and Auguste Dupin within Strong Poison by Dorothy L. Sayers)

Below are the details for additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I Have Lived a Thousand Lives. I Have Loved a Thousand Loves . . . Because I Read

George R. R. Martin? Gloria Swanson? C. S. Lewis? A. A. Pape? Vada B. Reese? Apocryphal?

Detail of painting titled “Romeo and Juliet” by Frank Dicksee circa 1884

Question for Quote Investigator: A best-selling author once stated:

I have lived a thousand lives. I have loved a thousand loves.

This extraordinary achievement had been accomplished vicariously via reading. Fantasy and science fiction author George R. R. Martin has received credit for this statement. Martin is best known for creating the worlds of “Game of Thrones” and “Wild Cards”. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 2013 Texas A&M University held a two-day gathering honoring George R. R. Martin who had previously donated his manuscripts, books, and collectibles to the school’s Cushing Library. The festivities included a screening of the first episode of the upcoming third season of “Game of Thrones”. Martin spoke to the audience about his life. Boldface added the excepts by QI:¹

The 64-year-old Martin described growing up poor but being able to go on fantastic adventures by reading science fiction and fantasy.

“That’s where I am today and why I’m here today, because of my love of books,” Martin said. “I was born in Bayonne, New Jersey. I grew up in the projects. I never went anywhere. But I have lived a thousand lives. I have loved a thousand loves. I’ve wandered distant worlds and seen the end of time because I read.”

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.