Glamour: Just Stand Still and Look Stupid

Hedy Lamarr? Hedda Hopper? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The Hollywood star Hedy Lamarr was famous for her beauty and intelligence. In the 1940s she and a co-author were granted a patent for a futuristic frequency-hopping communication system whose importance emerged two decades later. Her attitude towards glamor was summarized with a hilarious quotation:

Why, any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Could you please help me to find a citation?

Dear Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared in the newspaper column “Hedda Hopper’s Hollywood” in April 1941. Emphasis added to excerpts:[1] 1941 April 24, The Los Angeles Times, Hedda Hopper’s Hollywood, Section 2, Quote Page 11, Column 1, Los Angeles, California. (Newspapers_com)

Hedy Lamarr’s formula for being a glamour girl: “Just stand still and look stupid.”

Only part of the target quotation occurred between quotation marks in this instance. Later versions occurred as complete sentences.

Continue reading “Glamour: Just Stand Still and Look Stupid”

References

References
↑1 1941 April 24, The Los Angeles Times, Hedda Hopper’s Hollywood, Section 2, Quote Page 11, Column 1, Los Angeles, California. (Newspapers_com)

I Spent a Good Part of Last Evening Laughing at a Very Bad Play

Walter Kerr? Groucho Marx? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Comedies rarely win prestigious awards. Critics are unaccountably hostile to works that make them guffaw. Groucho Marx once described a critic who laughed heartily and repeatedly during the performance of a play, yet crafted and published an excoriating newspaper review the next day using the barbed phrases “tasteless and tatterdemalion” and “very bad play”. Do you know the critic’s name?

Quote Investigator: Walter Kerr was an influential theater critic for the “New York Herald Tribune” in the 1950s and 1960s. After that newspaper closed he continued his efforts at “The New York Times”. In 1958 Kerr evaluated a comedy from Norman Barasch and Carroll Moore:[1] 1958 October 30, The Cincinnati Enquirer, This Is No Review; It’s a Confession by Walter Kerr, Quote Page 9B, Column 1 to 4, Cincinnati, Ohio. (Newspapers_com)

This is not so much a review as a confession. I spent a good part of an evening laughing at a very bad play—”Make A Million.”

. . . tawdry, tasteless, and tatterdemalion as the evening is, “Make A Million” is—as often as not—stubbornly funny.

. . . “Make A Million” isn’t respectable by any standards I can think of; but it does have an unexpected, and just about inexplicable funnybone.

Below are two additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “I Spent a Good Part of Last Evening Laughing at a Very Bad Play”

References

References
↑1 1958 October 30, The Cincinnati Enquirer, This Is No Review; It’s a Confession by Walter Kerr, Quote Page 9B, Column 1 to 4, Cincinnati, Ohio. (Newspapers_com)

You Are Never Too Old To Set Another Goal or To Dream a New Dream

C. S. Lewis? Les Brown? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The famous fantasy author C. S. Lewis has been credited with an encouraging statement aimed at seniors:

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

I haven’t been able to find a citation. Is this ascription accurate?

Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive evidence supporting the linkage to C. S. Lewis.

The first match found by QI occurred in the 1992 book “Live Your Dreams” by the motivational speaker and author Les Brown within a section titled “Never Too Old to Be Bold”. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[1] 1992, Live Your Dreams by Les Brown, Chapter 3: The Power To Change, Quote Page 75, William Morrow and Company, New York. (Verified with scans)

And please note this: You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. A gentleman nearing retirement age once approached me after I’d given a speech to his corporation. He said, “You know, that was real great motivation for the young guys, but I’ve done all my work. There is nothing else for me to do.”

I replied, “Oh yes, you have a lot to give. The fact that you are still here on this planet means that your business is NOT DONE.”

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “You Are Never Too Old To Set Another Goal or To Dream a New Dream”

References

References
↑1 1992, Live Your Dreams by Les Brown, Chapter 3: The Power To Change, Quote Page 75, William Morrow and Company, New York. (Verified with scans)

It Spills Its Seed Upon the Ground

Dorothy Parker? Corey Ford? John Keats? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Apparently, the famous wit Dorothy Parker was once asked why she had selected the curious name Onan for her pet canary. She replied:

Because he spills his seed on the ground.

What is the veracity of this tale?

Quote Investigator: The biblical figure Onan appeared in the Book of Genesis. He disobeyed God by refusing to impregnate his brother’s widow and spilling his seed on the ground. This behavior irked the Deity and proved fatal to Onan.

The earliest version of the Parker anecdote located by QI occurred within a chapter profiling her in the 1934 book “While Rome Burns” by Alexander Woollcott who helped to build her reputation for clever banter. Woollcott’s statement was elliptical. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[1] 1934, While Rome Burns by Alexander Woollcott, Chapter “Some Neighbors IV: Our Mrs. Parker”, Quote Page 152, Viking Press, New York. (Verified on paper)

Of her birds, I remember only an untidy canary whom she named Onan for reasons which will not escape those who know their Scriptures.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “It Spills Its Seed Upon the Ground”

References

References
↑1 1934, While Rome Burns by Alexander Woollcott, Chapter “Some Neighbors IV: Our Mrs. Parker”, Quote Page 152, Viking Press, New York. (Verified on paper)

There Are Three Things Extreamly Hard, Steel, a Diamond and To Know One’s Self


Benjamin Franklin? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Recently, I came across an insightful saying about psychology:

Three of the hardest entities are steel, a diamond, and self-knowledge.

Would you please help me to determine the originator?

Quote Investigator: In 1750 statesman Benjamin Franklin included an instance in “Poor Richard’s Almanack”. The word “extremely” was spelled “extreamly”. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[1]1750 January, Poor Richard Improved: Being An Almanack and Ephemeris of the Motions of the Sun and Moon for the Year of Our Lord 1750, (Poor Richard’s Almanac), Benjamin Franklin, … Continue reading

There are three Things extreamly hard, Steel, a Diamond and to know one’s self.

Some the sayings propagated by Franklin were selected from previously published books and periodicals. For example, Franklin is often credited with “Time is money”, but that proverb was circulating decades earlier. Nevertheless, QI has not yet found a precursor for the saying under examination and would provisionally credit Franklin.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “There Are Three Things Extreamly Hard, Steel, a Diamond and To Know One’s Self”

References

References
↑1 1750 January, Poor Richard Improved: Being An Almanack and Ephemeris of the Motions of the Sun and Moon for the Year of Our Lord 1750, (Poor Richard’s Almanac), Benjamin Franklin, Month: January, Column: 2, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Images from Historical Society of Pennsylvania; accessed at rarebookroom.org on August 30, 2017) link

If a Cluttered Desk Is a Sign of a Cluttered Mind, We Can’t Help Wondering What an Empty Desk Indicates

Albert Einstein? Truman Twill? Lyndon B. Johnson? Laurence J. Peter? Paul A. Freund? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Many sayings attributed to the scientific genius Albert Einstein concern the mind. Here is a funny example:

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?

I haven’t been able to find a solid citation. Would you please help me to determine whether Einstein said this?

Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence that Einstein made this quip. It was attributed to him in the 2000s many years after his death in 1955. The most comprehensive reference about the physicist’s pronouncements is the 2010 book “The Ultimate Quotable Einstein” from Princeton University Press, and the expression is absent.[1]2010, The Ultimate Quotable Einstein, Edited by Alice Calaprice, Section: Probably Not By Einstein, (No page number because statement is absent), Princeton University Press, Princeton, New Jersey. … Continue reading

This comical riposte was inspired by a family of admonishments about messy desks, and this website has a pertinent entry here: “A Cluttered Desk Produces a Cluttered Mind”.

The earliest pertinent partial match in this family known to QI appeared in 1911. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[2]1911 December, The Mediator, Volume 3, Number 12, Editor: J. K. Turner, Section: Editorial, Two Men and a Pin, Quote Page 34, The Mediator Publishing Company, Cleveland, Ohio. (HathiTrust Full View) … Continue reading

Orderliness and cleanliness are two important factors in efficiency. A disordered desk is an evidence of a disordered brain and a disordered character.

In 1941 a newspaper in East Liverpool, Ohio printed a column titled “Confession” by Truman Twill who was critical of the common adage extolling well-organized desks:[3] 1941 April 9, East Liverpool Review (The Evening Review), Confession by Truman Twill, Quote Page 4, Column 7, East Liverpool, Ohio. (Newspapers_com)

A neat desk, they always say, is the sign of a well ordered mind. Important executives make it a point of pride never to have any clutter on their desks. Finally, the desk is immaculate. It is free of clutter as a bald head.

Yet, Twill thought that the cleanliness advice was inherently flawed:

There is a man who has cleaned himself out of the wherewithal to work with, whose empty desk reflects his empty mind, a man who won’t be worth his social security till his desk gets cluttered up again.

So, Twill articulated the idea of the quotation under examination. He employed two concise counterpoint phrases, but the overall column was prolix.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “If a Cluttered Desk Is a Sign of a Cluttered Mind, We Can’t Help Wondering What an Empty Desk Indicates”

References

References
↑1 2010, The Ultimate Quotable Einstein, Edited by Alice Calaprice, Section: Probably Not By Einstein, (No page number because statement is absent), Princeton University Press, Princeton, New Jersey. (Verified on paper)
↑2 1911 December, The Mediator, Volume 3, Number 12, Editor: J. K. Turner, Section: Editorial, Two Men and a Pin, Quote Page 34, The Mediator Publishing Company, Cleveland, Ohio. (HathiTrust Full View) link
↑3 1941 April 9, East Liverpool Review (The Evening Review), Confession by Truman Twill, Quote Page 4, Column 7, East Liverpool, Ohio. (Newspapers_com)

A Cluttered Desk Produces a Cluttered Mind

J. K. Turner? Newton A. Fuessle? Edward Earle Purinton? William C. McCraw? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Office workers whose desks are covered with a jumble of papers are criticized with the following adage. Here are three versions:

  1. A cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind.
  2. A messy desk is evidence of a messy mind.
  3. A disordered desk indicates a disordered brain

World you please investigate this saying?

Quote Investigator: This maxim is difficult to trace because it can be expressed in many ways. The earliest close match located by QI appeared in “The Mediator” in 1911. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[1]1911 December, The Mediator, Volume 3, Number 12, Editor: J. K. Turner, Section: Editorial, Two Men and a Pin, Quote Page 34, The Mediator Publishing Company, Cleveland, Ohio. (HathiTrust Full View) … Continue reading

Show me a man’s tool-box, his bench, or his desk, and I will tell you what manner of man he is. Orderliness and cleanliness are two important factors in efficiency. A disordered desk is an evidence of a disordered brain and a disordered character.

The author of the above passage was not specified, but it appeared in the editorial section. The masthead listed J. K. Turner as editor and Newton A. Fuessle as managing editor.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “A Cluttered Desk Produces a Cluttered Mind”

References

References
↑1 1911 December, The Mediator, Volume 3, Number 12, Editor: J. K. Turner, Section: Editorial, Two Men and a Pin, Quote Page 34, The Mediator Publishing Company, Cleveland, Ohio. (HathiTrust Full View) link

The Face of Venus, the Figure of Juno, the Brains of Minerva, the Memory of Macaulay . . . Above and Beyond All, the Hide of a Rhinoceros

Ethel Barrymore? Madge Kendal? J. H. Ellis? Lilian Braithwaite? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The famous actress Ethel Barrymore was asked to list the requirements for success in the theater. She specified remarkable qualities such as the beauty of Venus and the intelligence of Minerva. The final crucial precondition was an ability to ignore criticism. Would you please trace this quotation?

Quote Investigator: The earliest close match known to QI revealed that this statement was employed by the prominent English actress Madge Kendal before it was used by Ethel Barrymore. In 1933 Kendal published her autobiography “Dame Madge Kendal, By Herself” which was reviewed in newspapers such as “The Leeds Mercury” in England[1] 1933 October 31, The Leeds Mercury, Dame Madge Kendal: How She Chose Her Epitaph, Quote Page 6, Column 4, County: West Yorkshire, England. (British Newspaper Archive) and the “Dundee Courier and Advertiser” in Scotland.[2] 1933 October 31, Dundee Courier and Advertiser, 80 Years of the Stage: How Madge Kendal Chose Her Own Epitaph, Quote Page 6, Column 4, County: Angus, Scotland. (British Newspaper Archive) These papers reprinted the following entertaining remark. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:

She sums up the qualifications of a young woman for a successful career on the stage as “The face of Venus, the figure of Juno, the brains of Minerva, the memory of Macaulay, the chastity of Diana, the grace of Terpsichore, but, above and beyond all, the hide of a rhinoceros.”

Ethel Barrymore received credit for a very similar statement by 1937 as shown further below. Interestingly, many years earlier in 1900 Madge Kendal employed a comparable trope although she listed a somewhat different set of requirements for an actress.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “The Face of Venus, the Figure of Juno, the Brains of Minerva, the Memory of Macaulay . . . Above and Beyond All, the Hide of a Rhinoceros”

References

References
↑1 1933 October 31, The Leeds Mercury, Dame Madge Kendal: How She Chose Her Epitaph, Quote Page 6, Column 4, County: West Yorkshire, England. (British Newspaper Archive)
↑2 1933 October 31, Dundee Courier and Advertiser, 80 Years of the Stage: How Madge Kendal Chose Her Own Epitaph, Quote Page 6, Column 4, County: Angus, Scotland. (British Newspaper Archive)

Posterity Is As Likely To Be Wrong As Anybody Else

Heywood Broun? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The popular embrace or condemnation of an artwork is often transitory. Artists and critics speculate about the judgement of posterity, but that future evaluation may be just as flawed as the current viewpoint. I love this insightful remark:

Posterity is as likely to be wrong as anybody else.

Do you know who should receive credit?

Quote Investigator: In April 1924 the influential journalist and drama critic Heywood Broun published the following in his syndicated column. Boldface added to excerpts:[1] 1924 April 2, Oakland Tribune, It Seems To Me by Heywood Broun, Quote Page 16, Column 7, Oakland, California. (Newspapers_com)

Whenever an artist thinks that the community does not sufficiently appreciate him, he takes an appeal to posterity. I wonder where this notion comes from, that posterity is equipped with superior judgment and wisdom? Just how does it get that way? Posterity is as likely to be wrong as anybody else.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Posterity Is As Likely To Be Wrong As Anybody Else”

References

References
↑1 1924 April 2, Oakland Tribune, It Seems To Me by Heywood Broun, Quote Page 16, Column 7, Oakland, California. (Newspapers_com)

Lug Nuts: I’m Here Because I’m Crazy; Not Stupid

Asylum Inmate? Lester Ridenhour? Leo Aikman? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: According to legend an automobile driver noticed that a tire was going flat, and pulled over to the side of a lonely road adjacent to a tall metal fence. While replacing the tire with a spare the apprehensive driver removed the four lug nuts and accidentally dropped them down a sewer grate.

A figure behind the metal fence saw the dispirited driver and presented a clever solution to the awful predicament. Each tire could be attached with three lug nuts, and the car could be driven to a service station for further assistance. The helpful person was a resident of a mental asylum, and the anecdote ended with this didactic exchange: “How is it that you could give such sound advice?” “I may be nuts but I’m not stupid.” Would you please trace this story?

Quote Investigator: This tale is difficult to explore because it can be told in many ways. The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in a North Carolina newspaper in 1951. Lester Ridenhour who was the assistant principal and director of athletics at Burlington High School travelled to Raleigh, North Carolina together with students to play in a basketball tournament.

When the group returned to their car they discovered that one wheel with its hubcap and lugs had been stolen. Ridenhour walked three miles to find an open service station:[1] 1951 March 3, Burlington Daily Times-News, Lester Ridenhour Concludes: ‘I’m Going To Stay At Home’, Quote Page 5, Column 6 and 7, Burlington, North Carolina. (NewspaperArchive)

The service station attendant returned with him to the car, jacked up the axel off the ground, took one lug off each of the other wheels, fastened the spare wheel into position, and got the group on its way home. Arrival In Burlington: 2 o’clock this morning.

The newspaper article contained the crucial elements of the puzzle solution, but there was no mention of an asylum or an astute inmate.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Lug Nuts: I’m Here Because I’m Crazy; Not Stupid”

References

References
↑1 1951 March 3, Burlington Daily Times-News, Lester Ridenhour Concludes: ‘I’m Going To Stay At Home’, Quote Page 5, Column 6 and 7, Burlington, North Carolina. (NewspaperArchive)