The Three Major Administrative Problems Are Sex for the Students, Athletics for the Alumni and Parking for the Faculty

Clark Kerr? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: The most candid and blunt statement I have ever heard attributed to a university administrator was reportedly spoken in the 1950s: The chancellor’s job is to provide parking for the faculty, and athletics for the alumni, and sex for the students. Is this a genuine statement from the straight-laced …

A Different World Cannot Be Built By Indifferent People

Peter Marshall? E. W. Palmer? Mary Morain? Stanley Sykes? Horace Mann? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Would you please explore the provenance of the following inspirational quotation? A different world cannot be built by indifferent people. These words are often attributed to someone named Peter Marshall, but I have seen other individuals credited. Quote Investigator: The …

The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

Albert Einstein? Alexandre Dumas, fils? Elbert Hubbard? Brooks F. Beebe? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The following funny saying is usually attributed to Albert Einstein: The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. Yet, no one provides any justification for crediting the brilliant scientist with this jest. Is this another fake Einstein …

We Women Do Talk Too Much, But Even Then We Don’t Tell Half We Know

Nancy Astor? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: Recently, I saw the following comical remark attributed to the socialite and parliamentarian Lady Astor: We women do talk too much but even then we don’t tell half we know. Is this ascription accurate? Quote Investigator: Nancy Astor was an important political pioneer as the first woman to take …

Then I Was Known as a Speculator

Ernest Cassel? Bernard Baruch? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: There is an entertaining quotation about the changing labels that were applied to a famous financier. He was successively called a gambler, a speculator, and a banker, although he did not significantly change his methods. Do you know who crafted this humorous description of transformation? Quote Investigator: …

Do You Want Six or Eight Slices of Pizza?

Yogi Berra? Ken Thompson? Bobby Bragan? Muriel Vernick? Danny Osinski? Andy Wimpfheimer? George Carlin? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a comical tale about whether a pizza should be cut into six or eight slices. The punchline is typically attributed to an athlete such as Yogi Berra. Are you familiar with this joke? Would you …

Art, Like Morality, Consists of Drawing the Line Somewhere

Oscar Wilde? G. K. Chesterton? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: I saw the following remark on the webpage of an educator: Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace. The phrase was attributed to Oscar Wilde, but I have not been able to find it in his oeuvre. It was listed on websites like Goodreads and …

What Would You Attempt If You Knew You Could Not Fail?

Robert H. Schuller? Regina Dugan? Sebastian Thrun? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a saying in self-help books that presents encouragement in the form of a question with a trace of wistfulness: What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail? This statement was highlighted in a TED talk by Regina …

Bigamy Is Having One Spouse Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same

Erica Jong? Oscar Wilde? Robert Webster Jones? H. L. Mencken? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: As a single person I enjoy the following joke about bigamy. Here are two versions: (1) Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same. (2) Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. The first …

A Lie Can Travel Halfway Around the World While the Truth Is Putting On Its Shoes

Mark Twain? Jonathan Swift? Thomas Francklin? Fisher Ames? Thomas Jefferson? John Randolph? Charles Haddon Spurgeon? Winston Churchill? Terry Pratchett? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: An insightful remark about the rapid transmission of lies is often attributed to Mark Twain. Here are two versions: (1) A lie travels around the globe while the truth is putting on its …