Even If You Win the Rat Race, You’re Still a Rat

Lily Tomlin? Jackie Gleason? Bill Cunningham? William Sloane Coffin? Russell Baker? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: There is a popular quip about the competitive daily grind of the working world. Here are two versions:

1) Even if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat
2) So you’ve won the rat race. You’re still a rat.

The influential comedian Lily Tomlin employed a version of this joke. Would you please explore its origin?

Quote Investigator: There is good evidence that Lily Tomlin used this gag by the 1970s, and a citation is given further below. Yet, the earliest appearance known to QI occurred in a book about the life of another famous comedian.

In 1956 “The Golden Ham: A Candid Biography of Jackie Gleason” by Jim Bishop was published. Gleason wrote a letter to his estranged wife Genevieve that was reprinted in the volume. He used a version of the witticism particularized to the television broadcasting industry. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[ref] 1956, The Golden Ham: A Candid Biography of Jackie Gleason by Jim Bishop, (Undated letter from Jackie Gleason to Gen (Genevieve, estranged wife Gleason)), Quote Page 258, Published by Simon and Schuster, New York. (Verified with scans)[/ref]

Television is a rat race, and remember this, even if you win you are still a rat.

In August 1956 a sports columnist named Bill Cunningham writing in “The Boston Herald” employed an instance of the joke, but he did not claim coinage; instead, he credited an anonymous “fellow”. The topic of the column was the perennial baseball conflict between the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees:[ref] 1956 August 11, Boston Herald, Section: Sports, Bill Taking Off for Conventions: Leaves Sox, But He Saw Them Hit Second Place by Bill Cunningham, Quote Page 5, Column 1, Boston, Massachusetts. (GenealogyBank)[/ref]

It’s still a job lot pitching staff—like the fellow said, “You can win the rat race, but you’re still a rat”—but, oooooh, that Yankee hitting, especially in the clutch!

Thanks to top researcher Barry Popik who located the two citations above and other valuable citations.[ref] Website: The Big Apple, Article title: “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you’re still a rat”, Date on website: November 05, 2012, Website description: Etymological dictionary with more than 10,000 entries. (Accessed barrypopik.com on October 1, 2014) link [/ref]

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Even If You Win the Rat Race, You’re Still a Rat”

Every Time We Teach a Child Something, We Keep Him from Inventing It Himself

Jean Piaget? Apocryphal?

sand07Dear Quote Investigator: Jean Piaget was an influential developmental psychologist who studied the learning strategies of children. I am trying to determine if he said the following:

When you teach a child something you take away forever his chance of discovering it for himself.

I have not seen a precise citation for this. Would you be willing to help?

Quote Investigator: QI has not found an exact match for the expression above, but Jean Piaget did make a similar remark in an article “Some Aspects of Operations” published in 1972 in a symposium titled “Play and Development”. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[ref] 1972, Book title: Play and Development: A Symposium with Contributions by Jean Piaget, Peter H. Wolff and Others, Editor: Maria W. Piers, Article title: Some Aspects of Operations, Article author: Jean Piaget, Start Page 15, Quote Page 27, Published by W. W. Norton & Company, New York. (Verified on paper)[/ref]

Children should be able to do their own experimenting and their own research. Teachers, of course, can guide them by providing appropriate materials, but the essential thing is that in order for a child to understand something, he must construct it himself, he must re-invent it. Every time we teach a child something, we keep him from inventing it himself. On the other hand that which we allow him to discover by himself will remain with him visibly…

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Every Time We Teach a Child Something, We Keep Him from Inventing It Himself”

Millions Are To Be Grabbed Out Here, and Your Only Competition Is Idiots

Herman J. Mankiewicz? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: I have just returned from seeing an expensive Hollywood fiasco. While watching the film I was reminded of a vibrant telegram that a successful Hollywood writer reportedly sent to cajole another scribbler to join him. He made promises such as: “millions of dollars can be grabbed” and “the only competitors are idiots”. Did this telegram actually exist? Can you determine who sent it and who received it?

Quote Investigator: In 1954 the prolific Oscar-winning screenwriter Ben Hecht published a memoir titled “A Child of the Century” which included the text of a telegram he was sent before he began his acclaimed career in motion pictures. The screenwriter Herman Mankiewicz enticed Hecht to join him in Tinseltown with a dream of wealth in a note delivered by a Western Union messenger. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[ref] 1954, A Child of the Century by Ben Hecht, Quote Page 466, Published by Simon and Schuster, New York. (Verified with scans)[/ref]

The telegram he delivered on this spring day in 1925 came from the unknown Scythian wastes of Hollywood, Calif. It read, “Will you accept three hundred per week to work for Paramount Pictures. All expenses paid. The three hundred is peanuts. Millions are to be grabbed out here and your only competition is idiots. Don’t let this get around.
“Herman Mankiewicz.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Millions Are To Be Grabbed Out Here, and Your Only Competition Is Idiots”

Time Wounds All Heels

Groucho Marx? Marshall Reid? Fanny Brice? Frank Case? Jane Ace? Goodman Ace? Rudy Vallée? Verree Teasdale? Robert Bloch? John Lennon? Ann Landers? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The following humorous pun about comeuppance for poor behavior has been attributed to the famous comedian Groucho Marx. The slang term “heel” refers to a contemptible person:

Time wounds all heels.

The statement is a scrambled version of the following comforting aphorism about the mitigation of injuries:

Time heals all wounds.

The pun has also been attributed to hotelier Frank Case and radio performer Jane Ace. Would you please explore this saying?

Quote Investigator: Groucho Marx did deliver this comical line during the film “Go West” in 1940, but the expression was already in circulation. In addition, there is good evidence that Frank Case, Jane Ace and several other individuals employed the joke. Detailed citations are given further below.

The earliest citation located by QI appeared in a syndicated news column in December 1934. The remark was ascribed to someone named Marshall Reid. An explanatory anecdote was given to introduce the punchline. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[ref] 1934 December 21, Lowell Sun, All In A Day by Mark Hellinger (King Features Syndicate), Quote Page 14, Column 7, Lowell, Massachusetts. (NewspaperArchive)[/ref]

In a Chicago cafe the other night, an elderly man passed a table.

“There goes George,” observed an onlooker. “When he was young, he was a handsome guy. Left a wife and two kids to starve, and ran off with another woman. And now look at him. Old, broke and very sad.”

“That’s the way-it-goes,” nodded Marshall Reid. “Time wounds all heels.”

Frank Case was a prominent hotelier who owned and operated the Algonquin Hotel in New York where the celebrated Algonquin Round Table convened. He appeared multiple times on a popular radio program hosted by the entertainer Rudy Vallée. During a broadcast in 1937 Vallée asked Case about “skippers”, hotel guests who attempt to leave without paying their bills. Case’s response included the quip:[ref] Website: Old Time Radio Downloads, Audio title: Rudy Vallee Royal Gelatin Hour Guest Tallulah Bankhead, Audio description: Frank Case was also a guest, Air Date on website: June 17, 1937, Audio quotation location: 38 mins, 58 secs of 57 mins 44 secs) Website description: Audio files of old radio show broadcasts. (Accessed oldtimeradiodownloads.com on May 26, 2017) link [/ref]

We don’t have much trouble with skippers. If a man can’t pay his bill he usually tells me; pays me later. Of course, they’re a few heels who get away with things, but eventually as time goes by they all get caught. What I always say is “Time wounds all heels”.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Time Wounds All Heels”

Actor: A Guy Who If You Ain’t Talking About Him, He Ain’t Listening

Marlon Brando? Gladwin Hill? George Glass? George Alan O’Dowd? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Performers on stage and screen are sometimes stereotyped as egocentric. Here is one formulation of that critique:

An actor’s a guy who, if you ain’t talking about him, ain’t listening.

These words are usually attributed to the Oscar-winning star Marlon Brando. Did Brando create or employ this saying? Also, was the statement aimed at a specific actor?

Quote Investigator: There is strong evidence that Marlon Brando did use and popularize this expression. But there is also evidence that he did not craft it originally.

The earliest citation located by QI was published in a profile by journalist Gladwin Hill of the prominent actor Kirk Douglas in “Collier’s” magazine in 1951. The expression of acerbic disapproval was used to describe Douglas by an unnamed acquaintance. The word “ain’t” was not part of this version. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[ref] 1951 July 21, Collier’s, Hollywood’s “Heavy” Heartthrob by Gladwin Hill, (Subtitle: Kirk Douglas made his name in films by playing a new kind of villain: you feel sorry for him while you despise him), Start Page 20, Quote Page 67, Column 1, The Crowell-Collier Publishing Company, Springfield, Ohio. (Unz)[/ref]

“He is the complete Hollywood actor,” an acquaintance remarked, “in that if you’re not talking about him, he isn’t listening. He’s incapable of participating in a conversation without shifting it around in the first five minutes to Kirk Douglas.”

By June 1955 TV impresario Ed Sullivan printed the saying in his gossip column. Sullivan noted that Marlon Brando had collected the humorous saying and was now using it. The context indicated that Brando had not created the self-deprecating remark:[ref] 1955 June 10, The Morning Herald, Little Old New York by Ed Sullivan, Quote Page 13, Column 3, Uniontown, Pennsylvania. (NewspaperArchive)[/ref]

Marlon Brando has a file of jokes about actors. He just added this one: “An actor is a guy, who, if you ain’t talking about him, ain’t listening.” He and Jean Simmons are terrif’ in “Guys and Dolls.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Actor: A Guy Who If You Ain’t Talking About Him, He Ain’t Listening”

Excuse My Dust

Dorothy Parker? Hudson Six Owner? Alexander Woollcott? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The famous wit Dorothy Parker was once asked to create an epitaph for her tombstone. Apparently, she crafted several different candidates for inscription over the years:

1) Excuse My Dust

2) Here Lies the Body of Dorothy Parker. Thank God!

3) This Is On Me

4) If You Can Read This You’ve Come Too Close

5) Wherever She Went, Including Here, It Was Against Her Better Judgment

6) She Is Happy, For She Knows That Her Dust Is Very Pretty

Are these really from the pen of Dorothy Parker?

Quote Investigator: QI has examined the six epitaphs attributed to Dorothy Parker which are listed above. Clicking one of the phrases leads to the corresponding analysis. This article will discuss only the phrase “Excuse My Dust”. Separate articles have been written for the other statements.

In 1925 artists, writers, and other prominent figures were asked by the periodical “Vanity Fair” to compose their own epitaphs for publication in the June issue. Parker complied, and her response was depicted together with other replies:[ref] 1925 June, Vanity Fair, A Group of Artists Write Their Own Epitaphs, Start Page 50, Quote Page 51, Column 3, (Dorothy Parker tombstone epitaph illustration), Conde Nast, New York. (Verified on microfilm)[/ref]

QI believes that many of the expressions in the “Vanity Fair” article were meant to be comical and were not serious suggestions for inscription on memorials. In fact, some of the sayings may have been constructed as spoofs instead of being supplied by celebrities themselves. Fascinatingly, the words of Parker in “Vanity Fair” were included in a marker at her temporary resting place in Baltimore, Maryland as indicated further below.

The origin of the phrase selected by Parker was surprising to QI. The statement was already being used in the burgeoning realm of motorized transport in the 1910s and 1920s where it was affixed to the back of vehicles. Parker humorously repurposed the expression and shifted its semantics.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Excuse My Dust”

You Can’t Be a Real Country Unless You Have a Beer and an Airline

Frank Zappa? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Did the Frank Zappa really say that a proper country needs a beer and an airline?

Quote Investigator: In 1989 “The Real Frank Zappa Book” was published by the well-known songwriter and musician, and it included an instance of the remark mentioned above. Zappa was not eager to write a book, but he offered an important rationale in the introduction. Boldface and italics in this excerpt and the next were present in the original text:[ref] 1999 (1989 copyright), The Real Frank Zappa Book, by Frank Zappa with Peter Occhiogrosso, Section: Introduction, Quote Page 9, A Touchstone Book: Simon & Schuster, New York. (Verified on paper in 1999 reprint edition; originally published in 1989 by Poseidon Press, New York)[/ref]

One of the reasons for doing this is the proliferation of stupid books (in several languages) which purport to be About Me. I thought there ought to be at least ONE, somewhere, that had real stuff in it.

The chapter titled “America Drinks & Goes Marching” contained the following passage:[ref] 1999 (1989 copyright), The Real Frank Zappa Book, by Frank Zappa with Peter Occhiogrosso, Chapter 12: America Drinks & Goes Marching, Quote Page 231, A Touchstone Book: Simon & Schuster, New York. (Verified on paper in 1999 reprint edition; originally published in 1989 by Poseidon Press, New York)[/ref]

Every major industrialized nation has A BEER (you can’t be a Real Country unless you have A BEER and an airline—it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need A BEER).

Below are the conclusion and acknowledgements.

Continue reading “You Can’t Be a Real Country Unless You Have a Beer and an Airline”

If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going

Winston Churchill? John Randall Dunn? J. Woodruff Smith? Douglas Bloch? Linda Crew? Mario Murillo? Brian Mulroney? Wally Amos? Ron Kenoly? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Winston Churchill is often associated with quotations about steadfastness and tenacity. Consider the following saying:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

I have seen this statement attributed to Churchill several times, but I have never seen any solid citations. Are these really the words of the famous British Prime Minister?

Quote Investigator: Probably not. In 2009 the publication “Finest Hour: The Journal of Winston Churchill” stated that the saying above was “not by Churchill, or at least not verifiable in any of the 50 million published words by and about him”.[ref] 2009-2010 Winter, Finest Hour: The Journal of Winston Churchill, Number 145, Around & About, Quote Page 9, Column 2, The Churchill Centre & Churchill Museum, Andover, Hampshire, United Kingdom. (Verified with PDF) link [/ref] In addition, the statement was placed in an appendix titled “Red Herrings: False Attributions” in the book “Churchill By Himself” which is the most comprehensive collection of quotations from the statesman. The editor was Richard M. Langworth, the top expert in this domain.[ref] 2013 December 12 (Kindle Edition Date), Churchill By Himself (Winston Churchill’s In His Own Words Collection), Compiled and edited by Richard M. Langworth, Appendix I: Red Herrings: False Attributions, Entry: If you’re going through hell, keep going. (Kindle Location 19706)[/ref]

This adage is difficult to trace because of the malleability of its expression. The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in a religious context in the October 30, 1943 issue of the “Christian Science Sentinel” journal of Boston, Massachusetts. The saying was presented in dialog form. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[ref] 1943 October 30, Christian Science Sentinel, Volume 45, Issue 44, Section: Editorial, Binding the Power of Pain by John Randall Dunn, Start Page 1849, Quote Page 1851, Christian Science Publishing Society, Boston, Massachusetts. (Verified with full text and scans; thanks to the staff of The Christian Science Publishing Society at sentinel.christianscience.com; also thanks to Charles Doyle and the University of Georgia library system)[/ref]

Someone once asked a man how he was. He replied, “I’m going through hell!” Said his friend: “Well, keep on going. That is no place to stop!” If you seem to be going through the deep waters of physical anguish and cannot for the moment seem to gain the understanding which binds the strong man, keep on going—keep on clinging to Truth, and hear again the comforting, strengthening message, “My grace is sufficient for thee.” God, divine Love, is eternally sustaining His child, and will “bind the power of pain” as surely as the summer sun will melt the stubborn frost.

The passage above was written by a Christian Science lecturer and editor named John Randall Dunn, but the dialog was attributed to an unnamed man and his anonymous friend.

The saying appeared again in the pages of the “Christian Science Sentinel” in July 1969 in an article by J. Woodruff Smith. He also credited the dialog to anonymous individuals:[ref] 1969 July 26, Christian Science Sentinel, Volume 71, Issue 30, Truth Is the Victor by J. Woodruff Smith, Start Page 1286, Quote Page 1286, Christian Science Publishing Society, Boston, Massachusetts. (Verified with scans; thanks to Charles Doyle and the University of Georgia library system)[/ref]

A man who was going through deep waters of fear called a Christian Science practitioner. In anguish he cried, “Oh, you don’t know what I’m going through. I’m just going through hell.” With vigor his helper replied, “That’s no place to stop. Keep going.” There was a short silence. Then a ripple of amusement followed by a wave of laughter as the mesmerism burst.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going”

Whenever a Friend Succeeds, a Little Something in Me Dies

Gore Vidal? Wilfrid Sheed? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: There is a mordant expression that reflects the corrosive nature of jealousy. Here are four versions:

1) Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.
2) Every time a friend succeeds I die a little.
3) When a friend succeeds, a small part of me dies.
4) Every time a friend succeeds, something in me dies.

This self-revelatory statement is usually attributed to the writer Gore Vidal. Could you please explore this remark?

Quote Investigator: In February 1973 the essayist Wilfrid Sheed penned an article in “The New York Times” titled “Writer as Wretch and Rat” about the vanity, rivalry, and bitterness experienced by some wordsmiths. The earliest strong match for the saying known to QI appeared in this article, but Sheed disclaimed authorship and ascribed the words to Gore Vidal. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[ref] 1973 February 4, New York Times, Section: Book Review, Writer as Wretch and Rat by Wilfrid Sheed, Quote Page 2, Column 1, (ProQuest Page 324), New York. (ProQuest)[/ref]

Envy? Oh yes. Wanton. “Every time a friend succeeds I die a little.” Only a writer could have said that. In fact, I thought I’d said it myself, only to learn that Gore Vidal had beaten me to it by years — the upstart.

In September 1973 a long profile article about Gore Vidal by journalist Susan Barnes was published in “The Sunday Times Magazine” of “The Sunday Times” newspaper in London. Barnes spoke to friends of Vidal such as the prominent actress Claire Bloom. The following passage began with Bloom’s words followed by an instance of the saying spoken directly by Vidal who stated that he had written it somewhere previously:[ref] 1973 September 16, The Sunday Times, Section: The Sunday Times Magazine, Behind the Face of the Gifted Bitch by Susan Barnes, (“A profile of Gore Vidal, whose latest novel, Burr, will be published early next year”), Start Page 44[S], (Quote appears in the first column on page 3 of 5 within the article), London. England. (Gale Digital Archive of The Sunday Times)[/ref]

“I’ve never seen the cynical side of him that comes out in public. I’ve never heard him say anything personally hurtful about any of his friends. Gore makes a great division here. I love gossip about my friends. He loves gossip about public people.”

Vidal says this is an exaggeration. “It was I who wrote: whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Whenever a Friend Succeeds, a Little Something in Me Dies”

You’ll Worry Less About What People Think of You When You Realize How Seldom They Do

David Foster Wallace? Olin Miller? Lee Traveler? Ethel Barrett? Mark Twain? John Steinbeck? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: An astute quotation about insecurity is often attributed to the novelist and teacher David Foster Wallace:

You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.

Versions of this statement have also been credited to famous figures such as Mark Twain and Eleanor Roosevelt, but I have not yet seen a precise citation for anyone. Would you please examine this saying?

Quote Investigator: David Foster Wallace did express this idea using a different phrasing in his 1996 novel “Infinite Jest”, and the details are given further below.

The earliest strong match located by QI appeared in December 1936. The words were credited to a jokesmith named Olin Miller. Boldface has been added to excerpts below:[ref] 1936 December 19, Reno Evening Gazette, Olin Miller’s Comment, Quote Page 4, Column 2, Reno, Nevada. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]

You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.

The second earliest strong match known to QI appeared in the widely syndicated newspaper column of Walter Winchell in January 1937.[ref] 1937 January 7, Logansport Pharos-Tribune, Walter Winchell On Broadway, Quote Page 8, Column 1, Logansport, Indiana. (NewspaperArchive)[/ref] The ellipsis was present in the original text of the following:[ref] 1937 January 8, The Evansville Courier (Evansville Courier and Press), On Broadway by Walter Winchell, Quote Page 8, Column 3, Evansville, Indiana. (GenealogyBank)[/ref]

Olin Miller’s thought should comfort the victims of self-pity, etc. . . . “You probably,” he submits, “wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!”

QI believes that Olin Miller was the most likely originator of this remark. Other individuals such as David Foster Wallace and Ethel Barrett employed the saying after it was already in circulation. The phrasing has varied as the quotation has evolved over the decades. The linkages to Mark Twain and Eleanor Roosevelt appear to be spurious.

Thanks to top researcher Barry Popik who located the key Winchell citation above and other valuable citations. [ref] Website: The Big Apple, Article title: “You wouldn’t worry about what people may think of you if you could know how seldom they do”, Date on website: September 01, 2013, Website description: Etymological dictionary with more than 10,000 entries. (Accessed barrypopik.com on September 9, 2014) link [/ref]

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “You’ll Worry Less About What People Think of You When You Realize How Seldom They Do”

Exit mobile version