Quote Investigator® – Tracing Quotations

Quote Origin: I Worry More About the Return OF My Money Than the Return ON My Money

Will Rogers? Eddie Cantor? Benjamin Franklin? Anonymous?

**Stacks of coins which grow in height from Pixabay**

Question for Quote Investigator: Risky investments offer high returns, but the money invested may be completely lost. A family of statements uses wordplay to express a memorable warning. Here are three instances:

(1) I learned to worry about the return of my money instead of the return on my money

(2) I’m not so much interested in the return on my principal as I am in the return of my principal.

(3) I am not as concerned about the return on my investment as about the return of my investment.

The wordplay consists of repeating a template phrase while swapping the prepositions “of” and “on”. This quip has been attributed to U.S. humorist Will Rogers, U.S. comedian Eddie Cantor, and U.S. statesman Benjamin Franklin. Would you please explore the origin of this family of statements?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The phrasing of these statements is highly variable; hence, this family is difficult to trace. The earliest instance of this wordplay found by QI appeared in April 1920 in “The New York Times” within an advertisement for Prudence Bonds from Realty Associates Investment Corporation. The bonds offered 6 percent interest, which was not the highest rate available, but the advertisement emphasized the safety of the bonds. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Of course, you can get a bigger return on your money, provided you accept a reduction in security.

But please bear this in mind: When we talk of the 100% soundness of Prudence-Bonds, we have in mind, not only the return on your money, but the return of your money.

In April 1920, the same advertisement for Prudence Bonds appeared in other newspapers such as the “Brooklyn Daily Eagle” of Brooklyn, New York.²

QI hypothesizes that an anonymous copywriter crafted this wordplay. Citations presented further below indicate that the popular entertainer Eddie Cantor used the same wordplay in 1933 and 1934. Cantor’s formulation placed more emphasis on wistful humor.

Will Rogers died in 1935. He posthumously received credit for a version of this quip by 1938 within a real estate advertisement. Overall, QI believes that the evidence linking Rogers to the quip is very weak.

Benjamin Franklin died in 1790. He implausibly received credit for a version of this quip by 1966 within a financial advertisement.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Write Hard and Clear About What Hurts

Ernest Hemingway? Natalie Goldberg? Conrad Aiken? Joan Crawford? Apocryphal?

**“Lady Writing a Letter with Her Maid” by Johannes Vermeer**

Question for Quote Investigator: I have repeatedly encountered the following advice directed toward aspiring writers:

Write hard and clear about what hurts.

This statement has been attributed to Ernest Hemingway, but I am skeptical because I have never seen a solid citation. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive evidence that Ernest Hemingway who died in 1961 crafted this statement.

The earliest strong match known to QI appeared in the 1990 book “Wild Mind: Living the Writer’s Life” by Natalie Goldberg. A chapter discussing “The Rules of Writing Practice” contained the following passage. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Go for the jugular. If something scary comes up, go for it. That’s where the energy is. Otherwise, you’ll spend all your time writing around whatever makes you nervous. It will probably be abstract, bland writing because you’re avoiding the truth.

Hemingway said, “Write hard and clear about what hurts.” Don’t avoid it. It has all the energy. Don’t worry, no one ever died of it. You might cry or laugh, but not die.

QI does not know why Natalie Goldberg attributed the quotation to Hemingway. Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Poem Origin: I Cannot Promise You a Life of Sunshine

Mark Twain? Margo T. Brandt? Kimber Crocker? Anonymous?

**Couple making a heart symbol from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: A popular poem is employed during wedding celebrations. Here are the first two lines:

I cannot promise you a life of sunshine
I cannot promise riches, wealth, or gold

This poem has been attributed to the famous U.S. writer Mark Twain, but I have never seen a solid citation. Would you please explore the provenance of this poem?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive evidence that Mark Twain crafted this poem. It does not appear on the Twain Quotes website edited by Barbara Schmidt;¹ nor does it appear in the large compilation “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips” edited by Caroline Thomas Harnsberger;² nor does it appear in the speech compilation “Mark Twain Speaking” edited by Paul Fatout.³

Twain died in 1910. A version of the poem entered circulation by 1971. Twain implausibly received credit by 2004. The body of the poem and its attribution have changed over time.

The earliest march found by QI appeared in the “Vineland Times Journal” of New Jersey on December 21, 1971. The poem was twelve lines long, and these were the first five lines. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:⁴

I cannot promise you a life of sunshine;
I cannot promise riches, wealth or gold;
I cannot promise you an easy pathway
That leads away from change or growing old.
But I can promise all my heart’s devotion.

The poem appeared in the newspaper section for classified advertisements. The message began with “Dear A”, and the final line said “MERRY CHRISTMAS, Love, S.” QI conjectures that “S” was reprinting a message from a greeting card, a book, or another source. The original creator remains anonymous.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I Don’t Give Advice; I Give Opinions

John Wooden? Bill Walton? Joyce Fittro? Apocryphal?

**Basketball together with a net from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: A famously successful coach was often asked for advice, but he had no desire to be rigidly didactic; hence, he would say:

I don’t give advice, I give opinions.

This statement has been credited to U.S. basketball coach John Wooden who won ten NCAA national championships as head coach of the UCLA Bruins. I have not been able to find a solid citation. Would you please help me?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Bill Walton was a star basketball player and television sportscaster. When Walton was in college in the 1970s, he played for the UCLA Bruins, and Bill Wooden was his coach. In 1994 Walton published the book “Nothing But Net” which included his memories of Wooden. Walton stated that Wooden employed many catch phrases such as the following four items:¹

“Be quick, but don’t hurry.”
“Never mistake activity for achievement.”
“Flexibility is the key to stability.”
“When everybody thinks alike, nobody thinks.”

Walton credited Wooden with the quotation under examination:

You have to understand that John Wooden wasn’t simply teaching basketball. To him, basketball was a microcosm of life itself, which is why our practices became psychological training sessions and philosophy sessions. If you asked him for advice, he would always say, “I don’t give advice, I give opinions.”

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: All That I Am I Attribute to My Dislike for Reading Books

Erskine Caldwell? Stanley J. Kunitz? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: As a budding author I have often been told that I must hone my craft by reading numerous good books. Hence, I was astounded when I encountered the following statement from an acclaimed bestselling author:

All that I am I attribute to my dislike for reading books.

Apparently, this statement was made by U.S. novelist Erskine Caldwell who wrote “Tobacco Road” in 1932 and “God’s Little Acre” in 1933. Would you please help me to find a citation and to learn more about the context?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1933 U.S. poet Stanley J. Kunitz edited and published the reference work “Authors Today and Yesterday” which contained short profiles of 320 twentieth century authors. Kunitz requested autobiographical statements from hundreds of authors including Erskine Caldwell.

The reference was published by the H. W. Wilson Company of New York, which also published the “Wilson Bulletin for Librarians”. Caldwell’s profile appeared in both the bulletin¹ and the reference book.² Caldwell expressed his aversion to books, but he also revealed a love of magazines. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:

I have no literary preferences; and I do not know what “esthetic bias” means. In other words, the only explanation I wish to make is that all that I am I attribute to my dislike for reading books. I’ll read anything and everything in print that I can get my hands on if the medium is a magazine; but I dislike books as I do steel-traps. Now, at the present time, I force myself to read no less than two, occasionally three, novels a year—thinking that perhaps I ought to: whatever that signifies.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I Have Never Been Lost, But I Was Bewildered Once for Three Days

Daniel Boone? Chester Harding? Margaret Eliot White? Gene Tunney? Apocryphal?

**Oil sketch of Daniel Boone by Chester Harding in 1820**

Question for Quote Investigator: Daniel Boone was a famous U.S. pioneer and frontiersman. Boone’s hunting and tracking skills were celebrated. Boone has been credited with the following humorous response to a question about his adventures:

“During your long hunts have you ever been lost?”
“No, I have never been lost, but once I was bewildered for three days.”

I do not know the precise phrasing of this dialogue, and I have not seen a solid citation. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Daniel Boone died in 1820.The U.S. portrait painter Chester Harding met with Boone when the latter was approaching the end of his life. Boone posed for Harding who created the only known portrait of the frontiersman painted from life.

Chester Harding died in 1866, and near the end of his life, he gave his autobiographical notes to his daughter Margaret Eliot White. She arranged the notes and weaved them together to yield a work playfully titled “My Egotistigraphy” by Chester Harding.

In this 1866 book Harding described his encounter with Boone. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

He was ninety years old, and rather infirm; his memory of passing events was much impaired, yet he would amuse me every day by his anecdotes of his earlier life. I asked him one day, just after his description of one of his long hunts, if he never got lost, having no compass. “No,” said he, “I can’t say as ever I was lost, but I was bewildered once for three days.”

Harding’s estimate of Boone’s age was somewhat inaccurate. Boone died when he was 85 years old. The passage above is the primary citation supporting the ascription of the quotation to Boone. The accuracy is dependent on the trustworthiness and fidelity of Harding.

Interestingly, Boone’s use of the word “bewildered” fit the original literal definition of the word as presented in the Oxford English Dictionary:²

bewildered adjective:
Lost in pathless places, at a loss for one’s way; figurative confused mentally.

Readers have found the quotation ascribed to Boone comical because the figurative definition has largely displaced the original literal definition of bewildered in modern times.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Top Is Greedy and Mean, and They Will Always Find a Way to Take Care of Themselves

Michael Foot? Norman Mailer? Apocryphal?

**Illustration of gold bullion from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: Hostility toward wealthy people has been expressed as follows:

The top is greedy and mean and they will always find a way to take care of themselves.

This statement has been attributed to British politician Michael Foot and U.S. author Norman Mailer. I am unsure because I have not seen a solid citation. Would you please help me?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Prominent author Norman Mailer was hired in 1983 by the London newspaper “The Mail on Sunday” to cover the U.K election. Mailer wrote the following about the Leader of the Labour Party Michael Foot on May 29, 1983. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Foot had a cogent point of view at least. It said: We are not here in this world to find elegant solutions, pregnant with initiative, or to serve the ways and modes of profitable progress. No, we are here to provide for all those who are weaker and hungrier, more battered and more crippled than ourselves.

That is our only certain good and great purpose on earth and if you ask me about those insoluable economic problems that may arise if the top is deprived of their initiative, I would answer, ‘to hell with them. The top is greedy and mean and they will always find a way to take care of themselves. They always do.’

The phrasing of the text from Mailer was ambiguous. QI believes that Mailer was not directly quoting Foot; instead, Mailer was articulating his own perception of Foot’s opinion.

In 1984 Michael Foot published the book “Another Heart and Other Pulses: The Alternative to the Thatcher Society”. Foot reprinted a large excerpt from the article by Mailer which included the text above. Foot obliquely indicated that Mailer was not presenting a direct quotation:²

Norman Mailer is quite good at long sentences and short ones. He made no complaint about mine, I was glad to note. ‘The cogent point of view,’ he was considerate enough to attribute to me—the word cogent means, by the way, convincing, powerful—was thought by some to be a direct quotation from what I had said, and it was thereupon reprinted in the Daily Mirror and elsewhere. Norman Mailer modestly suggested that he might make a new career as a speech-writer. After the experience of the last election, I would prefer to see him founding a new school of journalism.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Essay Origin: I Would Pick More Daisies

Don Herold? Nadine Stair? Nadine Star? Frank Dickey? Helen S. Moor? Berton Braley? Anonymous?

**Picture of a field of daisies from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: Imagine you were given the opportunity to live your life over again. What changes would you make? A popular essay made suggestions such as the following:

(1) Pick more daisies
(2) Ride more merry-go-rounds
(3) Walk barefoot more often

The essay containing these recommendations has been attributed to Don Herold, Nadine Stair, and others. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match known to QI appeared in the December 1931 issue of “College Humor” magazine within a piece titled “I’d Pick More Daisies” by Don Herold.¹

QI has not yet been able to access this magazine directly, but QI has been able to access an article in “The Punxsutawney Spirit” of Pennsylvania which discussed the “College Humor” piece and reprinted excerpts such as this:²

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefooted a little earlier in the spring and stay that way a little later in the fall.

Don Herold employed the following self-description:

… one of those persons who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute.

Herold’s essay also included these suggestions:

I would have more dogs.
I would keep later hours.
I would have more sweethearts.

Interestingly, the article in “The Punxsutawney Spirit” was dated November 3, 1931, whereas the piece in “College Humor” was dated December 1931. This was possible because magazine issues were typically released before their cover dates. The newspaper was able to access the article one month before the cover date.

During subsequent decades, several different names have been attached to the essay, e.g., Frank Dickey, Helen S. Moor, Nadine Star, and Nadine Stair. Also, the contents of the essay have changed. Sentences have been removed, and other sentences have been inserted into the text. The essays are copyrighted; hence, this analysis cannot present the full essays. Only excerpts are shown.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Old Age and Treachery Will Always Defeat Youth and Skill

Waylon Jennings? P.J. O’Rourke? David Mamet? Johnny Rutherford? Luke Kaiser? Jerry Schofield? Fausto Coppi? Anonymous?

**Illustration of a checkmate from Pixabay**

Question for Quote Investigator: Physical abilities decline with age, but experience accumulates. The following adage is popular with feisty seniors:

Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.

This saying has been attributed to singer-songwriter Waylon Jennings, playwright David Mamet, political commentator P. J. O’Rourke, race car driver Johnny Rutherford, and others. Would you please explore the provenance of this expression?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest close match known to QI appeared in the “Houston Chronicle” of Texas on December 11, 1974. A columnist wrote about an organization that specialized in creating and popularizing mottos. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Although it has been operating for more than 25 years, maybe you never heard of the “Let’s Have Better Mottos Assn” headquartered in Dayton, Ohio. I never did until Luke Kaiser of Premier Printing and Letter Service, 2120 McKinney, told me about it. Kaiser is chairman of the association’s Board of Selections, and he sent me a whole raft of dandy mottos, including one he had just coined himself:

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY
WILL ALWAYS DEFEAT YOUTH AND SKILL

Luke Kaiser is currently the top candidate creator for this motto based on the citation above.

The genesis of this saying was lengthy. Phrases of this general type have occurred often during the past one hundred years. Yet, these precursors were not presented in proverbial form. Also, they did not achieve precise wide repetition. Some statements used interrogative form. Here is an overview with dates and ascriptions:

1910: Will experience and brains defeat youth and energy? (Sports journalist Dick Jemison)

1915: Experienced fighters … utilize vast knowledge to overcome youth and strength (Anonymous)

1922: The warfare of youth and love and honor and courage against age and treachery and hypocrisy and mystery (Book reviewer John Clair Minot)

1923: Proved the superiority … of age and intellect over youth and skill (Anonymous)

1925: The ability of age and experience to defeat youth and endurance (Sports journalist Robert Edgren)

1929: How to defeat youth with experience (Anonymous)

1938: The splendid victory of youth and love over age and treachery (Author Louis Arthur Cunningham)

1964: Can age and experience beat youth and enthusiasm? (Anonymous)

Below is an overview of the adage under examination. These entries include dates and attributions for close matches in proverbial form:

1974 Dec 11: Old age and treachery will always defeat youth and skill (Ascribed to Luke Kaiser)

1975 Jul 21: Old age and treachery will always defeat youth and skill (Motto displayed in the office of Jerry Schofield)

1975 Jul 22: Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill (Spoken by Wayne Dollick)

1977: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill (Sign displayed in the office of Joseph Mastroianni)

1978: Age and treachery will win over youth and skill (Credited to a friend of NASCAR driver Hershel McGriff)

1979: Age, cunning, deceit and treachery can defeat youth and skill (Message on a T-shirt sold by John George)

1979: Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill (Bohor’s Bromide in the book “1,001 Logical Laws”)

1982: Old age and trickery will overcome youth and skill (Motto for cross-stitch pattern)

1984: Experience and treachery will beat youth and enthusiasm (Labeled an “old saying” by race car driver Johnny Rutherford)

1986: Age and guile beats youth and talent every time (Announcer Don Davis)

1988: Age and treachery overcomes youth and exuberance (Curler Lil Werenka)

1991: Old age and treachery always overcomes youth and skill (Lyric in a song by Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson)

1995: Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut (Book title by P. J. O’Rourke)

2009: Age and treachery will overcome youth and skill (Attributed to Fausto Coppi)

2015: Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance (Attributed to David Mamet)

Below are details for selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I Don’t Get Heart Attacks, I Give Them

Rex Harrison? Ian Sinclair? Harry Cohn? Kenneth R. Smith? Marie Michael? Terry Goodkind? Anonymous?

**Picture of a heart in neon from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: A powerful person once delivered a line that vividly combined anger and arrogance. After the individual harshly scolded an underling, an assistant said that the incessant episodes of rage might lead to a heart attack. The reply was sharp:

I don’t get heart attacks. I give them.

This statement has been attributed to English actor Rex Harrison, Canadian railway executive Ian Sinclair, movie mogul Harry Cohn, and others. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match for the heart attack quip found by QI appeared in 1951. An anonymous executive with the generic name “Brown” delivered the line. The tale appeared in “The Agricultural Education Magazine”. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

And then I told him the old story of the executive in a manufacturing concern who was giving one of his foremen a dressing down over the telephone for not turning out greater production from his department. A visitor was at the desk of the manufacturer and listened to the driving conversation.

When the receiver was hung up, the visitor remarked, “Mr. Brown, if you do that very often you are going to get a heart attack.” The irate manufacturer’s reply was, “I don’t get heart attacks, I give them.”

This quip is part of a family. Here are three examples:

(1) I don’t get ulcers. I give them.
(2) I don’t get heart attacks, I give them.
(3) I don’t have nightmares. I give them.

The earliest match in this family found by QI referred to ulcers. An unnamed egotistical Hollywood producer delivered the line according to gossip columnist Jimmie Fidler in March 1947:²

Seems one of his employes, after listening to the big shot administer a fifteen-minute tongue-lashing to an assistant, ventured one solicitous remark. “You shouldn’t let yourself become so excited,” he warned. “You’re liable to get stomach ulcers.” “I don’t get ulcers,” roared the mighty one, “I give them!”

A separate article about the ulcer quip is available here.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.