There Are Two Classes of People in the World; Those Who Divide People into Two Classes and Those Who Do Not

Neil deGrasse Tyson? Robert Benchley? Kenneth Boulding? Ross F. Papprill? Groucho Marx? Jeremy Bentham? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I enjoy humor based on clever self-referential statements, and a great example is the following:

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who divide everybody into two kinds of people, and those who don’t.

The version of the joke given above appeared in a tweet by the astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.[1]Tweet by Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson, Tweet date: December 13, 2013, Tweet time: 11:25 AM, Retweets: 3,845, Favorites: 2,847, Tweet text: There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who … Continue reading Do you know who originated this quip?

Quote Investigator: The earliest instance of this joke located by QI was published in “Vanity Fair” magazine in February 1920. The humorist and actor Robert Benchley wrote “an extremely literary review” of an unlikely book, a massive tome with densely printed type: The New York City Telephone Directory. Benchley was unhappy with the “plot” and said, “It lacks coherence. It lacks stability.” His article included the following memorable remark. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[2]1920 February, Vanity Fair, “The Most Popular Book of the Month: An Extremely Literary Review of the Latest Edition of the New York City Telephone Directory” by Vanity Fair’s Book … Continue reading

There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes, and those who do not. Both classes are extremely unpleasant to meet socially, leaving practically no one in the world whom one cares very much to know.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “There Are Two Classes of People in the World; Those Who Divide People into Two Classes and Those Who Do Not”

References

References
↑1 Tweet by Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson, Tweet date: December 13, 2013, Tweet time: 11:25 AM, Retweets: 3,845, Favorites: 2,847, Tweet text: There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who divide everybody into two kinds of people, and those who don’t. (Accessed twitter.com on February 7, 2014) link
↑2 1920 February, Vanity Fair, “The Most Popular Book of the Month: An Extremely Literary Review of the Latest Edition of the New York City Telephone Directory” by Vanity Fair’s Book Reviewer (Robert Benchley), Start Page 69, Quote Page 69, Conde Nast, New York. (HathiTrust) link link

Most Conversations Are Simply Monologues Delivered in the Presence of a Witness

Mark Twain? Margaret Millar? Elizabeth P. O’Connor? Rebecca West? Leo Buscaglia? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The following entertaining remark is often attributed to Mark Twain:

Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses.

I have also seen these words ascribed to the award-winning mystery writer Margaret Millar. Could you determine who should be credited?

Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence that Mark Twain wrote or spoke the statement above. The phrase should be credited to Margaret Millar although the original wording was slightly different because it used the singular word “witness”. In the 1942 novel “The Weak-Eyed Bat” Millar wrote the following exchange. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[1]1942, The Weak-Eyed Bat by Margaret Millar, Quote Page 117, Published for the Crime Club by Doubleday, Doran & Co., Garden City, New York. (Verified with scans; thanks to the library system of … Continue reading

“As a matter of fact, have you never noticed that most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness?”

“No,” Jakes said.

“Well, listen next time you hear a couple of women talking. They’ll each have a list of likes and dislikes that they intend to reel off. Now wouldn’t it be much simpler for Mrs. Smith to sit in front of a mirror and read her list without competition…”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Most Conversations Are Simply Monologues Delivered in the Presence of a Witness”

References

References
↑1 1942, The Weak-Eyed Bat by Margaret Millar, Quote Page 117, Published for the Crime Club by Doubleday, Doran & Co., Garden City, New York. (Verified with scans; thanks to the library system of University of North Carolina, Greensboro)

Dance Like Nobody’s Watching

Mark Twain? Satchel Paige? William Purkey? Susanna Clark? Richard Leigh? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The following words are attributed to a variety of people including Mark Twain, Satchel Paige, and William Purkey:

Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Dance like nobody’s watching,
and live like it’s heaven on earth.

The ordering of the lines varies, and sometimes other statements are inserted. Could you explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: In 1987 the songwriters Susanna Clark and Richard Leigh composed “Come from the Heart” which included the following lyrics:

You’ve got to sing like you don’t need the money
Love like you’ll never get hurt
You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watchin’
It’s gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.

QI believes that the other sets of expressions containing the statement “dance like nobody’s watching” were derived from these lyrics. There is no substantive support for ascriptions to Mark Twain or Satchel Paige. Additional information about the attribution to William Purkey is given further below. The important reference work “The Yale Book of Quotations” has an entry ascribing the lyrics to Clark and Leigh.[1] 2006, The Yale Book of Quotations by Fred R. Shapiro, Section Susanna Clark, Quote Page 156, Yale University Press, New Haven. (Verified on paper)

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Dance Like Nobody’s Watching”

References

References
↑1 2006, The Yale Book of Quotations by Fred R. Shapiro, Section Susanna Clark, Quote Page 156, Yale University Press, New Haven. (Verified on paper)

Fanatic: One Who Can’t Change His Mind and Won’t Change the Subject

Winston Churchill? Evan Esar? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The following humorous definition is often attributed to the statesman Winston Churchill:

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.

Could you explore the accuracy of this ascription?

Quote Investigator: There is some evidence that Winston Churchill employed this phrase circa 1952 because it is listed in an important compilation of quotations created by Churchill’s friend Kay Halle who was a journalist. Details for this citation are given further below.

Yet, the first evidence of this saying located by QI was printed nearly a decade earlier in the 1943 volume “Esar’s Comic Dictionary” by Evan Esar. Entries in this collection were formatted as definitions; for example, here were two humorous explications listed for the word “fanatic”:[1] 1943, Esar’s Comic Dictionary by Evan Esar, Quote Page 101, Harvest House, New York. (Verified on paper)

fanatic.
A person who redoubles his efforts after having forgotten his aims.
One who can’t change his opinion and won’t change the subject.

No attribution was provided by Esar, and the wording was slightly different in this instance: “opinion” was used instead of “mind”.

In 1945 the quip appeared in a column titled “Dizzy Daffynitions” by Paul H. Gilbert published in the “Oakland Tribune” of Oakland, California:[2] 1945 May 23, Oakland Tribune, Dizzy Daffynitions by Paul H. Gilbert, Quote Page 8, Column 5, Oakland, California. (NewspaperArchive)

FANATIC: One who can’t change his opinion and won’t change the subject.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Fanatic: One Who Can’t Change His Mind and Won’t Change the Subject”

References

References
↑1 1943, Esar’s Comic Dictionary by Evan Esar, Quote Page 101, Harvest House, New York. (Verified on paper)
↑2 1945 May 23, Oakland Tribune, Dizzy Daffynitions by Paul H. Gilbert, Quote Page 8, Column 5, Oakland, California. (NewspaperArchive)

The Covers of This Book Are Too Far Apart

Ambrose Bierce? Alan Le May? Jack Benny? Mark Twain? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The increasing popularity of ebooks is threatening to make one of my favorite quotations obsolete. The wonderful humorist Ambrose Bierce was asked to evaluate a lengthy soporific tome and according to legend he handed in a devastating and hilarious one-line review:

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Did Bierce really write this, and what was the name of the book being evaluated?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI of a version of this quip was printed in 1899. The first citation connecting the joke to Ambrose Bierce was published more than two decades later in 1923. Details for this cite are presented further below. Bierce disappeared in 1913 and his final fate is still mysterious. The linkage of the saying to Bierce is weak because the 1923 claim appeared so late.

In September 1899 the “Logansport Pharos” of Indiana printed a short humor item in which two stock figures named “Author” and “Friend” exchanged remarks. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[1] 1899 September 28, Logansport Pharos (Logansport Pharos Tribune), An Honest Criticism, Quote Page 6, Column 5, Logansport, Indiana. (NewspaperArchive)

An Honest Criticism.

Author—Now I want your honest opinion. Tell me what faults you see in my book.
Friend—Well, for one thing, I think the covers are too far apart.—New York Journal.

The paper listed an acknowledgement to a New York periodical, but it did not provide an attribution. The same comical dialog was published in other newspapers in 1899 such as the “North Adams Transcript” of Massachusetts,[2] 1899 September 29, North Adams Transcript, An Honest Criticism, Quote Page 6, Column 5, North Adams, Massachusetts. (NewspaperArchive) the “Ann Arbor Daily Argus” of Michigan,[3] 1899 October 11, Ann Arbor Daily Argus, An Honest Criticism, Quote Page 8, Column 5, Ann Arbor, Michigan. (GenealogyBank) the “Biloxi Daily Herald” of Mississippi,[4] 1899 November 14, Biloxi Daily Herald (Daily Herald), An Honest Criticism, Quote Page 6, Column 5, Biloxi, Mississippi. (GenealogyBank) and the “Duluth Evening Herald” of Minnesota which acknowledged the “San Francisco Examiner” of California.[5] 1899 November 9, Duluth Evening Herald, Autumn Zephyrs, Quote Page 4, Column 3, Duluth, Minnesota. (Old Fulton)

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “The Covers of This Book Are Too Far Apart”

References

References
↑1 1899 September 28, Logansport Pharos (Logansport Pharos Tribune), An Honest Criticism, Quote Page 6, Column 5, Logansport, Indiana. (NewspaperArchive)
↑2 1899 September 29, North Adams Transcript, An Honest Criticism, Quote Page 6, Column 5, North Adams, Massachusetts. (NewspaperArchive)
↑3 1899 October 11, Ann Arbor Daily Argus, An Honest Criticism, Quote Page 8, Column 5, Ann Arbor, Michigan. (GenealogyBank)
↑4 1899 November 14, Biloxi Daily Herald (Daily Herald), An Honest Criticism, Quote Page 6, Column 5, Biloxi, Mississippi. (GenealogyBank)
↑5 1899 November 9, Duluth Evening Herald, Autumn Zephyrs, Quote Page 4, Column 3, Duluth, Minnesota. (Old Fulton)

The Only “Ism” in which Hollywood Believes Is Plagiarism

Dorothy Parker? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: From Fascism, Marxism, and Anarchism to Consumerism, Materialism, and Postmodernism the world has been infatuated by and convulsed by “isms”. The famous wit Dorothy Parker reportedly spoke the following line while she was writing screenplays in Hollywood:

The only “ism” Hollywood really believes in is plagiarism.

Did she really say this?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in the 1941 book “Hollywood: The Movie Colony, The Movie Makers” by Leo C. Rosten. The political stances of individuals in Hollywood have often attracted controversy. Yet, in the past the community was also criticized for being too apolitical or apathetic. Rosten wrote the following of Hollywood in the 1920s and early 1930s. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[1]1941 copyright, Hollywood: The Movie Colony, The Movie Makers by Leo C. Rosten, Quote Page 133, Harcourt, Brace and Company, New York. (Facsimile produced on demand in 1973 by University Microfilms, … Continue reading

The harsher view found Hollywood politically indifferent, innocent, and ignorant, populated by rich children who lolled in an Arcadia of swimming pools and bonbons. The only “ism” in which Hollywood believed, Dorothy Parker remarked, was plagiarism.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “The Only “Ism” in which Hollywood Believes Is Plagiarism”

References

References
↑1 1941 copyright, Hollywood: The Movie Colony, The Movie Makers by Leo C. Rosten, Quote Page 133, Harcourt, Brace and Company, New York. (Facsimile produced on demand in 1973 by University Microfilms, Ann Arbor, Michigan)(Verified on paper in facsimile)

You Shall Either Die Upon the Gallows or of the Pox

Samuel Foote? 4th Earl of Sandwich? James Quin? John Wilkes? William Gladstone? Benjamin Disraeli?

Dear Quote Investigator: The sharpest and funniest retort I know of was said in response to a harsh insult:

You, sir, will certainly either die upon the gallows or of a social disease.

That depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.

Can you tell me who spoke these lines?

Quote Investigator: Many versions of this dialog have been presented in books and periodicals over a span of more than two hundred years. In addition, the participants in this verbal thrust and parry have varied in different renditions. Here are five pairs of antagonists that have been proposed:

(1) 4th Earl of Sandwich and Samuel Foote.
(2) A Nobleman and James Quin.
(3) 4th Earl of Sandwich and John Wilkes.
(4) William Ewart Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli.
(5) 4th Earl of Sandwich and Charles James Fox.

The earliest evidence located by QI was published in a London periodical called “The European Magazine” in 1784. A bracing encounter between Lord Sandwich and Samuel Foote was described. Boldface has been added to excerpts below:[1]1784 January, The European Magazine: and London Review, Bon Mot of the late Sam. Foote, Quote Page 16, Column 2, Philological Society of London, Printed for John Fielding, London. (Google Books Full … Continue reading

Bon Mot of the late Sam. Foote—Sam. was invited to a convivial meeting at the house of the late Sir Francis Blake Delaval. Lord Sandwich was one of the guests upon the same occasion. When the Comedian entered, the Peer exclaimed, “what are you alive still?” “Yes, my Lord,” replied Foote. “Pray Sam,” retorted his Lordship, “which do you think will happen to you first, the experience of a certain disease, or an intimate acquaintance with the gallows?” “Why,” rejoined the Comedian, “that depends upon circumstances, and they are these, whether I prefer embracing your Lordship’s mistress, or, your principles.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “You Shall Either Die Upon the Gallows or of the Pox”

References

References
↑1 1784 January, The European Magazine: and London Review, Bon Mot of the late Sam. Foote, Quote Page 16, Column 2, Philological Society of London, Printed for John Fielding, London. (Google Books Full View) link

I Wish I Was As Sure of Any One Thing As He is of Everything

Lord Melbourne? William Windham? Benjamin Disraeli? Sydney Smith? William Lamb? Thomas B. Macaulay?

Dear Quote Investigator: Each of us has encountered an individual who with highhanded convictions presents an answer to every question. There is a famous witticism aimed at a person of this type:

I only wish that I was as cocksure of any one thing as he is sure of everything.

Do you know who crafted this expression?

Quote Investigator: There are many different versions of this statement which evolved over time. The earliest evidence indicates that William Lamb who was the Second Viscount Melbourne constructed this quip, and he aimed the barb at the prominent historian and politician Thomas Babington Macaulay. The first strong match located by QI was printed in 1851. Boldface has been added:

“I wish,” said he, “that I knew any thing as well as Tom Macaulay knows every thing.”

Details for this cite are given further below.

Here are selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “I Wish I Was As Sure of Any One Thing As He is of Everything”

Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Already Taken

Oscar Wilde? Thomas Merton? Gilbert Perreira? Menards? America Ferrera? Apocryphal? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I have spent hours trying to determine whether Oscar Wilde wrote the following as commonly claimed:

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.

I have not found a single good citation. What do you think?

Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence that Oscar Wilde made this remark. It is not listed in “The Wit & Wisdom of Oscar Wilde”, an extensive collection compiled by quotation expert Ralph Keyes.[1] 1996, The Wit & Wisdom of Oscar Wilde, Edited by Ralph Keyes, HarperCollins Publishers, New York. (Verified on paper)

The earliest compelling thematic match known to QI appeared in the literary journal “The Hudson Review” in 1967. The influential spiritual thinker and mystic Thomas Merton published an essay titled “Day of a Stranger” which referred to “being yourself”:[2] 1967 Summer, The Hudson Review, Volume 20, Number 2, Day of a Stranger by Thomas Merton, Start Page 211, Quote Page 211, Hudson Review, Inc., New York. (JSTOR) link [3]1991, Thomas Merton, Spiritual Master: The Essential Writings by Thomas Merton, Edited by Lawrence Cunningham, Day of a Stranger, Start Page 214, Quote Page 215, Paulist Press, New York. (Google … Continue reading

In an age where there is much talk about “being yourself” I reserve to myself the right to forget about being myself, since in any case there is very little chance of my being anybody else. Rather it seems to me that when one is too intent on “being himself” he runs the risk of impersonating a shadow.

Merton humorously stated that there was “very little chance of my being anybody else”, whereas the quotation under examination offered a different comical rationale: “everyone else is already taken”, but the crux was similar. Interestingly, Merton cautioned against self-consciously trying to be oneself.

The “Day of a Stranger” essay was reprinted multiple times in anthologies, journals, and collections. It may have facilitated the later construction of the quotation. Many thanks to adept researcher Bodhipaksa who told QI about this citation.

The first strong match located by QI was disseminated via the Usenet discussion system in December 1999. The words were appended to the end of a message posted to a newsgroup used primarily by residents of the Netherlands. The statement was enclosed in quotation marks signaling that it was already in circulation; also, no attribution was specified:[4]1999 December 27, Usenet discussion message, Newsgroups: nl.markt.comp, dds.markt, nl.markt.overig, From: Erick T. Barkhuis @email.com, Subject: Re: comleet systeem, (Google Groups Search; Accessed … Continue reading

“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

Oscar Wilde did write several remarks about identity and appearance that were thematically related to this quotation, but the perspective was different.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Already Taken”

References

References
↑1 1996, The Wit & Wisdom of Oscar Wilde, Edited by Ralph Keyes, HarperCollins Publishers, New York. (Verified on paper)
↑2 1967 Summer, The Hudson Review, Volume 20, Number 2, Day of a Stranger by Thomas Merton, Start Page 211, Quote Page 211, Hudson Review, Inc., New York. (JSTOR) link
↑3 1991, Thomas Merton, Spiritual Master: The Essential Writings by Thomas Merton, Edited by Lawrence Cunningham, Day of a Stranger, Start Page 214, Quote Page 215, Paulist Press, New York. (Google Books Preview)
↑4 1999 December 27, Usenet discussion message, Newsgroups: nl.markt.comp, dds.markt, nl.markt.overig, From: Erick T. Barkhuis @email.com, Subject: Re: comleet systeem, (Google Groups Search; Accessed January 31, 2016) link

What Did Groucho Marx Do When Someone Switched On a Television?

Groucho Marx? Apocryphal?

grouchobook01Dear Quote Investigator: Groucho Marx became famous on Broadway before moving on to starring roles in Hollywood. His comical skills and adaptability also allowed him to master radio and television. Yet, reportedly one of his sharpest remarks playfully disparaged TV:

I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on, I go into the other room and read a book.

I have been unable to confirm this quotation with a solid source. Would you please tell me if these were the words of Groucho?

Quote Investigator: Two distinct versions of this remark appeared in 1950. One version was included in a short essay written by Groucho Marx for the periodical “Tele-Views” which was similar to “TV Guide”. The main purpose of the article was to convince readers to tune in to a new television program to be hosted by Groucho commencing October 1950. The program was a televised adaption of the comedian’s already popular radio quiz show “You Bet Your Life”. The piece “King Leer” was reprinted in the collection “The Essential Groucho: Writings by, for, and about Groucho Marx”:[1]2000, The Essential Groucho: Writings by, for, and about Groucho Marx, Selected and edited by Stefan Kanfer, (“King Leer” by Groucho Marx; reprinted from “Tele-Views”; the … Continue reading

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go into the library and read a good book.

That’s a pretty cynical attitude for “the leer”—that’s me, Groucho—and now that I’m a part of television, or “TV” as we say out here on the Coast, I don’t mean a word of it.

The text ended with the following suggestion:

All I can say is this: Walk, don’t run, to your nearest television set in October, tune to KNBH, and join us for our first TV session of You Bet Your Life. I think you’ll like it.

QI has not yet identified the precise issue of “Tele-Views” that contained the essay though the final sentence above clearly indicated that it ran sometime shortly before October 1950. In addition, the book “Groucho Marx and Other Short Stories and Tall Tales” asserted that the piece ran in September:[2]1993, Groucho Marx and Other Short Stories and Tall Tales: Selected Writings of Groucho Marx, Edited by Robert S. Bader, Section: Introduction, (Introduction by Robert S. Bader is dated April 1993), … Continue reading

A September 1950 piece called “King Leer” appeared in television listings around the country to promote the impending debut of the television version of “You Bet Your Life.”

The second version of the quotation was published in the August 1950 issue of the mass-circulation “Reader’s Digest” as a freestanding short item:[3] 1950 August, Reader’s Digest, Volume 57, (Freestanding quotation), Quote Page 80, The Reader’s Digest Association.(Verified on paper)

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set I go into the other room and read a book. —Groucho Marx

It is possible that the editors of “Reader’s Digest” had access to a draft of Groucho’s essay in advance, or they may have been sent the quote by a publicist.

Interestingly, the common modern wording of the quotation combined elements of the two early versions above from 1950. Version one used “educational”, and version two used “educating”. Version one referred to “the library”, and version two referred to “the other room”. The modern instance used “educational” and “the other room”.

QI believes that the first version which was written by Groucho has the most support and should be given preference.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “What Did Groucho Marx Do When Someone Switched On a Television?”

References

References
↑1 2000, The Essential Groucho: Writings by, for, and about Groucho Marx, Selected and edited by Stefan Kanfer, (“King Leer” by Groucho Marx; reprinted from “Tele-Views”; the precise date of appearance is not given), Start Page 207, Quote Page 207, A Vintage Original: Vintage Books, New York. (Verified on paper)
↑2 1993, Groucho Marx and Other Short Stories and Tall Tales: Selected Writings of Groucho Marx, Edited by Robert S. Bader, Section: Introduction, (Introduction by Robert S. Bader is dated April 1993), Quote Page xxix, Faber and Faber, New York. (Verified with images of 1999 paperback reprint edition of 1993 first edition) (Amazon Look Inside)
↑3 1950 August, Reader’s Digest, Volume 57, (Freestanding quotation), Quote Page 80, The Reader’s Digest Association.(Verified on paper)