Quote Investigator® – Page 20

Quote Origin: A Diplomat Is a Person Who Always Remembers a Woman’s Birthday But Never Remembers Her Age

Robert Frost? Lillian Russell? Fliegende Blätter? Evan Esar? Anonymous?

**Illustration of a birthday cake from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: An old-fashioned quip about vanity and aging states that a diplomat always remembers a person’s birthday but never remembers a person’s age. This joke has been attributed to the famous U.S. poet Robert Frost, but I have been unable to find a solid citation. The subject of the jest is usually a woman. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match for the core of this joke located by QI appeared as a filler item in a Rochester, New York newspaper in May 1896. The remark was ascribed to a German humor magazine called “Fliegende Blätter” (“Flying Pages”). A diplomat was not mentioned in this version. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Husband — Strange, but my wife always wants me to remember her birthday, but to forget her age.—Fliegende Blatter.

Another instance of the joke appeared as a filler item in a Monmouth, Illinois newspaper in June 1896:²

Many a woman wants her husband to remember her birthday but to forget her age.

Yet, another instance appeared in a Mount Carmel, Pennsylvania newspaper in July 1896:³

It is safe to remember a woman’s birthday, provided you forget her age.

In 1912 a newspaper in Knoxville, Tennessee ⁴ and papers in several other locations ⁵ printed an anecdote in which the prominent actress Lillian Russell received credit for a version of the joke using the word “diplomat”:

Miss Lillian Russell, more beautiful than ever, was serving tea at the Professional Woman’s League bazaar at the Waldorf-Astoria. A member of the Spanish legation passed with two charming girls, and Miss Russell said.

“No wonder that young man is so popular with the ladies. He is a ladies’ diplomat.”

“How a ladies’ diplomat?” a composer asked. “Well,” explained Miss Russell, “he is the sort of chap who always remembers a woman’s birthday and forgets her age.”

Many years later in 1939 after the quip was already in circulation it was attributed to Robert Frost. Thus, the linkage to Frost was very weak.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Writing and Rewriting Are a Constant Search for What It Is One Is Saying

John Updike? William W. West? Donald M. Murray? Catherine Ann Jones? Apocryphal?

**Public domain illustration of a hand writing**

Question for Quote Investigator: An accomplished writer must constantly grapple with the difficulties of expressing events and ideas cogently with polish and precision. A famous prose stylist once illuminated the purpose of rewriting. Here are three versions:

(1) Writing and rewriting are a constant search for what one is saying.

(2) Writing and rewriting are a constant search for what it is one is saying.

(3) Writing and rewriting are a constant search for what you are trying to say.

Would you please help me to find the correct phrasing together with a precise citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1966 Professor of Education William W. West edited and published “On Writing, By Writers” which included a section about prominent author John Updike. The section presented commentary about several drafts of Updike’s short story “A Sense of Shelter”. The incremental changes revealed that several paragraphs were composed and subsequently excised from the final draft of the tale. Details about the setting and secondary characters were ultimately deemed superfluous. Updike commented about the process of revision. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Reading this transcript of my drafts of this story, I was struck by the several omitted paragraphs. I had forgotten them and, if my instinct was correct, they never did belong to the story …

Not all revisions are excisions. In a story about similar material, written a few months before this one, “Flight,’ I added hundreds of words of the kind of family-background material that was cut here. The earlier story was about such material; this story, somehow, was not. Writing and rewriting are a constant search for what it is one is saying. —J. U.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: You Could Compile the Worst Book in the World Entirely Out of Selecting Passages from the Best Writers in the World

G. K. Chesterton? Charles Poore? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Even the best writers occasionally pen passages of execrable prose. Apparently, a prominent author once made the following observation:

You could compile the worst book in the world entirely out of selected passages from the best writers in the world.

Would you please help me to determine the creator of this insightful remark?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1907 English writer and critic Gilbert K. Chesterton published a column discussing French adventure novelist Alexandre Dumas père in “The Daily News” of London. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Shakespeare and Dickens resemble Dumas, not only in the fact that their bad parts are very bad, but in the fact that their bad parts are very long. When they began talking nonsense they went at it steadily, and there was no doubt about it. You could compile, I should think, the worst book in the world entirely out of selecting passages from the best writers in the world.

Thus, Chesterton’s original statement included the verbose phrase “I should think”.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Ideals Which Have Always Shone Before Me and Filled Me With the Joy of Living Are Goodness, Beauty, and Truth

Albert Einstein? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Albert Einstein once spoke about his ideals which apparently included goodness, beauty, and truth. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1930 the journal “Forum and Century” published a philosophical article by Albert Einstein titled “What I Believe”. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹¹

To ponder interminably over the reason for one’s own existence or the meaning of life in general seems to me, from an objective point of view, to be sheer folly. And yet everyone holds certain ideals by which he guides his aspiration and his judgment.

The ideals which have always shone before me and filled me with the joy of living are goodness, beauty, and truth. To make a goal of comfort or happiness has never appealed to me; a system of ethics built on this basis would be sufficient only for a herd of cattle.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Dialogue Origin: “I Could Have Done That” “Ahhh, But You Didn’t!”

Damien Hirst? Christo Javacheff? Jeanne-Claude Denat de Guillebon? William Quinn? Elizabeth Marr Goldman? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Harsh critics of readymade art, installation art, and other forms of modern art assert that the works are trivial. Skeptics also claim that only a miniscule amount of serious effort is required to conceive this type of art. However, artists and sympathetic commentators counter this viewpoint by arguing that substantial original and creative thought is needed to envision a novel artwork. This disagreement is aptly represented via the following concise dialogue:

“I could do that.” “Yeah, but you didn’t.”

Did a famous artist ever deliver this rejoinder? The remark has been attributed to English artist Damien Hirst and Bulgarian artist Christo Javacheff? Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1975 journalist Pete Golismet met with the controversial artist Christo Javacheff who was collaborating with his wife Jeanne-Claude Denat de Guillebon on a spectacular large-scale installation artwork called “Running Fence” in California. Golismet and Christo discussed a previous artwork constructed and sold by Christo. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

A friend of mine likes to interrupt constructive dialogue by asking brightly, “But what does it all mean?” That’s sort of the way I feel about Christo Javacheff’s cross country curtain.

What does it all mean?

Christo once showed me a photo of an old motorcycle he wrapped in rope and plastic sheets, and sold for several thousand dollars.

“But I could have done that,” I said, “Ahhh,” he smiled, “but you didn’t!”

QI believes that Christo Javacheff deserves credit for this response. He was conversing with journalist Pete Golismet. Other artists such as Damien Hirst have made similar responses as shown in the remainder of this article.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Those Big-Shot Writers Could Never Dig the Fact That There Are More Salted Peanuts Consumed Than Caviar

Mickey Spillane? Hy Gardner? Frank Smikel? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Popular writers endure a litany of complaints directed at their prose, e.g., mediocre, clumsy, crude, uninteresting, and undemanding. A bestselling writer once employed a clever analogy to explain this antagonism.

The writer contended that literary darlings were trying to market caviar, whereas popular writers were peddling salted peanuts. Jealousy occurred because the latter always pleased the crowd more than the former. Would you help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1961 syndicated columnist Hy Gardner of the “New York Herald Tribune” interviewed top-selling U.S. crime novelist Mickey Spillane who was best known for creating the hard-boiled detective character Mike Hammer. Gardner asked Spillane about the prominent author Ernest Hemingway who had died recently:¹

We wondered if Spillane and Hemingway had ever met face-to-face. “No, I never met Hemingway. And from the nasty cracks he was quoted as making about me I doubt if either of us missed anything.”

Spillane commented on the barbs aimed at him by fellow authors. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:

“Funny thing. Those big-shot writers—pardon me, authors—never could understand why the Mike Hammer books outsold their works. They could never dig the fact that there are more salted peanuts consumed than caviar.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Past Is History. The Future Is a Mystery. Today Is a Gift. That’s Why It’s Called the Present

Eleanor Roosevelt? Barbara De Angelis? Joan Rivers? Bill Keane? Emily Dickinson? Liz Curtis Higgs? Babatunde Olatunji? Susan Barkdoll? Nicholas L. Santowassa? Abigail Van Buren? Anonymous?

**An hourglass together with footprints on the beach from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: A rhyming series of statements highlight the uncertainty of the future and the desirability of appreciating the present. Here are two versions:

(1) The past is history. The future is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.

(2) Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

This saying has been attributed to social activist Eleanor Roosevelt, relationship counselor Barbara De Angelis, comedian Joan Rivers, cartoonist Bill Keane, and others. I have been unable to find solid citations. Would you please help?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest strong match located by QI appeared in a speech delivered at a graduation ceremony in June 1993 at Rutgers Preparatory School in New Jersey. The speaker was a member of the Board of Trustees, but he credited an unnamed journalist. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Quoting a former journalist, he said, “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift, and that is why it’s called the present.”

QI has found no substantive evidence supporting the ascription to Eleanor Roosevelt who died in 1962. The earliest attribution to Roosevelt located by QI appeared in 1999.

QI believes that this statement evolved over time. The segment containing the rhyming words “history” and “mystery” evolved separately from the segment with wordplay based on “gift” and “present”. The two segments were subsequently combined. The creator remains anonymous.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I Told the Doctor I Was Overtired, . . . Constantly Depressed With Recurring Fits of Paranoia. Turns Out I’m Normal

Jules Feiffer? Leonard Roy Frank? Apocryphal?

**Two surveillance cameras from Unsplash**

Question for Quote Investigator: Many years ago I encountered a comic strip presenting a humorous commentary about the modern condition. In a series of panels a person complained to a doctor about feeling overtired, anxious, depressed, and paranoid. The doctor simply replied that the person was perfectly normal. I do not recall the exact phrasing. I think the creator was cartoonist Jules Feiffer. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In January 1969 “The Village Voice” newsweekly of New York printed a six-panel comic strip by Jules Feiffer. Each panel contained one of the phrases below accompanied with the drawing of a face displaying an evolving sequence of unhappy expressions. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

I TOLD THE DOCTOR I WAS OVERTIRED—
ANXIETY RIDDEN—
COMPULSIVELY ACTIVE—
CONSTANTLY DEPRESSED—
WITH RECURRING FITS OF PARANOIA..
TURNS OUT I’M NORMAL.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Greatest Mistake You Can Make In Life Is To Be Continually Fearing You Will Make One

Elbert Hubbard? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Anxiety about making a mistake can cause inaction and paralysis. Moving forward inevitably leads to some errors and imperfections. Yet it is necessary to make choices, take action, and fix the accompanying mistakes. Here is a pertinent adage:

The greatest mistake is continually fearing you will make one.

This statement has been attributed to U.S. writer, publisher, and philosopher Elbert Hubbard. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Elbert Hubbard was the chief writer of the periodical “The Philistine”. The November 1901 issue contained a collection of miscellaneous quotations which included the following three items from Hubbard. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Not only does beauty fade, but it leaves a record upon the countenance as to what became of it.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

The more one knows the more one simplifies.

QI believes that Elbert Hubbard deserves credit for the quotation under examination. Hubbard sometimes used quotations from others without listing an ascription, but QI has found no other substantive candidate for authorship of this quotation.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Essence of True Horror — the Clown, at Midnight

**Partially illuminated tree shown late at night from Unsplash**

Robert Bloch? Lon Chaney? Stephen King? Ray Bradbury? Carlos Clarens? Eleanor Ringel? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: A clown is usually a figure of humor or pathos, but a clown can also be frightening. If one appeared on your doorstep late at night it would be deeply unsettling. The following saying has been attributed to horror writer Robert Bloch, horror actor Lon Chaney, and horror author Stephen King. Here are five versions:

(1) The essence of true horror — the clown, at midnight.
(2) There is nothing laughable about a clown in the moonlight.
(3) There’s nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight.
(4) No one loves a clown at midnight.
(5) A clown isn’t funny in the moonlight.

I have not seen any solid citations for this saying. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Robert Bloch was best known as the author of the 1959 book “Psycho” which was made into a chilling 1960 film by Alfred Hitchcock. In May 1962 the magazine “Famous Monsters of Filmland” published “The Clown At Midnight” by Robert Bloch. This was the second part of a two part article. Bloch wrote about his desire to visit the cinema “for shocks & shudders and the wholesome release of fears as old as all mankind”. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Where our search will lead, I don’t know. It may be that we’ll discover the ultimate cinematic horror in a clown. Years ago, Lon Chaney said:

“A clown is funny in the circus ring, but what would be the normal reaction to opening a door at midnight and finding the same clown standing there in the moonlight?”

That, to me, is the essence of true horror — the clown, at midnight.

A note at the beginning of this 1962 article stated that the essay was reprinted from a 1960 issue of “Rogue”. QI has not directly examined this earlier article. The cover of the March 1960 issue of “Rogue” does list an article titled “The Clown at Midnight”.

QI has not yet found additional evidence supporting the attribution of the quotation to Lon Chaney. Chaney died in 1930. The final sentence with the word “essence” is a quotation directly from Bloch and not Chaney.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.