A Person With One Watch Knows What Time It Is. A Person With Two Watches Is Never Sure

Mark Twain? Albert Einstein? Lee Segall? Lee Segal? J. Millar Watt? John Peer? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: According to a clever quip it is better to have one watch instead of two. The quip has been attributed to humorist Mark Twain, physicist Albert Einstein, broadcaster Lee Segall, and others. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: The earliest match known to QI appeared in “The San Diego Union” of California in September 1930 as a filler item. The creator of the quip was unnamed. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[1] 1930 September 20, The San Diego Union, (Filler item), Quote Page 4, Column 1, San Diego, California. (GenealogyBank)

Confusion—Retail jewelers assert that every man should carry two watches. But a man with one watch knows what time it is, and a man with two watches could never be sure.

The ascription remains anonymous. QI has found no substantive evidence supporting the attributions to Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, and John Peer. Lee Segall probably did employ the joke by 1961, but this occurred only after the joke had been circulating for three decades.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “A Person With One Watch Knows What Time It Is. A Person With Two Watches Is Never Sure”

References

References
↑1 1930 September 20, The San Diego Union, (Filler item), Quote Page 4, Column 1, San Diego, California. (GenealogyBank)

Marriage: One Partner Can’t Sleep With the Window Shut and the Other Partner Can’t Sleep With the Window Open

George Bernard Shaw? Ogden Nash? Viva Begbie? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I once heard the following humorous definition:

Marriage — An alliance between two people: One can’t sleep with the window shut; the other can’t sleep with the window open.

This definition has been attributed to the Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw and the U.S. poet Ogden Nash. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: In May 1948 “The Saturday Evening Post” published the poem “I Do, I Will, I Have” by Ogden Nash which considered compatibility between marriage partners. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[1] 1948 May 8, The Saturday Evening Post, “I Do, I Will, I Have” by Ogden Nash, Start Page 82, Quote Page 82, Saturday Evening Post Society, Inc., Indianapolis Indiana. (EBSCO MasterFILE Premier)

I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by
a man who can’t sleep with the window shut and
a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.

The poem also contained the following lines:

Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between flora and fauna, and flotsam and jetsam,

I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgetsam

QI has found no substantive evidence that George Bernard Shaw employed the quip under examination. He died in 1950, and the joke was attributed to him by 1989.

Below are selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Marriage: One Partner Can’t Sleep With the Window Shut and the Other Partner Can’t Sleep With the Window Open”

References

References
↑1 1948 May 8, The Saturday Evening Post, “I Do, I Will, I Have” by Ogden Nash, Start Page 82, Quote Page 82, Saturday Evening Post Society, Inc., Indianapolis Indiana. (EBSCO MasterFILE Premier)

I Always Prefer To Believe the Best of Everybody. It Saves So Much Trouble

Rudyard Kipling? Mrs. Mallowe? Mrs. Hauksbee? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The following quotation embodies an irrepressible optimism:

I always prefer to believe the best of everybody. It saves so much trouble.

The famous author Rudyard Kipling has received credit for this remark, but I haven’t been able to find a citation. Are these really his words? Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: In 1888 Rudyard Kipling published the collection “Under the Deodars” which included the story “A Second-Rate Woman”. Two characters named Mrs. Mallowe, and Mrs. Hauksbee exchanged comments about their beliefs. Boldface added to excepts by QI:[1] 1890 (1888 Previous Edition), Under the Deodars by Rudyard Kipling, Story: A Second-Rate Woman, Start Page 65, Quote Page 76, United States Book Company, New York. (Google Books Full View) link

“I am prepared to credit any evil of The Dancing Master, because I hate him so. And The Dowd is so disgustingly badly dressed———.”

“That she, too, is capable of every iniquity? I always prefer to believe the best of everybody. It saves so much trouble.”

“Very good. I prefer to believe the worst. It saves useless expenditure of sympathy.”

Thus, Kipling wrote the remark, but it was spoken by a fictional character. Also, another character immediately presented the opposite viewpoint.

Below are selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “I Always Prefer To Believe the Best of Everybody. It Saves So Much Trouble”

References

References
↑1 1890 (1888 Previous Edition), Under the Deodars by Rudyard Kipling, Story: A Second-Rate Woman, Start Page 65, Quote Page 76, United States Book Company, New York. (Google Books Full View) link

God’s Way of Pointing You in a New Direction

Oprah Winfrey? Mike Patrick? Peter A. LaPorta? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Failure is painful, but it also provides an opportunity to learn. An apparent defeat may be transformed into a victory by using hard-won knowledge to discover a different pathway to success. The prominent television producer, entrepreneur, and actress Oprah Winfrey concisely communicated this same idea during a graduation speech. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Quote Investigator: In May 2007 Oprah Winfrey delivered the commencement address at Howard University in Washington D.C., and the C-SPAN video archive contains a recording. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[1]Website: C-SPAN.org Video, Video title: Howard University Commencement Address, Speech delivered by: Oprah Winfrey (Television Personality), Date on website: May 12, 2007, Quotation location: 4 mins … Continue reading

So here are a few things I want you to know that I know for sure. Don’t be afraid. All you have to know is who you are. Because there is no such thing as failure. There is no such thing as failure. What other people label or might try to call failure I have learned is just God’s way of pointing you in a new direction.

Below are selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “God’s Way of Pointing You in a New Direction”

References

References
↑1 Website: C-SPAN.org Video, Video title: Howard University Commencement Address, Speech delivered by: Oprah Winfrey (Television Personality), Date on website: May 12, 2007, Quotation location: 4 mins 57 secs of 19 mins 56 secs, Website description: Cable-Satellite Public Affairs Network (C-SPAN) is a nonprofit public service organization. (Accessed c-span.org on June 27, 2022) link

I Washed It Down With Some Snakebite Remedy Which I Always Keep Handy. Only, However, After First Being Bitten By a Snake Which I Also Keep Handy

W. C. Fields? Clifford Terry? Corey Ford? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The famous comedian W. C. Fields apparently told a hilarious joke about whiskey. Here are three versions:

(1) I always carry a flask of whisky in case of snake bite. I also carry a small snake.

(2) I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake—which I also keep handy.

(3) I always keep a flagon of whiskey handy in case I see a snake — which I also keep handy.

No one seems to know the actual phrasing employed by Fields. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Quote Investigator: During the 1930s W. C. Fields developed a comedy routine called “The Temperance Lecture” which included the snakebite gag, but the contents of the routine and the phrasing of the gag varied.

In 1946 Fields recorded a version of “The Temperance Lecture”. The audio is accessible via YouTube and Spotify. Fields described the dire effects of overindulging in alcohol. One time he awoke to discover a goat in his bed and a manhole cover resting on his head. So he decided to quit, but he misunderstood the cause of his problems. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[1]YouTube video, Title: W.C. Fields Temperance Lecture, Uploaded on October 20, 2011, Uploaded by: records45ful, Description from uploader: “Here is the 1946 classic recording of W.C. Fields, on 4 … Continue reading

Right then and there I swore that I would never again poison my system with maraschino cherries. Two weeks later I slipped and had another, but you must believe me when I say I thought it was a seedless grape.

I washed it down with some snakebite remedy which I always keep handy. Only, however, after first being bitten by a snake which I also keep handy.

Below are selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “I Washed It Down With Some Snakebite Remedy Which I Always Keep Handy. Only, However, After First Being Bitten By a Snake Which I Also Keep Handy”

References

References
↑1 YouTube video, Title: W.C. Fields Temperance Lecture, Uploaded on October 20, 2011, Uploaded by: records45ful, Description from uploader: “Here is the 1946 classic recording of W.C. Fields, on 4 sides. On Variety V 101. (3 record set)”, (Quotation starts at 8 minutes 21 seconds of 10 minutes 55 seconds) (Accessed on youtube.com on June 26, 2022) link

The Only Way of Discovering the Limits of the Possible Is To Venture a Little Way Past Them Into the Impossible

Arthur C. Clarke? Tobias Dantzig? Robert Heinlein? Jerome Agel? Harold Faber? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The science fiction luminary Arthur C. Clarke once said something like: the best way to find the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. I have seen several different versions of this remark. Would you please help me to find the correct phrasing together with a citation?

Quote Investigator: Arthur C. Clarke published at least three different versions of this statement. The earliest match known to QI appeared in his 1962 book “Profiles of the Future” within chapter 2 called “Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination”.

Clarke presented a table with two columns labeled “The Unexpected” and “The Expected”. The first column on the right listed unforeseen discoveries such as X-rays, transistors, superconductors, and relativity. The second column on the left listed notions that have been envisioned for hundreds or thousands of years such as flying machines, robots, immortality, invisibility, and telepathy. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[1]1967 (First publication 1962), Profiles of the Future by Arthur C. Clarke, Chapter 2: Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination, Quote Page 20 and 21, Bantam Books, New York. (Verified with … Continue reading

The right-hand list is deliberately provocative; it includes sheer fantasy as well as serious scientific speculation. But the only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

Previously, the Quote Investigator examined a thematically related adage: “It always seems impossible until it’s done”. The article about this adage is available here.

Below are selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “The Only Way of Discovering the Limits of the Possible Is To Venture a Little Way Past Them Into the Impossible”

References

References
↑1 1967 (First publication 1962), Profiles of the Future by Arthur C. Clarke, Chapter 2: Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination, Quote Page 20 and 21, Bantam Books, New York. (Verified with scans)

There Are Three Kinds of Lies: Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics

Mark Twain? Benjamin Disraeli? St. Swithin? Eliza Gutch? Charles Dilke? Charles Stewart Parnell? Robert Giffen? Arthur James Balfour? Francis Bacon? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Statistical analysis can provide deep insights into an issue. Yet, carelessness or duplicity can generate misleading results. A popular cynical adage communicates this mistrust:

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

These words have been attributed to prominent humorist Mark Twain, British statesman Benjamin Disraeli, and others. Do you know who should receive credit? Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: Mark Twain did include this saying in an installment of his autobiography which he published in 1907; however, he did not claim to be the originator; instead, Twain credited Benjamin Disraeli. Yet, there is no substantive evidence that Disraeli crafted this remark. He died in 1881, and the remark was attributed to him posthumously by 1895.

Tracing this saying is a complex task because the expression evolved over time. Changes were incremental, and there was no single originator who deserved credit. Here is an overview showing key phrases, dates, and attributions.

1882 Apr 04: three classes—liars, great liars, and scientific witnesses (Attributed to “well-known Judge”)

1885 Jun 27: three sorts of liars, the common or garden liar … the damnable liar … and lastly the expert (Attributed to “counsel”)

1885 Nov 26: grouped witnesses into three classes: simple liars, damned liars, and experts (Attributed to “well-known lawyer”)

1886 Apr 10: three kinds of liars who testify in courts: “Lawyers, liars and experts” (Attributed to “distinguished judge”)

1889 Aug 12: There are liars, and d—-d liars and experts (Attributed to “eminent judge”)

1891 Jun 13: three kinds of falsehood: the first is a ‘fib,’ the second is a downright lie, and the third and most aggravated is statistics (Anonymous)

1891 Oct 10: There are three degrees of falsehood: the first is a fib, the second is a lie, and then come statistics (Anonymous)

1891 Oct 14: there were three degrees of untruth—a fib, a lie, and statistics (Charles Dilke)

1891 Oct 19: false statements might be arranged according to their degree under three heads, fibs, lies, and statistics. (Attributed to Charles Dilke)

1891 Oct 28: Mr. Parnell’s dictum respecting fibs, lies, and statistics (Attributed to Charles Stewart Parnell)

1891 Nov 07: classifies falsehood under three heads: 1, the fib; 2, the lie; 3, statistics (Attributed to Mark Twain)

1892: three degrees of unveracity—“Lies, d——d lies, and statistics.” (Attributed to “some wit”)

1892 Jan: There are lies, there are outrageous lies, and there are statistics (Anonymous)

1892 Feb: three degrees in liars: the liar simple, the d — d liar, and the expert witness (Anonymous)

1892 Jun 28: three kinds of unveracity—namely, lies, damned lies, and statistics (Arthur James Balfour)

1895 July 27: three degrees of veracity—viz., lies d—d lies, and statistics (Attributed to Lord Beaconsfield, i.e., Benjamin Disraeli)

1907 Jul 5: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics (Attributed to Benjamin Disraeli by Mark Twain)

QI gives great thanks to previous researchers particularly Stephen Goranson and Peter M. Lee who located many of the citations mentioned above.

Below are selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “There Are Three Kinds of Lies: Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics”

I Had the Syrup But It Wouldn’t Pour

Gertrude Stein? Alice B. Toklas? Glenway Wescott? William Styron? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Whenever I experience difficulty in a creative endeavor like writing or drawing I am reminded of the following expression:

I have the syrup, but it won’t pour.

The prize-winning author William Styron said something similar to this. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Quote Investigator: In 1933 prominent novelist and art collector Gertrude Stein published “The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas”. Stein’s book adopted the viewpoint and voice of her friend and life partner Toklas, but Stein was the ultimate author. The work briefly remarked on two contemporary authors. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[1] 1933, The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas by Gertrude Stein, Chapter 7: After the War 1919-1932, Quote Page 269, Harcourt, Brace and Company, New York. (Verified with scans)

Then there was McAlmon. McAlmon had one quality that appealed to Gertrude Stein, abundance, he could go on writing, but she complained that it was dull.

There was also Glenway Wescott but Glenway Wescott at no time interested Gertrude Stein. He has a certain syrup but it does not pour.

In 1979 William Styron published “Sophie’s Choice”, and a character in the novel referred back to Stein’s words while describing his difficulties:[2] 1979, Sophie’s Choice by William Styron, Chapter 1, Quote Page 3, Jonathan Cape, London. (Verified with scans)

It was not that I no longer wanted to write, I still yearned passionately to produce the novel which had been for so long captive in my brain. It was only that, having written down the first few fine paragraphs, I could not produce any others, or—to approximate Gertrude Stein’s remark about a lesser writer of the Lost Generation—I had the syrup but it wouldn’t pour. To make matters worse, I was out of a job and had very little money and was self-exiled to Flatbush . . .

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “I Had the Syrup But It Wouldn’t Pour”

References

References
↑1 1933, The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas by Gertrude Stein, Chapter 7: After the War 1919-1932, Quote Page 269, Harcourt, Brace and Company, New York. (Verified with scans)
↑2 1979, Sophie’s Choice by William Styron, Chapter 1, Quote Page 3, Jonathan Cape, London. (Verified with scans)

The Sea Is the Sea. The Old Man Is an Old Man

Ernest Hemingway? Bernard Berenson? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Ernest Hemingway’s classic novella “The Old Man and the Sea” has been exhaustively analyzed by critics and commentators. Beleaguered high school students have been coerced into composing essays about the tale. Unsurprisingly, the story has been transformed into a cornucopia for symbol generation.

Yet, Hemingway himself apparently believed that there were no symbols in his fable. He stated that “the old man is an old man”. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Quote Investigator: In September 1952 Ernest Hemingway sent a letter to Renaissance art specialist Bernard Berenson. Hemingway commented on the lack of intentional symbolism in “The Old Man and the Sea”. The letter was reprinted in the collection “Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961”. The collection editor noted that the famous author used an irregular spelling for “symbolism”. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[1]1981, Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961, Edited by Carlos Baker, Letter To: Bernard Berenson, Letter Date: September 13, 1952, Start Page 780, Quote Page 780, Charles Scribners’ Sons, New … Continue reading

Then there is the other secret. There isn’t any symbolysm (mis-spelled). The sea is the sea. The old man is an old man. The boy is a boy and the fish is a fish. The shark are all sharks no better and no worse. All the symbolism that people say is shit. What goes beyond is what you see beyond when you know. A writer should know too much.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “The Sea Is the Sea. The Old Man Is an Old Man”

References

References
↑1 1981, Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961, Edited by Carlos Baker, Letter To: Bernard Berenson, Letter Date: September 13, 1952, Start Page 780, Quote Page 780, Charles Scribners’ Sons, New York. (Verified with scans)

People Will Not Say Anymore That the Greeks Fight Like Heroes But Heroes Fight Like Greeks

Winston Churchill? Demetrius Caclamanos? John Rupert Colville? Queen Frederika of Greece? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: A family of statements highlights the valor of military forces. Here are two examples:

Henceforth we will not say that Greeks fight like heroes, but that heroes fight like Greeks

Finns don’t fight like heroes; heroes fight like Finns

These sayings use a rhetorical technique called antimetabole in which clauses are repeated while keywords are transposed. The first statement above has often been attributed to statesman Winston Churchill, but I am skeptical because I have not seen a solid citation. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared in “The Manchester Guardian” of England in April 1941 within an article by Greek diplomat Demetrius Caclamanos. Boldface added to excepts by QI:[1] 1941 April 18, The Manchester Guardian, The Campaign in Greece by Demetrius Caclamanos (former Greek Minister to Britain), Start Page 4, Quote Page 6, Column 2, Manchester, England. (Newspapers_com)

It was rightly said that “people will not say any more that the Greeks fight like heroes but heroes fight like Greeks.”

Caclamanos’s article discussed the attack on Greece by the forces of Italy and Germany during World War II in 1940 and 1941. Greek forces were initially able to repulse the attacks although the country was ultimately conquered by the Axis powers. The phrasing above signaled that Caclamanos was disclaiming credit for the quotation. Based on current evidence QI believes that the authorship of the saying remains anonymous.

The saying was attributed to Winston Churchill by 1951, but that late date meant the evidence was weak. See the 1951 citation presented further below.

Richard Langworth who is the top expert on Winston Churchill quotations has examined this topic in a posting on his website. Langworth searched a massive digital corpus containing millions of words written by and about Churchill, but he did not find evidence supporting the ascription. Langworth stated “It’s rather good, but I cannot track that quotation”.[2]Website: Richard Langworth, Article title: “Greeks Fight Like Heroes – Heroes Fight Like Greeks”: Not By Churchill, Article author: Richard Langworth, Date on website: November 5, 2021, Website … Continue reading

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “People Will Not Say Anymore That the Greeks Fight Like Heroes But Heroes Fight Like Greeks”

References

References
↑1 1941 April 18, The Manchester Guardian, The Campaign in Greece by Demetrius Caclamanos (former Greek Minister to Britain), Start Page 4, Quote Page 6, Column 2, Manchester, England. (Newspapers_com)
↑2 Website: Richard Langworth, Article title: “Greeks Fight Like Heroes – Heroes Fight Like Greeks”: Not By Churchill, Article author: Richard Langworth, Date on website: November 5, 2021, Website description: Discussion of quotations correctly and incorrectly attributed to Winston Churchill. (Accessed richardlangworth.com on June 14, 2022) link