George Bernard Shaw? Winston Churchill? Groucho Marx? Max Aitken? Mark Twain? W. C. Fields? Bertrand Russell? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a famous story about sex and money that I have heard in myriad variations. A man asks a woman if she would be willing to sleep with him if he pays her an exorbitant …
Category Archives: Mark Twain
I Take My Only Exercise Acting as a Pallbearer to My Friends Who Exercise
Mark Twain? Chauncey Depew? Ring Lardner? William Allen White? Winston Churchill? Big Jim Watson? Joseph Hodges Choate? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: New Year’s resolutions often feature plans for more exercise. Mark Twain was once asked if he engaged in exercise, and he supposedly said: I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the …
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The Coldest Winter I Ever Spent Was a Summer in San Francisco
Locale: San Francisco, California? Paris, France? Duluth, Minnesota? Milwaukee, Wisconsin? Originator: Mark Twain? Horace Walpole? James Quin? R. Q. Grant? Lord Byron? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Living in Menlo Park near San Francisco I have heard the following witticism credited to Mark Twain many times: The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in …
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Twenty Years From Now You Will Be More Disappointed By The Things You Didn’t Do Than By The Ones You Did Do
Mark Twain? H. Jackson Brown? Sarah Frances Brown? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: The Virgin Galactic company of Richard Branson plans to offer suborbital spaceflights for tourists. The organization put together a beautiful brochure containing the following quotation credited to Mark Twain:[1]Virgin Galactic website at virgingalactic.com, Link on homepage for Downloadable Brochure describing suborbital space flights. …
Heaven for the Climate, and Hell for the Company
Mark Twain? Ben Wade? Emery A. Storrs? James Matthew Barrie? Robert Burton? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a well-known quotation about heaven and hell that is usually credited to Mark Twain. I have found it phrased in different ways: Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. I would choose Heaven for climate …
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I Did Not Attend the Funeral, But I Sent a Nice Letter Saying I Approved of It
Mark Twain? James Wayle? Ebenezer Rockwood Hoar? Walter Winchell? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: In the past few days several phony quotations were widely disseminated on the internet; in other words, they went viral. My question is about a saying that might be genuine. A CNN article contains the following expression attributed to Mark Twain: I …
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I Have Never Killed Any One, But I Have Read Some Obituary Notices with Great Satisfaction
Mark Twain? Clarence Darrow? Overland Monthly? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: I saw the quotation below when it was tweeted a few days ago. It was credited to Mark Twain, but apparently he never said it: I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure. Later I read news reports …
She Was a Sinking Vessel with No Freight to Throw Overboard
Mark Twain? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: I have heard the following quote attributed to Mark Twain: A man who doesn’t smoke is like a sinking ship with no rats to desert it. True of false? Quote Investigator: QI was unable to locate a close match for that quotation in the works of Mark Twain; however, …
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A Banker Lends You His Umbrella When It’s Sunny and Wants It Back When It Rains
Mark Twain? Robert Frost? Ambrose Bierce? Ben Bernanke? Philippe Girardet? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: It is remarkably difficult to obtain a loan in a difficult economic climate. This notion can be expressed with the following adage: A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back …
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Figures Don’t Lie, But Liars Do Figure
Carroll D. Wright? Mark Twain? Charles H. Grosvenor? James G. Blaine? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: I hope you will be able to settle a disagreement between friends concerning the following quotation: Figures don’t lie, but liars figure. My friend believes that this saying originated with Samuel Clemens otherwise known as Mark Twain. I think it …