Quotation: The Act of Repeating Erroneously the Words of Another

Ambrose Bierce? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: A clever wit claimed that the act of quoting someone really meant erroneously repeating their words. I do not remember the precise phrasing; hence, this quotation itself is somewhat erroneous. Would you please help me to find the correct quotation and author? Quote Investigator: In July 1906 a newspaper …

“Are You Enjoying Yourself?” “Yes, But That’s the Only Thing I Am Enjoying”

Oscar Wilde? George Bernard Shaw? Ambrose Bierce? Charles Frederick Joy? Percival Christopher Wren? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: If you are attending a soporific party, and the host asks whether you are content you might reply with the following comically self-absorbed zinger attributed to the famous Irish wit Oscar Wilde: “Are you enjoying yourself, Mr. Wilde?” …

Wagner’s Music Is Really Much Better Than It Sounds

Mark Twain? Bill Nye? Ambrose Bierce? Punch Magazine? Dear Quote Investigator: Richard Wagner was a prominent German composer who created the landmark four-opera cycle Der Ring des Nibelungen (The Ring of the Nibelung). A comically incongruous remark about his efforts has been attributed to two famous American humorists Mark Twain and Bill Nye: Wagner’s music …

Every Election Is a Sort of Advance Auction Sale of Stolen Goods

Ambrose Bierce? H. L. Mencken? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a comically acerbic remark about elections that is often attributed to the famous cynic Ambrose Bierce: An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods. Several of my friends have told me that these are actually the words of the influential …

War Is God’s Way of Teaching Us Geography

Ambrose Bierce? Paul Rodriguez? Jon Stewart? Mark Twain? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Many people are unable to find countries and major cities on a map. A comical remark about this cartographical ignorance has been attributed to both Ambrose Bierce and Mark Twain. Here are four versions: War is God’s way of teaching us geography War …

Speak When You’re Angry and You’ll Make the Best Speech You’ll Ever Regret

Ambrose Bierce? Henry Ward Beecher? Laurence J. Peter? Groucho Marx? Harry H. Jones? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The rant of an enraged person often contains statements that necessitate contrite apologies later. Here is an adage reflecting this insight: Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. These …

There Is No Greater Mistake than To Try To Leap an Abyss in Two Jumps

David Lloyd George? Ambrose Bierce? Garry Davis? Arianna Huffington? Benjamin Disraeli? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Arianna Huffington who is well-known for creating the website “The Huffington Post” once employed a vivid and astute saying about commitment and the need to take decisive actions: You can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps. She attributed the …

The Covers of This Book Are Too Far Apart

Ambrose Bierce? Alan Le May? Jack Benny? Mark Twain? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The increasing popularity of ebooks is threatening to make one of my favorite quotations obsolete. The wonderful humorist Ambrose Bierce was asked to evaluate a lengthy soporific tome and according to legend he handed in a devastating and hilarious one-line review: The …

A Banker Lends You His Umbrella When It’s Sunny and Wants It Back When It Rains

Mark Twain? Robert Frost? Ambrose Bierce? Ben Bernanke? Philippe Girardet? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: It is remarkably difficult to obtain a loan in a difficult economic climate. This notion can be expressed with the following adage: A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back …