There Is No God, and Harriet Martineau Is His Prophet

Prophet: Harriet Martineau? William Tweed? John Tyndall? Auguste Comte? Robert G. Ingersoll? Karl Marx? Charles Darwin? Herbert Spencer? Henry George Atkinson? Paul Dirac? Felix Adler? Critic: Mark Twain? Douglas William Jerrold? George Grote? J. P. Jacobsen? Isaac M. Wise? Wolfgang Pauli? Dear Quote Investigator: The prominent physicist Paul Dirac was hostile toward religion, and sometimes …

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Praise for “Hemingway Didn’t Say That”: Wall Street Journal: Wonderful review of “Hemingway Didn’t Say That” appeared in “The Wall Street Journal” on April 10. The reviewer was top quotation expert Fred R. Shapiro editor of “The Yale Book of Quotations”. New York Times: Great article about “Hemingway Didn’t Say That” and the Quote Investigator …

It Is Wiser To Find Out Than To Suppose

Mark Twain? Merle Johnson? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: I would like to use the following adage during a presentation to a large group: It is wiser to find out than to suppose. I plan to credit Mark Twain, but I know that if I am wrong it will be very embarrassing because the entire point …

Sacred Cows Make the Best Hamburger

Mark Twain? Abbie Hoffman? Roy F. Nichols? George McKinnon? Aardvark Magazine? Graffito? Dear Quote Investigator: The following has often been ascribed to the famous humorist Mark Twain and the 1960s-era political activist Abbie Hoffman: Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger. Apologies for offensiveness. Would you please explore the provenance of this expression? Quote Investigator: QI …

If You Don’t Read the Newspaper You Are Uninformed, If You Do Read the Newspaper You Are Misinformed

Mark Twain? Denzel Washington? Thomas Jefferson? Thomas Fuller? Orville Hubbard? Ezra Taft Benson? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: A cynical attitude toward the media is widespread today, but this is not a new development. Supposedly, Mark Twain made the following remark: If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper …

Wagner’s Music Is Really Much Better Than It Sounds

Mark Twain? Bill Nye? Ambrose Bierce? Punch Magazine? Dear Quote Investigator: Richard Wagner was a prominent German composer who created the landmark four-opera cycle Der Ring des Nibelungen (The Ring of the Nibelung). A comically incongruous remark about his efforts has been attributed to two famous American humorists Mark Twain and Bill Nye: Wagner’s music …

Conspiracy: The Pursuance of Policies Which They Dare Not Admit in Public

Mark Twain? Ossip Gabrilowitsch? Clara Clemens? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: I’m conducting a research check on a television script containing a definition for the term “conspiracy” credited to Mark Twain. The definition notes that the conspiring participants “dare not admit in public” the secret agreement. Are you familiar with this quotation? Is the attribution to …

There Is Always a Well-Known Solution to Every Human Problem—Neat, Plausible, and Wrong

Mark Twain? H. L. Mencken? Peter Drucker? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: A popular saying presents a vivid warning about apparent solutions which are too good to be true. Here are four versions: There is a solution to every problem: simple, quick, and wrong. For every problem there is a solution that is simple, neat—and wrong. …

Two Most Important Days in Your Life: The Day You Were Born and the Day You Discover Why

Mark Twain? Ernest T. Campbell? Anita Canfield? William Barclay? William McCartney? Tim Elmore? David Wood? Dave Martin? Helen Burns? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The number of fake Mark Twain quotations grows significantly every year. I fear that a civilization of the distant future will credit Twain with authorship of every extant text. Here are two …

If You Want To Tell People the Truth, You’d Better Make Them Laugh or They’ll Kill You

George Bernard Shaw? Oscar Wilde? Cecile Starr? Billy Wilder? Richard Pryor? James L. Brooks? Dustin Hoffman? Charles Ludlam? Dear Quote Investigator: Dramatists have discovered that challenging material often elicits hostility or boredom. This is dangerous for creators because jobs in the entertainment industry are precarious. Yet, a provocative production leavened with humor is often embraced …

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