Age Is an Issue of Mind Over Matter. If You Don’t Mind, It Doesn’t Matter

Mark Twain? Jack Benny? Satchel Paige? Muhammad Ali? Unknown gerontology researcher? Dear Quote Investigator: On a popular website recently I saw a slide show of quotations ascribed to Mark Twain that included the following: Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. I thought this was said by …

Quote Origin: The Man Who Does Not Read Has No Advantage Over the Man Who Cannot Read

Mark Twain? Joseph D. Eggleston Jr.? Inland Steel Company? Quin Ryan? Abigail Van Buren? Anonymous? Question for Quote Investigator: Mark Twain is credited with a marvelous saying about the importance of reading: A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read. I was unable to determine when this saying was created, …

“It Took Me Fifteen Years to Discover That I Had No Talent for Writing.” “Did You Quit?”

Robert Benchley? Mark Twain? Walter Winchell? Groucho Marx? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: One of the funniest quotations about writing is usually credited to the brilliant wit Robert Benchley: It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too …

Quote Origin: It’s Easy to Quit Smoking. I’ve Done It a Thousand Times

Mark Twain? W. C. Fields? Harris Dickson? Barracuda Pete? Anonymous? Question for Quote Investigator: I mentioned a joke credited to Mark Twain to a friend recently: It’s easy to quit smoking. I’ve done it hundreds of times. She said that the jest was actually created by the famous comedian W. C. Fields and not Twain. …

Advice: Substitute ‘Damn’ Every Time You’re Inclined to Write ‘Very’

Mark Twain? William Allen White? Franklin P. Adams? Brock Pemberton? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: I’ve been quoting an editor-friend’s advice for years, and suddenly tonight I see it online attributed to Mark Twain: Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it …

The Professor’s Lecture Notes Go Straight to the Students’ Lecture Notes

Mark Twain? Edwin E. Slosson? Harry Lloyd Miller? Professor Rathburn? Mortimer J. Adler? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Mark Twain is credited with a very funny description of college lectures. For some teachers and students I think this quotation is accurate: College is a place where a professor’s lecture notes go straight to the students’ lecture …

The Climate Is What You Expect; The Weather Is What You Get

Mark Twain? Robert Heinlein? A Schoolchild? Caroline B. Le Row? Andrew John Herbertson? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: I am preparing a book about the weather and climate, and I would like to include the following quotation: The climate is what you expect; the weather is what you get. Several web sites attribute this remark to …

Whenever I Feel the Urge to Exercise I Lie Down Until It Goes Away

Jimmy Durante? Edna Mae Oliver? Robert M. Hutchins? Chauncey Depew? Mark Twain? Paul Terry? Robert Benchley? Max Beerbohm? J. P. McEvoy? Dear Quote Investigator: The funniest quotation about exercise is usually credited to Mark Twain: Whenever I get the urge to exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes away. But this statement is also …

Clothes Make the Man. Naked People Have Little or No Influence in Society

Mark Twain? Merle Johnson? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: Comments about stylish clothing always remind me of Mark Twain’s comment: Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society. But I cannot seem to find any direct reference for this quote. The best citation I have seen was dated more than fifteen …

When the End of the World Comes, I Want To Be in Cincinnati. It Is Always Ten Years Behind the Times

Mark Twain? Heinrich Heine? Otto von Bismarck? George Bernard Shaw? James Boswell? Will Rogers? Dear Quote Investigator: As a one-time resident of Cincinnati I knew that Mark Twain once worked in the city, and I always enjoyed the comment he reportedly made about it: When the end of the world comes, I want to be …