Twenty Years From Now You Will Be More Disappointed By The Things You Didn’t Do Than By The Ones You Did Do

Mark Twain? H. Jackson Brown? Sarah Frances Brown? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: The Virgin Galactic company of Richard Branson plans to offer suborbital spaceflights for tourists. The organization put together a beautiful brochure containing the following quotation credited to Mark Twain:[1]Virgin Galactic website at virgingalactic.com, Link on homepage for Downloadable Brochure describing suborbital space flights. …

Heaven for the Climate, and Hell for the Company

Mark Twain? Ben Wade? Emery A. Storrs? James Matthew Barrie? Robert Burton? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a well-known quotation about heaven and hell that is usually credited to Mark Twain. I have found it phrased in different ways: Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. I would choose Heaven for climate …

I Did Not Attend the Funeral, But I Sent a Nice Letter Saying I Approved of It

Mark Twain? James Wayle? Ebenezer Rockwood Hoar? Walter Winchell? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: In the past few days several phony quotations were widely disseminated on the internet; in other words, they went viral. My question is about a saying that might be genuine. A CNN article contains the following expression attributed to Mark Twain: I …

I Have Never Killed Any One, But I Have Read Some Obituary Notices with Great Satisfaction

Mark Twain? Clarence Darrow? Overland Monthly? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: I saw the quotation below when it was tweeted a few days ago. It was credited to Mark Twain, but apparently he never said it: I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure. Later I read news reports …

She Was a Sinking Vessel with No Freight to Throw Overboard

Mark Twain? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: I have heard the following quote attributed to Mark Twain: A man who doesn’t smoke is like a sinking ship with no rats to desert it. True of false? Quote Investigator: QI was unable to locate a close match for that quotation in the works of Mark Twain; however, …

A Banker Lends You His Umbrella When It’s Sunny and Wants It Back When It Rains

Mark Twain? Robert Frost? Ambrose Bierce? Ben Bernanke? Philippe Girardet? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: It is remarkably difficult to obtain a loan in a difficult economic climate. This notion can be expressed with the following adage: A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back …

When I Was a Boy of Fourteen, My Father Was So Ignorant

Mark Twain? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: I am interested in a fantastic quotation that I always thought was from the pen of Mark Twain: When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was …

Never Let Schooling Interfere With Your Education

Mark Twain? Grant Allen? Dear Quote Investigator: I am still in school and that is probably why the following quote attributed to Mark Twain appeals to me so much: I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. Your blog posts about Twain quotations reveal that the information on the internet about what he …

I Would Rather Go To Bed With That Woman Stark Naked Than With Ulysses S. Grant in Full Military Regalia

Mark Twain? James Montgomery Flagg? William Dean Howells? Dear Quote Investigator: When I discovered your blog I knew just the right word to describe it: Quotesmanship. That word was used in the New York Times in 1980 to describe the desire to determine and use correct attributions for quotations [NYQM]. The author of the Quotesmanship …

No Respect for a Man Who Can Spell a Word Only One Way

Mark Twain? Nyrum Reynolds? Hiram Runnels? Andrew Jackson? Dear Quote Investigator: I sometimes have difficulty spelling words correctly. But I take comfort in the magnificent statement attributed to Mark Twain: I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. Actually, I used to take comfort in those words, …