Whoever Named It Necking Was a Poor Judge of Anatomy

Groucho Marx? Robert Quillen? Robert O. Ryder? Dorothy Uris? Evan Esar? Agro B. Arlo? Laurence J. Peter? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The informal term “necking” refers to kissing and caressing amorously. A comedian once said: Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. Do you know who crafted this joke? Was it Groucho …

Dictionary: The Only Place Where Divorce Comes Before Marriage

Evan Esar? Jacob M. Braude? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: You have already explored a quip about success and work that cleverly referred to their alphabetical order. I’ve seen a similar joke about divorce and marriage: The dictionary is the only place where divorce comes before marriage. Which of these two jests emerged first? Would you …

The Time To Relax Is When You Don’t Have Time For It

Sydney J. Harris? Beulah Schacht? Sol Margoles? Evan Esar? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: A nearly paradoxical piece of advice states that the best time to relax is when you feel unable to relax because of time pressures. Would you please explore this adage. Quote Investigator: Here is a family of closely related statements with dates: …

The Next Best Thing To Being Witty One’s Self, Is To Be Able To Quote Another’s Wit

Christian Nestell Bovee? Evan Esar? Laurence J. Peter? Dear Quote Investigator: I once heard an observation that cogently explained the popularity of quotations. I do not recall the precise phrasing, but it was something like this: If you are unable to be witty yourself, the next best thing is being able to quote another’s wit. …

Education Is What You Get from Reading the Small Print in a Contract. Experience Is What You Get from Not Reading It

Pete Seeger? Vesta M. Kelly? Mr. Minnick the Cynic? Old Timer? Bill Gold? Evan Esar? Saul Lavisky? Laurence J. Peter? Sydney J. Harris? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Comprehending the details of a complex legal contract is a daunting task. Yet, entrapment by an unnoticed provision of an agreement is a terrible experience. Here is a …

Success Comes In Cans. I Can, You Can, We Can

A. K. Karlson? High School Motto? Evan Esar? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The word “can” designates the ability to accomplish a task. “Can” also specifies a container. I recall the following wordplay-based inspirational maxims: Success comes in cans, failure in can’ts. Success comes in cans—I can, you can, we can. Would you please explore this …

You Cannot Control the Length of Your Life, But You Can Control Its Width and Depth.

Evan Esar? H. L. Mencken? Exchange? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The key to achieving equanimity and contentment in life is accurately assessing what is within your control and what is beyond your control. The following figurative adage is instructive: You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about …

A Dramatic Critic Is a Guy Who Surprises the Playwright by Informing Him What He Meant

Creator: Wilson Mizner, playwright, entrepreneur, adventurer Context: Mizner died in 1933. A biography of his colorful life appeared in 1935 called “The Fabulous Wilson Mizner” by Edward Dean Sullivan. The chapter “Miznerisms” was dedicated to his witticisms. Here were three. Emphasis added to excerpts:[1] 1935, The Fabulous Wilson Mizner by Edward Dean Sullivan, Chapter 17: …

I Don’t Believe in Astrology; I’m a Sagittarian and We’re Skeptical

Arthur C. Clarke? Bob Thaves? Evan Esar? Jonah Peretti? Paul Heskett? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The famous science fiction author Arthur C. Clarke was once asked whether he believed in astrology, and he gave a facetious self-contradictory answer. I have not been able to find a solid citation. Would you please help? Quote Investigator: The …

What Is History But a Fable Agreed Upon?

Napoléon Bonaparte? Voltaire? Bernard Le Bovier de Fontenelle? Claude Adrien Helvétius? Wendell Phillips? Ralph Waldo Emerson? Dear Quote Investigator: A popular skeptical viewpoint about history can be expressed in a few different ways: 1) What is history but a fable agreed upon? 2) History is a set of lies agreed upon. 3) History is a …