Good Girls Keep Diaries; Bad Girls Don’t Have the Time

Tallulah Bankhead? Herb Stein? Anonymous?

diary08Dear Quote Investigator: You have previously examined a quotation attributed to the movie star Tallulah Bankhead. Perhaps you would be willing to look at another quip. Here are two versions:

1) Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don’t have time.
2) It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

Should Bankhead receive credit?

Quote Investigator: In August 1956 the widely-syndicated gossip columnist Earl Wilson printed an instance of the joke which he categorized as a “pearl”; however, Wilson provided no attribution. The ellipsis was in the original text:[1] 1956 August 22, Aberdeen American-News (Aberdeen Daily News), It Happened Last Night by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 4, Column 5, Aberdeen, South Dakota. (GenealogyBank)

EARL’S PEARLS . . . Good girls keep diaries; bad girls don’t have the time.

Shortly afterwards in November 1956 the quip was ascribed to Bankhead in a Canadian newspaper although the wording was slightly different:[2] 1956 November 21, The Calgary Herald, The Button Box (acknowledgement to Daily Express Service), Quote Page 6, Column 5, Calgary, Alberta, Canada. (Google News Archive)

Tallulah Bankhead says: “It’s good girls who keep diaries of what they do. Bad girls never have the time.”
—Daily Express Service

In the following years the joke was further disseminated with the linkage to Bankhead usually preserved. Eventually the columnist Earl Wilson reprinted the jest, and he too ascribed the remark to Bankhead.

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References

References
1 1956 August 22, Aberdeen American-News (Aberdeen Daily News), It Happened Last Night by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 4, Column 5, Aberdeen, South Dakota. (GenealogyBank)
2 1956 November 21, The Calgary Herald, The Button Box (acknowledgement to Daily Express Service), Quote Page 6, Column 5, Calgary, Alberta, Canada. (Google News Archive)

Every Child Is an Artist. The Problem Is How to Remain an Artist Once He or She Grows Up

John Lennon? Pablo Picasso? Carleton Noyes? Percy Mackaye? Dudley Crafts Watson? Agnes Snyder? Ricky Gervais? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: When a child is supplied with paint, clay, paper, and scissors he or she will experiment and construct images and figures. The artistic impulse is strong in the early years of life, but sadly it is often attenuated as a child matures. I believe that the prominent painter Pablo Picasso and the notable musician John Lennon both made statements on this theme. Are you familiar with these quotations?

Quote Investigator: John Lennon did mention children and art during an interview in 1969. Lennon was highly critical of many aspects of society during the colloquy, and he was asked about his alternative ideas for governance. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[1]1976, John Lennon: One Day at a Time: A Personal Biography of the Seventies by Anthony Fawcett, Chapter: The Peace Politician, Start Page 45, Quote Page 55, Published by Grove Press, New York. … Continue reading

Just the idea that the individual is capable of looking after himself, that we don’t need centralized government, that we don’t need father-figures and leaders, that every child is an artist until he’s told he’s not an artist, that every person is great until some demagogue makes him less great.

Pablo Picasso died in April 1973, and a few years later in October 1976 a quotation about childhood and art was attributed to him in the pages of “Time” magazine:[2] Date: October 4, 1976, Periodical: Time, Article: Modern Living: Ozmosis in Central Park, Note: The quotation appears as an epigraph at the beginning of the article. (Online archive of Time magazine)

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
—Picasso

This citation was the earliest linkage to Picasso known to QI; however, the statement was listed without a source or context. QI does not know where the “Time” magazine writer found the quotation. Perhaps Picasso spoke or wrote it in French or Spanish originally.

The thesis of a universal though evanescent artistic temperament in childhood has been propounded for more than one hundred years. For example, in 1907 the art critic Carleton Noyes published “The Gate of Appreciation” which contained the following passage:[3] 1907, The Gate of Appreciation: Studies in the Relation of Art to Life by Carleton Noyes, Quote Page 29, Published by Houghton Mifflin, Boston, Massachusetts. (Google Books Full View) link

The child is the first artist. Out of the material around him he creates a world of his own. The prototypes of the forms which he devises exist in life, but it is the thing which he himself makes that interests him, not its original in nature. His play is his expression.

But Noyes argued that the artistic instinct was usually lost as the child grew older:

Imagination surrenders to the intellect; emotion gives place to knowledge.
Gradually the material world shuts in about us until it becomes for us a hard, inert thing, and no longer a living, changing presence, instinct with infinite possibilities of experience and feeling.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

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References

References
1 1976, John Lennon: One Day at a Time: A Personal Biography of the Seventies by Anthony Fawcett, Chapter: The Peace Politician, Start Page 45, Quote Page 55, Published by Grove Press, New York. (Fawcett stated that the quotation was spoken during an interview given by John Lennon and Yoko Ono in an office at Apple Records in 1969)(Verified with scans)
2 Date: October 4, 1976, Periodical: Time, Article: Modern Living: Ozmosis in Central Park, Note: The quotation appears as an epigraph at the beginning of the article. (Online archive of Time magazine)
3 1907, The Gate of Appreciation: Studies in the Relation of Art to Life by Carleton Noyes, Quote Page 29, Published by Houghton Mifflin, Boston, Massachusetts. (Google Books Full View) link

The Best Lack All Conviction While the Worst Are Full of Passionate Intensity

William Butler Yeats? Bertrand Russell? Charles Bukowski?

Question for Quote Investigator: Have you ever been absolutely certain about a fact and later determined that you were completely wrong? If you learn from that experience you become less arrogant and more empathetic. I wish more people would achieve this form of personal growth. Here are three versions of a relevant saying:

The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt.

This thought has been linked to the Nobel Prize-winning Irish poet W. B. Yeats, the prominent British philosopher Bertrand Russell, and the notable American writer Charles Bukowski. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The three individuals you mentioned each expressed different versions of this idea, and detailed citations are given below.

In 1920 W. B. Yeats published the poem “The Second Coming”, and the final two lines of the first section presented an instance of the saying. Boldface has been added to excerpts:1

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

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Quote Origin: The Most Exciting Phrase in Science Is Not ‘Eureka!’ But ‘That’s Funny’

Isaac Asimov? Gordon Rattray Taylor? Alexander Fleming? Archimedes? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The famous phrase uttered by an inventor or scientist when making a major discovery is “Eureka!” That was the cry of the ancient Greek sage Archimedes. Yet, a clever contrarian has asserted that the remark preceding a breakthrough reflects surprise and uncertainty such as:

“That’s odd.”
“That’s funny.”
“Hey, wait a minute.”

Scientific advances occur when anomalous observations are further scrutinized. This observation has been credited to the prominent science fiction writer Isaac Asimov, but I have never seen a solid citation; hence, I have become skeptical of this ascription. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest strong match known to QI appeared in a message posted to the Usenet discussion system in 1987. The message was part of a source code listing of a computer program called “fortune” which was part of the installation of the popular UNIX operating system. The program “fortune” was inspired by the notion of a fortune cookie.

When the program was run it displayed one item from a large collection of sayings and quotations that was kept in a simple database file. The quotation below appeared in a version of the program that was distributed on June 3, 1987. Boldface added to excepts by QI:1

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” (I found it!) but “That’s funny …”
— Isaac Asimov

Asimov died in 1992, so the words were ascribed to him while he was alive; however, the data in the “fortune” program did not provide a citation.

Researchers have been unable to find this statement in the writings of Asimov. For example, Steven Cooper published a comprehensive bibliography of Asimov in 2023 which includes the following commentary:2

It is also worth noting that there are several frequently appearing quotes whose attribution to Asimov is doubtful if not actually spurious. One in particular – The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” (I found it!) but “That’s funny…” – was encountered over and over again during the research for this bibliography. However, not one of its many dozens of appearances gives any indication of an original source, and no trace of it has been found in the large proportion of Asimov’s writing that I have been able to examine.

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Shoot Them Now, While They’re Happy

Dorothy Parker? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The brilliant wit Dorothy Parker’s career was based on writing. She composed screenplays in Hollywood, and she authored columns for the magazines “Esquire” and “The New Yorker”. Yet, she was not always happy with her literary livelihood.

Recently on Pinterest I saw a piece of comically lethal acerbic advice that Parker reportedly gave to friends of aspiring writers. Would you please tell me if this quip is an authentic Parkerism? Where exactly did it appear?

Quote Investigator: In November 1959 Dorothy Parker penned a book review column in “Esquire” magazine that evaluated the revised edition of the famous writing guide “The Elements of Style” by William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White. Parker gave the work her highest recommendation and said it should be kept and treasured as a “forever” book. She also prescribed a form of euthanasia for budding writers. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[1] 1959 November, Esquire, Book Reviews by Dorothy Parker, Start Page 26, Quote Page 28, Column 4, Published by Arnold Gingrich, Esquire Inc., Chicago, Illinois. (Verified on microfilm)

William Strunk taught Mr. White English at Cornell, and certainly he had no more gifted and proficient a pupil. It is a book to put alongside Fowler’s works, and I can think of no higher praise; I greatly doubt if there is any.

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

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References

References
1 1959 November, Esquire, Book Reviews by Dorothy Parker, Start Page 26, Quote Page 28, Column 4, Published by Arnold Gingrich, Esquire Inc., Chicago, Illinois. (Verified on microfilm)

Firearms Stand Next in Importance to the Constitution Itself. They Are the American People’s Liberty Teeth and Keystone under Independence

George Washington? C. S. Wheatley? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Are you familiar with the “liberty teeth” speech attributed to George Washington? Researchers have been unable to find evidence that Washington delivered this address, and some phrases are apparently anachronistic. Would you please explore its provenance?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was published in 1926 which was long after the death of the famous first president. Someone named C. S. Wheatley was the author of a short opinion piece about guns in a magazine called “Hunter-Trader-Trapper” based in Columbus, Ohio. Some of the statements in the article were identified as quotations from the 1700s; however, each of these remarks was carefully placed between quotation marks.

The term “Liberty teeth” occurred in the final paragraph of the article. Quotation marks were not used in this part of the text because Wheatley was presenting his own opinion. He was not presenting the words of George Washington.

Confusion emerged because the sentence immediately preceding the final paragraph mentioned an address delivered by Washington. However, the succeeding words in the article were not part of Washington’s address. Instead, the thoughts in the concluding paragraph were authored by Wheatley. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[1]Date: 1926 September, Periodical: Hunter-Trader-Trapper, Volume 53, Number 3, Section: Guns and Ammunition, Article title: Older Ideas of Firearms, Article author: C. S. Wheatley, Start Page 34, … Continue reading

In George Washington’s address to the second session of the first Congress, he urged promoting the manufacture of arms.

Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself. They are the American people’s Liberty teeth and keystone under Independence. The church, the plow, the prairie wagon, and citizens’ firearms are indelibly related. From the hour the Pilgrims landed, to the present day, events, occurrences and tendencies prove that to insure peace, security and happiness, the rifle and pistol are equally indispensable. Every corner of this Land knows firearms and more than 99 99/100 per cent of them by their silence indicate they are in safe and sane hands. The very atmosphere of firearms anywhere and everywhere restrains evil interference and they deserve a place of honor with all that’s good. When firearms go all goes, therefore we need them every hour.
C. S. Wheatley.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

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References

References
1 Date: 1926 September, Periodical: Hunter-Trader-Trapper, Volume 53, Number 3, Section: Guns and Ammunition, Article title: Older Ideas of Firearms, Article author: C. S. Wheatley, Start Page 34, Quote Page 34, Publisher: The Hunter-Trader-Trapper Company, Columbus, Ohio. (Verified with scans; thanks to John McChesney-Young and the University of California, Berkeley library system)

Unless You Try To Do Something Beyond What You Have Already Mastered, You Will Never Grow

Ralph Waldo Emerson? Ronald E. Osborn? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The following adage about personal growth has appeared in many self-help and motivational texts:

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.

Often the words are attributed to the well-known transcendental philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson, but I have been unable to determine the source, and I am skeptical. Would you please examine the provenance of this saying?

Quote Investigator: Emerson died in 1882, and the statement has been attributed to him only in recent decades. No citation has been provided, and the linkage is not substantive.

The earliest evidence located by QI was published in “Forbes” magazine in March 1945. A long-standing feature of the periodical was a page titled “Thoughts on the Business of Life” which displayed miscellaneous quotations and aphorisms. A short passage of three sentences containing the maxim was credited to someone named Ronald E. Osborn. Bold face has been added to excerpts:[1] 1945 March 15, Forbes, Thoughts on the Business of Life, Quote Page 46, Column 1, Forbes Inc., New York. (Verified on microfilm)

Undertake something that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.
—Ronald E. Osborn.

“Forbes” did not state where it had collected this quotation. News reports in the following years referred to speeches delivered by a professor of church history at Butler University in Indianapolis, Indiana named Ronald E. Osborn, and it was possible that this religious orator and teacher was the quotesmith.[2] 1951 June 27, The Oregon Statesman, Over 1,000 Delegates at Turner for Christian Church Conclave (Statesman News Service), Quote Page 4, Column 5, Salem, Oregon. (Newspapers_com) However, this identification is conjectural because of the existence of several individuals named Ronald E. Osborn.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

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References

References
1 1945 March 15, Forbes, Thoughts on the Business of Life, Quote Page 46, Column 1, Forbes Inc., New York. (Verified on microfilm)
2 1951 June 27, The Oregon Statesman, Over 1,000 Delegates at Turner for Christian Church Conclave (Statesman News Service), Quote Page 4, Column 5, Salem, Oregon. (Newspapers_com)

Only One Who Attempts the Absurd Is Capable of Achieving the Impossible

Albert Einstein? M. C. Escher? Robin Morgan? Miguel de Unamuno? Miguel de Cervantes? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: To fully succeed in life one must ultimately follow an audacious path that may seem nonsensical or reckless to ones colleagues. My favorite saying supports this idea. Here are three versions:

1) Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible.
2) Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible
3) Only he who attempts the absurd is capable of achieving the impossible.

This adage has been attributed to the famous scientist Albert Einstein, the brilliant graphic artist M.C. Escher, and the prominent feminist Robin Morgan. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: There is no substantive support for the linkage to Einstein or Escher. Robin Morgan did employ an instance of the saying with the word “she” in 1984; however, Morgan disclaimed credit and remarked that the origin of the phrase was uncertain.

The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in a 1905 book by Miguel de Unamuno who was a notable Spanish writer and philosopher. Unamuno’s work discussed the well-known characters Don Quixote and Sancho Panza who were constructed by the distinguished novelist Miguel de Cervantes. One theme of Cervantes’ opus was the intertwining of actions which were both absurd and noble. The explication and commentary by Unamuno embodied a personal and philosophical response to Cervantes. The following excerpt in Spanish is followed by a translation into English. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[1]Year: 1905, Title: Vida de D. Quijote y Sancho: Según Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra: Explicada y Comentada por Miguel de Unamuno, Author: Miguel de Unamuno, Quote Page 175 and 176, Publisher: … Continue reading

¿Que es ello absurdo? decís. ¿Y quién sabe qué es lo absurdo? ¡Y aunque lo fuera! Sólo el que ensaya lo absurdo es capaz de conquistar lo imposible.

But it was absurd, you say? And who knows what is absurd and what is not? And even if it were! Only one who attempts the absurd is capable of achieving the impossible.

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References

References
1 Year: 1905, Title: Vida de D. Quijote y Sancho: Según Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra: Explicada y Comentada por Miguel de Unamuno, Author: Miguel de Unamuno, Quote Page 175 and 176, Publisher: Libreria de Fernando Fe, Madrid, Spain. (Google Books Full View) link

The Philosopher, the Theologian, and the Elusive Black Cat

Julian Huxley? H. L. Mencken? Lewis Browne? Eric Temple Bell? William James? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The QI website has an article tracing a quip about a problematic absurdist quest:

A metaphysician is a man who goes into a dark cellar at midnight without a light looking for a black cat that is not there.

Interestingly, there is a more elaborate joke that contrasts the searching prowess of a philosopher and a theologian. Are you familiar with this jest which has been attributed to the prominent biologist Julian Huxley and the Sage of Baltimore, H. L. Mencken? Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: Julian Huxley did present the double-pronged joke in an essay published in 1939, and H. L. Mencken included an instance in his monumental 1942 compilation “A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles from Ancient and Modern Sources”. Details for these citations are given further below.

The earliest evidence located by QI appeared several years before this in a 1931 book titled “Since Calvary: An Interpretation of Christian History” by the comparative religion specialist Lewis Browne. The sharpest barb was aimed at a set of religious individuals called Gnostics:[1] 1931, Since Calvary: An Interpretation of Christian History by Lewis Browne, Quote Page 81 and 82, The Macmillan Company, New York. (Internet Archive) link

Someone has said that a philosopher looking for the ultimate truth is like a blind man on a dark night searching in a subterranean cave for a black cat that is not there. Those Gnostics, however, were theologians rather than philosophers, and so—they found the cat!

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

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References

References
1 1931, Since Calvary: An Interpretation of Christian History by Lewis Browne, Quote Page 81 and 82, The Macmillan Company, New York. (Internet Archive) link

She Is Too Fond of Books, and It Has Turned Her Brain

Louisa May Alcott? Liz Smith? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The following quotation is popular with book lovers, and it has appeared on posters, mugs, tote bags, plaques, bookmarks, and jewelry:

She is too fond of books, and it has addled her brain.

The statement is attributed to the famous novelist Louisa May Alcott who wrote “Little Women”, but I have not been able to find it in any of her works. Would you please determine the accuracy of this expression and ascription?

Quote Investigator: In 1873 Louisa May Alcott published the novel “Work: A Story of Experience”, and it included a quotation that was nearly identical to the sentence above. Alcott actually used the word “turned” instead of “addled”:[1] 1873, Work: A Story of Experience by Louisa May Alcott, Chapter 2 – Servant, Quote Page 32 and 33, Published by Roberts Brothers, Boston, Massachusetts. (Google Books Full View) link

She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain.

The relevant definition of “addled” in the misquotation is more familiar to modern readers than the definition of “turned” in the correct quotation:[2]Website: Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Entry title: turn (verb), Website description: Words and definitions from Merriam-Webster; leading provider of language information. (Accessed merriam-webster.com … Continue reading[3] Website: Dictionary Reference, Entry title: turn (verb), Website description: Words and definitions from Dictionary.com, (Accessed dictionary.reference.com on February 17, 2015) link

turn: to disturb or upset the mental balance of: derange, distract, unsettle

QI conjectures that the expression under investigation was derived from the 1873 statement. The “addled” version entered circulation by 2007. This slightly inaccurate saying was more comprehensible and more humorous in QI’s opinion. Quotations compete for distribution in the cultural realm of catchphrases, jingles, and verses. The modified statement had superior properties which facilitated its propagation although the original quotation also continued to circulate.

Below are selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “She Is Too Fond of Books, and It Has Turned Her Brain”

References

References
1 1873, Work: A Story of Experience by Louisa May Alcott, Chapter 2 – Servant, Quote Page 32 and 33, Published by Roberts Brothers, Boston, Massachusetts. (Google Books Full View) link
2 Website: Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Entry title: turn (verb), Website description: Words and definitions from Merriam-Webster; leading provider of language information. (Accessed merriam-webster.com on February 17, 2015) link
3 Website: Dictionary Reference, Entry title: turn (verb), Website description: Words and definitions from Dictionary.com, (Accessed dictionary.reference.com on February 17, 2015) link