Quote Investigator® – Page 180

Quote Origin: Bigamy Is Having One Spouse Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same

Erica Jong? Oscar Wilde? Robert Webster Jones? H. L. Mencken? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: As a single person I enjoy the following joke about bigamy. Here are two versions:

(1) Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.

(2) Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

The first has been attributed to the best-selling novelist Erica Jong, and the second has been credited to the famous wit Oscar Wilde. I haven’t been able to find this remark in the works of Wilde. Are these ascriptions accurate?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1973 Erica Jong published a scandalous blockbuster titled “Fear of Flying” and the first chapter used the following as an epigraph:¹

Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.
—Anonymous (a woman)

Note that Jong did not credit herself indicating that the joke was already in circulation.

QI has found no substantive evidence that Oscar Wilde wrote or said this joke. The variant using “wife” instead of “husband” does have a long history. In 1922 the book “Light Interviews with Shades” by Robert Webster Jones included a quip that displayed several points of similarity including the use of matching vocabulary terms “bigamy” and “monogamy”:²

They say bigamy means one wife too many; but so does monogamy sometimes.

Precursor jokes on this theme were being disseminated by 1841 as shown below. QI believes that the modern quip evolved from these antecedents.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: A Lie Can Travel Halfway Around the World While the Truth Is Putting On Its Shoes

Mark Twain? Jonathan Swift? Thomas Francklin? Fisher Ames? Thomas Jefferson? John Randolph? Charles Haddon Spurgeon? Winston Churchill? Terry Pratchett? Anonymous?

**Abstract representation of a runner from Pixabay**

Question for Quote Investigator: An insightful remark about the rapid transmission of lies is often attributed to Mark Twain and Winston Churchill. Here are two versions:

(1) A lie travels around the globe while the truth is putting on its shoes.

(2) A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can get its boots on

I have not found any solid citations for Twain or Churchill; hence, I am skeptical of these ascriptions. Would you please examine this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: A version of this adage was attributed to Mark Twain in 1919, but Twain died in 1910. QI believes that this evidence of a linkage was not substantive. Details of the 1919 citation are given further below.

Metaphorical maxims about the speedy dissemination of lies and the much slower propagation of corrective truths have a very long history. The major literary figure Jonathan Swift wrote on this topic in “The Examiner” in 1710 although he did not mention shoes or boots. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

Besides, as the vilest Writer has his Readers, so the greatest Liar has his Believers; and it often happens, that if a Lie be believ’d only for an Hour, it has done its Work, and there is no farther occasion for it. Falsehood flies, and the Truth comes limping after it; so that when Men come to be undeceiv’d, it is too late; the Jest is over, and the Tale has had its Effect…

The phrasing and figurative language used in these sayings have been evolving for more than three hundred years. In 1787 “falsehood” was reaching “every corner of the earth”. In 1820 a colorful version was circulating with lies flying from “Maine to Georgia” while truth was “pulling her boots on”. By 1834 “error” was running “half over the world” while truth was “putting on his boots”. In 1924 a lie was circling the globe while a truth was “lacing its shoes on”.

Top researcher Bonnie Taylor-Blake identified the passage by Swift listed above and several other important items covered in this article.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Old Age Isn’t So Bad When You Consider the Alternative

Maurice Chevalier? Olin Miller? Harry Oliver? Louis Calhern? Anonymous?

**Illustration of many clocks from Pixabay**

Question for Quote Investigator: The following piece of humorous proverbial wisdom has been attributed to the film star Maurice Chevalier. Here are four versions of the joke:

(1) Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
(2) Growing old isn’t so terrible — when you consider the alternative.
(3) Old age is better than the alternative.
(4) Growing old is to some degree preferable to the only alternative.

Would you please explore the provenance of this quip?

Reply from Quote Investigator: There is evidence that Maurice Chevalier did deliver this comical line by 1959; however, the quip was already in circulation.

The earliest instance located by QI appeared in February 1949 in “The Index-Journal” of Greenwood, South Carolina. The remark occurred within a column titled “Paragraphically Speaking” by Olin Miller, a popular jokesmith. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Growing old is to some degree preferable to the only alternative.

This same line appeared in other newspapers in February 1949 including “The Atlanta Journal” of Georgia. The column containing the line was called “Dixie Dew Drops” by Olin Miller.²

A different line appeared in the “Bristol Herald Courier” of Tennessee³ in August 1951 and in “The Bridgeport Telegram” of Connecticut⁴ in early September 1951. The line appeared as a filler item without attribution:

Growing old isn’t so bad — when one considers the only alternative.

Interestingly, in September 1951 the line also appeared in a newspaper in Paducah, Kentucky. But this time it occurred in Olin Miller’s column titled “Paragraphically Speaking”:⁵

If the medicos ever learn what causes polio and what will cure it, they will know two things about pollo.

Growing old isn’t so bad—when one considers the only alternative.

Based on these initial citations QI believes that Olin Miller coined both of these early lines. Other individuals such as Louis Calhern and Maurice Chevalier employed the joke after it was already in circulation. The phrasing has varied as the quotation has evolved over the decades.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: There But for the Grace of God, Goes God

Winston Churchill? Leo C. Rosten? Walter Winchell? Herman J. Mankiewicz? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Winston Churchill had an unhappy experience negotiating with a politician who held a very high opinion of himself. Afterward Churchill reportedly concocted the perfect remark for deflating the pretensions of an egomaniac:

There, but for the grace of God, goes God.

However, I have heard that this same jibe was aimed at the renowned auteur Orson Welles during the filming of “Citizen Kane”. Would you please explore the provenance of this witticism?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This remark was based on a comical modification of a resonant phrase from history. Here are two instances:

(1) There but for the grace of God, go I.
(2) There but for the grace of God, goes John Bradford.

More information about the origin of this penitent statement is available here.

The earliest evidence of the quip located by QI was printed in the 1941 book “Hollywood: The Movie Colony, The Movie Makers” by Leo C. Rosten which included the quotation applied to filmmaker Orson Welles. Rosten did not identify the person who delivered the barb. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

When Orson Welles (of whom someone said, “There, but for the grace of God, goes God”) was first shown through a studio he exclaimed, “This is the biggest electric train any boy ever had!” The remark is acute and revealing.

QI is not certain of the precise release date in 1941 of the “Hollywood” book. On January 20, 1941 the widely-distributed syndicated columnist Walter Winchell presented a different version of the circumstances surrounding the quotation. The target of the barb was a religious figure named Father Divine instead of Orson Welles. The word “niftied” was a vocabulary item employed by Winchell. It meant the spoken phrase was “nifty”, i.e., deft. The name “Divine” was spelled “Devine” in the paper:²

The Story Tellers: The DAC News reports that a Harlemite watching Father Devine whisk by in a long limousine, niftied: “There, but for the grace of God—goes God.”

Above are the two earliest citations located by QI, and the temporal ordering was uncertain. The tale mentioning Orson Welles has circulated continuously to the present day. The version with Father Divine has largely disappeared from collective memory. A third version with Winston Churchill speaking the humorous line entered circulation by 1943 as indicated by the citation listed further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: There But For the Grace of God, Go I

John Bradford? George Whitfield? John Newton? Sherlock Holmes? Philip Neri? Dwight Moody? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: A deeply religious individual once saw a man being led to the gallows and said:

There but for the grace of God, go I.

In modern times, this proverbial phrase is used to express empathetic compassion and a sense of good fortune realized by avoiding hardship. A version has been ascribed to the preacher John Bradford who died in 1555:

There but for the grace of God, goes John Bradford

But the earliest citation I have seen was published in the 1800s. A similar story has been told about others including John Newton and Dwight Moody. Is there earlier support for the existence of this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1771 a sermon was delivered in Kidderminster, England about a man who had been robbed and murdered. The criminal had been apprehended, tried, and executed. The preacher mentioned John Bradford and presented a somewhat clumsy and lengthy version of the saying. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

…when Mr. Bradford, an eminent martyr, in the bloody reign of Queen Mary, saw a malefactor going to Tyburn, he humbly adored the distinguishing grace of God, ‘to which says he, it is entirely owing, that John Bradford is not in that man’s condition.’

The passage above matched the modern version because it included two key elements. Bradford invoked the grace of God, and he indicated that he might have been substituted for the malefactor, but the phrasing was quite different. This was the earliest match located by QI, and it was published more than two hundred years after the death of Bradford. Of course, future research may antedate this citation.

In 1774 a more concise instance of the saying was spoken during a sermon delivered at the Parish Church of St. Anne, Black-Friars, London. The phrasing still differed from the modern instance, but it moved closer:²

I have heard, or read, concerning that excellent Dignitary of the Church of England, Mr. John Bradford (who was also burned for adhering to her Doctrines), that, one Day, on seeing a Malefactor pass to Execution, he laid his Hand to his Breast, and lifted his Eyes to Heaven, saying, “Take away the GRACE of God, and there goes John Bradford.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Dialogue Origin: “He Is Dead.” “How Can They Tell?”

Dorothy Parker? Wilson Mizner? Apocryphal? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Calvin Coolidge was the 30th President of the United States, and his highly reserved character in social settings led to the nickname “Silent Cal”. A few years after his death in 1933 two similar anecdotes began to circulate about the spoken reaction to the news of Coolidge’s demise. Reportedly, when the wit Dorothy Parker was notified she said:

How can they tell?

Also, when the raconteur Wilson Mizner was told he said:

How do they know?

What evidence is there for these two tales?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was published in the 1936 book “Enjoyment of Laughter” by Max Eastman in a chapter about the use of exaggeration in humor:¹

…Dorothy Parker’s remark when told that Calvin Coolidge was dead: How can they tell?

In 1937 a review of Eastman’s book was printed in “The Glasgow Herald” of Scotland, and the remark ascribed to Parker was reprinted:²

But here one gives the prize to Dorothy Parker, that vitriolic lady who “can’t read Wodehouse.” When told that President Coolidge was dead all she said was, “How can they tell?”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Nobody Will Ever Win the Battle of the Sexes. There’s Too Much Fraternizing with the Enemy

Henry Kissinger? M. Z. Remsburg? James Thurber? Ann Landers? Robert Orben? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a joke about the uneasy relationship between the sexes that has been told for decades:

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

In the 1970s this statement was attributed to the U.S. foreign policy specialist Henry Kissinger, but I suspect that the quip existed before the 1970s. Would you explore its provenance?

Reply from Quote Investigator: A version of this jest was circulating by the 1940s. In February 1944 a newspaper in Lubbock, Texas printed the following as a short filler item. No specific attribution or acknowledgement was given:¹

“One war that will never be won by either side is the continual war between the sexes,” declares a columnist. That’s true, mainly because there is so much fraternizing with the enemy on the part of both sides.

Only part of the text was placed between quotation marks because there were two participants in the joke. The quoted words of the columnist were followed by the humorous reaction of a second unidentified person. The common modern versions of the joke simplify the presentation so that there is only one speaker.

In August 1945 a newspaper in Covina, California printed an instance of the quip and named an editor as the source, but QI suspects that the editor was simply relaying a pre-existing joke. The semantically redundant phrase “on the part of both sides” in the 1944 version has been omitted from most later instances:²

FRATERNIZATION AGAIN

According to word from editor M. Z. Remsburg of the Vista Press, the reason the war between the sexes will never be ended is that there is too much fraternizing with the enemy!

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Every Election Is a Sort of Advance Auction Sale of Stolen Goods

Ambrose Bierce? H. L. Mencken? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a comically acerbic remark about elections that is often attributed to the famous cynic Ambrose Bierce:

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.

Several of my friends have told me that these are actually the words of the influential journalist and pundit H. L. Mencken, but no one seems to have a precise citation. Would you please examine this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive evidence that Ambrose Bierce said or wrote this comment.

In 1956 the press of Johns Hopkins University released an important compilation of essays by H. L. Mencken under the title “A Carnival of Buncombe” edited by Malcolm Moos. An essay called “Sham Battle” was published in the “Baltimore Evening Sun” on October 26, 1936, and it has been reprinted in this collection. Mencken presented an uncompromisingly harsh evaluation of the electoral process. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

The state—or, to make the matter more concrete, the government—consists of a gang of men exactly like you and me. They have, taking one with another, no special talent for the business of government; they have only a talent for getting and holding office. Their principal device to that end is to search out groups who pant and pine for something they can’t get, and to promise to give it to them. Nine times out of ten that promise is worth nothing. The tenth time it is made good by looting A to satisfy B. In other words, government is a broker in pillage, and every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.

Government, of course, has other functions, and some of them are useful and even valuable. It is supposed, in theory, to keep the peace, and also to protect the citizen against acts of God and the public enemy.

QI believes that the modern version of the saying was derived from the 1936 passage above.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Success Is Going from Failure to Failure Without Losing Your Enthusiasm

Winston Churchill? Abraham Lincoln? Apocryphal? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Winston Churchill once famously exhorted an audience to “never give in”. There is another saying attributed to him about perseverance. Here are three versions:

1) Success is the ability to move from one failure to another without loss of enthusiasm.
2) Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.
3) Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

I have been unable to find a speech or letter by Churchill containing this expression. Would you please examine this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This statement was placed in an appendix called “Red Herrings: False Attributions” in the book “Churchill By Himself” which presented a comprehensive collection of quotations from the prominent statesman edited by Richard M. Langworth who is the top expert in this domain. Langworth noted that the expression has also been attributed to Abraham Lincoln. In the realm of quotations the names of Churchill and Lincoln both attract a profusion of spurious ascriptions:¹

Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.

Broadly attributed to Churchill, but found nowhere in his canon. An almost equal number of sources credit this saying to Abraham Lincoln; but none of them provides any attribution.

The earliest close match located by QI appeared in a 1953 book about public speaking titled “How to Say a Few Words” by David Guy Powers. The author did not claim credit, and the ascription was anonymous:²

Success has been defined as the ability to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

Here are selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: A Child Should Play Amongst Lovely Things

Plato? Aubert J. Clark? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: The following statement is attributed to the ancient Greek philosopher and sage Plato:

The most effective kind of education is that a child should play among lovely things.

Although this quotation is popular with many educators I have never seen a proper citation. Would you please explore its provenance?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest close match for this expression located by QI appeared in an article by Aubert J. Clark about Montessori teaching methods that was published in 1963 in “The Catholic Educational Review”. According to the author the Montessori approach specified that the teaching environment should be aesthetically pleasing and orderly. A footnote presented an opinion attributed to Plato. A precise textual location in “The Republic” was given, but the words were not enclosed in quotation marks. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

One is reminded of Plato’s dictum that the most effective kind of learning is that the child should play among lovely things. See The Republic, 558B. Montessorians might be agreeably surprised if they read a bit of Plato.

Location 558B in Plato’s “The Republic” did present a pertinent remark on the topic of education. But the statement used a negation and did not closely match the modern version of the saying. Nevertheless, QI believes that the quotation under investigation was derived from Plato’s words. Benjamin Jowett created the following translation which was published in 1892:²

…we said that, except in the case of some rarely gifted nature, there never will be a good man who has not from his childhood been used to play amid things of beauty and make of them a joy and a study…

Another translation of the passage from “The Republic” was crafted by Paul Shorey and is available online at the Perseus Digital Library Project:³

…except in the case of transcendent natural gifts no one could ever become a good man unless from childhood his play and all his pursuits were concerned with things fair and good…

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.