Quote Investigator® – Page 207

Anecdote Origin: It Will Take Them Ten Years to Prove Me Wrong

Winston Churchill? Paul S. Nadler? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: I heard this story many years ago at an economics convention. I’ve contacted the Churchill Archive and a couple of renowned Churchill scholars, and so far the answer seems to be “apocryphal,” as with so many great quotes attributed to the Great Quote Magnet. But it does fit his character. Here goes:

As Chancellor of the Exchequer in the mid-1920s, Churchill asked his chief economist what would be required to produce a good estimate of the total cost of World War I to Britain. The economist replied that it would take ten years by the best means available, whereupon Churchill promised his answer to the Prime Minister that same day. He explained: “If I give him my best guess this afternoon, it will take ten years for anyone to prove me wrong.”

Can you uncover something about this anecdote?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has found a few examples of stories that fit this general template. The earliest was published in Coronet magazine in 1945 and Winston Churchill was the primary character. However, the setting was World War 2 and not World War 1:¹

During the early days of his prime ministership, Winston Churchill’s war expenditures aroused an opposition member of Parliament to demand a strict accounting of the vast sums involved. Well aware that such an accounting would be almost impossible to make within the time set, the MP sat back to wait for the fiasco. Churchill, however, blandly promised to have the figures ready the very next day, and true to his word he did. At any rate, he read off a series of figures that ran into 103,429,009 pounds, eight shillings and sixpence. The opposition was promptly silenced.

The session over, a friend asked Churchill how he had worked the miracle. “Quite simple,” Churchill confessed. “I made those figures up as I went along. It will take the opposition at least three months and a score of clerks to prove me wrong—if they care to try it!

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Life Is a Journey, Not a Destination

Ralph Waldo Emerson? Lynn H. Hough? Aerosmith? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Ralph Waldo Emerson is often credited with the following:

Life is a journey, not a destination.

I’ve searched a database Emerson’s works without luck, and I believe this is a misattribution. Any insight you have into the lineage of this quote would be much appreciated.

Reply from Quote Investigator: An exact match for the expression above has not been found in the oeuvre of Ralph Waldo Emerson. Yet, Emerson did write a thematically related remark:¹

To finish the moment, to find the journey’s end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours, is wisdom.

This sentence suggested a psychological vantage point in which the intermediate advances of the journey were representative of the completion of the journey. This is arguably a distinct statement from the questioner’s saying which is listed in “The Dictionary of Modern Proverbs” without attachment to a specific person.²

The earliest close match located by QI appeared in 1920 in a periodical called “The Christian Advocate”. The phrase was used by the theologian Lynn H. Hough within his outline for a Sunday School Lesson discussing a letter from Simon Peter. Bold face has been added to the phrase here and some phrases below:³

He wanted his friends to realize that life is a journey and not a destination; that the heart must be set upon those matters of character which are eternal and not upon those matters of sensation which pass away.

Interesting precursors of the expression were in circulation in the previous century. In 1854 “The Sunday at Home: A Family Magazine for Sabbath Reading” printed a “Page for the Young” with the following advice:⁴

You should learn in early youth that your life is a journey, not a rest. You are travelling to the promised land, from the cradle to the grave.

In 1855 another religious text used a variant phrase and provided an explanation:⁵

All life is a journey, not a home; it is a road, not the country; and those transient enjoyments which you have in this life, lawful in their way,—those incidental and evanescent pleasures which you may sip,—are not home; they are little inns only upon the road-side of life, where you are refreshed for a moment, that you may take again the pilgrim-staff and journey on, seeking what is still before you—the rest that remaineth for the people of God.

A decade later the passage above was reprinted in a collection entitled “A Cyclopaedia of Illustrations of Moral and Religious Truths”; however, it was labeled ANON.⁶

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Advice Origin: Substitute ‘Damn’ Every Time You’re Inclined to Write ‘Very’

Mark Twain? William Allen White? Franklin P. Adams? Brock Pemberton? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: I’ve been quoting an editor-friend’s advice for years, and suddenly tonight I see it online attributed to Mark Twain:

Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

If that’s really Twain, what work is it from, please? It’s all over the Internet on quote sites.

Reply from Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence that Mark Twain said this. It is not listed on the important Twain Quotes website edited by Barbara Schmidt.¹

In the earliest citation located by QI the humorous advice was credited to William Allen White who was a prominent newspaper editor based in Emporia, Kansas. Here is the tale as told in 1935 by a columnist in a Seattle, Washington newspaper:²

William Allen White’s visit here, en route to the Philippines, recalled the story of the famous Kansas editor and publisher’s meeting several years ago with a group of fledgling newspaper men in Lawrence. Kas. The “cubs” listened eagerly to everything “the Sage of Emporia” had to say and besought him to give them some advice about news writing.

“I never give advice,” said Mr. White, “but there is one thing I wish you would do when you sit down to write news stories, and that is: Never use the word, ‘very.’ It is the weakest word in the English language; doesn’t mean anything. If you feel the urge of ‘very’ coming on, just write the word, ‘damn,’ in the place of ‘very.’ The editor will strike out the word, ‘damn,’ and you will have a good sentence.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: A Person Who Publishes a Book Willfully Appears Before the Populace with His Pants Down

Edna St. Vincent Millay? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: A recent controversial article about critics and criticism in the New York Times contained a refreshingly blunt two-part quotation:¹

To writers, Edna St. Vincent Millay offered the wisest counsel. It rings down the decades. “A person who publishes a book willfully appears before the populace with his pants down,” she said. “If it is a good book, nothing can hurt him. If it is a bad book, nothing can help him.”

Did Millay, the Pulitzer Prize-winning poet, write this in an essay or letter? Did she say it as an impromptu remark? I have not been able to find a precise reference.

Reply from Quote Investigator: These two statements can be traced back to a letter that Edna St. Vincent Millay wrote to her mother, Cora B. Millay, in 1927. However, the second statement has been modified in an interesting way.

In 1927 Kathleen Millay, the sister of Edna and daughter of Cora, was planning to publish a book of poetry titled “The Evergreen Tree”. Her mother was anxious about this event, and she wrote a letter to Edna who responded. Bold type has been added:²

Kathleen is about to publish a book, as thousands have done before her. A person who publishes a book wilfully appears before the populace with his pants down. And there’s nothing you can do about that.

Note that Edna used “his”, a male possessive adjective, even though the topic of the letter was her sister. Edna was constructing an adage that applied to any person, and she followed the convention of using male pronouns and adjectives to designate persons of unspecified gender. Edna continued her letter by emphasizing the maturity of her sister:

Kathleen is not a baby. She is a grown-up person quite able to take care of herself. And she has been struggling for years to be allowed to manage her own affairs. If she knew the kind of letter you wrote me in her behalf, she’d froth at the mouth & spit brimstone.

The next section of the letter contained the second sentence that is often quoted. This time Edna used the female pronoun “her”. This is understandable because she was discussing her sister:

Kathleen is about to publish a book. If it’s a good book, nothing can harm her. If it’s a bad book, nothing can help her. And all your stewing & fretting will accomplish just one end: it will make you very sick, & a nuisance to yourself …

So the second sentence in the widely distributed quotation has been modified. The word “harm” has been changed to “hurt”. Also, the pronoun “her” has been replaced by “him” in two places. Summarizing, the quotation was written by one female writer about another female writer, but the most common version in circulation uses the words “his” and “him”.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

YOLO in the Boston Globe

Top language columnist Ben Zimmer has written a great article for the Boston Globe about YOLO. He referenced QI (a.k.a. Garson O’Toole) and some of the research that was posted on this website. Zimmer is the executive producer of VisualThesaurus.com and Vocabulary.com. He also writes for the New York Times. Newspapers are shrinking, and the Boston Globe deserves kudos for publishing high-quality articles about language.

More about this topic appeared in his column “Further Adventures of YOLO” at the Visual Thesaurus website. Access may be restricted to subscribers, but your library or school may already have a subscription. Zimmer discussed Yolo County, California, pointed out the entry on the Know Your Meme website, mentioned an alternative: YOLT, and presented additional background.

Quote Origin: A Kiss Is A Trick of Nature to Stop Speech When Words Are Superfluous

Ingrid Bergman? Evan Esar? Paul H. Gilbert? Hal Boyle? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: One of my favorite websites recently presented a collection of “Ten Favorite Quotations about Words”. Number one was about osculation:

A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop speech when words become superfluous.

These words were attributed to the lovely Oscar-winning actress Ingrid Bergman, but no citation was given. Oddly, most of the other ten quotes incorporated precise citations. Can you tell me when and where this was said?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This statement was credited to Bergman in a syndicated newspaper column written by Hal Boyle in 1970, and this was the earliest connection to Bergman located by QI. The actress lived until 1982, so it was possible that she did speak or write this line.

However, the clever definition was in circulation a few decades earlier. In 1943 Evan Esar, the inveterate phrase collector, published “Esar’s Comic Dictionary” which included the following meaning for the word kiss:¹

kiss. A trick of nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

Esar did not list credits for any of the definitions in his book proclaiming that the contents were “of popular origin and therefore unattributed”. He also complained about the ubiquity of false attributions in his Foreword:²

Now more than ever is it a wise crack that knows its own father, for the general practice of apocryphal ascription has been aggravated by the rise of radio.

Yet, Esar also admitted that some of the jokes in his book should have been ascribed:

Some of the unattributed items in this work doubtless derive from present-day humorists and men of letters, and for their inadvertent inclusion the writer wishes to apologize in advance.

The humorous remark about kissing was reprinted without ascription for many years until a version was finally assigned to Bergman by 1970.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Character Is Most Evident by How One Treats Those Who Can Neither Retaliate nor Reciprocate

Paul Eldridge? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: I noticed that the QI website has an entry for the following expression:

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

I believe a similar statement containing the phrase “to retaliate or to reciprocate” was printed in a 1965 book called “Maxims for a Modern Man” by the novelist Paul Eldridge.

Reply from Quote Investigator: Thanks for your valuable note. In August 1948 Paul Eldridge published an article titled “Lanterns in the Night” which listed dozens of maxims. Here are three:¹

40. Evil flows backward swelling its source.

41. A man’s character is most evident by how he treats those who are not in a position either to retaliate or reciprocate.

42. Avarice is fear sheathed in gold.

In 1965 a version of this saying with a slightly different phrasing was printed in “Maxims for a Modern Man” by Paul Eldridge:²

A man is most accurately judged by how he treats those who are not in a position either to retaliate or to reciprocate.

In 2000 the reference work “Random House Webster’s Quotationary” reprinted the adage and credited Eldridge with the following acknowledgement:³

PAUL ELDRIDGE (1888-1982). Maxims for a Modern Man, 1198, 1965.

This post continues with a comment and conclusion.

Quote Origin: Fathers Should Give the Gift of Time to Their Children

Ann Landers? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Many years ago I read a poem I greatly enjoyed in a newspaper column by Ann Landers. Unfortunately, I only remember a few fragments:

What will you give one small boy?
… a tinker toy?
No, give him a day he can call his own.

Can you find the poem with this partial information?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In the 1950s a poem was printed in multiple newspaper columns during the period around Father’s Day in the United States. Here is an instance published in 1956 in the Oxnard Press-Courier of Oxnard, California. The verse included the phrase “tinseled toy” rather than “tinker toy”. The author was anonymous:¹

What shall you give to one small boy?
A glamorous game, a tinseled toy,
A barlow knife, a puzzle pack,
A train that runs on curving track?
A picture book; a real live pet.
No, there’s plenty of time for such things yet.
Give him a day for his very own—
Just one small boy and his dad alone.
A walk in the woods, a romp in the park,
A fishing trip from dawn to dark.
Give the gift that only you can—
The companionship of his Old Man.
Games are outgrown, and toys decay—
But he’ll never forget if you “Give him a day.”

Other newspapers publishing the poem included: the Logansport Press of Logansport, Indiana in 1956;² the Millbrook Round Table of Millbrook, New York in 1957;³ and the Augusta Chronicle of Augusta, Georgia in 1957.⁴ Each time the poem was labeled anonymous.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Good Girls Go to Heaven. Bad Girls Go Everywhere

Helen Gurley Brown? Lawrence Johnstone? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Helen Gurley Brown was a pioneering and controversial editor at Cosmopolitan magazine. One of her most famous lines was:

Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere.

I saw this quote in two of her recent obituary notices, but I have not seen a solid citation. When did she say this?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence connecting Brown to this saying appeared in a New York Times interview in 1982. Brown was explaining the term “mouseburger”, and the interviewer noticed that the adage was written on a pillow:¹

“A mouseburger is a young woman who is not very prepossessing,” said Mrs. Brown on a recent afternoon, curled up on a floral-patterned couch with a needlepoint pillow that said “Good Girls Go to Heaven — Bad Girls Go Everywhere.” “She is not beautiful. She is poor, has no family connections, and she is not a razzledazzle ball of charm and fire. She is a kind of waif.”

This key citation is listed in the important reference work The Yale Book of Quotations.² Brown helped to popularize the expression, but it was in circulation before 1982. For example, in February 1979 an Associated Press newswire story described a card with this caption:³

Good little girls may go to heaven. But bad little girls go everywhere.

Precursors to this joke appeared at the turn of the previous century. The quips evolved over decades and QI hypothesizes that two types were combined to yield the modern statement.

In 1900 a New York newspaper printed the following anecdote which comically contrasted the behavior of good girls and bad girls:⁴

WHERE WICKED GIRLS GO.—A mother who was talking to her little girl the other evening was greatly surprised at the answer she received to one of her questions. “My child, where do good girls go when they die?” “To heaven, of course.” “My dear, where do bad girls go?” “To the depot to see the traveling men come in.”

The same basic anecdote was told in multiple periodicals, e.g., newspapers in Princeton, Minnesota;⁵ Owego, New York;⁶ and Adrian, Michigan.⁷ In 1908 a variant joke was printed with an acknowledgment to the Los Angeles Times:⁸

Little Jenny had been found guilty of a breach of conduct, and her mother, desiring to impress the importance of perfect behavior, asked her If she knew where the good little girls go when they die. Jenny shook her head and was informed that they go to God’s home above. She was then asked where the bad little girls go. Her answer was speedily forthcoming: “To god’s cellar, of course.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Professor’s Lecture Notes Go Straight to the Students’ Lecture Notes

Mark Twain? Edwin E. Slosson? Harry Lloyd Miller? Professor Rathburn? Mortimer J. Adler? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Mark Twain is credited with a very funny description of college lectures. For some teachers and students I think this quotation is accurate:

College is a place where a professor’s lecture notes go straight to the students’ lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

I would like to use this statement in an academic paper, but I have not found a proper reference. Could you explore this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence connecting this saying to Mark Twain. The earliest citation located by QI appeared in a 1927 book titled “Creative Learning and Teaching” by the educator Harry Lloyd Miller which contained a version mentioning fountain pens. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

In the inimitable phrasing of Slosson, “Lecturing is that mysterious process by means of which the contents of the note-book of the professor are transferred through the instrument of the fountain pen to the note-book of the student without passing through the mind of either.”

QI believes that the name “Slosson” probably referred to Edwin Emery Slosson, a scientist, editor, and author. QI has been unable to find a statement in his corpus that closely matched the quotation. However, top-notch searcher Dan Goncharoff did locate precursor passages in Slosson’s 1910 book “Great American Universities” that were thematically similar. For example, the following excerpt emphasized the replication of a lecture without understanding:²

As it is, the professors give too many lectures and the students listen to too many. Or pretend to; really they do not listen, however attentive and orderly they may be. The bell rings and a troop of tired-looking boys, followed perhaps by a larger number of meek-eyed girls, file into the classroom, sit down, remove the expressions from their faces, open their notebooks on the broad chair arms, and receive. It is about as inspiring an audience as a roomful of phonographs holding up their brass trumpets. They reproduce the lecture in recitations like the phonograph, mechanically and faithfully, but with the tempo and timbre so changed that the speaker would like to disown his remarks if he could.

The next excerpt humorously alluded to the curious theory of the pineal gland held by the famous mathematician and philosopher René Descartes who “regarded it as the principal seat of the soul and the place in which all our thoughts are formed”.³

The pineal gland is a small organ near the center of the brain. Slosson contended that students were duplicating lecture material in their notebooks without thinking about it:⁴

They take it down. The secret is that they have, without knowing anything about physiological psychology, devised an automatic cut-off which goes into operation as they open their notebooks and short-circuits the train of thought from the ear directly to the hand, without its having to pass through the pineal gland or wherever the soul may be at the time residing and holding court.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.