“Does It Hurt?” “Only When I Laugh”

Philip Gosse? John Bishop? Leonard Lyons? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: A family of popular comical anecdotes conforms to the following template. An individual suffers a grievous injury such as a spear through the chest. A companion asks about his or her status, and the reply is absurdly understated:

“Does it hurt?”
“Only when I laugh.”

Would you please explore the provenance of this tale?

Quote Investigator: The earliest strong match known to QI appeared in the 1934 book “Memoirs of a Camp-Follower” by Philip Gosse who served in the Royal Army Medical Corps during World War I. After an intense battle using bombs and bayonets, Gosse encountered a seriously injured soldier who was covered with mud and soaked with rain and blood. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI: 1

While I was gently examining his wound I asked him, more for the sake of something to say than anything else, if it hurt him very much. His answer, which I shall never forget, was “No Sir, only when I laugh.”

I am glad to say little John Bishop surprised us all by surviving a long and dangerous operation and eventually recovered.

This exchange was presented as non-fiction, and the line downplaying pain was spoken to Gosse by Bishop who was a member of the London Irish Rifles regiment of the British Army.

Thanks to top-flight researcher Peter Reitan who located the above citation.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Does It Hurt?” “Only When I Laugh”

Notes:

  1. 1934, Memoirs of a Camp-Follower by Philip Gosse, Chapter 2: We Go South, Quote Page 72 and 73, Longman’s, Green and Company. London, England. (Internet Archive at archive.org) link

Where Two People Are Writing the Same Book, Each Believes He Gets All the Worries and Only Half the Royalties

Agatha Christie? James Beasley Simpson? Joe Bushkin? Leonard Lyons? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Successful collaboration is difficult to achieve for many creators. The outstanding mystery writer Agatha Christie once referred to the difficulty of splitting royalties while explaining why she did not have coauthors. Would you please help me to find her remark?

Quote Investigator: The earliest citation located by QI appeared in a compilation of quotations published in 1957 by James Beasley Simpson. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI: 1

“I’ve always believed in writing without a collaborator, because where two people are writing the same book, each believes he gets all the worries and only half the royalties.

Agatha Christie, British mystery writer, news summaries of March 15, 1955.

QI has not yet found a newspaper article containing this statement on the date mentioned by Simpson, but electronic archives are incomplete. Also, QI does not have access to all pertinent databases.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading Where Two People Are Writing the Same Book, Each Believes He Gets All the Worries and Only Half the Royalties

Notes:

  1. 1957, Best Quotes of ’54 ’55 ’56, Compiled by James Beasley Simpson, Section: Authors 1955, Quote Page 112, Thomas Y. Crowell Company, New York. (Verified on paper)

Drama Is Life with the Dull Bits Cut Out

Alfred Hitchcock? Leonard Lyons? François Truffaut? Steven Rattner? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Thrill master Alfred Hitchcock made a brilliant observation about storytelling requiring the excision of “dull bits” or “boring bits” from a narrative. Would you please help me to find a citation that presents the precise phrasing for this remark?

Quote Investigator: In 1956 Hitchcock conducted a preview of his latest film “The Man Who Knew Too Much”. Popular syndicated columnist Leonard Lyons praised the taut work and relayed a quotation from the director: 1

It’s perfect Hitchcock, full of suspense, color and constant interest. The director said after the showing: “Movies have lost a lot by this new trend towards documentary realism at the sacrifice of fantasy. After all, drama is life with the dull bits cut out.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading Drama Is Life with the Dull Bits Cut Out

Notes:

  1. 1956 March 2, The Pittsburgh Press, The Lyons Den by Leonard Lyons, Quote Page 19, Column 2, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. (Newspapers_com)

So What? I Paint Fakes, Too

Pablo Picasso? Leonard Lyons? Daniel-Henry Kahnweiler? Arthur Koestler? Marshall McLuhan? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The most fascinating anecdote about authenticity that I have ever heard features Pablo Picasso repudiating a painting that he apparently created. Are you familiar with this tale? Would you please explore its provenance?

Quote Investigator: The earliest occurrence of this anecdote located by QI appeared in the popular syndicated column of Leonard Lyons in 1957. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI: 1

One of Picasso’s friends asked him to look at a picture he’d bought: “Is this a genuine Picasso?” The painter examined it and said, “No, it’s a fake.” The friend was crestfallen, then said: “Oh, well, I have this other one — a genuine Picasso.” The artist looked at the second picture and said: “That’s a fake, too” . . .”But that’s impossible,” said the friend, bewildered. “I saw you paint it myself”. . .“So what?” Picasso shrugged. “I paint fakes, too.”

Lyons did not identify the confused individual in this article, but ten years later in 1967 Lyons revisited the topic and pointed to Picasso’s art dealer Daniel-Henry Kahnweiler as the owner of the disavowed painting.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading So What? I Paint Fakes, Too

Notes:

  1. 1957 February 22, The Philadelphia Inquirer, Picasso Can ‘Paint Fakes, Too’ by Leonard Lyons, Quote Page 27, Column 1 and 2, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Newspapers_com)

Lyricist Versus Composer: The Song “Ol’ Man River”

Oscar Hammerstein II? Dorothy Hammerstein? Leonard Lyons?

river09Dear Quote Investigator: The division of credit between music composers and lyricists can be controversial. Some lyricists believe that their song writing skills are not given adequate respect. One vivid anecdote revealed the unhappiness of Dorothy Hammerstein who was the wife of the prominent Broadway song creator Oscar Hammerstein II.

During an extravagant New York gala Dorothy overheard a man effusively praising the song “Ol’ Man River”. The man’s remarks concluded with acclaim for the genius of Jerome Kern. Dorothy stepped forward and responded energetically:

Jerome Kern wrote ‘dum, dum, dum-dum’. My husband wrote “Ol’ Man River”.

Would you please explore the provenance of this tale?

Quote Investigator: The song “Ol’ Man River” was included in the 1927 theatrical production “Show Boat”. The earliest evidence of this story schema located by QI was published in the gossip column of Leonard Lyons in 1949; however, the aggrieved response was from Oscar Hammerstein II instead of his wife. Boldface has been added to excerpts. The ellipsis was present in the original text: 1

Jules Styne, the composer of “High Button Shoes” and the forthcoming “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes,” was discussing the popular tendency to ascribe a hit song only to the composer and neglect the lyricist. He told of the time a series of Kern-Hammerstein songs were referred to as “Jerome Kern’s hits,” at a dinner where Oscar Hammerstein was to speak … “I guess that when Jerry Kern wrote the ‘Show Boat’ songs, they came out like this,” said Hammerstein, who then hummed “Old Man River,” and ran his fingers over his lips to produce a dribbling sound.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading Lyricist Versus Composer: The Song “Ol’ Man River”

Notes:

  1. 1949 October 31, The Canton Repository, Broadway Gazette by Leonard Lyons, (Syndicated, Dateline: New York), Quote Page 18, Column 5, Canton, Ohio. (GenealogyBank)

Have You Tried Curiosity?

Dorothy Parker? Leonard Lyons? Apocryphal?

cat09Dear Quote Investigator: The famous wit Dorothy Parker was a friend of Alexander Woollcott, a notable writer for “The New Yorker” magazine. When Woollcott’s ancient cat developed a serious malady he was told by a veterinarian that the animal would have to be put to sleep. Uncertain of how to proceed, he consulted with Parker who said, “Have you tried curiosity?”

I offer my apologies to cat lovers for retelling this anecdote. Would you please examine the veracity of this incident?

Quote Investigator: To understand Parker’s quip the reader must be aware of an odd piece of proverbial wisdom that was in circulation by the 1800s:

Curiosity killed the cat.

A precursor proverb using the same template employed the word “care” instead of “curiosity”; the term “care” referred to worry and anxiety. For example, Shakespeare wrote in “Much Ado About Nothing” circa 1599:

What! courage, man! What though care killed a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.

The earliest instance of the Parker quip located by QI appeared in the popular syndicated gossip column of Leonard Lyons in 1966. This version of the tale did not involve Woollcott, and the incident described occurred one week before the publication of the column when Dorothy Parker visited the residence of the actor Zero Mostel. Boldface has been added to excerpts. Ellipses were present in the original text: 1 2

Ian Hunter also was among the guests, and Mostel asked him about his cat — which terrorizes everyone: “Have you killed that cat yet?” … “No, I haven’t,” Hunter said. “Frankly, I can’t afford it — to pay the fee for killing my cat.” … Mrs. Parker suggested: “Have you tried curiosity?”

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading Have You Tried Curiosity?

Notes:

  1. 1966 August 6, Morning Advocate, The Lyons Den by Leonard Lyons, Quote Page 2A, Column 2, Baton Rouge, Louisiana. (GenealogyBank)
  2. 1966 August 6, The Times-Picayune, The Lyons Den: Coach Meets Pope by Leonard Lyons, Section two, Quote Page 12, Column 4, New Orleans, Louisiana. (GenealogyBank)

I Had Six Theories About Bringing Up Children

Lord Rochester? John Wilmot? James A. Magner? Mrs. John McLauchlan? Leonard Lyons? Apocryphal?

theory07Dear Quote Investigator: A very funny comment about child-rearing has implausibly been attributed to John Wilmot, 2nd Earl of Rochester:

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

Wilmot died in 1680, and I do not think this quotation was crafted in the 17th century because the language is too modern. Would you please explore its provenance?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence of a close match found by QI appeared in a 1946 pamphlet titled “Parent Education Through Home and School”. The document was released by the Family Life Bureau, a Catholic Church organization. A section written by Reverend James A. Magner began with the following passage. Boldface has been added to excerpts: 1

“Before I got married,” wrote Lord Rochester, “I had six theories about bringing up children. Now I have six children—and no theories.”

Historically, the designation “Lord Rochester” has been used for John Wilmot, 2nd Earl of Rochester, but it was very unlikely that a joke Wilmot wrote or spoke before his death in 1680 was somehow hidden for 266 years and only emerged in 1946. To date QI has located no substantive linkage between Wilmot and the quotation.

An interesting precursor to the quip was circulating by 1916. Detailed information is given further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading I Had Six Theories About Bringing Up Children

Notes:

  1. Date: 1946, Pamphlet Title: Parent Education Through Home and School, Catalog Description from Preface: [Addresses] originally presented at the fourteenth annual meeting of the National Catholic conference on family life, held at the Catholic University of America, February 5-8, 1946, Article Title: The Social Values of the Home, Article Author: Rev. James A. Magner, Start Page 11, Quote Page 11, Publisher: N.C.W.C. Family Life Bureau, Washington, D.C. (Verified with scans; great thanks to the librarians at Logue Library of Chestnut Hill College, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

A Single Death is a Tragedy; a Million Deaths is a Statistic

Joseph Stalin? Leonard Lyons? Beilby Porteus? Kurt Tucholsky? Erich Maria Remarque?

Dear Quote Investigator: There is a vivid statement that typifies a heartless attitude toward human mortality:

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

These words are often attributed to the Soviet leader Joseph Stalin, but I have not found a precise citation for this harsh expression. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence known to QI linking this saying to Joseph Stalin was published in 1947 by the popular syndicated newspaper columnist Leonard Lyons in “The Washington Post”. The ellipsis in the following passage was in the original text. Boldface has been added to excerpts: 1 2

In the days when Stalin was Commissar of Munitions, a meeting was held of the highest ranking Commissars, and the principal matter for discussion was the famine then prevalent in the Ukraine. One official arose and made a speech about this tragedy — the tragedy of having millions of people dying of hunger. He began to enumerate death figures … Stalin interrupted him to say: “If only one man dies of hunger, that is a tragedy. If millions die, that’s only statistics.”

QI does not know what source Lyons used to obtain the details of this noteworthy scene and quotation. Without additional corroborative evidence or an explanation QI believes that this citation provides weak support for the ascription to Stalin. Perhaps future researchers will locate further relevant evidence.

There are several interesting precursors that illustrate the possible evolution of this expression, and additional selected citations are presented below in chronological order. The family of sayings examined here is variegated, and the denotations are often distinct, but QI believes that grouping them together is illuminating.

Continue reading A Single Death is a Tragedy; a Million Deaths is a Statistic

Notes:

  1. 1947 January 30, Washington Post, Loose-Leaf Notebook by Leonard Lyons, Quote Page 9, Washington, D.C. (ProQuest)
  2. 1947 January 30, Salt Lake Tribune, Lyons Den by Leonard Lyons, Quote Page 8, Column 3, Salt Lake City. (NewspaperArchive)