Quote Investigator® – Page 191

Quote Origin: Some People Never Miss an Opportunity to Miss an Opportunity

George Bernard Shaw? Abba Eban? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a popular phrase used to criticize individuals and groups. Here are three examples:

Some politicians never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.
He never missed an occasion of losing an opportunity.
This group loses no chance to miss an opportunity.

Can you determine who originated this turn of phrase?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in 1922 when the diary of Sir Algernon West was published. The critical words were attributed to the prominent playwright and social commentator George Bernard Shaw, and they were aimed at Archibald Philip Primrose, 5th Earl of Rosebery who was for a short time the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Boldface has been added to excerpts below:¹

Bernard Shaw, in later years, described him as a man who never missed an occasion of losing an opportunity, and W. Johnson, afterwards Cory the Eton master, said in a classical allusion that he wanted the palm without the dust.

The phrase “wanted the palm without the dust” referred to the desire to obtain victory without a major expenditure of effort. The excerpt above assessing Rosebery’s character was part of a section recounting events in 1892 but the date of the remark by Shaw was not precisely specified. Algernon West died in 1921.

When the volume containing the “Private Diaries of the Right Hon. Algernon West” was examined in “The New York Times” in October 1922 the reviewer found the shrewdly humorous remark about Rosebery distinctive enough to reprint:²

Bernard Shaw, in later years, described him as a man who never missed an occasion of losing an opportunity…

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I Only Write When Inspiration Strikes. Fortunately It Strikes at Nine Every Morning

William Faulkner? Peter De Vries? Herman Wouk? W. Somerset Maugham? Jane Yolen? Raymond Chandler? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: As a writer I find the following quotation about motivation both amusing and invigorating:

I write when I’m inspired, and I see to it that I’m inspired at nine o’clock every morning.

I have seen these words attributed to the satiric New Yorker writer Peter De Vries, the Nobelist William Faulkner, and playwright-novelist Somerset Maugham. Who do you think originated this quip?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was printed in 1966 in a “Washington Post” profile of the bestselling author Herman Wouk who was best known for the novels “The Caine Mutiny”, “The Winds of War”, and “War and Remembrance”. Wouk ascribed the remark to William Faulkner. The phrasing differed from the version provided by the questioner, but the underlying joke was the same. Boldface has been added to excerpts below:¹

For a writer with so many books to his credit, he finds writing an exceedingly difficult process of “gritting one’s teeth and putting down one word after another.” He averages 1500 to 2000 words a day and likes to quote William Faulkner: “I only write when inspiration strikes. Fortunately it strikes at nine every morning.”

This Wouk profile was reprinted in several newspapers including the “Des Moines Register”² in Iowa and the “Springfield Union”³ in Massachusetts. Faulkner died in 1962, four years before the story was published, and QI has not yet located any direct support for the attribution.

In 1971 the poet and novelist Reynolds Price was interviewed in “The Raleigh News and Observer” of North Carolina, and he presented a version of the jest credited to William Faulkner:⁴

Someone once asked Mr. Faulkner if he wrote by inspiration or habit and he said he wrote by inspiration, but luckily inspiration arrived at 9 every morning. I know what that means. And there is a kind of magic about keeping the stride once you’ve got it going.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Let Us Make a Special Effort to Stop Communicating with Each Other, So We Can Have Some Conversation

Mark Twain? Miss Manners? Judith Martin? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: I am considering using a quotation that is attributed to Mark Twain in the conclusion of my Master’s Thesis about social media. Unfortunately, I have been unable to verify the ascription, and the origin of the expression is uncertain:

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

I would be grateful for your assistance in tracing these words.

Reply from Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence that Mark Twain said or wrote the statement above. It is not listed on Barbara Schmidt’s TwainQuotes.com website, an important reference tool for checking expressions ascribed to the humorist. The earliest relevant citation located by QI appeared many years after Twain’s death in 1910.

For more than three decades Judith Martin has authored a popular syndicated advice column called “Miss Manners”.¹ In 1979 she wrote an article contrasting communication and conversation that began with the following initial sentence:²

The new social season being now upon us, let us make a special effort to learn to stop communicating with one another, so that we can have some conversation.

Martin was opposed to the oversharing of inappropriate personal details with acquaintances:

In communication, people express their true feelings, and tell everything about themselves with complete honesty, holding back nothing except their last names.

She wished that discretion and propriety would return to discourse:

Miss Manners’ hope is that, having learned to communicate, people have now rid themselves of their emotional backlogs, and are willing to return to talking like civilized people.

QI hypothesizes that the quotation from Martin was streamlined and then incorrectly reassigned to Mark Twain.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Kindness Is a Language Which the Deaf Can Hear and the Blind Can See

Mark Twain? Christian Nestell Bovee? Eva Alice? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Recently I clicked on a link that led to a top business-oriented website and was greeted by an interstitial page that displayed a quotation attributed to Mark Twain:

Kindness is a language which the deaf and the blind can read.

I thought this ascription was implausible, and the remark was odd. A deaf person can read standard text, and a blind person can read Braille. Would you examine this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Mark Twain died in 1910 and the first attribution of this saying to Twain located by QI was published in 1942. Hence, the ascription to Twain is unlikely to be accurate. Details for this citation are given further below.

The earliest match known to QI appeared in 1857 within a collection of sayings published by Christian Nestell Bovee titled “Thoughts, Feelings, and Fancies”. The following version of the dictum referred to the “dumb” and “deaf” instead of the “deaf” and “blind”. The term “dumb” was used to describe individuals who were unable to speak, typically because of congenital deafness. This word choice is now less frequent because it is considered offensive. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

KINDNESS
A language which the dumb can speak, and the deaf can understand.

This adage suggested that acts of kindness transcended conventional sensory and communication pathways. These acts could be performed or experienced without recourse to speaking or hearing. Christian Nestell Bovee is the leading candidate for creator of this saying. Bovee worked hard throughout his life to construct epigrams and memorable passages. His words were often reprinted by others. The phrasing evolved over time.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: He Who Would Pun Would Pick a Pocket

Alexander Pope? Samuel Johnson? Jonathan Swift? John Dennis? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: I have heard several versions of a quotation that is beloved by people who dislike puns:

(1) He who would make a pun would pick a pocket.
(2) A man who will pun, will pick a pocket.
(3) A man who could make so vile a pun would not scruple to pick a pocket.
(4) Any man who would make such an execrable pun would not scruple to pick my pocket.

This saying has been attributed to the famous lexicographer Samuel Johnson and the eminent poet Alexander Pope. Could you tell me who said it and what circumstance provoked the remark?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest instance of this quotation known to QI was published in a 1722 epistle by Benjamin Victor which told of a meeting in a tavern. Daniel Purcell employed a pun that caused the dramatist and critic John Dennis to react with anger and deliver a reproach. The name Dennis was partially disguised as “D—-s”; four letters were replaced with four hyphens.

To understand the pun one must know that in 1720s England the waiter in a tavern was called a “drawer”. The 1722 document adhered to a style in which nouns were capitalized. Boldface has been added to excerpts below:¹

“Mr. Purcell and Mr. Congreve going into a Tavern, by chance met D—-s, who went in with ’em. After a Glass or two had pass’d, Mr. Purcell, having some private Business with Mr. Congreve, wanted D—-s out of the Room, and not knowing a more certain Way than Punning, (for you are to understand, Sir, Mr. D—-s is as much surpriz’d at Pun as at a Bailiff) he proceeded after the following Manner:

He pull’d the Bell, and call’d two or three Times, but no One answering, he put his Hand under the Table, and looking full at D—-s, he said, I think this Table is like the Tavern; says D—-s, with his usual prophane Phrase) God’s death, Sir, How is this Table like the Tavern? Why, says Mr. Purcell, because here’s ne’er a Drawer in it.

Says D—-s, (starting up) God’s death, Sir, the Man that will make such an execrable Pun as that in my Company, will pick my Pocket, and so left the Room.

In this tale John Dennis sharply criticized one particular pun, and he did not attack all puns. Nevertheless, the popular modern instances of the saying are universal in condemnation.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Drawing on My Fine Command of Language, I Said Nothing

Robert Benchley? Lon Robinson? Joseph Charles Salak? Bruce Caldwell? H. M. Stansifer? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Some people never know when to stop talking. I wish more people knew about the following quotation. Here are two versions:

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

I have seen this attributed to the humorist and movie actor Robert Benchley. I have also seen it credited to Mark Twain. Would you look into this question?

Reply from Quote Investigator: A comical statement related to this theme was printed in 1900:¹

“He has a fine command of language,” says Mr. Dooley; “he seldom lets any escape.”

The important precursor statement given below was in circulation by 1920. The expression was printed without attribution along with several other quips and adages in an article titled “Pithy Sayings From Glens Falls Now and Then”. During the ensuing decades the phrase was reprinted many times:²

It often shows a fine command of language to say nothing.

In 1921 the saying was printed in a Kansas City, Missouri newspaper which gave an acknowledgement to another periodical:³

“It often shows a fine command of language to say nothing,” observes the Jameson Gem.

Also in 1921 a rephrased and more elaborate version of the statement was printed in a Miami, Florida newspaper:⁴

After all, nothing so much testifies to a fine command of language as an ability to say nothing at the right time.

In 1926 another version of the saying was printed in a Gettysburg, Pennsylvania newspaper:⁵

At times it requires a fine command of language to keep silent.

QI hypothesizes that the quotation under investigation evolved from these precursors.

Mark Twain died in 1910, and there is no substantive evidence that he made this remark. Robert Benchley died in 1945. The first ascription to Benchley located by QI appeared in 1949. The ascription to Benchley has weak support based on current knowledge.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: It’s Difficult to Make Predictions, Especially About the Future

Niels Bohr? Samuel Goldwyn? K. K. Steincke? Robert Storm Petersen? Yogi Berra? Mark Twain? Nostradamus? Anonymous?

Detail of 1902 painting “The Crystal Ball” by John William Waterhouse.

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a family of popular humorous sayings about the formidable task of successful prognostication. Here are five examples:

It is difficult to make predictions, especially about the future.
Predictions are hazardous, especially about the future.
It is hard to prophecy, particularly about the future.
It’s dangerous to prophesy, particularly about the future.
Never make forecasts, especially about the future.

Of course, a prediction is inherently about the future, and the modifiers “especially” and “particularly” emphasize the comical redundancy of the statement. These expressions have been attributed to a diverse collection of individuals, including Niels Bohr, Sam Goldwyn, Robert Storm Petersen, and Yogi Berra. Would you please tell me who I should credit?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The Danish politician Karl Kristian Steincke authored a multi-volume autobiography, and the earliest evidence known to QI appeared in the fourth volume titled “Farvel Og Tak” (“Goodbye and Thanks”) which was released in 1948. Danish text is followed by an English rendering below. The saying appeared in a section with this title:

Og saa til Slut et Par parlamentariske Sprogblomster

And finally a couple of parliamentary howlers

The saying was spoken during the parliamentary year 1937-1938, and no attribution was specified. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Det er vanskeligt at spaa, især naar det gælder Fremtiden.

It is difficult to make predictions, especially about the future.

This citation was mentioned in the prominent reference “The Yale Book of Quotations”.² More information about Danish citations for this saying is presented in the addendum at the end of this article.

The first appearance in English located by QI was printed in a 1956 academic publication called the “Journal of the Royal Statistical Society. Series A”. This early citation³ and several others remarked on the Danish language origin of the aphoristic joke:⁴

Alas, it is always dangerous to prophesy, particularly, as the Danish proverb says, about the future.

In May 1961 “The Canadian Journal of Economics and Political Science” printed an instance of the saying using the word “hazardous” instead of “dangerous”. Indeed, the phrasing changed over time and was highly variable:⁵

“Prediction,” goes an old Danish proverb, “is hazardous, especially about the future.” For the Canadian economy the hazard is especially great.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: History Does Not Repeat Itself. The Historians Repeat One Another

Max Beerbohm? Rupert Brooke? Philip Guedalla? Oscar Wilde? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: I have heard two distinct, humorous, and antithetical sayings about the composition of history:

1) History repeats itself, and the historians repeat each other
2) History does not repeat itself. The historians repeat each other.

Statements of this type have been attributed to two famously witty individuals: Oscar Wilde and Max Beerbohm. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was printed in an article from 1868 in the Louisville Journal which was reprinted by newspapers in Atlanta, Georgia¹ and Charleston, South Carolina.² The phrasing was somewhat different, but the meaning matched the first expression listed above. The unnamed author was greatly impressed by the number and diversity of books that had already been published and wondered what type of book might appear in the future. Boldface has been added to excerpts:

For taking into account the vast library of standard history, philosophy, fiction, poetry, which the genius of every language, ancient and modern, has furnished us, what else remains to be written? History will, of course, go on repeating itself, and the historians repeating each other.

In 1896 the illustrator and humorist Max Beerbohm wrote an essay titled “1880”. Some confusion is inevitable when a year is used as a title, so please note that the essay was written 16 years after 1880. Beerbohm employed the second expression listed above, but he did not claim coinage. The phrase “it has been said” indicated that the saying was already in circulation:³

“History,” it has been said, “does not repeat itself. The historians repeat one another.” Now, there are still some periods with which no historian has grappled, and, strangely enough, the period that most greatly fascinates me is one of them.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: It Is the Best Play I Ever Slept Through

Oscar Wilde? Myron W. Reed? Will Rogers? Charlie Carter?

Question for Quote Investigator: Several weeks ago I saw an article with the following humorous title:

Why Arianna’s Talk Was the Best I’ve Ever Slept Through

The piece was actually a very positive assessment and summary of a talk delivered by Arianna Huffington, founder of The Huffington Post.¹

I was reminded of a one-line critique of a drama attributed to Oscar Wilde:

It is the best play I ever slept through.

Is this really one of Wilde’s witticisms?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Oscar Wilde died in 1900, and the earliest ascription to Wilde located by QI was published in 1911. The prominent actor and producer Seymour Hicks knew Wilde and socialized with him. The memoir he published reported several remarks credited to Wilde. Boldface has been added to excerpts below:²

Innumerable are the witticisms laid at his door. What could be more delightful than his remark to the gushing female admirer who, shaking him warmly by the hand, said: “Oh, but Mr. Wilde, you don’t remember me. My name is Smith.” “Oh yes,” said Wilde, “I remember your name perfectly—but I can’t think of your face.”

It was Wilde who, on being asked on returning from a fashionable premiere how he liked the piece, replied: “My dear friend, it is the best play I ever slept through.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Never Answer an Anonymous Letter

Yogi Berra? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Would you please explore another Yogiism? The following comical remark is attributed to the celebrated baseball player:

Never answer an anonymous letter.

If the letter contains no information about the sender then, of course, it is impossible to reply. That is the humorous interpretation. But Yogi Berra once noted that a letter may have a return address without providing a name.

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence of a version of this quip located by QI was printed in 1876. The ascription to Yogi of the modern saying is uncertain. Detailed citations are given further below.

It is possible to reply to an anonymous letter sometimes. For example, an anonymous letter can be sent to a magazine, and the periodical can publish the letter together with a response. In 1770 an exchange of letters was published in “The Monthly Review” of London. One anonymous letter writer accused another writer of being overly personal. The journal published a response:¹

When, says he, I answer an anonymous letter, and make not the most distant allusion to any thing but what appears upon the face of it, where can be the personality?

In 1838 “Mechanics’ Magazine: Museum, Register, Journal, and Gazette” published an anonymous critical letter signed with a nom de plume. The journal also printed a response from the person who was criticized:²

It has been a rule with me never to answer an anonymous letter, but the classic pen of the reverend gentleman who signs himself “An Amateur Mechanic,” is as well known to me as if he had appeared in his proper person.

In 1873 a book titled “Analysis of Letter-Writing: With a Large Number of Examples of Model Business Letters” was released. The volume included the following two guidelines for proper business correspondence. No humor was intended:³

All business letters should be carefully kept, until, at least, the matters to which they relate are completely closed, and there can be no further use for them.

You should never condescend to answer an anonymous letter, even if you are nearly certain who wrote it. Never write one.

By 1876 the comical potential of the line was recognized. A newspaper in Orange City, Iowa printed a collection of funny remarks under the article title “Nubbins of Humor” including these three items:⁴

Intoxicating music—“Ale to the chief.”

It is a wise thing never to answer an anonymous letter until you have found out who wrote it.

“How long will my chop be, waiter?” asked a hungry man in a restaurant, “About five inches, sir.” was the prompt reply.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.