Ancient Tablet: The World is Speedily Coming to an End. Everyone Wants to Write a Book

Ancient Assyrian tablet maker? Egyptian  priest? George T. W. Patrick? George S. Godard? Frederick C. Ferry? Cicero? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: The world was supposed to end in 2012 according to many individuals. But the entity assigned the task may have been too busy destroying other worlds. The Smithsonian website posted an article titled: “Ten Notable Apocalypses That (Obviously) Didn’t Happen” which mentioned the following:1

An Assyrian clay tablet dating to around 2800 B.C. bears the inscription: “Our Earth is degenerate in these later days; there are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer obey their parents; every man wants to write a book and the end of the world is evidently approaching.”

However, the reference work “Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations” published by the Library of Congress suggested that this story was spurious.2 Would you please examine this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This popular tale of a tablet listing eerily familiar societal criticisms has been in circulation for more than one-hundred years, and many versions of the supposed inscription have been described. The earliest instance known to QI of this prototypical claim was printed in the August 1908 issue of a periodical for bicyclists called “Bassett’s Scrap Book”. A short item contrasted the modern age to ancient times and presented a variation of the epigraph:3

The “good old times” seemed as bad to the “good-old-timers” as the present times seem to the modern man, as shown by the following translation on an inscription on a tablet in the Imperial Museum at Constantinople, Turkey:—

Naram Sin, 5000 B.C.
We have fallen upon evil times, the world has waxed old and wicked. Politics are very corrupt. Children are no longer respectful to their elders. Each man wants to make himself conspicuous and write a book.

There are multiple points of similarity with the version given on the Smithsonian website, but this does not end with the ominous claim that “the end of the world is evidently approaching.”

Also in 1908 the same story was printed in two medical journals: “The Cincinnati Lancet-Clinic”4 and “The Medical Fortnightly”5 together with a newspaper: “Lexington Herald” of Lexington, Kentucky.6

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Ancient Tablet: The World is Speedily Coming to an End. Everyone Wants to Write a Book”

Folks Are Usually About as Happy as They Make Up Their Minds To Be

Abraham Lincoln? Frank Crane? Orison Swett Marden? Dale Carnegie? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: On twitter recently there was an exchange about a deeply insightful quotation credited to Abraham Lincoln:

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

I love this saying, and it helps me to reflect constructively on my own turbulent emotional life. Sometimes focusing on the positive enables one to feel happy instead of unhappy. Could you determine if Lincoln or someone else created this adage?

Quote Investigator: Expert Ralph Keyes examined a version of this saying in The Quote Verifier and expressed skepticism about the common ascription: [1] 2006, The Quote Verifier by Ralph Keyes, Page 129, St Martin’s Griffin, New York. (Verified on paper)

“People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
This popular Internet quotation is usually attributed to Lincoln. It doesn’t sound like him, however, and no evidence has been offered that he ever said or wrote this. It has appeared in unreliable collections of Lincolniana, and was attributed to Lincoln in the 1960 film Pollyanna.

The earliest evidence located by QI was printed in a newspaper article about New Year’s Resolutions on the first day of 1914 by the columnist Dr. Frank Crane: [2] 1914 January 01, Syracuse Herald, New Year’s Resolutions by Dr. Frank Crane, Unnumbered Page (NewsArch Page 16), Column 4, Syracuse, New York. (NewspaperArchive)

Determine this year to be master of self; that you will control your thoughts, regulate your passions, and guide your own deeds; that you will not let events lead you by the nose.

Resolve to be happy. Remember Lincoln’s saying that “folks are usually about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Crane’s column about resolutions was printed in the Syracuse Herald of Syracuse, New York. It also appeared in other papers in 1914 such as: the Moberly Morning Monitor of Moberly, Missouri; [3] 1914 January 4, Moberly Morning Monitor, New Year’s Resolutions by Dr. Frank Crane, Page 2, Column 4, Moberly, Missouri. (NewspaperArchive) and the Grand Forks Herald of Grand Forks, North Dakota. [4]1914 January 15, Grand Forks Herald, Old-Fashioned Advice. Some Worth While Resolutions for the New Year, (Acknowledgement to Chicago News), Page 7, Column 6, Grand Forks, North Dakota. … Continue reading

In 1916 Crane invoked the adage again in his column titled “Plain Talk for Plain People”, but the phrasing he employed was somewhat different. The expression used “most people” instead of “folks” and included the phrase “in this world”: [5] 1916 July 23, Boston Globe, Plain Talk for Plain People by Dr. Frank Crane, Page 44, Column 8, Boston, Massachusetts. (ProQuest)

Do you remember what Lincoln said? It was this:
“I have noticed that most people in this world are about as happy as they have made up their minds to be.”

Note that Crane placed the statement between quotation marks, and he credited Abraham Lincoln, but he was not certain how it was originally phrased. Indeed, as shown below, Crane gave a third version in 1920. Lincoln died in 1865 about fifty years before the earliest instance of the quote known to QI.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Folks Are Usually About as Happy as They Make Up Their Minds To Be”

References

References
↑1 2006, The Quote Verifier by Ralph Keyes, Page 129, St Martin’s Griffin, New York. (Verified on paper)
↑2 1914 January 01, Syracuse Herald, New Year’s Resolutions by Dr. Frank Crane, Unnumbered Page (NewsArch Page 16), Column 4, Syracuse, New York. (NewspaperArchive)
↑3 1914 January 4, Moberly Morning Monitor, New Year’s Resolutions by Dr. Frank Crane, Page 2, Column 4, Moberly, Missouri. (NewspaperArchive)
↑4 1914 January 15, Grand Forks Herald, Old-Fashioned Advice. Some Worth While Resolutions for the New Year, (Acknowledgement to Chicago News), Page 7, Column 6, Grand Forks, North Dakota. (GenealogyBank)
↑5 1916 July 23, Boston Globe, Plain Talk for Plain People by Dr. Frank Crane, Page 44, Column 8, Boston, Massachusetts. (ProQuest)

The One Who Follows the Crowd Will Usually Go No Further Than the Crowd

Albert Einstein? Eda LeShan? Alan Ashley-Pitt? Francis Phillip Wernig? Oscar Wilde? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The following quote has been credited to Albert Einstein and posted on Facebook and various websites:

The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. Those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before.

Here is an alternative version I have seen:

The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.

Is this a sample of Einstein’s wisdom?

Quote Investigator: Probably not. It does not appear in the comprehensive collection of quotations “The Ultimate Quotable Einstein” from Princeton University Press. [1] 2010, The Ultimate Quotable Einstein, Edited by Alice Calaprice, Princeton University Press, Princeton, New Jersey. (Verified on paper)

The earliest evidence of the saying that QI has located appeared in the 1970s. The 1973 self-help book “The Wonderful Crisis of Middle Age” by Eda LeShan contained a discussion about creativity that included a version of the saying, and the author did not attribute the words to Albert Einstein. She stated that the quotation was from a poster she had seen, and in a footnote she identified Alan Ashley-Pitt as the creator: [2] 1973, The Wonderful Crisis of Middle Age by Eda LeShan, Quote Page 304, [Copyright 1973; First Printing November 1974], Warner Books, New York. (Verified with scans)

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been before.

Creativity in living is not without its attendant difficulties, for peculiarity breeds contempt. And the unfortunate thing about being ahead of your time is that when people finally realize you were right, they’ll say it was obvious all along. You have two choices in your life; you can dissolve into the mainstream, or you can be distinct. To be distinct, you must be different. To be different, you must strive to be what no one else but you can be . . . *

* By Alan Ashley-Pitt (Aardvarque Enterprises, 116 W. Arrellaga Street, Santa Barbara, California 93104).

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “The One Who Follows the Crowd Will Usually Go No Further Than the Crowd”

References

References
↑1 2010, The Ultimate Quotable Einstein, Edited by Alice Calaprice, Princeton University Press, Princeton, New Jersey. (Verified on paper)
↑2 1973, The Wonderful Crisis of Middle Age by Eda LeShan, Quote Page 304, [Copyright 1973; First Printing November 1974], Warner Books, New York. (Verified with scans)

The Best Hospitals Are Not Those Which Merely Use Knowledge But Those Which Create It

George W. Pickering? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: A thoughtful quotation about the connection between medical research and medical care has been credited to Sir George W. Pickering:

Medicine is an advancing science and the best hospitals are not those which merely use knowledge but those which create it.

Pickering was a professor of medicine at Oxford University. I haven’t been able to find a solid citation online for this statement, and would be grateful if you would explore this.

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence QI has found appeared in the 1964 book “The Advancement of Child Health” by Albert V. Neale. The text discussed the intellectual ferment of the seventeenth century and then stated: [1]1964, The Advancement of Child Health by A. V. Neale [Albert Victor Neale], Quote Page 35, University of London, Athlone Press, London. (Verified on paper; Great thanks to Skylar and the Florida … Continue reading

Sir George Pickering (1960), three centuries later, has an apt follow-up: ‘Medicine is an advancing science and the best hospitals in the world are not those which merely use new knowledge, but those which create it.’

This version of the quotation was a bit longer because it included the phrase “in the world” and the word “new”. The parenthetical date of 1960 suggested that the author planned to include a precise reference, but a careful examination of the book revealed no further information. The bibliography and notes sections contained no citations for Pickering in 1960.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “The Best Hospitals Are Not Those Which Merely Use Knowledge But Those Which Create It”

References

References
↑1 1964, The Advancement of Child Health by A. V. Neale [Albert Victor Neale], Quote Page 35, University of London, Athlone Press, London. (Verified on paper; Great thanks to Skylar and the Florida State University library)

“It Took Me Fifteen Years to Discover That I Had No Talent for Writing.” “Did You Quit?”

Robert Benchley? Mark Twain? Walter Winchell? Groucho Marx? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: One of the funniest quotations about writing is usually credited to the brilliant wit Robert Benchley:

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.

I was very surprised to find the same joke attributed to Twain in the comprehensive collection “Everyone’s Mark Twain”:

After writing for fifteen years it struck me I had no talent for writing. I couldn’t give it up. By that time I was already famous!

Was this quip created by Robert Benchley, Mark Twain, or somebody else?

Quote Investigator: QI believes that this comical remark was crafted by neither Twain nor Benchley. The earliest version of the joke located by QI was about writing poetry. It was published in the humor magazine Puck in February 1912 under the title “COULDN’T AFFORD TO THEN”. The generic names SCRIBBLER and FRIEND were used to designate the speakers in a dialog: [1]1912 February 28, Puck, Volume 71, Couldn’t Afford To Then, Unnumbered Page [Page 5 by count], Column 3, Keppler & Schwarzmann, New York. (HathiTrust)

SCRIBBLER.—It took me nearly ten years to learn that I couldn’t write poetry.
FRIEND.—Gave it up then, did you?
SCRIBBLER.—Oh, no. By that time I had a reputation.

In March 1912 the same joke was reprinted in other periodicals with an acknowledgement to Puck, e.g., Springfield Republican of Springfield, Massachusetts, [2] 1912 March 02, Springfield Republican, Had a Reputation, [Acknowledgement to Puck], Page 17, Column 7, Springfield, Massachusetts. (GenealogyBank) Seattle Daily Times of Seattle, Washington, [3]1912 March 05, Seattle Daily Times, “Couldn’t Afford to Then”, [Acknowledgement to Puck], Page 7, Column 2, Seattle, Washington. (GenealogyBank)) and The Jersey Journal of Jersey City, New Jersey. [4]1912 March 23, Jersey Journal, “Scissorettes: Too Late.”, [Acknowledgement to Puck], Page 16, Column 4, Jersey City, New Jersey (GenealogyBank)

In September 1912 The Independent, a weekly magazine based in New York City, printed a variant that referred to writing stories instead of poetry: [5]1912 September 19, The Independent, [Weekly Magazine], Pebbles, [Acknowledgement to New York American], Page 679, Column 2, New York. (Google Books full view) link

“It took me nearly ten years to learn that I couldn’t write stories.”
“I suppose you gave it up, then?”
“No, no. By that time I had a reputation.”
—New York American.

The quip was retold, and the phrasing evolved for decades, but the creator was left unnamed. The earliest connection to Mark Twain located by QI appeared in the popular newspaper column of Walter Winchell in 1946. The first known attachment of the joke to Benchley occurred in an issue of Reader’s Digest in 1949. Also, Nathaniel Benchley, the son of Robert, attributed the joke to his father in a biography he wrote in 1955. The details are provided further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading ““It Took Me Fifteen Years to Discover That I Had No Talent for Writing.” “Did You Quit?””

References

References
↑1 1912 February 28, Puck, Volume 71, Couldn’t Afford To Then, Unnumbered Page [Page 5 by count], Column 3, Keppler & Schwarzmann, New York. (HathiTrust)
↑2 1912 March 02, Springfield Republican, Had a Reputation, [Acknowledgement to Puck], Page 17, Column 7, Springfield, Massachusetts. (GenealogyBank)
↑3 1912 March 05, Seattle Daily Times, “Couldn’t Afford to Then”, [Acknowledgement to Puck], Page 7, Column 2, Seattle, Washington. (GenealogyBank))
↑4 1912 March 23, Jersey Journal, “Scissorettes: Too Late.”, [Acknowledgement to Puck], Page 16, Column 4, Jersey City, New Jersey (GenealogyBank)
↑5 1912 September 19, The Independent, [Weekly Magazine], Pebbles, [Acknowledgement to New York American], Page 679, Column 2, New York. (Google Books full view) link

Do You Like Kipling? I Don’t Know; I’ve Never Kippled Before

Donald McGill? James Kenneth Stephen? Philip K. Dick? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Graphic artist Donald McGill created one of the most popular postcards of the previous century. The card depicted a man and woman sitting beneath a tree with a book, and the caption said:

“Do you like Kipling?”
“I don’t know, you naughty boy, I’ve never kippled!”

The humor was based on wordplay using the surname of the prominent literary figure Rudyard Kipling. The Guinness Book of World Records stated that about 6,000,000 copies of the card were sold. McGill created many other postcards during his long career, but during the 1950s some of his works were banned because the double-entendres and innuendos were too saucy for the censorship-minded authorities in his locality of the United Kingdom.

Could you determine if McGill originated the wonderfully funny dialog on this seaside postcard?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence QI has located for a matching joke was printed in 1907. This version was considerably longer than the two dialog lines given above, but the core of the quip remained the same [SNPP]:

At a dinner given in a home that was marked for the literary acquirements of its members the conversation naturally turned to books and their authors. This was not much to the liking of one young woman, who was more noted for her skill at golf and kindred sports than for her knowledge of romance and history. From time to time she attempted to start a discussion of outdoor games, but to no avail. At last her companion at the table turned to her with the inquiry:

“And do you not like Kipling?”

The fair young thing knitted her brows in thought for a moment, then answered blithely:

“Kipling? I don’t believe it has been introduced in our set yet. How do you kipple, anyway?”

By 1917 a concise version of the gag was published that was even closer to the modern version. The initials “s. y. t.” in the following excerpt correspond to “sweet young thing” [NDQC]:

“Are you fond of Kipling?” queried a literary friend of ours of a sweet young thing he met at a party last week.
“I really don’t know,” blushed the s. y. t., “I never kippled.”—Book Notes.

Top quotation expert Nigel Rees writing in “Brewer’s Famous Quotations” noted that the postcard by Donald McGill was “undated, but possibly from the 1930s” [NRBF].

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Do You Like Kipling? I Don’t Know; I’ve Never Kippled Before”

Quote Origin: We Cannot Predict the Future, But We Can Invent It

Dennis Gabor? Abraham Lincoln? Ilya Prigogine? Alan Kay? Steven Lisberger? Peter Drucker? Forrest C. Shaklee? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: I have seen several different versions of an adage about prediction and invention. Here are some examples:

  • The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be invented.
  • We cannot predict the future, but we can invent it.
  • The way to cope with the future is to create it.
  • The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
  • The best way to predict the future is to create it.
  • You cannot predict the future, but you can create it.

These sayings are not identical in meaning, but I think they fit together naturally as a group. Could you explore the origin of these expressions?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence known to QI appeared in 1963 in the book “Inventing the Future” written by Dennis Gabor1 who was later awarded a Nobel Prize in Physics for his work in holography. Boldface has been added to the following passage and some excerpts further below:2

We are still the masters of our fate. Rational thinking, even assisted by any conceivable electronic computors, cannot predict the future. All it can do is to map out the probability space as it appears at the present and which will be different tomorrow when one of the infinity of possible states will have materialized. Technological and social inventions are broadening this probability space all the time; it is now incomparably larger than it was before the industrial revolution—for good or for evil.

The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be invented. It was man’s ability to invent which has made human society what it is. The mental processes of inventions are still mysterious. They are rational but not logical, that is to say, not deductive.

In March 1963 the book was reviewed in the periodical New Scientist by the editor and writer Nigel Calder who found the saying memorable enough to include a rephrased version in his review:3

His basic approach is that we cannot predict the future, but we can invent it, hence his title. He is essentially optimistic.

In 1968 Orville Freeman, the U.S. Secretary of Agriculture, employed the same concise version of the saying during a government conference, and he credited Gabor:4

Dennis Gabor once said, “We cannot predict the future, but we can invent it.” And it was Wilbert Moore, the great sociologist, who told us that “Revolutions thrive on utopian images, and without such images they will fail.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Quote Origin: We Cannot Predict the Future, But We Can Invent It”

If We Should Have to Leave Our Bleached Bones on These Desert Sands in Vain, Then Beware the Anger of the Legions.

Marcus Flavinius? Jean Lartéguy? Jean Pouget? Roger Frey? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigate: I would like your help in determining the authenticity of an eloquent letter that was supposedly sent by Marcus Flavinius, a centurion, to his cousin in Rome. Flavinius was fighting in a military campaign overseas in the 2nd Century AD, and he stated that he and his fellow warriors were willing to shed their blood protecting the glory of the Empire. But he now feared that back in Rome there was conspiracy and treachery. He wanted assurance that the citizens supported the campaign, and he ended the note with a warning:

If it should be otherwise, if we should have to leave our bleached bones on these desert sands in vain, then beware the fury of the Legions.

Apparently it has been difficult to locate any historical record of a person named Marcus Flavinius. Is this letter legitimate?

Quote Investigator: The letter was probably a fake. The earliest known appearance of the text was in the epigraph of a bestselling French novel titled “Les Centurions” by Jean Lartéguy in 1960. The book was about the experiences of French military men in Vietnam and Algeria, and it was translated into English and published as “The Centurions” in 1962. By 1966 the letter had been reprinted without a source citation in the reference collection: “Dictionary of Military and Naval Quotations”.

Yet, Jean Lartéguy later claimed that he had been given fabricated information which he included in “Les Centurions”. He discussed this topic in his 1976 book “La Guerre Nue” which was translated into English and published as “The Face of War: Reflections on Men and Combat” in 1979. The supposed Roman letter from antiquity was part of the false information.

The text of the letter in French as it appeared in “Les Centurions” [LCJL] has been appended near the bottom of this post. Here is the English language version published in the 1962 edition of “The Centurions” [TCJL]:

We had been told, on leaving our native soil, that we were going to defend the sacred rights conferred on us by so many of our citizens settled overseas, so many years of our presence, so many benefits brought by us to populations in need of our assistance and our civilization.

We were able to verify that all this was true, and, because it was true, we did not hesitate to shed our quota of blood, to sacrifice our youth and our hopes. We regretted nothing, but whereas we over here are inspired by this frame of mind, I am told that in Rome factions and conspiracies are rife, that treachery flourishes, and that many people in their uncertainty and confusion lend a ready ear to the dire temptations of relinquishment and vilify our action.

I cannot believe that all this is true and yet recent wars have shown how pernicious such a state of mind could be and to where it could lead.

Make haste to reassure me, I beg you, and tell me that our fellow-citizens understand us, support us and protect us as we ourselves are protecting the glory of the Empire.

If it should be otherwise, if we should have to leave our bleached bones on these desert sands in vain, then beware of the anger of the Legions!

Marcus Flavinius,
Centurion in the 2nd Cohort of the Augusta Legion,
to his cousin Tertullus in Rome

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “If We Should Have to Leave Our Bleached Bones on These Desert Sands in Vain, Then Beware the Anger of the Legions.”

Some People Feel the Rain. Others Just Get Wet

Bob Dylan? Bob Marley? Roger Miller? Donald Freeman? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I love the following quote, and have used it on my blog:

Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.

After researching the origin of the saying, it still remains unclear. Two famous musicians named Bob have each been credited: Bob Dylan and Bob Marley. I would like to list the correct source on my blog. Could you examine this question?

Quote Investigator: It is unlikely that Bob Dylan or Bob Marley crafted this expression. The wordsmith was probably another musician.

Roger Miller was a popular country singer and song writer in the U.S. who was best known for the hits “King of the Road” and “Dang Me”. In 1972 he was the star and host of a late-night television special on the ABC network titled “Roger Miller with His Friends and His Music”. A reviewer stated that Miller employed the line during the telecast. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[1]1972 December 31, Lubbock Avalanche-Journal, Section G: TV Weekly Log, “King of the Road” Roger Miller Wears No Special Labels Except He’s Talented, Quote Page 5, Column 4, Lubbock, … Continue reading

Miller’s wit is deeply philosophical in the same way. It’s the second thought that counts, just as it did with Will Rogers. One line on the ABC late-night special exemplifies this type of humor-based-on-tragic-truth: “Some people feel the rain; others just get wet.”

This was the earliest evidence known to QI. The program was recorded in 1972, and the review was published on December 31, 1972; however, the program was actually broadcast the next day on January 1, 1973 according to the “Lubbock Avalanche-Journal” of Lubbock, Texas.

In December 1973 Donald Freeman who was the TV-Radio editor at “The San Diego Union” in California wrote column with the theme: “looking back at 1973”. Freeman presented a series of anecdotes and laugh-lines from the concluding year, and he ascribed the line to Roger Miller:[2] 1973 December 21, San Diego Union, Donald Freeman: TV-Radio Editor, Page C-13, Column 1, San Diego, California, (GenealogyBank)

And there was philosophy from Roger Miller, who noted: “Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.”

In March 1978 Freeman mentioned the saying in his column again. He must have found it noteworthy, and he repeated the attribution to Miller:[3] 1978 March 09, San Diego Union, Don Freeman: TV-Radio Editor, Page D-19, Column 1, San Diego, California, (GenealogyBank)

A touch of philosophy from Roger Miller: “Some people feel the rain — others just get wet”

In September 1978 the quote was reprinted as an epigraph in a syndicated newspaper column about a popular card game called “Aces on Bridge”:[4] 1978 September 20, Times-Picayune, Aces on Bridge by Ira G. Corn, Section 2: Page 2, [GNB Page 24], New Orleans, Louisiana. (GenealogyBank)

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.”
— Roger Miller.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Some People Feel the Rain. Others Just Get Wet”

References

References
↑1 1972 December 31, Lubbock Avalanche-Journal, Section G: TV Weekly Log, “King of the Road” Roger Miller Wears No Special Labels Except He’s Talented, Quote Page 5, Column 4, Lubbock, Texas. (Newspapers_com)
↑2 1973 December 21, San Diego Union, Donald Freeman: TV-Radio Editor, Page C-13, Column 1, San Diego, California, (GenealogyBank)
↑3 1978 March 09, San Diego Union, Don Freeman: TV-Radio Editor, Page D-19, Column 1, San Diego, California, (GenealogyBank)
↑4 1978 September 20, Times-Picayune, Aces on Bridge by Ira G. Corn, Section 2: Page 2, [GNB Page 24], New Orleans, Louisiana. (GenealogyBank)

It’s Easy to Quit Smoking. I’ve Done It a Thousand Times

Mark Twain? W. C. Fields? Harris Dickson? Barracuda Pete? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I mentioned a joke credited to Mark Twain to a friend recently:

It’s easy to quit smoking. I’ve done it hundreds of times.

She said that the jest was actually created by the famous comedian W. C. Fields and not Twain. Also, she claimed the original version was about drinking and not smoking:

It’s easy to quit drinking. I’ve done it a thousand times.

The results of my internet searches were confusing. The phrasing of the comical remark varies; for example, here is another quotation attributed to Twain:

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.

No one seems to know when or where these statements were made. Could you explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: Mark Twain did write about quitting smoking, but there is no substantive evidence that he made this particular joke. W. C. Fields did deliver a version of the gag about stopping drinking in a comedy routine called “The Temperance Lecture” which was broadcast to radio listeners by 1938. However, the drinking joke was in circulation years earlier.

The earliest evidence located by QI for this humorous schema was in the domain of gambling in 1907 in a novel titled “Duke of Devil-May-Care” by Harris Dickson:[1]1905, Duke of Devil-May-Care by Harris Dickson, Quote Page 14 and 15, D. Appleton and Company, New York. (Google Books full view) link [2] 1906 August 27, Racine Daily Journal, Duke of Devil-May-Care by Harris Dickson, Page 7, Column 2, Racine, Wisconsin. (NewspaperArchive)

“Noel,” he said, “I thought you’d quit playing poker?”

Duke smiled back blandly. “I have; I’ve quit more’n a thousand times, every time the game breaks up. Shucks, boy, it’s dead easy to quit playing poker. But I must have a little sport when I go to town—that don’t count. I’ve got to tear down the gates and take the bridles off for a day or so; my system needs it.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “It’s Easy to Quit Smoking. I’ve Done It a Thousand Times”

References

References
↑1 1905, Duke of Devil-May-Care by Harris Dickson, Quote Page 14 and 15, D. Appleton and Company, New York. (Google Books full view) link
↑2 1906 August 27, Racine Daily Journal, Duke of Devil-May-Care by Harris Dickson, Page 7, Column 2, Racine, Wisconsin. (NewspaperArchive)