Recipe To Create a Publisher: Take an Idiot Man from a Lunatic Asylum . . .

Mark Twain? Frank Nelson Doubleday? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: Mark Twain apparently held a very low opinion of book publishers. He suggested that publishers could be created via a multigenerational combination of individuals from lunatic asylums. Could you please help me find a citation for this sentiment? Quote Investigator: In 1897 Frank Nelson Doubleday and …

Some People Are Troubled by the Things in the Bible They Can’t Understand. The Things That Trouble Me Are the Things I Can Understand

Mark Twain? Hugh Elmer Brown? Joseph Fort Newton? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: The following quotation is often attributed to Mark Twain, but I do not know whether it is accurate: It ain’t the parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. Would you please …

Never Attempt To Teach a Pig To Sing; It Wastes Your Time and Annoys the Pig

Mark Twain? Robert Heinlein? Paul Dickson? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Teaching a pig to sing is a futile task that aggravates the porcine student according to a popular saying. Luminary Mark Twain and science fiction author Robert Heinlein have received credit for this adage. Would you please determine the accurate ascription and the original context? …

Never Wrestle with a Pig. You Both Get Dirty and the Pig Likes It

George Bernard Shaw? Mark Twain? Abraham Lincoln? Cyrus Stuart Ching? J. Frank Condon? Richard P. Calhoon? N. H. Eagle? Cale Yarborough? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: A popular metaphorical adage warns individuals not to engage with disreputable critics. Here are two versions: Don’t wrestle with pigs. You both get filthy and the pig likes it. Never …

Put All Your Eggs in One Basket, and Then Watch That Basket

Mark Twain? Andrew Carnegie? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Proverbial wisdom tells us never to put all our eggs in one basket, but an inversion of that advice has been ascribed to the renowned humorist Mark Twain and the business titan Andrew Carnegie. Who should receive credit? Quote Investigator: On June 23, 1885 Andrew Carnegie addressed …

There Is No God, and Harriet Martineau Is His Prophet

Prophet: Harriet Martineau? William Tweed? John Tyndall? Auguste Comte? Robert G. Ingersoll? Karl Marx? Charles Darwin? Herbert Spencer? Henry George Atkinson? Paul Dirac? Felix Adler? Critic: Mark Twain? Douglas William Jerrold? George Grote? J. P. Jacobsen? Isaac M. Wise? Wolfgang Pauli? Dear Quote Investigator: The prominent physicist Paul Dirac was hostile toward religion, and sometimes …

It Is Wiser To Find Out Than To Suppose

Mark Twain? Merle Johnson? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: I would like to use the following adage during a presentation to a large group: It is wiser to find out than to suppose. I plan to credit Mark Twain, but I know that if I am wrong it will be very embarrassing because the entire point …

Sacred Cows Make the Best Hamburger

Mark Twain? Abbie Hoffman? Roy F. Nichols? George McKinnon? Aardvark Magazine? Graffito? Dear Quote Investigator: The following has often been ascribed to the famous humorist Mark Twain and the 1960s-era political activist Abbie Hoffman: Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger. Apologies for offensiveness. Would you please explore the provenance of this expression? Quote Investigator: QI …

If You Don’t Read the Newspaper You Are Uninformed, If You Do Read the Newspaper You Are Misinformed

Mark Twain? Denzel Washington? Thomas Jefferson? Thomas Fuller? Orville Hubbard? Ezra Taft Benson? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: A cynical attitude toward the media is widespread today, but this is not a new development. Supposedly, Mark Twain made the following remark: If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper …

Wagner’s Music Is Really Much Better Than It Sounds

Mark Twain? Bill Nye? Ambrose Bierce? Punch Magazine? Dear Quote Investigator: Richard Wagner was a prominent German composer who created the landmark four-opera cycle Der Ring des Nibelungen (The Ring of the Nibelung). A comically incongruous remark about his efforts has been attributed to two famous American humorists Mark Twain and Bill Nye: Wagner’s music …