Humor Can Be Dissected, as a Frog Can, But the Thing Dies in the Process

Mark Twain? E. B. White? Katharine S. White? André Maurois? Marty Feldman? Dear Quote Investigator: A cogent simile about the cerebral examination of humor has been attributed to three clever individuals: humorist Mark Twain, children’s author E. B. White, and French author André Maurois. Here are four versions: Analyzing humor is a bit like dissecting …

You’ll Worry Less About What People Think of You When You Realize How Seldom They Do

David Foster Wallace? Olin Miller? Lee Traveler? Ethel Barrett? Mark Twain? John Steinbeck? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: An astute quotation about insecurity is often attributed to the novelist and teacher David Foster Wallace: You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do. Versions of this statement have also …

The Plays of Shakespeare Were Not Written by Shakespeare but by Another Man of the Same Name

Mark Twain? Oxford Student? Frenchman? Lewis Carroll? Schoolchild? G. K. Chesterton? Israel Zangwill? Charles Lamb? Benjamin Jowett? Aldous Huxley? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Determining the accurate provenance of famous plays and poems can be a contentious topic. According to tradition the composer of the Iliad and Odyssey has been referred to as Homer, but some …

A Lie Can Travel Halfway Around the World While the Truth Is Putting On Its Shoes

Mark Twain? Jonathan Swift? Thomas Francklin? Fisher Ames? Thomas Jefferson? John Randolph? Charles Haddon Spurgeon? Winston Churchill? Terry Pratchett? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: An insightful remark about the rapid transmission of lies is often attributed to Mark Twain. Here are two versions: (1) A lie travels around the globe while the truth is putting on its …

I Would Challenge You To a Battle of Wits, But I See You Are Unarmed

William Shakespeare? Mark Twain? Oscar Wilde? Winston Churchill? Abby Buchanan Longstreet? Frank Fay? Pierre de Roman? Joey Adams? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: There exists a collection of similar jokes based on word play and the terms: battle, armed, wit, and half-wit. Here are some examples: 1) I would challenge you to a battle of wits, …

Don’t Believe the World Owes You a Living. The World Owes You Nothing. It Was Here First

Mark Twain? Robert J. Burdette? Apocryphal? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: During this graduation season many who are finishing school are scrambling to try and find a job. The following acerbic words are usually attributed to Mark Twain: Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing, it was here …

War Is God’s Way of Teaching Us Geography

Ambrose Bierce? Paul Rodriguez? Jon Stewart? Mark Twain? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Many people are unable to find countries and major cities on a map. A comical remark about this cartographical ignorance has been attributed to both Ambrose Bierce and Mark Twain. Here are four versions: War is God’s way of teaching us geography War …

If Your Only Tool Is a Hammer Then Every Problem Looks Like a Nail

Mark Twain? Abraham Maslow? Abraham Kaplan? Silvan Tomkins? Kenneth Mark Colby? Lee Loevinger? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The tools that we are able to apply to problems alter our perceptions of the challenges we face and the solutions that are appropriate. A popular adage illustrates this idea with a compelling analogy. Here are three versions: …

If I Am To Speak Ten Minutes, I Need a Week for Preparation; If an Hour, I Am Ready Now

Woodrow Wilson? Abraham Lincoln? Rufus Choate? Thomas B. Macaulay? William Howard Taft? Mark Twain? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: A biography of President Woodrow Wilson included an entertaining quotation about the preparation time needed for speeches of varying lengths. Here is an excerpt from the book:[1] 1946, The Wilson Era: Years of War and After 1917-1923 …

Most Conversations Are Simply Monologues Delivered in the Presence of a Witness

Mark Twain? Margaret Millar? Elizabeth P. O’Connor? Rebecca West? Leo Buscaglia? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The following entertaining remark is often attributed to Mark Twain: Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses. I have also seen these words ascribed to the award-winning mystery writer Margaret Millar. Could you determine who should …