Mark Twain? Clara Clemens? Justin Kaplan? Harlan Ellison? Darrell Schweitzer? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: Famous author Mark Twain was grief-stricken when his daughter Susy died at age 24. The following expression of bitter despair has been ascribed to him: If there is a God, he is a malign thug. Oddly, no one has presented a …
Tag Archives: Mark Twain
Never Argue With a Fool, Onlookers May Not Be Able To Tell the Difference
Mark Twain? Biblical Proverb? Apocryphal? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Conflict on social media is now endemic, but it is not really new. Acrimonious exchanges between participants during the primeval days of online forums were known as “flame wars”. Famed humorist Mark Twain has received credit for a germane cautionary remark: Never argue with a fool; …
Continue reading “Never Argue With a Fool, Onlookers May Not Be Able To Tell the Difference”
It Ain’t What You Don’t Know That Gets You Into Trouble. It’s What You Know for Sure That Just Ain’t So
Mark Twain? Josh Billings? Artemus Ward? Kin Hubbard? Will Rogers? Edwin Howard Armstrong? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The Oscar-winning 2015 film “The Big Short” begins with a display of the following statement: It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. The brilliant …
They Eked Out a Precarious Livelihood by Taking in Each Other’s Washing
Mark Twain? William Morris? Edward Dicey? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Skeptics have questioned the economic viability of small isolated or insular communities by derisively envisioning rudimentary economies based on simple tasks, e.g., individuals would wash clothes for one another. This notion has been credited to humorist Mark Twain and socialist activist William Morris. In modern …
Continue reading “They Eked Out a Precarious Livelihood by Taking in Each Other’s Washing”
This World Is the Lunatic Asylum of the Universe
Mark Twain? Thomas Jefferson? Voltaire? Edward Young? George Bernard Shaw? Laird MacKenzie? Elsie McCormick? Bertrand Russell? Kurt Vonnegut? Apocryphal? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Several thinkers have offered an anguished explanation for the dangerously disordered state of the world. Here are four versions: This world is the lunatic asylum for other planets. Earth is a madhouse …
Continue reading “This World Is the Lunatic Asylum of the Universe”
To My Embarrassment I Was Born in Bed with a Lady
Mark Twain? Groucho Marx? Wilson Mizner? Sydney J. Harris? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: A funny man once said that he was embarrassed to discover that his behavior had always been scandalous; he had been born in bed with a lady. This line has been connected to Mark Twain, Groucho Marx, and Wilson Mizner. Would you …
Continue reading “To My Embarrassment I Was Born in Bed with a Lady”
Politicians Are Like Diapers. They Should Be Changed Regularly
Mark Twain? Dick Nolan? Ad Schuster? Betty Carpenter? Bumper Sticker? Jake Ford? Bill Quraishi? John Wallner? Robin Williams? Barry Levinson? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The number of sayings spuriously ascribed to Mark Twain seems to grow every year. Here are two versions of a remark credited to the famous son of Hannibal, Missouri: Politicians and …
Continue reading “Politicians Are Like Diapers. They Should Be Changed Regularly”
Eat Whatever You Like and Let Them Fight It Out Inside
Mark Twain? Lyman Beecher Stowe? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: The following eccentric dietary advice has been attributed to the famous humorist Mark Twain: Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. I question whether Twain said this because no one provides …
Continue reading “Eat Whatever You Like and Let Them Fight It Out Inside”
I Have Made It a Rule Never To Smoke More Than One Cigar at a Time
Mark Twain? Elbert Hubbard? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Mark Twain followed two thoughtful guidelines regarding smoking: Never smoke more than one cigar at a time. Never smoke while sleeping. Would you please determine when he enunciated these rules? Quote Investigator: In 1905 Mark Twain celebrated his seventieth birthday at the popular New York restaurant Delmonico’s. …
Continue reading “I Have Made It a Rule Never To Smoke More Than One Cigar at a Time”
I Have a Higher and Grander Standard of Principle. Washington Could Not Lie. I Can Lie, But I Won’t
Creator: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), famous humorist Context: Understanding the humor in the following passage requires familiarity with the cherry tree legend. A young Washington received a hatchet as a gift and impetuously chopped down a cherry tree owned by his father. When the future president was confronted he said “I cannot tell a lie. …