Mark Twain? Heinrich Heine? Otto von Bismarck? George Bernard Shaw? James Boswell? Will Rogers? Dear Quote Investigator: As a one-time resident of Cincinnati I knew that Mark Twain once worked in the city, and I always enjoyed the comment he reportedly made about it: When the end of the world comes, I want to be …
Author Archives: quoteresearch
Great Invention, But Who Would Ever Want to Use One?
Ulysses S. Grant? Rutherford B. Hayes? Howard Pew? George Peck? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: A quotation about the telephone has been in the news recently because it was used in a speech by U.S. President Barack Obama. A widely-distributed anecdote asserted that Rutherford B. Hayes participated in a demonstration of the telephone when it was …
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“Will You Write an Autobiography?” “Not Until Long After I’m Dead”
Samuel Goldwyn? Ezra Goodman? Robert Gessner? Dear Quote Investigator: The supply of comical lines credited to the Hollywood chief Samuel Goldwyn seems endless. Here is one that I love: I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. But I have become rather skeptical of these jokes because no one seems to …
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The Five Stages of an Actor’s Career
Cary Grant? Mary Astor? Hugh O’Brian? Danny Doakes? Herschel Bernardi? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: I read an article last year about celebrity lookalikes that discussed the different stages of a Hollywood career. I remember a few of the stages: Get me John/Jane Smith. Get me someone who looks like John/Jane Smith. Who is John/Jane Smith. …
If You Want to Know What a Man’s Like, Look at How He Treats His Inferiors
J. K. Rowling? Lord Chesterfield? Sirius Black? Charles Bayard Miliken? M. C. B. Mason? Dear Quote Investigator: My favorite quotation from the entire Harry Potter series was the brilliantly insightful remark spoken by the character Sirius Black: If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his …
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Now We’re Just Haggling Over the Price
George Bernard Shaw? Winston Churchill? Groucho Marx? Max Aitken? Mark Twain? W. C. Fields? Bertrand Russell? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a famous story about sex and money that I have heard in myriad variations. A man asks a woman if she would be willing to sleep with him if he pays her an exorbitant …
No Legs, No Jokes, No Chance!
Walter Winchell? Michael Todd? Rose Bigman? Helene Hanff? Richard Rodgers? Dear Quote Investigator: The most famous review in Broadway history is also the most controversial, and I hope you can help solve the following mystery. In 1943 a hardworking theater group in New Haven, Connecticut was trying to prepare a major musical so that it …
The Next Time I Send a Damn Fool for Something, I Go Myself
Samuel Goldwyn? Michael Curtiz? Sheilah Graham? Jones? Scones? Louis Cukela? Fictional? Dear Quote Investigator: There is an unintentionally hilarious remark credited to the movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn. He sent an assistant on an important errand and was angry when the task was badly botched. In exasperation Goldwyn created this classic rebuke: The next time I …
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April, Like a Child, Writes Hieroglyphs on Dust with Flowers
Rabindranath Tagore? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: My daughter remembers a poem, or part of a poem, and she asked me about it. I don’t recognize it and have not been able to find it. Perhaps you can work your magic. April writes hieroglyphs in the sand Wipes them away and forgets Quote Investigator: Your daughter …
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The Telegraph is Like a Very, Very Long Cat (or Dog)
Albert Einstein? Shah of Persia? National Telegraphic Union? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: Albert Einstein was once asked to explain radio communication, and he supposedly gave the following answer: You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los …
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