Gentlemen, You May Include Me Out

Samuel Goldwyn? Herbert Fields? June Provines? Sheilah Graham? Alva Johnston? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: Movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn was famous for his creative and idiosyncratic use of the English language. Hollywood legend asserts that Goldwyn participated in a complex, protracted, and tense corporate negotiation in the 1930s. But he was unhappy with the final deal, …

Writers Are Just Schmucks with Underwoods

Jack L. Warner? Bill Davidson? Samuel Goldwyn? Louis B. Mayer? Harry Cohn? Apocryphal? Insult: Schmuck? Schlep? Schnook? Dear Quote Investigator: The attitude of Hollywood producers toward writers has been epitomized by the following callous remark: A writer is a schmuck with an Underwood. The Underwood Typewriter Company manufactured the best writing implements when the statement …

A Verbal Contract Isn’t Worth the Paper It’s Written On

Samuel Goldwyn? Bryan O’Loghlen? Boyle Roche? Ed Wynn? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: A contract that is written and signed is easier to comprehend and enforce. But many people rely on unwritten promises. The following cautionary humorous remark is attributed to the famous movie producer Samuel Goldwyn: A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written …

I Have Been Laid Up With Intentional Flu

Samuel Goldwyn? Ted Robinson? Nine-Year-Old in Cleveland Heights? Jake ‘Malaprop’ Mintz? Dear Quote Investigator: It is flu season, and when a co-worker called in sick recently a friend said that he probably had the “intentional flu”. I had never heard this wordplay on “intestinal flu” before, but my knowledgeable friend stated that this quip originated …

It’s Difficult to Make Predictions, Especially About the Future

Niels Bohr? Samuel Goldwyn? K. K. Steincke? Robert Storm Petersen? Yogi Berra? Mark Twain? Nostradamus? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a family of popular humorous sayings about the formidable task of successful prognostication. Here are five examples: It is difficult to make predictions, especially about the future. Predictions are hazardous, especially about the future. …

You Are Only Interested in Art and I Am Only Interested in Money

George Bernard Shaw? Howard Dietz? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a wonderful anecdote about a meeting between the famous movie studio chief Samuel Goldwyn and the renowned playwright George Bernard Shaw. Goldwyn flew to England to convince Shaw to write material for him to use in films. Goldwyn emphasized the high quality and the …

I’m a Great Believer in Luck. The Harder I Work, the More Luck I Have

Thomas Jefferson? Coleman Cox? Stephen Leacock? Samuel Goldwyn? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a humorously insightful quotation about luck that is often credited to the American Founding Father Thomas Jefferson: I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. The class notes of a course …

“Will You Write an Autobiography?” “Not Until Long After I’m Dead”

Samuel Goldwyn? Ezra Goodman? Robert Gessner? Dear Quote Investigator: The supply of comical lines credited to the Hollywood chief Samuel Goldwyn seems endless. Here is one that I love: I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. But I have become rather skeptical of these jokes because no one seems to …

The Next Time I Send a Damn Fool for Something, I Go Myself

Samuel Goldwyn? Michael Curtiz? Sheilah Graham? Jones? Scones? Louis Cukela? Fictional? Dear Quote Investigator: There is an unintentionally hilarious remark credited to the movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn. He sent an assistant on an important errand and was angry when the task was badly botched. In exasperation Goldwyn created this classic rebuke: The next time I …

The Main Thing Is Honesty. If You Can Fake That, You’ve Got It Made

Groucho Marx? George Burns? Jean Giraudoux? Celeste Holm? Ed Nelson? Samuel Goldwyn? Daniel Schorr? Joe Franklin? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The funniest advice I was ever given as a sales associate was from another seasoned employee: The most important thing is honesty. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made. Later, I read or …