Quote Investigator® – Page 178

Quote Origin: If You Can’t Say Something Good About Someone, Sit Right Here by Me

Dorothy Parker? Alice Roosevelt Longworth? Earl Wilson? Robert Harling? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The most trenchant comment pertaining to gossip that I have ever heard is often attributed to the wit Dorothy Parker. The quip is based on altering the following conventional instruction on etiquette:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Here are three versions of the twisted variation:

If you haven’t anything nice to say about anyone, come sit by me.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.
If you can’t say something good about someone, sit here by me.

These words have also been credited to Alice Roosevelt Longworth who was the daughter of President Teddy Roosevelt and a long-time Washington socialite known for adroit remarks. Would you please explore this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was published in a magazine profile of Alice Roosevelt Longworth titled “The Sharpest Wit in Washington” published in “The Saturday Evening Post” issue of December 4, 1965. Interestingly, the expression was not spoken; instead, it was embroidered on a pillow. Also, the word “good” was used instead of “nice”. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

We walked to Mrs. Longworth’s upstairs sitting room, where she often reads until six o’clock in the morning. Books were piled everywhere on the tables and on the floor, and contemporary newspaper clippings were strewn on the side tables. Coyote skins were lying on the backs of two large, comfortable chairs, and on one of the chairs was a pillow with the words, IF YOU CAN’T SAY SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT SOMEONE, SIT RIGHT HERE BY ME.

Longworth definitely popularized the expression, and she may have crafted it. There is no substantive evidence that Dorothy Parker employed the saying though it has been attributed to her in recent decades.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Can’t Act; Slightly Bald; Can Dance a Little

Studio Report? David O. Selznick? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: The celebrated movie star Fred Astaire was known for his charm and his extraordinary dancing, but his initial screen test was a disaster. Hollywood legend claims that the studio report evaluating Astaire contained the following line:

Can’t act. Can’t sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.

The earliest supporting citations I’ve found were published in the 1970s and 1980s, but the screen test must have occurred in the 1930s. So this information was not persuasive. Is this anecdote accurate? What was in the studio report?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in a 1937 newspaper article from an Associated Press reporter. The negative evaluation was not as elaborate as that given in the common modern stories. Bold face has been added to excerpts:¹

Studios often pass up a player who then proceeds to score a hit at another plant. What Metro reported on Deanna Durbin, who clicked at Universal, is not in the archives.

But I think the report card on Fred Astaire (who made his first film at M-G-M) takes the prize for picturesqueness in blundering. “Slightly bald and can dance a little,” said the fellow who is probably an ex-Metroite now.

In August 1939 “Fortune” magazine published an article about the Loew’s company and its studio unit Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. “Fortune” stated that Irving Thalberg was a key decision maker at the studio, but he was absent due to illness when Fred Astaire was being evaluated. The following passage included an instance of the quotation:²

During his illness, Deanna Durbin and Fred Astaire were tested at Culver City, and turned down. On the subject of Astaire, some hapless underling scrawled on his report card, “Can’t act; slightly bald; can dance a little.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Money Can’t Buy Love, But It Improves Your Bargaining Position

Christopher Marlowe? Laurence J. Peter? Evan Esar? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Christopher Marlowe was a brilliant poet and dramatist of the 1500s whose works influenced the luminary William Shakespeare. I was astonished to find the following statement attributed to him:

Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

In my opinion, this expression is not from the 1500s and crediting Marlowe is nonsensical. Nevertheless, many websites dedicated to quotations present this dubious ascription. Would you please explore this quotation? Perhaps you could uncover the source of this inanity.

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was published in the twentieth century and not the sixteenth. In 1954 a newspaper in Iowa printed an instance of the saying in a humor column. The phrasing differed somewhat from the common modern expression, and no attribution was given:¹

Money cannot buy love, but it places one in an excellent bargaining position.

QI believes that the flawed attribution to Christopher Marlowe originated with the misreading of an influential book of quotations that was compiled by Laurence J. Peter and published in 1977. The details of this citation are given further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Price of Fame Is Not Being Able to Go to the Pub for a Quiet Pint

John Lennon? Philip Norman? Bill Harry? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Today paparazzi stalk celebrities, and gossip websites shriek about every misstep or manufactured scandal. But the struggle of living in a fishbowl is not new for well-known individuals. In the 1960s after the Beatles became famous, John Lennon reportedly feared that he would cause pandemonium if he returned to a favorite pub of his youth called “The Philharmonic” simply to have a drink with friends. These words have been attributed to Lennon:

The price of fame is not being able to go to the Phil for a quiet pint.

Did Lennon really say this? I have not been able to find any solid citations.

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest relevant evidence located by QI appeared in the 1981 band biography “Shout! The Beatles in Their Generation” by Philip Norman. John Lennon told one of his old friends about his desire to visit a pub according to Norman in a chapter that described events in December 1966. In the following excerpt, Brian referred to the manager of the Beatles, Brian Epstein:¹

Liverpool was one more embattled dressing room. John confided to his old Art School friend, Bill Harry, that he’d give anything to go into a pub like the Philharmonic or Ye Cracke, and stand under the chandeliers, or the Death of Nelson, just having a quiet pint.

They didn’t go to the Cavern Club, although John begged Brian to allow it. “Couldn’t we do a few numbers down there,” he pleaded, “just for old times’ sake?” Brian said that if word got out, they would be crushed to death.

The phrase “quiet pint” was used in the passage above and in the common modern quotation. Yet, Norman mentioned two pubs and did not present a direct quote. Interestingly, Norman visited this topic again in the revised 2005 edition of his book and altered some details. See the citation and excerpt given further below.

QI conjectures that Bill Harry was the source of this quote, and Harry has written extensively about the Beatles. It is possible that he presented a version in one of his books or in an interview; however, QI has not yet found it.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Three Major Administrative Problems Are Sex for the Students, Athletics for the Alumni and Parking for the Faculty

Clark Kerr? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: The most candid and blunt statement I have ever heard attributed to a university administrator was reportedly spoken in the 1950s:

The chancellor’s job is to provide parking for the faculty, and athletics for the alumni, and sex for the students.

Is this a genuine statement from the straight-laced decade of the Fifties? Who crafted this line?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Clark Kerr was the chancellor of the University of California, Berkeley in the 1950s, and he delivered a speech containing a provocative statement about administrative responsibilities that was reported in “Time” magazine in November 1958. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

At inaugural ceremonies for the University of Washington’s new president, Charles E. Odegaard, President Clark Kerr of the University of California last week offered some of the green fruit of his experience: “I find that the three major administrative problems on a campus are sex for the students, athletics for the alumni and parking for the faculty.”

The meaning of this quotation was ambiguous. Kerr may have been stating that the sexual behavior of students caused problems for administrators. Similarly, limited parking caused headaches, and major athletic contests caused headaches for governance. The word “provide” appears in some modern versions of the quotation, but it did not appear in the original.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: A Different World Cannot Be Built By Indifferent People

Peter Marshall? E. W. Palmer? Mary Morain? Stanley Sykes? Horace Mann? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Would you please explore the provenance of the following inspirational quotation?

A different world cannot be built by indifferent people.

These words are often attributed to someone named Peter Marshall, but I have seen other individuals credited.

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in January 1944 in the U.S. military newspaper “The Stars and Stripes”.¹ Multiple editions of this periodical were published, and the saying was included in the London and Northern Ireland editions:²

GI Philosophy. A different world can never be built with indifferent people.

GI was a nickname for soldiers in the U.S. Army. No specific name was given for the originator of the adage.

The expression has been connected to Peter Marshall because he held the prominent position of Chaplain of the U.S. Senate, and he popularized the maxim by including it in two prayers in 1947 and 1948. Detailed citations are given further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

Albert Einstein? Alexandre Dumas, fils? Elbert Hubbard? Brooks F. Beebe? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The following funny saying is usually attributed to Albert Einstein:

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

Yet, no one provides any justification for crediting the brilliant scientist with this jest. Is this another fake Einstein quote?

Reply from Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence that Einstein made this statement. Indeed, it is listed in a section called “Probably Not By Einstein” within the comprehensive reference “The Ultimate Quotable Einstein” from Princeton University Press.¹

A precursor statement written in French appeared in volume 2 of the “Grand Dictionnaire Universel du XIXe Siècle” (Great Universal Dictionary of the Nineteenth Century) within an entry for “Bêtise” (Stupidity). This volume was published circa 1865, and the quotation was credited to Alexandre Dumas:²

Une chose qui m’humilie profondément est de voir que le génie humain a des limites, quand la bêtise humaine n’en a pas. (Alex. Dum.)

One possible translation into English is the following:

One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not.

The attribution “Alex. Dum.” was probably a reference to Alexandre Dumas, fils, who was a dramatist known for the work “The Lady of the Camellias”, widely referred to as “Camille”. He shared his name with his father, Alexandre Dumas, père, who was the author of the popular novels “The Count of Monte Cristo” and “The Three Musketeers”.

Another statement written in French appeared in the journal of a scholarly association in 1886. The words were placed between quotation marks to indicate that the joke was already in circulation, and no specific attribution was given:³

« Le génie humain a des bornes, Mais la sottise n’en a pas. »

One possible translation into English is the following:

“Human genius has its limits, but stupidity does not.”

The earliest evidence in English located by QI was published in a periodical called “The Travelers’ Record” in 1890 which acknowledged a French newspaper. The saying was included in a list titled “Some of Dumas’s Maxims”. Here were three items from the list. Boldface has been added to excerpts:⁴

Some of Dumas’s Maxims
[L’Echo de Paris, translated in the Transatlantic]

Let all your alms-giving be anonymous. It has the double advantage of suppressing at the same time ingratitude and abuse.

God made fools in order that life might be more tolerable to people of wit.

What distresses me is to see that human genius has limits and human stupidity none.

The saying has been circulating and evolving in English for more than one hundred years. An instance was attributed to Albert Einstein by 1994; however, Einstein died in 1955, so this citation has little probative value.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: We Women Do Talk Too Much, But Even Then We Don’t Tell Half We Know

Nancy Astor? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Recently, I saw the following comical remark attributed to the socialite and parliamentarian Lady Astor:

We women do talk too much but even then we don’t tell half we know.

Is this ascription accurate?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Nancy Astor was an important political pioneer as the first woman to take her seat as a Member of Parliament in the British House of Commons. In 1922 she spoke before American newspaper editors at the annual luncheon of the Associated Press held in New York. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

“We women feel we have moral courage and a sort of vision,” she added. “We don’t enter politics because of ourselves. To raise you men perfectly we’ve got to do a great many disagreeable things—to spank you when a spanking is needed and to love you when that is needed. Now we are ready to enter the political arena—don’t be frightened, and don’t try to discourage us too much. We women do talk too much, but even then we don’t tell half we know.”

Astor’s words were remembered, and a few months later a newspaper in New Orleans, Louisiana printed a filler item with two lines from her address:²

Speech by Lady Astor

We women do talk too much, but even then we don’t tell half we know.

There’s so much good in all men; but only good women can bring it out.—Boston Transcript.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Then I Was Known as a Speculator

Ernest Cassel? Bernard Baruch? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is an entertaining quotation about the changing labels that were applied to a famous financier. He was successively called a gambler, a speculator, and a banker, although he did not significantly change his methods. Do you know who crafted this humorous description of transformation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was published in a 1944 book titled “Bernard Baruch: Park Bench Statesman” which was a biographical work about the prominent investor, businessman, and presidential advisor. Baruch attributed the quotation to Ernest Cassel who was a merchant banker and confidant of King Edward VII:¹

…Baruch would quote Sir Ernest Cassel as saying, “When as a young and unknown man I started to be successful I was referred to as a gambler. My operations increased in scope. Then I was a speculator. The sphere of my activities continued to expand and presently I was known as a banker. Actually I had been doing the same thing all the time.”

That comes pretty close to being Baruch’s favorite quotation.

Ernest Cassel died in 1921; hence, the attribution in 1944 occurred rather late. Baruch popularized the quotation, and he included an instance in his 1957 autobiography as shown further below. Yet, QI is uncertain where Baruch obtained the comical remark. Perhaps future researchers will locate an earlier citation.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Do You Want Six or Eight Slices of Pizza?

Yogi Berra? Ken Thompson? Bobby Bragan? Muriel Vernick? Danny Osinski? Andy Wimpfheimer? George Carlin? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a comical tale about whether a pizza should be cut into six or eight slices. The punchline is typically attributed to an athlete such as Yogi Berra. Are you familiar with this joke? Would you please explore its history?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence of this anecdote located by QI was published on June 17, 1965 in a Nebraska newspaper which acknowledged a Wisconsin newspaper:¹

Ken Thompson stopped in at Dick McDaniels’ Pizza Palace the other night and ordered a pizza. When it was ready, Dick asked Ken if he wanted it cut in six or eight pieces.

Ken thought a while, and then said, “Better make it six pieces. I could never eat eight.”—Weyauwega (Wis.) Chronicle.

A variety of citations appeared in 1965 with several different ascriptions. Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.