Category: Earl Wilson

The Penalty of Success Is To Be Bored By the People Who Used To Snub You

Mary Wilson Little? Nancy Astor? Charley Jones? Cholly Knickerbocker? Earl Wilson? Junius? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: If one climbs the social ladder the result can be surprising. People who once snubbed you will allow you to enter their social circle. Yet, attending their gatherings often results in boredom. This observation has been attributed to the U.S. author Mary Wilson Little and the U.K. politician Nancy Astor. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in several newspapers in August 1880. The creator was initially anonymous. Mary Wilson Little claimed authorship in 1897. Over the decades the phrasing has evolved, and the ascription has shifted. Here is a sampling with dates:

1880 Aug 10: The penalty of success is to be bored by the attentions of people who used to snub you. (Anon)

1880 Aug 17: The penalty of success is to be bored by the attention of people who used to snub you. (Anon)

1881 May 12: The penalty of success is to be bored by people who used to snub you. (Anon)

1897: The penalty of success is to be bored by the attentions of people who formerly snubbed you. ( M. W. L. – Mary Wilson Little)

1913 Oct 07: One of the penalties of success is to be bored by the attentions of the people who used to snub you. (Anon)

1925 Oct 06: The penalty of success is to be bored by the attention of people who formally snubbed you. (Anon)

1941 Jan 29: The penalty of success is to be bored by the attentions of people who formerly snubbed you. (The Office Cat by Junius)

1949: The penalty of success is to be bored by the attentions of people who formerly snubbed you. (Attributed to Mary Wilson Little by Evan Esar)

1953 May 28: The penalty of success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you. (Attributed to Charley Jones by Earl Wilson)

1953 July 06: The penalty of success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you. (Attributed to Nancy Astor by Cholly Knickerbocker)

Below are selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading The Penalty of Success Is To Be Bored By the People Who Used To Snub You

Life Is Uncertain. Eat Dessert First

Ernestine Ulmer? Arthur Murray? Earl Wilson? Leopold Fechtner? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: T-shirts and bumper stickers present a modern proverb about the precariousness of existence. Here are two versions:

  • Eat dessert first because life is uncertain.
  • Life is uncertain, so eat dessert first.

Ernestine Ulmer often receives credit although that name is somewhat obscure. Would you please explore the provenance of this expression?

Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared in the popular syndicated column of Earl Wilson in 1962. The well-known ballroom dancer and entrepreneur Arthur Murray received credit. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[1] 1962 July 18, The Lima News, Eydie Gorme Will Work, Hubby Steve Explains by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 32, Column 3, Lima, Ohio. (Newspapers_com)

Arthur Murray says he always eats dessert first, because life is so uncertain.

The statement above referred to a single person; hence, it was not in proverbial form, but the phrasing evolved over time.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading Life Is Uncertain. Eat Dessert First

References

References
↑1 1962 July 18, The Lima News, Eydie Gorme Will Work, Hubby Steve Explains by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 32, Column 3, Lima, Ohio. (Newspapers_com)

Hard Work Never Killed Anyone But Some of Us Don’t Like To Take Chances

Edgar Bergen? Charlie McCarthy? Florian ZaBach? Walter Winchell? Earl Wilson? George Gobel? Sam Levenson? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: During my younger years when I was slow to perform a boring task my parents sometimes scolded me by proclaiming a cliché about hard work. Eventually, I came across a funny riposte:

It might be true that hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance?

This joke has been credited to Edgar Bergen and his ventriloquist dummy character Charlie McCarthy. Would you please explore its provenance?

Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared as an anonymous filler item in a Plainfield, New Jersey newspaper in September 1936. The lengthy phrasing blunted the humor. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[1] 1936 September 12, Plainfield Courier-News, (Filler item), Quote Page 6, Column 1, Plainfield, New Jersey. (Newspapers_com)

They say hard work never killed anyone but some of us are just naturally apprehensive and timid and don’t like to take chances.

A 1979 book by television host Joe Franklin contained a brief transcript from a performance by Edgar Bergen during which his character Charlie McCarthy employed this type of punchline, but no date was specified. The duo performed for decades starting in the 1920s.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading Hard Work Never Killed Anyone But Some of Us Don’t Like To Take Chances

References

References
↑1 1936 September 12, Plainfield Courier-News, (Filler item), Quote Page 6, Column 1, Plainfield, New Jersey. (Newspapers_com)

Light Travels Faster Than Sound. That’s Why Some Folks Appear Bright Until They Speak

Albert Einstein? Steven Wright? Earl Wilson? Robert Orben? Gary Apple? Bo McLeod? Brian Williams? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The speed of light is a crucial value in the theory of relativity. Perhaps that is why the following joke has been credited to Albert Einstein:

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I am very skeptical that Einstein ever made this remark. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence that Einstein made this quip. The most comprehensive reference about the physicist’s pronouncements is the 2010 book “The Ultimate Quotable Einstein” from Princeton University Press, and the expression is absent.

A precursor appeared in Earl Wilson’s popular gossip column in 1959. The attribution was anonymous. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[1] 1959 April 20, The Raleigh Register, Ingrid In Maternity ‘Ward’—By Mistake by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 4, Column 6 and 7, Beckley, West Virginia. (Newspapers_com)

EARL’S PEARLS: Someone described a second-rate singer: “Luckily light travels faster than sound — because she looks better than she sounds.”

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading Light Travels Faster Than Sound. That’s Why Some Folks Appear Bright Until They Speak

References

References
↑1 1959 April 20, The Raleigh Register, Ingrid In Maternity ‘Ward’—By Mistake by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 4, Column 6 and 7, Beckley, West Virginia. (Newspapers_com)

A Celebrity Works Hard For Years To Become Famous Then Wears Dark Glasses To Avoid Being Recognized

Joseph Curtin? Earl Wilson? Adolphe Menjou? Paul H. Gilbert? Danny Kaye? Fred Allen? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Achieving great fame is a common goal, but the drawbacks of mass popularity emerge clearly whenever someone succeeds. There is a joke based on this insight that chides celebrities who wear dark glasses. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: The earliest strong match located by QI appeared in the gossip column of Earl Wilson in July 1947. The radio actor Joseph Curtin received credit for the jibe. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[1] 1947 July 12, The Times Recorder, Big Town Heat by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 4, Column 5, Zanesville, Ohio. (Newspapers_com)

WISH I’D SAID THAT: A celebrity, said Joseph Curtin, is a guy who works all his life to become famous enough to be recognized—then goes around in dark glasses so no one’ll know who he is.

This quip can be expressed in many ways; hence, it is difficult to trace. Earlier citations may be discovered by future researchers.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading A Celebrity Works Hard For Years To Become Famous Then Wears Dark Glasses To Avoid Being Recognized

References

References
↑1 1947 July 12, The Times Recorder, Big Town Heat by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 4, Column 5, Zanesville, Ohio. (Newspapers_com)

A Diplomat Is a Person Who Can Tell You To Go To Hell in Such a Tactful Way That You’ll Look Forward with Pleasure To Making the Trip

Winston Churchill? Caskie Stinnett? Gary Knafelc? Vince Lombardi? Viola Layne? Earl Wilson? Joe Williams? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Diplomacy is a difficult profession that rewards sensitivity and great verbal dexterity. The following witticism has been credited to travel writer and humorist Caskie Stinnett:

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

The following similar remarks have been attributed to Winston Churchill:

  • Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
  • Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.

What do you think?

Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive evidence that Winston Churchill employed this joke. He received credit by the 2000s. Caskie Stinnett did use this gag in his book “Out of the Red” in 1960, but it was already in circulation.

The earliest instance located by QI appeared as an anonymous filler item in the “St. Louis Star-Times” of Missouri in November 1937. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:[1] 1937 November 27, St. Louis Star-Times, (Filler item), Quote Page 10, Column 1, St. Louis, Missouri. (Newspapers_com)

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a tactful way that you’ll look forward with pleasure to making the trip.

The phrasing is variable which makes the expression difficult to trace. Thus, earlier evidence may be discovered by future researchers. Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading A Diplomat Is a Person Who Can Tell You To Go To Hell in Such a Tactful Way That You’ll Look Forward with Pleasure To Making the Trip

References

References
↑1 1937 November 27, St. Louis Star-Times, (Filler item), Quote Page 10, Column 1, St. Louis, Missouri. (Newspapers_com)

The Only Thing More Painful Than Learning from Experience Is Not Learning from Experience

Archibald MacLeish? Laurence J. Peter? Earl Wilson? Eleanor Hoyt? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The American poet Archibald MacLeish apparently said that learning from experience was painful, but the alternative of not learning was worse. A similar remark has been ascribed to quotation collector Laurence J. Peter. Would you please examine this topic?

Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared in 1966 in the widely syndicated column of Earl Wilson who presented it as an anonymous “Remembered Quote”:[1] 1966 April 28, Reno Gazette-Journal, It Happened Last Night: Oscar-Winner Lee Marvin Has Bit of Bogart in His Style by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 17, Column 3, Reno, Nevada. (Newspapers_com)

“The only thing more painful than learning from experience is not learning from experience.”
–Anon.

More than a decade later in 1978 Archibald MacLeish received credit, and in 1982 Laurence J. Peter included an instance in one of his books.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading The Only Thing More Painful Than Learning from Experience Is Not Learning from Experience

References

References
↑1 1966 April 28, Reno Gazette-Journal, It Happened Last Night: Oscar-Winner Lee Marvin Has Bit of Bogart in His Style by Earl Wilson, Quote Page 17, Column 3, Reno, Nevada. (Newspapers_com)

If You Can’t Say Something Good About Someone, Sit Right Here by Me

Dorothy Parker? Alice Roosevelt Longworth? Earl Wilson? Robert Harling? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: The most trenchant comment pertaining to gossip that I have ever heard is often attributed to the wit Dorothy Parker. The quip is based on altering the following conventional instruction on etiquette:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Here are three versions of the twisted variation:

If you haven’t anything nice to say about anyone, come sit by me.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.
If you can’t say something good about someone, sit here by me.

These words have also been credited to Alice Roosevelt Longworth who was the daughter of President Teddy Roosevelt and a long-time Washington socialite known for adroit remarks. Would you please explore this saying?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was published in a magazine profile of Alice Roosevelt Longworth titled “The Sharpest Wit in Washington” published in “The Saturday Evening Post” issue of December 4, 1965. Interestingly, the expression was not spoken; instead, it was embroidered on a pillow. Also, the word “good” was used instead of “nice”. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[1]1965 December 4, The Saturday Evening Post, Volume 238, Issue 24, The Sharpest Wit in Washington by Jean Vanden Heuvel, (Interview with Alice Roosevelt Longworth), Start Page 30, Quote Page 32, … Continue reading

We walked to Mrs. Longworth’s upstairs sitting room, where she often reads until six o’clock in the morning. Books were piled everywhere on the tables and on the floor, and contemporary newspaper clippings were strewn on the side tables. Coyote skins were lying on the backs of two large, comfortable chairs, and on one of the chairs was a pillow with the words, IF YOU CAN’T SAY SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT SOMEONE, SIT RIGHT HERE BY ME.

Longworth definitely popularized the expression, and she may have crafted it. There is no substantive evidence that Dorothy Parker employed the saying though it has been attributed to her in recent decades.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading If You Can’t Say Something Good About Someone, Sit Right Here by Me

References

References
↑1 1965 December 4, The Saturday Evening Post, Volume 238, Issue 24, The Sharpest Wit in Washington by Jean Vanden Heuvel, (Interview with Alice Roosevelt Longworth), Start Page 30, Quote Page 32, Column 3, Saturday Evening Post Society, Indianapolis, Indiana. (Academic Search Premiere EBSCO)

Modern Man Drives a Mortgaged Car Over a Bond-Financed Highway on Credit-Card Gas

Earl Wilson? Cy N. Peace? Earl Nelson? Whitt N. Schultz? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I am trying to unearth the source of a quote credited to the columnist Earl Wilson which seems to be everywhere on the web but without a source:

Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.

Any help tracking this down would be appreciated.

Quote Investigator: In May 1960 the popular syndicated gossip scribe Earl Wilson did include this saying in his column as one of “Earl’s Pearls” [EWEP]. But the phrase entered circulation a few years before this. The earliest appearance located by QI was in a column called “Tower Ticker” in the Chicago Tribune on September 2, 1957 [HLCP]:

And Cy Peace in a national magazine quips, “Modern man is one who drives a mortgaged car over a bond financed highway on credit card gas!”

Many magazine issues are distributed in advance of their cover dates. The columnist was probably referring to The Saturday Evening Post which was a popular high-circulation periodical in the 1950s. The September 7, 1957 issue of the magazine printed the words in a box as a freestanding quotation. The saying was attributed to Cy N. Peace [SPCP].

On September 6, 1957 a nearly identical version was printed in a Portsmouth, Ohio newspaper. The column “Pete’s Pungent Patter” by Pete Minego listed the saying without an attribution [OHPP]:

Modern man: One who drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit card gas.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading Modern Man Drives a Mortgaged Car Over a Bond-Financed Highway on Credit-Card Gas