What Did Groucho Marx Do When Someone Switched On a Television?

Groucho Marx? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: Groucho Marx became famous on Broadway before moving on to starring roles in Hollywood. His comical skills and adaptability also allowed him to master radio and television. Yet, reportedly one of his sharpest remarks playfully disparaged TV: I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on, I …

Military Intelligence is a Contradiction in Terms or an Oxymoron

Groucho Marx? George Carlin? John Charteris? Theodor Reik? Doctor Who? Shirley Hazzard? Niall MacDermot? Sam Ervin? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The famous comedians Groucho Marx and George Carlin are both credited with a joke that can be expressed in many ways. Here are some examples: Military Intelligence is an oxymoron. Military Intelligence is a contradiction …

I Never Forget a Face, But I’ll Make an Exception in Your Case

Groucho Marx? Alan Gale? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: When I am at a party I sometimes have trouble recalling the name of a person I have met before. But my recalcitrant memory has no difficulty remembering the line credited to Groucho Marx: I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to …

Quote Origin: Not a Book To Be Lightly Thrown Aside. Should Be Thrown with Great Force

Dorothy Parker? Bill Miller? Frank Dolan? Sid Ziff? Bennett Cerf? Groucho Marx? Anonymous? Question for Quote Investigator: The most scathingly hilarious quip about a novel is usually credited to the famous wit Dorothy Parker who purportedly included it in a book review: This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be …

When I Read About the Evils of Smoking, I Gave Up Reading

Groucho Marx? Henry G. Strauss? Phil Harris? Joe E. Lewis? Anonymous? Topic: Smoking? Drinking? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a family of jokes about smoking, drinking, and reading. The quips certainly do not reflect the actions of role models, but they are funny: When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. …

“It Took Me Fifteen Years to Discover That I Had No Talent for Writing.” “Did You Quit?”

Robert Benchley? Mark Twain? Walter Winchell? Groucho Marx? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: One of the funniest quotations about writing is usually credited to the brilliant wit Robert Benchley: It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too …

I’ve Had a Perfectly Wonderful Evening, But This Wasn’t It

Groucho Marx? A. E. Thomas? Beatrice Faber? Sidney Skolsky? Hugh Herbert? Walter Catlett? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: When Groucho Marx was leaving a boring party he supposedly said: I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. Did Groucho really insult a host or hostess in this way, or did he use this …

Now We’re Just Haggling Over the Price

George Bernard Shaw? Winston Churchill? Groucho Marx? Max Aitken? Mark Twain? W. C. Fields? Bertrand Russell? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a famous story about sex and money that I have heard in myriad variations. A man asks a woman if she would be willing to sleep with him if he pays her an exorbitant …

The Main Thing Is Honesty. If You Can Fake That, You’ve Got It Made

Groucho Marx? George Burns? Jean Giraudoux? Celeste Holm? Ed Nelson? Samuel Goldwyn? Daniel Schorr? Joe Franklin? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The funniest advice I was ever given as a sales associate was from another seasoned employee: The most important thing is honesty. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made. Later, I read or …

Quiz Question: Who Is Buried in Grant’s Tomb? Answer: Grant!

Groucho Marx? Ed Wynn? Jimtown Weekly? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Groucho Marx was the host of a quiz show called “You Bet Your Life” during the 1940s and 50s. Sometimes when a contestant did poorly Groucho would ask an easy question so that the person could win a prize or some money. For example: Who …

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