There Are Only Three Great Cities in the U.S.: New York, San Francisco, and Washington. All the Rest Are Cleveland

Mark Twain? Tennessee Williams? Edward Gannon? Hugh A. Mulligan? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Travelers in the U.S. sometimes complain of cookie-cutter monotony. The following quip has been attributed to the prominent playwright Tennessee Williams, and the luminary Mark Twain: America has only three great cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is …

Only Monarchs, Editors, and People with Tapeworms Have the Right to Use the Editorial ‘We’

Mark Twain? Robert Ingersoll? Edgar Wilson Nye? John Phoenix? George H. Derby? Roscoe Conkling? John Fiske? Horace Porter? Henry David Thoreau? Hyman G. Rickover Dear Quote Investigator: Some writers use “we” as a form of self-reference. For example, an author might state: We base our opinion on the highest authority. A comically reproachful remark about …

It Is Better to Know Nothing than to Know What Ain’t So

Josh Billings? Artemus Ward? Will Rogers? Abraham Lincoln? Mark Twain? Friedrich Nietzsche? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Here are two versions of an expression I am trying to trace: 1) It’s better to know nothing than to know what ain’t so. 2) It is better not to know so much, than to know so many things …

“She Is Always Kind to Her Inferiors” “But Where Does She Find Them?”

Dorothy Parker? Mark Twain? Samuel Johnson? Sidney Skolsky? Margaret Case Harriman? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The scintillating wit Dorothy Parker once listened to an enumeration of the many positive attributes of a person she disliked. Below is the final statement of praise together with Parker’s acerbic response: “She is always kind to her inferiors.” “And …

You Can’t Depend On Your Eyes When Your Imagination Is Out of Focus

Mark Twain? Richard Branson? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: The billionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson has argued that imagination provides hope, drive, and inspiration. He believes it should be “intertwined in daily life”; to support this thought he referred to a quotation attributed to Mark Twain: You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out …

An Exclamation Point Is Like Laughing at Your Own Joke

Mark Twain? F. Scott Fitzgerald? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Would you please explore the provenance of a piece of writing advice that I’ve seen several times. Here are two versions: One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point …

The Dictionary Is the Only Place Where Success Comes Before Work

Vince Lombardi? Mark Twain? Arthur Brisbane? Vidal Sassoon? Stubby Currence? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: There is an astute saying about gaining achievements through effort that deftly refers to the alphabetical order of a dictionary. Here are two versions: 1) Success comes before work only in the dictionary. 2) The dictionary is the only place where …

Humor Can Be Dissected, as a Frog Can, But the Thing Dies in the Process

Mark Twain? E. B. White? Katharine S. White? André Maurois? Marty Feldman? Dear Quote Investigator: A cogent simile about the cerebral examination of humor has been attributed to three clever individuals: humorist Mark Twain, children’s author E. B. White, and French author André Maurois. Here are four versions: Analyzing humor is a bit like dissecting …

You’ll Worry Less About What People Think of You When You Realize How Seldom They Do

David Foster Wallace? Olin Miller? Lee Traveler? Ethel Barrett? Mark Twain? John Steinbeck? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: An astute quotation about insecurity is often attributed to the novelist and teacher David Foster Wallace: You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do. Versions of this statement have also …

The Plays of Shakespeare Were Not Written by Shakespeare but by Another Man of the Same Name

Mark Twain? Oxford Student? Frenchman? Lewis Carroll? Schoolchild? G. K. Chesterton? Israel Zangwill? Charles Lamb? Benjamin Jowett? Aldous Huxley? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Determining the accurate provenance of famous plays and poems can be a contentious topic. According to tradition the composer of the Iliad and Odyssey has been referred to as Homer, but some …