Quote Investigator® – Page 164

Quote Origin: He Who Laughs, Lasts

Mary Pettibone Poole? W. E. Nesom? George F. Worts? H. L. Mencken? Joe Laurie Jr.? Franklin P. Adams? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a famous proverb that asserts the last person to laugh is the person who laughs the best or the longest. I am interested in a cleverly modified statement emphasizing the connection between humor and longevity:

He who laughs—lasts.

Would you please explore this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: For many years this comical remark has been ascribed to Mary Pettibone Poole who published a compilation of quotations and quips in 1938 with the vividly absurdist title “A Glass Eye at a Keyhole”. Poole placed this joke in a section “Beggars Can’t Be Losers”:¹

He who laughs, lasts!

None of the statements in Poole’s work were given attributions, and some were probably original; however, many were not. QI can now report some earlier instances of the joke above.

In November 1917 the humor magazine “Judge” printed a poem by W. E. Nesom titled “Perverted Proverbs” that playfully modified adages. The fifth stanza was the following. Boldface has been added to excerpts:²

If laughter be an aid to health,
Then logic of the strongest
Impels us to the cheerful thought
That he who laughs lasts longest.

The above citation was located by top researcher Stephen Goranson, and W. E. Nesom may have been the originator of this proverbial twist. Currently, this is the earliest evidence known to QI.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: To Fulfill a Dream, To Be Allowed to Sweat over Lovely Labor, To Be Given the Chance To Create, Is the Meat and Potatoes of Life. The Money Is the Gravy

Bette Davis? Richard Branson? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: In 2014 Richard Branson, the billionaire founder of the Virgin Group, wrote an essay discussing some of his favorite quotations. One motivational remark about creating and fulfilling a dream was attributed to the Hollywood star Bette Davis.¹

Are you familiar with this quotation? Would you please tell me where it is was published?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Some fortunate individuals in our society acquire great wealth during youth or middle age. A sybaritic life of indolence and decadence must be a temptation for a large number of pecunious people. Yet, many continue to work hard for decades.

The acclaimed actress Bette Davis was highly-paid during her long career. The following illuminating passage about her desires appeared in her 1962 autobiography titled “The Lonely Life”. Boldface has been added to excerpts:²

To survive and to prosper doing what one wants is the dreamiest of lives. To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lovely labor, to be given the chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy. As everyone else, I love to dunk my crust in it. But alone, it is not a diet designed to keep body and soul together.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: My Ancestors Didn’t Come Over on the Mayflower. They Were Just Standing There When It Docked

Will Rogers? J. J. Swartz? Owen Davis? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The enormously popular American humorist Will Rogers had some ancestors who were Cherokee Indians, and apparently one of his jokes was about his forebears and the early European colonists who arrived on the Mayflower. Are you familiar with this quip? Was it really spoken by Rogers?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Yes. The first instance of the jest ascribed to Rogers located by QI was published in 1926 in “The Dallas Morning News” of Dallas, Texas. The comedian gave a performance in the city and stated that he had recently obtained a passport to permit travel to Europe which entailed providing proof of his U.S. birth. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

“I never had my Americanism doubted before. My mother and my father both were part Cherokee Indian. Of course my people didn’t come over on the Mayflower but we were there to meet the folks when they landed,” he proclaimed.

Rogers employed the joke multiple times before his death in 1935 although the phrasing varied. Yet, the earliest evidence located by QI appeared several years before 1926 in 1914. A journal called “The Native American” reported on an exhibit from Nez Perce Indians of agricultural goods, baskets, bead-work, and other items that included a sign presenting an instance of the joke without attribution. The traveling display was shown in a larger exposition held in Portland, Washington. The slang term “chesty” in the following passage meant conceited:²

Another card reads: “Some people are ‘chesty’ because their ancestors came over in the Mayflower. But remember, the ancestors of the Indians were on the reception committee when the Mayflower arrived.” The Indians’ exhibit attracts much attention from the thousands of visitors at the exposition. It is in charge of J.J. Swartz.

It was possible that Rogers created the quip before 1914, and the sign was derived from his line. Alternatively, the joke was already in circulation when Rogers adopted and popularized it.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Good Girls Keep Diaries; Bad Girls Don’t Have the Time

Tallulah Bankhead? Herb Stein? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: You have previously examined a quotation attributed to the movie star Tallulah Bankhead. Perhaps you would be willing to look at another quip. Here are two versions:

1) Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don’t have time.
2) It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

Should Bankhead receive credit?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In August 1956 the widely-syndicated gossip columnist Earl Wilson printed an instance of the joke which he categorized as a “pearl”; however, Wilson provided no attribution. The ellipsis was in the original text:¹

EARL’S PEARLS . . . Good girls keep diaries; bad girls don’t have the time.

Shortly afterwards in November 1956 the quip was ascribed to Bankhead in a Canadian newspaper although the wording was slightly different:²

Tallulah Bankhead says: “It’s good girls who keep diaries of what they do. Bad girls never have the time.”
—Daily Express Service

In the following years the joke was further disseminated with the linkage to Bankhead usually preserved. Eventually the columnist Earl Wilson reprinted the jest, and he too ascribed the remark to Bankhead.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Every Child Is an Artist. The Problem Is How to Remain an Artist Once He or She Grows Up

John Lennon? Pablo Picasso? Carleton Noyes? Percy Mackaye? Dudley Crafts Watson? Agnes Snyder? Ricky Gervais? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: When a child is supplied with paint, clay, paper, and scissors he or she will experiment and construct images and figures. The artistic impulse is strong in the early years of life, but sadly it is often attenuated as a child matures. I believe that the prominent painter Pablo Picasso and the notable musician John Lennon both made statements on this theme. Are you familiar with these quotations?

Reply from Quote Investigator: John Lennon did mention children and art during an interview in 1969. Lennon was highly critical of many aspects of society during the colloquy, and he was asked about his alternative ideas for governance. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

Just the idea that the individual is capable of looking after himself, that we don’t need centralized government, that we don’t need father-figures and leaders, that every child is an artist until he’s told he’s not an artist, that every person is great until some demagogue makes him less great.

Pablo Picasso died in April 1973, and a few years later in October 1976 a quotation about childhood and art was attributed to him in the pages of “Time” magazine:²

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
—Picasso

This citation was the earliest linkage to Picasso known to QI; however, the statement was listed without a source or context. QI does not know where the “Time” magazine writer found the quotation. Perhaps Picasso spoke or wrote it in French or Spanish originally.

The thesis of a universal though evanescent artistic temperament in childhood has been propounded for more than one hundred years. For example, in 1907 the art critic Carleton Noyes published “The Gate of Appreciation” which contained the following passage:³

The child is the first artist. Out of the material around him he creates a world of his own. The prototypes of the forms which he devises exist in life, but it is the thing which he himself makes that interests him, not its original in nature. His play is his expression.

But Noyes argued that the artistic instinct was usually lost as the child grew older:

Imagination surrenders to the intellect; emotion gives place to knowledge.
Gradually the material world shuts in about us until it becomes for us a hard, inert thing, and no longer a living, changing presence, instinct with infinite possibilities of experience and feeling.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Best Lack All Conviction While the Worst Are Full of Passionate Intensity

William Butler Yeats? Bertrand Russell? Charles Bukowski?

Question for Quote Investigator: Have you ever been absolutely certain about a fact and later determined that you were completely wrong? If you learn from that experience you become less arrogant and more empathetic. I wish more people would achieve this form of personal growth. Here are three versions of a relevant saying:

The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt.

This thought has been linked to the Nobel Prize-winning Irish poet W. B. Yeats, the prominent British philosopher Bertrand Russell, and the notable American writer Charles Bukowski. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The three individuals you mentioned each expressed different versions of this idea, and detailed citations are given below.

In 1920 W. B. Yeats published the poem “The Second Coming”, and the final two lines of the first section presented an instance of the saying. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Most Exciting Phrase in Science Is Not ‘Eureka!’ But ‘That’s Funny’

Isaac Asimov? Gordon Rattray Taylor? Alexander Fleming? Archimedes? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The famous phrase uttered by an inventor or scientist when making a major discovery is “Eureka!” That was the cry of the ancient Greek sage Archimedes. Yet, a clever contrarian has asserted that the remark preceding a breakthrough reflects surprise and uncertainty such as:

“That’s odd.”
“That’s funny.”
“Hey, wait a minute.”

Scientific advances occur when anomalous observations are further scrutinized. This observation has been credited to the prominent science fiction writer Isaac Asimov, but I have never seen a solid citation; hence, I have become skeptical of this ascription. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest strong match known to QI appeared in a message posted to the Usenet discussion system in 1987. The message was part of a source code listing of a computer program called “fortune” which was part of the installation of the popular UNIX operating system. The program “fortune” was inspired by the notion of a fortune cookie.

When the program was run it displayed one item from a large collection of sayings and quotations that was kept in a simple database file. The quotation below appeared in a version of the program that was distributed on June 3, 1987. Boldface added to excepts by QI:¹

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” (I found it!) but “That’s funny …”
— Isaac Asimov

Asimov died in 1992, so the words were ascribed to him while he was alive; however, the data in the “fortune” program did not provide a citation.

Researchers have been unable to find this statement in the writings of Asimov. For example, Steven Cooper published a comprehensive bibliography of Asimov in 2023 which includes the following commentary:²

It is also worth noting that there are several frequently appearing quotes whose attribution to Asimov is doubtful if not actually spurious. One in particular – The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” (I found it!) but “That’s funny…” – was encountered over and over again during the research for this bibliography. However, not one of its many dozens of appearances gives any indication of an original source, and no trace of it has been found in the large proportion of Asimov’s writing that I have been able to examine.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Shoot Them Now, While They’re Happy

Dorothy Parker? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: The brilliant wit Dorothy Parker’s career was based on writing. She composed screenplays in Hollywood, and she authored columns for the magazines “Esquire” and “The New Yorker”. Yet, she was not always happy with her literary livelihood.

Recently on Pinterest I saw a piece of comically lethal acerbic advice that Parker reportedly gave to friends of aspiring writers. Would you please tell me if this quip is an authentic Parkerism? Where exactly did it appear?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In November 1959 Dorothy Parker penned a book review column in “Esquire” magazine that evaluated the revised edition of the famous writing guide “The Elements of Style” by William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White. Parker gave the work her highest recommendation and said it should be kept and treasured as a “forever” book. She also prescribed a form of euthanasia for budding writers. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

William Strunk taught Mr. White English at Cornell, and certainly he had no more gifted and proficient a pupil. It is a book to put alongside Fowler’s works, and I can think of no higher praise; I greatly doubt if there is any.

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Firearms Stand Next in Importance to the Constitution Itself. They Are the American People’s Liberty Teeth and Keystone under Independence

George Washington? C. S. Wheatley? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Are you familiar with the “liberty teeth” speech attributed to George Washington? Researchers have been unable to find evidence that Washington delivered this address, and some phrases are apparently anachronistic. Would you please explore its provenance?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was published in 1926 which was long after the death of the famous first president. Someone named C. S. Wheatley was the author of a short opinion piece about guns in a magazine called “Hunter-Trader-Trapper” based in Columbus, Ohio. Some of the statements in the article were identified as quotations from the 1700s; however, each of these remarks was carefully placed between quotation marks.

The term “Liberty teeth” occurred in the final paragraph of the article. Quotation marks were not used in this part of the text because Wheatley was presenting his own opinion. He was not presenting the words of George Washington.

Confusion emerged because the sentence immediately preceding the final paragraph mentioned an address delivered by Washington. However, the succeeding words in the article were not part of Washington’s address. Instead, the thoughts in the concluding paragraph were authored by Wheatley. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

In George Washington’s address to the second session of the first Congress, he urged promoting the manufacture of arms.

Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself. They are the American people’s Liberty teeth and keystone under Independence. The church, the plow, the prairie wagon, and citizens’ firearms are indelibly related. From the hour the Pilgrims landed, to the present day, events, occurrences and tendencies prove that to insure peace, security and happiness, the rifle and pistol are equally indispensable. Every corner of this Land knows firearms and more than 99 99/100 per cent of them by their silence indicate they are in safe and sane hands. The very atmosphere of firearms anywhere and everywhere restrains evil interference and they deserve a place of honor with all that’s good. When firearms go all goes, therefore we need them every hour.
C. S. Wheatley.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Unless You Try To Do Something Beyond What You Have Already Mastered, You Will Never Grow

Ralph Waldo Emerson? Ronald E. Osborn? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The following adage about personal growth has appeared in many self-help and motivational texts:

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.

Often the words are attributed to the well-known transcendental philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson, but I have been unable to determine the source, and I am skeptical. Would you please examine the provenance of this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Emerson died in 1882, and the statement has been attributed to him only in recent decades. No citation has been provided, and the linkage is not substantive.

The earliest evidence located by QI was published in “Forbes” magazine in March 1945. A long-standing feature of the periodical was a page titled “Thoughts on the Business of Life” which displayed miscellaneous quotations and aphorisms. A short passage of three sentences containing the maxim was credited to someone named Ronald E. Osborn. Bold face has been added to excerpts:¹

Undertake something that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.
—Ronald E. Osborn.

“Forbes” did not state where it had collected this quotation. News reports in the following years referred to speeches delivered by a professor of church history at Butler University in Indianapolis, Indiana named Ronald E. Osborn, and it was possible that this religious orator and teacher was the quotesmith.² However, this identification is conjectural because of the existence of several individuals named Ronald E. Osborn.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.