Quote Investigator® – Page 167

Quote Origin: The Golden Rule: Whoever Has the Gold Makes the Rules

Wizard of Id? Jafar? Brant Parker? Johnny Hart? Dick Boland? Jack Caprio? Jesse Jackson? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The Golden Rule is a famous ethical principle that can be stated as follows:

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

Several different lampoons and parodies have been constructed based on this moral directive. I am interested in the origin of the following spoof version:

The person who has the gold makes the rules.

Do you know who crafted this mordant remark?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1964 the comic strip “Wizard of Id” was launched with Johnny Hart as the primary writer and Brant Parker as the primary illustrator. On May 3, 1965 a four-panel strip presenting the satirical golden rule was published in “The Dallas Morning News” and many other newspapers.¹

In the first panel the diminutive tyrannical King character addressed his subjects from the balcony of his castle and emphasized the need for “peace and harmony”. In the second panel the King continued by stating “We must all live by The Golden Rule”. This caused some confusion in the third panel because his listeners were uncertain about the nature of The Golden Rule. In the fourth panel the troubadour character delivered the explanatory punchline. Boldface has been added to excerpts:

Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

This comic strip contained the earliest evidence of the joke located by QI.

This article continues with additional details and selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: To Avoid Criticism, Say Nothing, Do Nothing, Be Nothing

Aristotle? Elbert Hubbard? William Pitt? Fred Shero? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Receiving criticism is an unpleasant experience, but it is also inevitable. If your actions in the world are significant then you will draw detractors. This notion is cleverly expressed in the following pointed remark:

To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.

This statement of anti-advice has been attributed to two very different figures: the ancient Greek sage Aristotle and the American aphorist publisher Elbert Hubbard. Who do you think deserves credit?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has not found any substantive evidence to support an ascription to Aristotle.

The earliest strong match located by QI appeared in an 1898 collection of short essays titled “Little Journeys to the Homes of American Statesmen” by Elbert Hubbard. A piece about the abolitionist politician William H. Seward noted that he was the target of an assassination attempt. But Hubbard suggested that one must brave censure and danger to live a full and meaningful life. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

If you would escape moral and physical assassination, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing—court obscurity, for only in oblivion does safety lie.

Hubbard crafted multiple versions of the expression, and the saying was often attributed to him in the early decades of the 1900s.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Niagara Falls: The First Great Disappointment in Married Life

Oscar Wilde? Ann Landers? Gershon Legman? Anonymous? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: In 1882 the coruscating wit Oscar Wilde came to the United States to see the country and to conduct a series of lectures. When he visited the Niagara Falls, a classic honeymoon destination, he was unimpressed. Here are two variants of a saying that has been attributed to him:

Niagara Falls is the first great disappointment in American married life.

Niagara Falls is the second great disappointment of the American bride.

I am having trouble finding a contemporaneous citation for either of these remarks. Are these really the words of Oscar Wilde?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Oscar Wilde saw the Niagara Falls in February 1882 and made a collection of serious and comical pronouncements about the hydrological wonder. The earliest evidence of a strongly matching statement located by QI appeared in an August 1883 interview printed in “The New York World” and reprinted in other newspapers. Wilde had returned to the U.S. to superintend the production of his play “Vera” in New York, and he spoke to a journalist from the periodical. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

When the reporter hinted that American patriotism had been grievously wounded by Mr. Wilde’s criticism upon Niagara, the poet laughed and said modestly:

“Niagara will survive any criticism of mine. I must say this, however, that it is the first disappointment in the married life of many Americans who spend their honeymoon there.”

Wilde employed this quip about the waterfall in lectures that he later delivered in England and Ireland though the precise wording varied.

QI has found no substantive evidence that Wilde employed the variant joke with the phrase “second great disappointment”. It was in circulation by 1927, but this was many years after the death of Wilde in 1900. The variant was initially anonymous and then it was reassigned to Wilde probably because of confusion between the two similar jokes. Detailed information is given further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: You Can’t Teach an Old Dogma New Tricks

Dorothy Parker? Life Magazine? Maxson Foxhall Judell? Edwin G. Nourse? Tom Lehrer? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The following adage about age and recalcitrance is familiar to many:

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

I am trying to trace a comical wordplay variant:

You cannot teach an old dogma new tricks.

This statement is usually attributed to the notable acerbic writer Dorothy Parker. What do you think?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The saying was ascribed to Dorothy Parker in the 1968 volume “The Algonquin Wits” edited by Robert E. Drennan. The section about Parker included a miscellaneous collection of her witticisms, and the following was listed without any additional context:¹

“You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks.”

Parker died in 1967, and it would be nice to have an earlier linkage. Perhaps future research will discover a better citation for her. The earliest evidence of this wordplay schema located by QI employed a positive version of the saying instead of the common modern negative version.

In 1928 the humor magazine “Life” published a special issue that contained several sections that parodied popular contemporaneous periodicals such as “The Saturday Evening Post”, “True Stories”, “Collier’s”, “Time”, and “McCall’s”. The section based on the “Christian Herald” included an article titled “The Message of Clara Bow: How One Man Heard That Message and What He Did About It” that discussed the very popular movie star Clara Bow. Boldface has been added to excerpts:²

Clara Bow comes to us like a breath of fresh air at a time when the lungs of civilization are clogged with the accumulated backwash of centuries of age-old traditions, age-old concepts, age-old dogmas. She has proved that you can teach an old dogma new tricks!

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Lord Northcliffe Killed the Penny Dreadful by the Simple Process of Producing a Ha’Penny Dreadfuller

A. A. Milne? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: “Penny Dreadful” was the name given to a class of literature which emerged in the nineteenth century and was designed to appeal to young men and boys. I am trying to trace a comical saying about the eclipse of these serials. A publisher created a new lower-priced collection of booklets and periodicals that some believed was more lurid and sensational. The following quip described the situation:

He killed the penny dreadful by the simple process of producing the ha’penny dreadfuller.

Can you determine the identity of the publisher and the person who crafted this remark?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1948 the famous children’s author A.A. Milne wrote a review of a book titled “Boys Will Be Boys” in “The Sunday Times” of London. The book surveyed and discussed the “Penny Dreadful” literature, and Milne noted some of the complaints aimed at these works:¹

“Penny dreadfuls” have been the target of a good deal of wild shooting: from the leftish prig who condemned their snobbishness and patriotism to the righteous prig who condemned their idealisation of crime. Somewhere in between came the literary prig, who complained of their illiteracy.

In the review Milne also made the humorous observation which is under investigation. He named Lord Northcliffe as the inexpensive sensationalist publisher. Boldface has been added to excerpts:

It was Lord Northcliffe who killed the penny dreadful: by the simple process of producing a ha’penny dreadfuller. Rioting in its success, the editor of “The Marvel” quoted a letter “from a personal friend who has a son at Harrow. He informs me that at all the public schools there is a great rush for ‘The Halfpenny Marvel.'” I am afraid that I missed it; the rush must have been confined to Harrow. At my private school I read “The Boy’s Own Paper.”

Lord Northcliffe who was born Alfred Harmsworth was the founder of the popular British newspaper “The Daily Mail”. He acquired several important papers and became one of the most powerful publishing magnates in the English-speaking world.

Below is one additional selected citation together with the conclusion.

Quote Origin: Anyway, I Had a Better Year Than He Did

Babe Ruth? Tom Meany? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: A humorous story is told about the renowned baseball slugger Babe Ruth. He was negotiating his salary during the depths of the economic depression and was told that the amount he had requested was outlandish because it exceeded the remuneration given to Herbert Hoover who was the U.S. President. Ruth replied:

What’s Hoover got to do with it? Besides, I had a better year than he did.

I have not been able to find solid support for this tale. Is this anecdote accurate?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence known to QI was published in a 1947 biography titled “Babe Ruth: The Big Moments of the Big Fellow” by Tom Meany who was a New York sportswriter with a multi-decade career. Meany provided this description. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

Those writers who were closest to Ruth attempted to convince the slugger that this was no time to hold out, with millions unemployed and thousands on the point of actual starvation. How much did Babe want, anyway?

“Just what I’ve been getting for the last two seasons,” explained Ruth with what he thought was a great show of patience, “$8o,ooo.”

“$8o,ooo a year! In these times!” expostulated one of the writers. Don’t be silly, Babe. Why that’s more than Hoover gets for being president of the United States.”

“What the hell has Hoover got to do with this?” demanded the Babe. “Anyway, I had a better year than he did.”

The above citation was identified by top researchers Bill Mullins and Stephen Goranson. Librarian specialist John Van Hook of the University of Florida, Gainesville obtained scans. This entry also incorporates some of the excellent citations located by premier investigator Barry Popik.² Thanks to all of them

Contemporary newspaper reports indicate that Ruth negotiated a two-year salary contract that paid $80,000 in 1930 and 1931. In 1932 he obtained $75,000 for his services. Interestingly, in 1933 he was willing to accept $55,000. Thus, if the tale was true then the disagreement probably occurred circa 1932. However, the first known account was published in 1947 which was rather late.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: This Just Shows What God Could Do If He Had Money

Wolcott Gibbs? George Bernard Shaw? Margaret Case Harriman? Alexander Woollcott? Ivor Brown? Frank Case? Peter Fleming? Brooks Atkinson? George S. Kaufman? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: A wit once travelled to the opulent country estate of a friend and was shown the surrounding grounds which were well-manicured and extensively landscaped. Several large trees had been transplanted to provide shade. The humorist was asked for a candid appraisal and said:

Well, it just goes to show you what God could do if he had money.

A remark of this type has been attributed to both George Bernard Shaw and Alexander Woollcott. Shaw supposedly said it while visiting the estate of William Randolph Hearst in California. Woollcott reportedly said it while visiting the country mansion of playwright Moss Hart. Is either of these anecdotes accurate?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest published evidence located by QI was printed in June 1933 in a London periodical called “The Fortnightly Review”. An article by drama critic Ivor Brown discussed the spectacular productions of Shakespeare plays staged by Herbert Beerbohm Tree. The critic was particularly impressed by the simulation of a storm in “The Tempest”. Brown employed a version of the saying and credited an unnamed wag. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

Tree’s storm might vulgarly be described as “a corker”. A wit, when asked what he thought of Long Island, said, “It’s what God would have done with Nature, if He had had the money”. My memory suggests that the remark perfectly fitted Prospero’s island as conceived by Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree.

In the above passage the joke was not applied to a specific estate; instead, an entire region of the U.S. known for expensive property and impressive homes was named.

Earlier indirect evidence of the quip also exists. In 1974 a biography of Peter Fleming by Duff Hart-Davis was released. Fleming was a British travel writer who was the brother of famed spy-thriller author Ian Fleming. Peter Fleming was credited with using the saying in a letter dated 1929. If this date was accurate then Fleming either crafted the comical remark, or he was relaying a witticism that was already circulating on Long Island.² The name “Rupert” in the following referred to Fleming’s friend Rupert Hart-Davis who was a publisher:³

‘Long Island represents the Americans’ idea of what God would have done with Nature if he’d had the money,’ Peter wrote to Rupert on September 29th, 1929 from the Piping Rock Club in Locust Valley, where he spent the first weekend of his stay in America

The joke has been ascribed to a variety of sharp individuals in addition to Fleming, including: Wolcott Gibbs, Alexander Woollcott, George S. Kaufman, and George Bernard Shaw.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Resolve To Be Tender with the Young and Compassionate with the Aged

Gautama Buddha? Walter Scott? Lloyd Shearer? George Washington Carver? Dale Turner? Ann Landers? Bob Goddard? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The end of the year is fast approaching and some of your readers may be thinking about formulating New Year’s resolutions. I have heard a heartfelt resolution that encouraged one to be “compassionate with the aged”, “sympathetic with the striving”, and “tolerant of the weak”. The words were attributed to the Buddha, but the phrasing sounded modern. Would you please explore this statement?

Reply from Quote Investigator: “Parade Magazine” is a mass-circulation supplement that is packaged with Sunday newspapers in the U.S. On December 30, 1973 the front page of the magazine presented a set of ten resolutions which included the following four. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

Avoid zealots. They are generally humorless.

Resolve to listen more and to talk less. No one ever learns anything by talking.

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the wrong. Sometime in life you will have been all of these.

Resolve to love next year someone you didn’t love this year. Love is the most enriching ingredient of life.

The copyright notice at the bottom of the page listed “Walter Scott” which was a pen name of the long-time gossip columnist Lloyd Shearer. QI believes Shearer assembled the resolutions and should be credited with crafting the full expression listed in bold. QI also notes that some sub-phrases have been employed by other writers in the past.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: In the Struggle for Survival, the Fittest Win Out at the Expense of Their Rivals

Charles Darwin? History Textbook? Anonymous?

Two paintings of animals in a field and one is painting.

Question for Quote Investigator: While reading a newspaper article I saw the following statement attributed to the famous scientist Charles Darwin:

In the struggle for survival, the fittest win out at the expense of their rivals because they succeed in adapting themselves best to their environment.

The article cited “On the Origin of Species” by Darwin, but I examined several editions of that landmark treatise and have been unable to find the quotation. Would you please trace this expression?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive evidence that Charles Darwin made the above statement.

The scholars working on the authoritative “Darwin Correspondence Project” based at Cambridge University have placed the statement into a set of â€œSix things Darwin never said”.¹

The members of the project have constructed an important database of 7,500 letters written or received by Charles Darwin.

The earliest appearance of the statement found by QI was located within a history textbook titled “Civilization Past and Present” by T. Walter Wallbank, Alastair M. Taylor and Nels M. Bailkey.

Quote Origin: A Rainy Day, Lost Luggage, and Tangled Christmas Tree Lights

Maya Angelou? H. Jackson Brown Jr.? A 52-Year-Old Person?

A bunch of lights that are on some kind of string

Question for Quote Investigator: Each of us must occasionally experience irritating situations. Maturity and self-control help to keep a person steady. A quotation touching on this theme has been attributed to the prominent poet and memoirist Maya Angelou. Here are two versions:

I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights

I have been unable to determine where or when Angelou said this. Are these really her words?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Probably not.

The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in a 1991 compilation by the best-selling author H. Jackson Brown, Jr. titled â€œLive and Learn and Pass It On: People ages 5 to 95 share what theyâ€™ve discovered about life, love, and other good stuffâ€. The book printed a set of comical and astute sayings from individuals who were identified only by age. Here is a sampling of four remarks from Brownâ€™s book. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy holiday, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. â€”Age 52

I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. â€”Age 53

I’ve learned that you shouldnâ€™t go through life with a catcherâ€™s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. â€”Age 64

I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I donâ€™t have to be a pain. â€”Age 82

The phrase “rainy holiday” was used instead of “rainy day”. A holidaymaker hoping for sun would certainly be aggravated with downpours.

By 2003 all four of these statements from different people had implausibly been reassigned to Maya Angelou.