Quote Origin: I Regret To Report That There Is Surely No Such Thing as a Fish

Stephen Jay Gould? George Lakoff? Delta Willis? Steven Pinker? Stephen Fry?

A green piano with red and black keys
Public domain illustration of a cladogram

Question for Quote Investigator: A prominent scientist apparently made the following surprising pronouncement:

There is no such thing as a fish.

I do not recall the precise phrasing. Would you please explore the provenance and interpretation of this statement?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1981 paleontologist Stephen Jay Gould published a piece in “Natural History†magazine about cladistics which is a method for categorizing organisms based on common ancestry within a phylogenetic tree. A clade is a group of organisms which share a common ancestor. A cladogram is a tree diagram which represents the relationship between organisms.

In the following passage Gould referred to the English author Izaak Walton who wrote “The Compleat Angler†which is a famous book about fishing. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1

Some of our most common and comforting groups no longer exist if classifications must be based on cladograms. With apologies to Mr. Walton and to so many coastal compatriots in New England, I regret to report that there is surely no such thing as a fish.

About 20,000 species of vertebrates have scales and fins and live in water, but they do not form a coherent cladistic group. Some—the lungfishes and the coelacanth in particular—are genealogically close to the creatures that crawled out on land to become amphibians, reptiles, birds, and mammals.

In the passage above Gould was explaining the implications of rigorous cladistics. However, his viewpoint was more nuanced. Gould supported the continued use of the word “fishâ€:

The cladogram of trout, lungfish, and elephant is undoubtedly true as an expression of branching order in time. But must classifications be based only on cladistic information? A coelacanth looks like a fish, tastes like a fish, acts like a fish, and therefore — in some legitimate sense beyond hidebound tradition — is a fish.

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Quote Origin: Life Is Too Short To Learn German

Mark Twain? Oscar Wilde? Thomas Love Peacock? Algernon Falconer? Richard Porson?

A book with three roses on it
An open book with three roses from Pixabay

Question for Quote Investigator: The complexities of the German language inspired the following comical statement:

Life is too short to learn German.

This statement has been attributed to U.S. humorist Mark Twain, Irish playwright Oscar Wilde, English satirist Thomas Love Peacock, and English classical scholar Richard Porson. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match known to QI appeared in the satirical novel “Gryll Grange†by Thomas Love Peacock. The work was serialized in “Fraser’s Magazineâ€1 of London in 1860 and published as a book in 1861.

A fictional character named Algernon Falconer uttered the statement while he was discussing his library which centered on books in English, Greek, Latin, Italian, and French, but not German. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:2

It was a dictum of Porson, that “Life is too short to learn German:†meaning, I apprehend, not that it is too difficult to be acquired within the ordinary space of life, but that there is nothing in it to compensate for the portion of life bestowed on its acquirement, however little that may be.

Richard Porson was a scholar at the University of Cambridge who was acclaimed for his knowledge of Greek. He was born in 1759 and died in 1808. QI has found no substantive evidence that Porson authored the statement under analysis. QI conjectures that Thomas Love Peacock crafted the quip and assigned it to Porson to accentuate its humor. Alternatively, Peacock was simply repeating a pre-existing joke.

QI believes that the attributions to Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain are unsupported although germane quotations from Twain are listed further below.

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Quote Origin: Life Is Too Short To Do Anything For Oneself That One Can Pay Others To Do For One

W. Somerset Maugham? Popular Influencer? Apocryphal?

A bunch of gold coins that are on the ground
Illustration of symbolic dollar coins from Unsplash

Question for Quote Investigator: A popular modern influencer has recommended outsourcing all the unpleasant or unimportant tasks of life. I was reminded of a saying I heard many years ago:

Life is too short to do anything for oneself that one can pay others to do for one.

I do not recall who said this. The person was probably wealthy. Would you please trace this quotation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: W. Somerset Maugham was a  highly successful dramatist, novelist, and short story writer. His novels included “Of Human Bondageâ€, “The Moon and Sixpenceâ€, and “The Razor’s Edgeâ€. In 1938 Maugham published “The Summing Up†which presented his ideas about life and art. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1

I have travelled; I live in a house with a view of the sea, silent and apart from other habitations, in the middle of a garden, with spacious rooms. I have always thought life too short to do anything for oneself that one can pay others to do for one and I have been rich enough to afford myself the luxury of only doing for myself what I alone can do.

I have been able to entertain my friends and to help people whom I wanted to help. All this I owe to the favour of the public.

The original phrasing of the quotation differed from the common current version. The phrase “I have always thought†has been excised, and the word “is†has been inserted into modern instances.

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Quote Origin: The World Has Cancer, and the Cancer Cell Is Man

Alan Gregg? William Ralph Inge? Paul R. Ehrlich? Marston Bates? Edward Abbey? Ronald Dellums?

A close up of some purple and blue cells
Picture of cancer cells from the U.S. National Cancer Institute

Question for Quote Investigator: The size of the human population and the power of human technology have both grown dramatically during the past century. Unfortunately, the biosphere has been damaged by human actions. Someone formulated the following provocative analogy:

The world has cancer, and the cancer cell is man.

Would you please explore the provenance of this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest close match found by QI appeared in the journal “Science†in 1955 within an article by physician Alan Gregg titled “A Medical Aspect of the Population Problemâ€. Gregg’s phrasing was tentative. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1

In short, I suggest, as a way of looking at the population problem, that there are some interesting analogies between the growth of the human population of the world and the increase of cells observable in neoplasms: To say that the world has cancer, and that the cancer cell is man, has neither experimental proof nor the validation of predictive accuracy; but I see no reason that instantly forbids such a speculation.

Gregg pointed out that the human population had increased dramatically from 500 million people in A.D. 1500 to 2 billion people in 1955.

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Quote Origin: Growth for the Sake of Growth Is the Ideology of the Cancer Cell

Edward Abbey? Paul R. Ehrlich? Anne H. Ehrlich? Susan Buckingham? Arthur J. Cordell? Alan Gregg? Apocryphal?

A red line going down the side of a bar graph.
Graph showing growth followed by a crash from Pixabay

Question for Quote Investigator: The rapid and uncontrolled proliferation of cells in the human body is a manifestation of cancer. Environmentalists and conservationists have employed a provocative analogy to criticize unconstrained economic development. Here are two versions:

(1) Perpetual growth is the creed of the cancer cell.
(2) Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.

This saying has been credited to essayist Edward Abbey, biologist Paul R. Ehrlich, and author Arthur J. Cordell. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest close match located by QI appeared in “LOOK†magazine in November 1969 within an article titled “Land Loversâ€. This photo-essay included quotations gathered from people who supported wilderness protection. Edward Abbey’s remarks included the following. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1

“The real estate brokers, the engineers itching to build paved roads, have their hearts set on transforming the desert into a replica of greater Los Angeles. Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.â€

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Quote Origin: Peace Has Its Victories, But It Takes Brave Men and Women To Win Them

Ralph Waldo Emerson? Mary Allette Ayer? Young People’s Weekly? John Milton? Kin Hubbard? Anonymous?

A white dove with a branch in its mouth.
Peace dove carrying an olive branch from Pixabay

Question for Quote Investigator: Here are the first and last sentences of an inspirational passage:

Whatever you do, you need courage … Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.

This passage has been credited to the transcendental philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson, but I am skeptical because I have never seen a solid citation. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive evidence that Ralph Waldo Emerson composed this passage. Emerson died in 1882.

The earliest match located by QI appeared in the 1908 collection “Keep Up Your Courage: Key-Notes to Success†edited by Mary Allette Ayer. The accompanying acknowledgement pointed to a popular periodical for children. The author was not precisely identified. The final sentence used the word “men†instead of the phrase “men and womenâ€. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1

Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always some one to tell you you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to the end, requires some of the same courage which a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men to win them.
—Young People’s Weekly.

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Quip Origin: There Are More Horses’ Asses Than Horses

Will Rogers? Jack Kerouac? Joseph Gurney Cannon? G. Gordon Liddy? Anonymous?

Two horses standing on a beach with one horse holding something in its mouth.
Picture of two horses in Iceland from Unsplash

Question for Quote Investigator: Each horse has exactly one posterior, and this fact produces a confounding paradox. Why are there more horses’ asses than horses?

This wordplay quip has been attributed to humorist Will Rogers, novelist Jack Kerouac, politician Joseph Cannon, Watergate conspirator G. Gordon Liddy, and others. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared in 1931 within the Chicago, Illinois sporting periodical “Collyer’s Eye and The Baseball World†. The joke was attributed to Joseph Gurney Cannon who served in the U.S. Congress for decades and became a powerful Speaker of the House. He died in 1926. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1

… Old “Uncle Joe†Cannon’s saying, that peculiar as it may seem, “there are more horses asses in the world than horses.â€

QI has not yet found any direct evidence that Cannon employed this quip although he is the leading candidate. The ascription to Will Rogers has no substantive support. Jack Kerouac did use the quip after it was already in circulation.

QI hypothesizes that the joke evolved from an earlier gag comparing the number of asses and horses.

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Adage Origin: All Things Are Difficult, Before They Are Easy

Thomas Fuller? Saadi ShÄ«rÄzÄ«? Moncure Daniel Conway? Anonymous?

A black and white picture of an electrical symbol.
Barbells used for weight training from Pixabay

Question for Quote Investigator: Developing knowledge and skills takes time and effort. There is no shortcut for obtaining crucial capabilities. Here is a pertinent adage:

Everything is difficult before it becomes easy.

This saying has been attributed to the 18th century British physician Thomas Fuller and the 13th century Persian poet Saadi ShÄ«rÄzÄ«. Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match known to QI appeared in the 1732 collection “Gnomologia: Adagies and Proverbs; Wise Sentences and Witty Sayings†compiled by Thomas Fuller. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1

All things are difficult, before they are easy.

The adage has often been attributed to Thomas Fuller, and he did help to popularize the statement. However, Fuller was primarily a collector and not a crafter of sayings. The original creator remains anonymous.

QI believes that the attribution to Saadi ShÄ«rÄzÄ« was based on a misreading of an 1874 citation. Details are given further below. Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

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Quote Origin: Elephants and Authors Have Long, Vicious Memories

William S. Burroughs? Allen Ginsberg? Sam Kashner? Apocryphal?

A herd of elephants standing on top of a dirt field.
Group of elephants from Unsplash

Question for Quote Investigator: Prominent authors can be ornery and unforgiving. Apparently, a well-known writer said:

Elephants and authors have long, vicious memories.

This statement has been attributed to William S. Burroughs, the controversial Beat Generation author of “Naked Lunchâ€, “The Ticket That Explodedâ€, and “Junkieâ€. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This remark appeared in a letter from William S. Burroughs to the poet Allen Ginsberg dated April 26, 1952. The letter was reprinted in the 1993 collection “The Letters of William S. Burroughs: 1945-1959â€. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1

… Also discouraged and hurt, because of Marker and I got no relaxation, nobody to talk to. I shouldn’t be crowded like this. Elephants and authors have long, vicious memories.

In 2009 Sam Kashner published “When I Was Cool: My Life at the Jack Kerouac School: A Memoirâ€. Kashner described traveling in a car with Burroughs, Ginsberg, and others. Kashner ascribed the quotation to Burroughs:2

“Writers, like elephants, have long, vicious memories,†Burroughs said. “There are things I wish I could forget.â€

I, on the other hand, wanted to remember everything about being in the car with these men, though how strange we must have looked to the other motorists who glanced over suspiciously at us when the traffic slowed.

In conclusion, William S. Burroughs deserves credit for this remark. He included it in a 1952 letter to his fellow Beat Generation author Allen Ginsberg.

Image Notes: Family in elephants in Addo Elephant National Park. Picture from Tobin Rogers at Unsplash. The image has been cropped and resized.

Acknowledgement: Great thanks to the anonymous person whose inquiry led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration.

  1. 1993, The Letters of William S. Burroughs: 1945-1959 by William S. Burroughs, Edited by Oliver Harris, Letter To: Allen Ginsberg, Letter From: William S. Burroughs, Letter Date: April 26, 1952, Start Page 122, Quote Page 123, Penguin Books USA, New York. (Verified with scans) ↩︎
  2. 2009, When I Was Cool: My Life at the Jack Kerouac School: A Memoir by Sam Kashner, Chapter 26: Burroughs and the Box, Quote Page 155, HarperCollins Publishers, New York. (Verified with scans) ↩︎

Quote Origin: Lots of People Have Terrible Taste and Make a Damn Good Living Off of It

Diana Vreeland? Christopher Hemphill? Valerie Steele? Marion Hume?

A room with many different types of clothes on it.
Clothing display at a retail store from Unsplash

Question for Quote Investigator: Apparently, a prominent fashion maven asserted that an obsession with good taste was misguided because a person with “terrible taste†could make a “damn good living†selling items.

This notion has been attributed to Diana Vreeland who was the editor-in-chief at Vogue in the 1960s. I do not recall the exact phrasing. Would you please help me to find a citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1980 Diana Vreeland with Christopher Hemphill published an over-sized fashion photography book titled “Allureâ€. The work included extensive commentary from Vreeland. She described an encounter with a young journalist in Boston, Massachusetts in 1979. Boldface added to excepts by QI:1

In Boston a few weeks ago, I had another question thrown at me. “You see, in Boston,†the girl began, “anyone who’s well-dressed is considered in bad taste…â€

Vreeland was irritated by this claim and indicated that it was a foolish viewpoint. Further, Vreeland made a provocative comment about “good taste†and “terrible tasteâ€:

“But why do you worry about good taste?†I said. “That’s part of the problem—the worry, the eternal worry. Lots of people have terrible taste, you know, and make a damn good living off of it.â€

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