I Never Think of the Future. It Comes Soon Enough

Albert Einstein? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The following saying is attributed to the scientific genius Albert Einstein:

I never think of the future – it comes soon enough.

Did he really say this? When did he say it?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence of this saying located by QI was printed in a newspaper article on December 12, 1930 by David P. Sentner who was a correspondent for the International News Service (INS). Albert Einstein was a passenger aboard the Red Star Liner Belgenland which docked in New York, and Sentner reported on the questions that were addressed to Einstein by a group of reporters. One query concerned his remarkable theory of relativity:[ref] 1930 December 12, Clearfield Progress, Would Take Three Days To Make Simple Explanation Of Theories, Says Einstein by David P. Sentner, (I.N.S. [International News Service] Correspondent), Quote Page 1, Column 1, Clearfield, Pennsylvania. (NewspaperArchive)[/ref]

“Can you explain your theory simply for the masses of America?” he was asked.
“No,” he answered running his fingers through his shock of graying hair, “it would take me three days to do it.”

Sentner noted that Einstein was primarily not speaking English during the colloquy; hence, translation was required to surmount the language barrier for most of the American newspeople. It was during this interchange that the scientist made his now famous remark about the future:[ref] 1930 December 12, Clearfield Progress, Would Take Three Days To Make Simple Explanation Of Theories, Says Einstein by David P. Sentner, (I.N.S. [International News Service] Correspondent), Quote Page 1, Column 2, Clearfield, Pennsylvania. (NewspaperArchive)[/ref]

Professor Einstein spoke almost entirely in German, but the barrage of questions and answers were translated for the benefit of the distinguished visitor and reporters by a number of interpreters, official and volunteer. The scientist was asked whether he had anticipated the interview would be such a trying ordeal as it turned out to be.

“I never think of the future,” he said. “It comes soon enough.”

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Count Your Age by Friends, Not Years. Count Your Life by Smiles, Not Tears

John Lennon? Birthday Card? Dixie Lee Crosby? Dixie Willson? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I am a big fan of the Beatles, and I think I have a good mental picture of my favorite band member, John Lennon. The following popular pair of statements is often credited to Lennon, but I think the attribution is false:

Count your age by friends, not years.
Count your life by smiles, not tears.

Disagreement with a friend of mine about these words has led to a social rift. The prevalence of incorrect ascriptions is irritating to me. Yet, an expression like this can have a deep emotional resonance for an individual, and skepticism about an attribution can be viewed as callous. Perhaps an exploration of this saying will help to repair our relationship.

Quote Investigator: The musician John Lennon was born in 1940. The earliest evidence of this quotation located by QI was printed in a newspaper in 1927. Hence, Lennon did not craft these two statements. They were part of a larger poem that was printed in a birthday card given to a woman in Richfield Springs, New York when she attained her ninetieth year:[ref] 1927 January 27, Richfield Mercury, Ninetieth Birthday Celebrated at Monticello, Quote Page 1, Column 6, Richfield Springs, New York. (Old Fulton)[/ref]

The following quotation is taken from one of the many beautiful greeting cards:

“Count your garden by the flowers,
never by the leaves that fall;
Count your days by golden hours
don’t remember clouds at all!
Count the night by stars, not shadows
Count your life with smiles—not tears
And with joy on today’s birthday,
count your age by friends—not years!”

In 1931 a newspaper in Roswell, New Mexico published a version of the poem under the title “Count Your Blessings” without an attribution. The first four lines were identical to those given above. The end of the poem was slightly different, e.g., the mention of a birthday was omitted:[ref] 1931 January 6, The Roswell Daily Record, The Social News by Grace Thorpe Bear, Quote Page 4, Column 1, Roswell, New Mexico. (Newspapers_com)[/ref]

Count your nights by stars — not shadows;
Count your life with smiles, not tears — and with joy
Count your age by friends, not years.
–Author Unknown To Us.

In 1933 a newspaper in Anniston, Alabama printed an article titled “How ‘Count Your Garden’ Was Written”. The author of the poem was identified as Dixie Willson:[ref] Date: 1933 February 28, Newspaper: The Anniston Star, Section: Social News – Personal Mention – Women’s Clubs, Social Editor: Iva Cook, Article: How “Count Your Garden” Was Written, Quote Page 5, Column 1, Anniston, Alabama. (Newspapers_com)[/ref]

Into the Volland office one day came Dixie Willson. She had come to see the editor. “I’m broke,” she told the editor. “And not only broke, but I haven’t eaten in so long that the old belt won’t pull any tighter. But I can write verses. If I should write a greeting verse for you, would you buy it?” “Write it, and I’ll see what I can do,” said the editor.

The article stated that Willson wrote a verse that was accepted, and she received $5 from the editor. Willson and the editor went to dinner which she generously paid for with the money. Finis for the $5.

But it wasn’t finis for the verse: it was the beginning of an edition that has passed the half-million publication mark. For the verse that she wrote is this favorite of greeting card buyers everywhere:

Count your garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall;
Count your days by golden hours, don’t remember clouds at all!
Count your nights by stars—not shadows; count your life with smiles—not tears.
And with joy, on this your birthday—count your age by friends—not years.

In February 1935 an inquiry about the poem was printed in the “Queries and Answers” section of the New York Times:[ref] 1935 February 3, New York Times, Section: Book Review, Queries and Answers, Quote Page BR27, Column 2, New York. (ProQuest)[/ref]

S. H. requests the title and the name of the author of the poem which contains the following lines, possibly not quite correctly quoted:

Don’t count your troubles
By the leaves that fall.
The poem ends with these lines:
Don’t count your birthdays by the years that pass
But by the friends you have.

In March 1935 a partial answer to the inquiry was published in the “Queries and Answers” section of the New York Times:[ref] 1935 March 3, New York Times, Section: Book Review, Queries and Answers, Quote Page BR27, Column 3, New York, (ProQuest)[/ref]

The poem desired by S. H. (Feb. 3) appears as a popular birthday card and bears no author’s name.

After the remark above, the paper printed a poem very similar to the one given in the 1927 citation, and after the poem the following comment appeared:

Several readers sent these lines, but none of them was able to give the title or the author’s name. One correspondent informs us that the poem has been set to music by Harriet Ware and published by G. Schirmer, Inc.

In April 1935 a sardonic article about the greeting-card business by E. B. White was published in The New Yorker magazine. The article presented a different identity for the author of the poem:[ref] 1935 April 20, The New Yorker, Onward and Upward With the Arts: Terse Verse by E. B. White, Start Page 32, Quote Page 38, F.R. Publishing Corporation, New York. (Online Archive of page scans of The New Yorker; Accessed July 21 2013)[/ref]

Bing Crosby’s wife, Dixie Lee, is one of the people who have lived to regret the passing of the royalty system. Miss Lee, about six years ago, sold to the P. F. Volland Company the following poem:

Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by the leaves that fall,
Count your days by golden hours,
Don’t remember clouds at all;
Count your nights by stars, not shadows,
Count your life with smiles, not tears,
And with joy on this, your birthday,
Count your age by friends, not years.

The firm paid her five bucks, and she blew most of it taking one of the editors to lunch. The next few months she watched her greeting become a best-seller.

The year specified in the article for the sale of the poem was six years before 1935, i.e., in 1929, but the card was already in circulation by 1927. This slight inaccuracy does not rule out the correctness of the authorship indicated. Also, The New Yorker was once praised for the high-quality of its fact-checking.

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Teach a Parrot to Say ‘Supply and Demand’ and You Have an Economist

Thomas Carlyle? Irving Fisher? Joseph Schumpeter? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: There is a humorous saying about parrots and economists that is often attributed to the philosopher and satirist Thomas Carlyle. Sometimes the joke is simply ascribed to Anonymous. Here are three versions:

1: Teach a parrot the terms ‘supply and demand’ and you’ve got an economist.
2: It’s easy to train economists. Just teach a parrot to say ‘Supply and Demand’.
3: You can make even a parrot into a learned political economist. All he must learn are the two words ‘supply’ and ‘demand’.

I have not seen any precise references supporting the linkage to Thomas Carlyle. Would you be willing to attempt to trace this comical barb?

Quote Investigator: In the 1800s the words ‘supply and demand’ were sometimes derided as “parrot words”. In addition, disapproving terms such as “parrot-like” and “parrot-cries” were used in critiques aimed at economic analyses invoking “supply and demand”. In 1897 an individual using the phrase “supply and demand” was said to be acting “like a trained parrot”.

In 1907 the prominent Yale economist Irving Fisher included a version of the parrot joke in a book about interest rates. Fisher did not claim credit for the jibe, and he left the attribution anonymous. In 1931 an author used the following statement to present a tentative ascription for the parrot jest: “It was probably Thomas Carlyle’s none too gentle pen”. That was the earliest connection to Carlyle located by QI. Since Carlyle died in 1881 this late attribution provided very weak evidence.

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There’s a Way To Do It Better—Find It

Thomas Edison? David Sarnoff? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: I saw the following quotation on the website of a medical school with a strong history of innovation:

There’s a way to do it better — find it.

The words were attributed to the inventor and research laboratory pioneer Thomas A. Edison. I also saw an advertisement by a power company claiming this was “Edison’s motto”. However, I have not found it in Edison’s writings. Is this quotation genuine?

Quote Investigator: Thomas Edison died in 1931, and currently the earliest evidence of this saying located by QI appeared in September 1957 when the New York Times reported on a newly launched advertising campaign using the expression:[ref] 1957 September 4, New York Times, Advertising: Promoting a Negative Quality by Carl Spielvogel, Quote Page 46, Column 6,New York. (ProQuest)[/ref]

The McGraw-Edison Company, Inc., electrical products’ manufacturer, has begun its first series of corporate ads as a national advertiser. Insertions will appear this month in Time, U. S. News and World Report, and Newsweek.

Advertisements are built around a statement by Thomas A. Edison, who challenged his staff: “There’s a way to do it better . . . find it.” The J. Walter Thompson Company is the agency.

A couple weeks later a newspaper in Greensboro, North Carolina reported on the adage and credited Edison; however, the journalist was probably simply repeating information derived from the advertising campaign:[ref] 1957 September 24, Greensboro Record, Trade Winds: Better Selling Need Emphasized by Lou Schneider, Quote Page B3, Column 2, Greensboro, North Carolina. (GenealogyBank)[/ref]

Thomas A. Edison challenged his staff with this slogan: “There’s a way to do it better . . . find it.” With people earning more money than ever, there’s no reason for the lag in consumption. Manufacturers have only themselves to blame for not doing better selling.

In December 1957 a full-page advertisement in Newsweek for McGraw-Edison Company featured the saying together with the Edison ascription as a headline in bold letters:[ref] 1957 December 23, Newsweek, Volume 50, (Advertisement for McGraw-Edison Company), Quote Page 28, Newsweek, Inc., New York. (Verified on microfilm)[/ref]

“There’s a way to do it better . . . find it!”
Thomas A. Edison

In 1959 a professor giving a lecture sponsored by the collegiate honor society of Phi Kappa Phi mentioned the saying:[ref] 1959 Winter, Phi Kappa Phi Journal, “Research or ?” by Ralph E. Dunbar, Start Page 24, Quote Page 29, (The lecture presented at the Second Annual Faculty Lectureship of the North Dakota Agricultural College on February 26, 1958; Dr. Dunbar was Dean of the School of Chemical Technology, North Dakota Agricultural College), Published by Honor Society of Phi Kappa Phi, Roanoke, Virginia. (Verified on paper)[/ref]

But even such a practical man as Thomas Edison once stated that, “There’s a way to do it better . . . find it.” Likewise, we should realize that even our practically minded men require a tremendous backlog of basic and fundamental data and information.

In June 1961 a bronze bust of Thomas Edison was installed in an open-air colonnade called the Hall of Fame for Great Americans at the Bronx campus of New York University. As reported in the New York Times, the chairman of the Radio Corporation of America, David Sarnoff, spoke at a ceremony and described where he encountered the motto:[ref] 1961 June 5, New York Times, Edison Bust Enters Hall of Fame As Sarnoff Delivers a Eulogy, Quote Page 34, Column 7 and 8, New York. (ProQuest)[/ref]

Mr. Sarnoff said he had been impressed by a sign that Edison had hung on the wall of his laboratory. It said, “There’s a way to do it better—find it.”

Mr. Sarnoff is a trustee of the Thomas Alva Edison Foundation, which sponsored the ceremony.

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The Chains of Habit Are Too Light To Be Felt Until They Are Too Heavy To Be Broken

Warren Buffett? Samuel Johnson? Maria Edgeworth? Bertrand Russell? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I recall seeing a lecture by the famed investor Warren Buffett during which he cautioned his audience to avoid falling into self-destructive behavior patterns. He used this eloquent analysis:

The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.

While searching for a source I found some other versions of the statement. Here are two that are credited to the brilliant dictionary-maker Samuel Johnson:

The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken

The diminutive chains of habit are seldom heavy enough to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.

I was unable to find a precise citation to Dr. Johnson’s works. Could you examine this adage?

Quote Investigator: Investor Warren Buffett did use this phrase more than once during speeches, but he did not claim credit for originating the saying. Detailed citations are given further below.

The expression has a long history, and the famous lexicographer and man of letters Samuel Johnson did write a prolix passage that was transformed and simplified in an evolutionary process that ultimately produced the concise modern aphorism used by Buffett.

In 1748 Johnson published an allegorical fable about the path to the Temple of Happiness titled “The Vision of Theodore”. The story warned readers using a symbolic figure named Habit who would bind the unwary in chains. A bound individual would be taken to a grim destination called the caverns of Despair. The following excerpt displayed a conceptual match to the modern saying. In addition, Johnson used the phrase “too strong to be broken” which was retained in some modern instances. Boldface has been added below:[ref] 1748 April, The Gentleman’s Magazine, Volume 18, “The Vision of Theodore, The Hermit of Teneriffe, Found in His Cell” (by Samuel Johnson), Start Page 159, Quote Page 160, Printed by E. Cave, St John’s Gate, London. (Google Books full view) link [/ref]

It was the peculiar artifice of Habit not to suffer her power to be felt at first. Those whom she led, she had the address of appearing only to attend, but was continually doubling her chains upon her companions; which were so slender in themselves, and so silently fastened, that while the attention was engaged by other objects, they were not easily perceived. Each link grew tighter as it had been longer worn, and when, by continual additions, they became so heavy as to be felt, they were very frequently too strong to be broken.

In the early 1800s an influential Irish writer named Maria Edgeworth crafted a compact version of the sentiment expressed by Samuel Johnson. Her book “Moral Tales for Young People” (second edition 1806) included a story called “Forester”, and in one scene the title character picked up a pair of scissors and twirled them on his finger absentmindedly. The character believed that this habit was undesirable:[ref] 1806, Moral Tales For Young People by Miss Edgeworth (Maria Edgeworth), Volume 1, Second Edition, Forester, Quote Page 86, Printed for J. Johnson, London. (Google Books full view) link [/ref]

He was rather ashamed to perceive that he had not yet cured himself of such a silly habit. “I thought the lesson I got at the brewery,” said he, “would have cured me for ever of this foolish trick; but the diminutive chains of habit, as somebody says, are scarcely ever heavy enough to be felt, till they are too strong to be broken.“

Maria Edgeworth placed a footnote asterisk after the phrase “chains of habit”, and in the footnote she referenced “Dr. Johnson’s Vision of Theodore.” Edgeworth’s concise summary statement was clearly derived from Johnson’s story, but her expression was distinctive and did not appear directly in the fable’s text. Her forthright acknowledgement of Johnson probably facilitated some later confusion.

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My Only Regret Is That I Have Not Drunk More Champagne In My Life

John Maynard Keynes? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Quotations that were supposedly spoken by famous people shortly before death are notoriously unreliable. I heard that the prominent economist John Maynard Keynes on his deathbed was asked whether he had any regrets, and he said something like:

I should have drunk more champagne.
I only wish I had drunk more champagne.
My only regret in life is that I did not drink more champagne.
My only regret is that I have not drunk more champagne in my life.

Is one of these quotations accurate, and when was it said?

Quote Investigator: There is evidence that Keynes made a remark similar to this, but he was not speaking from his deathbed. Keynes attended King’s College, a constituent college of the University of Cambridge in England. He maintained a strong connection to the College throughout his life. For many years he was a lecturer in economics at Cambridge, and he also acted as Bursar for King’s College.

After the death of Keynes in 1946 a memoir was prepared by direction of the Council of King’s College and was published in 1949. This memoir included an instance of the quotation:[ref] 1949, John Maynard Keynes, 1883-1946, Fellow and Bursar, (A memoir prepared by direction of the Council of King’s College, Cambridge University, England), Quote Page 37, Printed at the University Press, Cambridge, Printed for King’s College, Cambridge University, Great Britain. (Verified on paper)[/ref]

His own leisure was admirably as it was variously employed: in inspecting his pigs; in attending a sale of pictures; in perusing (unlike some bibliophiles) a minor Elizabethan poet, his latest acquisition; in listening to a piano recital, recumbent in a box of the theatre he had built; in gossip and good talk and a glass of wine. ‘My only regret’, he said at the close of a College feast, ‘is that I have not drunk more champagne in my life.’ And so it was that he knew what leisure could give and desired that all should share the gift.

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Don’t Keep Forever on the Public Road. Leave the Beaten Track Behind Occasionally and Dive Into the Woods

Alexander Graham Bell? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The brilliant inventor Alexander Graham Bell helped to create the first practical telephone. He is often credited with the following inspiring statement:

Don’t keep forever on the public road. Leave the beaten track behind occasionally and dive into the woods. You will be certain to find something you have never seen before, and something worth thinking about to occupy your mind. All really big discoveries are the result of thought.

There are many variants of this exhortation, but none appears to be definitive. Here is a variant using a very different vocabulary:

Refrain from always following a predestined path for it only leads where others have already walked.

The industrious volunteers at Wikiquote have listed multiple versions. I was unable to find a direct citation to the writings of Bell, so I became cautious. Also, the earliest evidence I could locate was dated 1947, yet Bell died in 1922. Could you clarify this situation?

Quote Investigator: On May 22, 1914 Alexander Graham Bell delivered an address to the graduating class of the Friends’ School in Washington D.C. His words were published in the June 1914 issue of “The National Geographic Magazine”. In a section of his speech titled “Out of the Beaten Track” Bell described an experience which he employed as a metaphorical theme for his discourse:[ref] 1914 June, The National Geographic Magazine, Volume 25, Number 6, Discovery and Invention by Alexander Graham Bell, (Address to the graduating class of the Friends’ School in Washington D.C. by Alexander Graham Bell on May 22, 1914), Start Page 649, Quote Page 650, Published by National Geographic Society. (Google Books full view) link [/ref]

I was walking along the road one day in my country place in Nova Scotia, when the idea occurred to leave the beaten track and dive into the woods. Well, I had not gone 50 feet before I came upon a gully, and down at the bottom was a beautiful little stream. I never knew of it before.

After describing the stream Bell elaborated on the lesson of this incident. The modern quotations are primarily derived from the text below. Boldface has been added to show the phrases in the original question above:

We are all too much inclined, I think, to walk through life with our eyes shut. There are things all round us and right at our very feet that we have never seen, because we have never really looked.

Don’t keep forever on the public road, going only where others have gone and following one after the other like a flock of sheep. Leave the beaten track occasionally and dive into the woods. Every time you do so you will be certain to find something that you have never seen before. Of course it will be a little thing, but do not ignore it. Follow it up, explore all round it: one discovery will lead to another, and before you know it you will have something worth thinking about to occupy your mind. All really big discoveries are the results of thought.

It is common for pithier quotations to be constructed by a streamlining process in which words, phrases, and sentences are omitted from a longer passage as a quote evolves.

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For Attractive Lips, Speak Words of Kindness

Audrey Hepburn? Sam Levenson? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Audrey Hepburn was a magnificent movie star, and she was also a well-known worker for humanitarian causes. On various websites I have seen a collection of sayings called “Time Tested Beauty Tips” that have been attributed to her. The first tip says:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

I have never seen a proper reference to an interview or a book showing that Hepburn created these tips. Could you examine the provenance of this set of statements?

Quote Investigator: The best evidence suggests that Audrey Hepburn read these words to family members, but she did not claim credit for them.

A version of the “Time Tested Beauty Tips” was printed in a 2005 memoir written by Sean Hepburn Ferrer about his mother Audrey Hepburn. A very similar version was printed in a 1996 biography titled “Audrey Hepburn” by Barry Paris. Both of these works stated that the tips were originally created by Sam Levenson who was a prominent television personality, humorist, and bestselling author.

In fact, there were two distinct passages from the 1973 book “In One Era and Out the Other” by Levenson that were combined to yield the modern set of tips. When Levenson’s daughter Emily started to date he discussed with her different concepts of beauty:[ref] 1973 Copyright, In One Era and Out the Other by Sam Levenson, Quote Page 177, Pocket Books: A Division of Simon & Schuster, New York. (First Simon and Schuster edition published in 1973; Pocket Books edition published in November 1974) (Verified with scans of Pocket Books edition)[/ref]

I even suggested several time-tested inexpensive beauty hints:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone.

When his first grandchild, Georgia, was born Levenson composed a short letter addressed to her:[ref] 1973 Copyright, In One Era and Out the Other by Sam Levenson, Quote Page 190, Pocket Books: A Division of Simon & Schuster, New York. (First Simon and Schuster edition published in 1973; Pocket Books edition published in November 1974) (Verified with scans of Pocket Books edition)[/ref]

We leave you a tradition with a future. The tender loving care of human beings will never become obsolete. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed, and redeemed, and redeemed . . . Never throw out anybody.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others. …

Your good old days are still ahead of you. May you have many of them.

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Nostalgia Is Not What It Used To Be

Yogi Berra? Simone Signoret? Peter De Vries? Tommy Handley & Ronald Frankau? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Holidays sometimes make me nostalgic. They also remind me of the following clever quip:

Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.

These words are often attributed to the famed baseball quotemaster Yogi Berra, but recently I learned of an autobiography by the prominent French actress Simone Signoret titled:

Nostalgia Isn’t What It Used To Be.

Could you explore the origin of this saying?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence of this expression known to QI was published in a 1959 novel titled “The Tents of Wickedness” by Peter De Vries. This citation is given in the key reference work “The Dictionary of Modern Proverbs” from Yale University Press. De Vries was a popular humorist who worked at “The New Yorker” magazine and published many novels:[ref] 1959, The Tents of Wickedness by Peter De Vries, Quote Page 6, Little, Brown and Company, Boston, Massachusetts. (Verified on paper)[/ref][ref] 2012, The Dictionary of Modern Proverbs, Compiled by Charles Clay Doyle, Wolfgang Mieder, and Fred R. Shapiro Page 179, Yale University Press, New Haven. (Verified on paper) [/ref]

No. Nostalgia, as his Uncle Joshua had said, ain’t what it used to be.
Which made it pretty complete. Nothing was what it used to be — not even nostalgia.

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When I Was Younger, I Could Remember Anything, Whether It Had Happened or Not

Mark Twain? Albert Bigelow Paine? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Mark Twain formulated a wonderful expression about the fallibility of memory as one grows older. Here is the beginning of his humorous saying:

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

My own memory may be failing because I think I have seen multiple versions of the full statement. Is there more than one version? Which version is correct?

Quote Investigator: Yes, there are three important variants of this quotation that have been ascribed to Mark Twain. Intriguingly, the meaning of the quotation and the nature of the joke changed as the statement was revised. Here are the three versions with dates. Boldface has been added:

1907: When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying, now, and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that happened.

1912: When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not; but I am getting old, and soon I shall remember only the latter.

1924: When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now, and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened.

Mark Twain worked on his autobiography for many years, and during this process he sometimes published sections. The first statement above was included in a draft chapter of his autobiography that was printed in the March 1907 issue of “The North American Review”. Before presenting the statement Twain mentioned an incident from his memory which he now believed was a “delusion”:[ref] 1907 March 1, The North American Review, Memories of a Southern Farm: A Chapter From Mark Twain’s Autobiography – XIII by Mark Twain, Start Page 449, Quote Page 451, (University of Northern Iowa, Cedar Falls, Iowa), Franklin Square, New York. (Verified on microfilm)[/ref]

My brother Henry was six months old at that time. I used to remember his walking into a fire outdoors when he was a week old. It was remarkable in me to remember a thing like that, which occurred when I was so young. And it was still more remarkable that I should cling to the delusion, for thirty years, that I did remember it — for of course it never happened; he would not have been able to walk at that age. If I had stopped to reflect, I should not have burdened my memory with that impossible rubbish so long.

Immediately preceding the quotation Twain presented another memory that he now considered unreliable:

For many years I believed that I remembered helping my grandfather drink his whiskey toddy when I was six weeks old, but I do not tell about that any more, now; I am grown old, and my memory is not as active as it used to be. When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying, now, and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this, but we all have to do it.

Twain’s joke was counterintuitive because he was comically arguing that his memory was actually improving as he aged. Impossible, and hence inaccurate, memories were being rejected. The conventional viewpoint usually asserts the opposite thesis that memory becomes less reliable as one ages. Indeed, the joke was later modified to accord with the conventional stance.

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