Quote Investigator® – Page 186

He Who Would Pun Would Pick a Pocket

Alexander Pope? Samuel Johnson? Jonathan Swift? John Dennis? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I have heard several versions of a quotation that is beloved by people who dislike puns:

(1) He who would make a pun would pick a pocket.
(2) A man who will pun, will pick a pocket.
(3) A man who could make so vile a pun would not scruple to pick a pocket.
(4) Any man who would make such an execrable pun would not scruple to pick my pocket.

This saying has been attributed to the famous lexicographer Samuel Johnson and the eminent poet Alexander Pope. Could you tell me who said it and what circumstance provoked the remark?

Quote Investigator: The earliest instance of this quotation known to QI was published in a 1722 epistle by Benjamin Victor which told of a meeting in a tavern. Daniel Purcell employed a pun that caused the dramatist and critic John Dennis to react with anger and deliver a reproach. The name Dennis was partially disguised as “D—-s”; four letters were replaced with four hyphens.

To understand the pun one must know that in 1720s England the waiter in a tavern was called a “drawer”. The 1722 document adhered to a style in which nouns were capitalized. Boldface has been added to excerpts below:[ref] Year: 1722, Title: An epistle to Sir Richard Steele, on his play, call’d, The conscious lovers. By B. Victor, Author: Benjamin Victor (died 1778), Imprint: London: Printed for W. Chetwood at Cato’s-Head in Russel-Street, Covent-Garden; S. Chapman at the Angel in Pall-Mall; J. Stagg, Westminster-Hall; J. Brotherton at the Bible in Cornhill; M. Smith in Russel-Court, Red-Lyon-Square; Tho. Edlin, over-against Exeter Exchange in the Strand, Source Library: British Library. (Database: EECO: Eighteenth Century Collections Online; thanks to Bonnie Taylor-Blake)[/ref]

“Mr. Purcell and Mr. Congreve going into a Tavern, by chance met D—-s, who went in with ’em. After a Glass or two had pass’d, Mr. Purcell, having some private Business with Mr. Congreve, wanted D—-s out of the Room, and not knowing a more certain Way than Punning, (for you are to understand, Sir, Mr. D—-s is as much surpriz’d at Pun as at a Bailiff) he proceeded after the following Manner:

He pull’d the Bell, and call’d two or three Times, but no One answering, he put his Hand under the Table, and looking full at D—-s, he said, I think this Table is like the Tavern; says D—-s, with his usual prophane Phrase) God’s death, Sir, How is this Table like the Tavern? Why, says Mr. Purcell, because here’s ne’er a Drawer in it.

Says D—-s, (starting up) God’s death, Sir, the Man that will make such an execrable Pun as that in my Company, will pick my Pocket, and so left the Room.

In this tale John Dennis sharply criticized one particular pun, and he did not attack all puns. Nevertheless, the popular modern instances of the saying are universal in condemnation.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “He Who Would Pun Would Pick a Pocket”

Drawing on My Fine Command of Language, I Said Nothing

Robert Benchley? Lon Robinson? Joseph Charles Salak? Bruce Caldwell? H. M. Stansifer? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Some people never know when to stop talking. I wish more people knew about the following quotation. Here are two versions:

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

I have seen this attributed to the humorist and movie actor Robert Benchley. I have also seen it credited to Mark Twain. Would you look into this question?

Quote Investigator: A comical statement related to this theme was printed in 1900:[ref] 1900 August 11, New York Times, A “Practical” View of Mr. Coler, Quote Page 6, Column 2, New York. (The original printed text used the spelling “anny” instead of “any”) (ProQuest)[/ref]

“He has a fine command of language,” says Mr. Dooley; “he seldom lets any escape.”

The important precursor statement given below was in circulation by 1920. The expression was printed without attribution along with several other quips and adages in an article titled “Pithy Sayings From Glens Falls Now and Then”. During the ensuing decades the phrase was reprinted many times:[ref] 1920 December 6, The Indicator, Volume XLVI, Number 23, Pithy Sayings From Glens Falls Now and Then, Page 360, Column 1, Indicator Publishing Company, Detroit, Michigan. (Google Books full view) link [/ref]

It often shows a fine command of language to say nothing.

In 1921 the saying was printed in a Kansas City, Missouri newspaper which gave an acknowledgement to another periodical:[ref] 1921 April 14, Kansas City Times (Morning edition of Kansas City Star), Missouri Notes, Page 16, Column 6, Kansas City, Missouri. (GenealogyBank)[/ref]

“It often shows a fine command of language to say nothing,” observes the Jameson Gem.

Also in 1921 a rephrased and more elaborate version of the statement was printed in a Miami, Florida newspaper:[ref] 1921 April 19, Miami Herald, The Galley, (Short item), Quote Page 6, Column 4, Miami, Florida. (GenealogyBank)[/ref]

After all, nothing so much testifies to a fine command of language as an ability to say nothing at the right time.

In 1926 another version of the saying was printed in a Gettysburg, Pennsylvania newspaper:[ref] 1926 September 10, Gettysburg Times, (Untitled short item), Quote Page 7, Column 4, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. (NewspaperArchive)[/ref]

At times it requires a fine command of language to keep silent.

QI hypothesizes that the quotation under investigation evolved from these precursors.

Mark Twain died in 1910, and there is no substantive evidence that he made this remark. Robert Benchley died in 1945. The first ascription to Benchley located by QI appeared in 1949. The ascription to Benchley has weak support based on current knowledge.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “Drawing on My Fine Command of Language, I Said Nothing”

Quote Origin: It’s Difficult to Make Predictions, Especially About the Future

Niels Bohr? Samuel Goldwyn? K. K. Steincke? Robert Storm Petersen? Yogi Berra? Mark Twain? Nostradamus? Anonymous?

Detail of 1902 painting “The Crystal Ball” by John William Waterhouse.

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a family of popular humorous sayings about the formidable task of successful prognostication. Here are five examples:

It is difficult to make predictions, especially about the future.
Predictions are hazardous, especially about the future.
It is hard to prophecy, particularly about the future.
It’s dangerous to prophesy, particularly about the future.
Never make forecasts, especially about the future.

Of course, a prediction is inherently about the future, and the modifiers “especially” and “particularly” emphasize the comical redundancy of the statement. These expressions have been attributed to a diverse collection of individuals, including Niels Bohr, Sam Goldwyn, Robert Storm Petersen, and Yogi Berra. Would you please tell me who I should credit?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The Danish politician Karl Kristian Steincke authored a multi-volume autobiography, and the earliest evidence known to QI appeared in the fourth volume titled “Farvel Og Tak” (“Goodbye and Thanks”) which was released in 1948. Danish text is followed by an English rendering below. The saying appeared in a section with this title:

Og saa til Slut et Par parlamentariske Sprogblomster

And finally a couple of parliamentary howlers

The saying was spoken during the parliamentary year 1937-1938, and no attribution was specified. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Det er vanskeligt at spaa, især naar det gælder Fremtiden.

It is difficult to make predictions, especially about the future.

This citation was mentioned in the prominent reference “The Yale Book of Quotations”.² More information about Danish citations for this saying is presented in the addendum at the end of this article.

The first appearance in English located by QI was printed in a 1956 academic publication called the “Journal of the Royal Statistical Society. Series A”. This early citation³ and several others remarked on the Danish language origin of the aphoristic joke:⁴

Alas, it is always dangerous to prophesy, particularly, as the Danish proverb says, about the future.

In May 1961 “The Canadian Journal of Economics and Political Science” printed an instance of the saying using the word “hazardous” instead of “dangerous”. Indeed, the phrasing changed over time and was highly variable:⁵

“Prediction,” goes an old Danish proverb, “is hazardous, especially about the future.” For the Canadian economy the hazard is especially great.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

History Does Not Repeat Itself. The Historians Repeat One Another

Max Beerbohm? Rupert Brooke? Philip Guedalla? Oscar Wilde? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: I have heard two distinct, humorous, and antithetical sayings about the composition of history:

1) History repeats itself, and the historians repeat each other
2) History does not repeat itself. The historians repeat each other.

Statements of this type have been attributed to two famously witty individuals: Oscar Wilde and Max Beerbohm. Would you please explore this topic?

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was printed in an article from 1868 in the Louisville Journal which was reprinted by newspapers in Atlanta, Georgia and Charleston, South Carolina. The phrasing was somewhat different, but the meaning matched the first expression listed above. The unnamed author was greatly impressed by the number and diversity of books that had already been published and wondered what type of book might appear in the future. Boldface has been added to excerpts:[ref] 1868 June 30, The Constitution (Atlanta Constitution), A Live Newspaper (From the Louisville Journal), Quote Page 4, Column 1, Atlanta, Georgia. (Digital newspaper image shows degraded text. Hence the text was determined by simultaneously examining the article copies in the Atlanta Constitution and The Charleston Daily News) (NewspaperArchive)[/ref][ref] 1868 June 30, The Charleston Daily News, A Live Newspaper (From the Louisville Journal), Quote Page 1, Column 2 and 3, Charleston, South Carolina. (Chronicling America)[/ref]

For taking into account the vast library of standard history, philosophy, fiction, poetry, which the genius of every language, ancient and modern, has furnished us, what else remains to be written? History will, of course, go on repeating itself, and the historians repeating each other.

In 1896 the illustrator and humorist Max Beerbohm wrote an essay titled “1880”. Some confusion is inevitable when a year is used as a title, so please note that the essay was written 16 years after 1880. Beerbohm employed the second expression listed above, but he did not claim coinage. The phrase “it has been said” indicated that the saying was already in circulation:[ref] 1896, The Works of Max Beerbohm by Sir Max Beerbohm, Essay: 1800, (Date and location given for the composition at the end of the essay: London, 1894), Start Page 41, Quote Page 41, Charles Scribner’s Sons, New York. (Google Books full view) link [/ref]

“History,” it has been said, “does not repeat itself. The historians repeat one another.” Now, there are still some periods with which no historian has grappled, and, strangely enough, the period that most greatly fascinates me is one of them.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

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It Is the Best Play I Ever Slept Through

Oscar Wilde? Myron W. Reed? Will Rogers? Charlie Carter?

Dear Quote Investigator: Several weeks ago I saw an article with the following humorous title:

Why Arianna’s Talk Was the Best I’ve Ever Slept Through

The piece was actually a very positive assessment and summary of a talk delivered by Arianna Huffington, founder of The Huffington Post.[ref] Website: Huffington Post, Article title: Why Arianna’s Talk Was The Best I’ve Ever Slept Through, Article author: Dharmesh Shah, Author description: Co-founder and CTO of HubSpot, Date on website: August 27, 2013, Website section: The Third Metric. (Accessed huffingtonpost.com on October 15, 2013) link [/ref] I was reminded of a one-line critique of a drama attributed to Oscar Wilde:

It is the best play I ever slept through.

Is this really one of Wilde’s witticisms?

Quote Investigator: Oscar Wilde died in 1900, and the earliest ascription to Wilde located by QI was published in 1911. The prominent actor and producer Seymour Hicks knew Wilde and socialized with him. The memoir he published reported several remarks credited to Wilde. Boldface has been added to excerpts below:[ref] 1911, Seymour Hicks: Twenty-Four Years of an Actor’s Life by Seymour Hicks, Quote Page 132, John Lane Company, New York. (Google Books full view) link [/ref]

Innumerable are the witticisms laid at his door. What could be more delightful than his remark to the gushing female admirer who, shaking him warmly by the hand, said: “Oh, but Mr. Wilde, you don’t remember me. My name is Smith.” “Oh yes,” said Wilde, “I remember your name perfectly—but I can’t think of your face.”

It was Wilde who, on being asked on returning from a fashionable premiere how he liked the piece, replied: “My dear friend, it is the best play I ever slept through.”

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “It Is the Best Play I Ever Slept Through”

Never Answer an Anonymous Letter

Yogi Berra? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Would you please explore another Yogiism? The following comical remark is attributed to the celebrated baseball player:

Never answer an anonymous letter.

If the letter contains no information about the sender then, of course, it is impossible to reply. That is the humorous interpretation. But Yogi Berra once noted that a letter may have a return address without providing a name.

Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence of a version of this quip located by QI was printed in 1876. The ascription to Yogi of the modern saying is uncertain. Detailed citations are given further below.

It is possible to reply to an anonymous letter sometimes. For example, an anonymous letter can be sent to a magazine, and the periodical can publish the letter together with a response. In 1770 an exchange of letters was published in “The Monthly Review” of London. One anonymous letter writer accused another writer of being overly personal. The journal published a response:[ref] 1770 December, The Monthly Review; Or Literary Journal, Volume 43, Article 32: An Answer to a Second Letter to Dr. Priestley, Quote Page 492, Printed for R. Griffiths, London. (Google Books full view) link [/ref]

When, says he, I answer an anonymous letter, and make not the most distant allusion to any thing but what appears upon the face of it, where can be the personality?

In 1838 “Mechanics’ Magazine: Museum, Register, Journal, and Gazette” published an anonymous critical letter signed with a nom de plume. The journal also printed a response from the person who was criticized:[ref] 1838 August 18, Mechanics’ Magazine: Museum, Register, Journal, and Gazette, Number 784, (Letter from L. Hebert, Camden Town, Date: August 11, 1838), Quote Page 328, Printed and Published for the Proprietor by W. A. Robertson at the Mechanics’, Magazine Office, London. (Google Books full view) link [/ref]

It has been a rule with me never to answer an anonymous letter, but the classic pen of the reverend gentleman who signs himself “An Amateur Mechanic,” is as well known to me as if he had appeared in his proper person.

In 1873 a book titled “Analysis of Letter-Writing: With a Large Number of Examples of Model Business Letters” was released. The volume included the following two guidelines for proper business correspondence. No humor was intended:[ref] 1873, Analysis of Letter-writing: With a Large Number of Examples of Model Business Letters by Calvin Townsend, Quote Page 139, Published by Ivison, Blakeman, Taylor, & Co., New York. (Google Books full view) link [/ref]

All business letters should be carefully kept, until, at least, the matters to which they relate are completely closed, and there can be no further use for them.

You should never condescend to answer an anonymous letter, even if you are nearly certain who wrote it. Never write one.

By 1876 the comical potential of the line was recognized. A newspaper in Orange City, Iowa printed a collection of funny remarks under the article title “Nubbins of Humor” including these three items:[ref] 1876 November 9, Sioux County Herald, Nubbins of Humor, Quote Page 1, Column 7, Orange City, Iowa. (NewspaperArchive)[/ref]

Intoxicating music—”Ale to the chief.”

It is a wise thing never to answer an anonymous letter until you have found out who wrote it.

“How long will my chop be, waiter?” asked a hungry man in a restaurant, “About five inches, sir.” was the prompt reply.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

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The Question Isn’t Who Is Going to Let Me, It’s Who Is Going to Stop Me

Ayn Rand? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: The Newsfeed section of the Time magazine website recently wrote about a successful fashion retailer which was selling a shirt called an “Unstoppable Muscle Tee” that displayed a quotation attributed to a top-selling author and controversial philosopher:

“The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand

The Time scribe seemed to disapprove of the garment. My reaction was: Are these really the words of Ayn Rand? I have searched for them and cannot find them in any of her novels or essays?

Quote Investigator: QI has been unable to find this precise quotation in the writings of Ayn Rand. However, QI hypothesizes that the sentence was derived from a dialog in her best-selling 1943 novel “The Fountainhead”.

Ayn Rand’s main character, Howard Roark, attended a school called The Stanton Institute of Technology to learn about architecture. He refused to follow the design precepts that he considered anachronistic and wrong-headed, and he was expelled from the school for insubordination.

Roark’s modernistic designs of glass and concrete shocked many of the teachers in the Institute. Roark and the Dean of the school met for a final discussion before he left the campus. In the excerpt below the Dean delivered the first line and then the speaker alternated:[ref] 1971 (Copyright 1943), The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, Quote Page 23, Signet Book: Published by the Penguin Group, New York. (Reprint of 1943 Bobbs-Merrill edition)(Verified with scans of Signet edition)[/ref]

“Do you mean to tell me that you’re thinking seriously of building that way, when and if you are an architect?”

“Yes.”

“My dear fellow, who will let you?”

“That’s not the point. The point is, who will stop me?”

“Look here, this is serious. I am sorry that I haven’t had a long, earnest talk with you much earlier…. I know, I know, I know, don’t interrupt me, you’ve seen a modernistic building or two, and it gave you ideas. But do you realize what a passing fancy that whole so-called modern movement is?”

QI conjectures that the third and fourth lines above were altered and combined to generate a single sentence, and this sentence was directly assigned to Ayn Rand. The process may have occurred via multiple intermediary steps.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

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I Understand It Brings You Luck, Whether You Believe in It or Not

Niels Bohr? Albert Einstein? Carl Alfred Meier? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: There is popular anecdote about a journalist or friend who visited the home of a prominent physicist. The visitor was surprised to find a horseshoe above the front doorway of the scientist’s abode. Tradition asserts that a horseshoe acts as a talisman of luck when placed over a door.

The visitor asked the physicist about the purpose of the horseshoe while expressing incredulity that a man of science could possibly be swayed by a simple-minded folk belief. The physicist replied:

Of course I don’t believe in it, but I understand it brings you luck, whether you believe in it or not.

This slyly comical remark has been attributed to both Niels Bohr and Albert Einstein. I love this entertaining tale, but I am skeptical. Any insights?

Quote Investigator: The earliest match known to QI appeared in “Svenska Dagbladet” (“The Swedish Daily News”) in January 1956. The scientist was identified as Niels Bohr. Boldface added to excepts by QI:[ref] 1956 January 4, Svenska Dagbladet (The Swedish Daily News), Det påstås, Quote Page 8, Column 6, Stockholm, Sweden. (Verified with scans) [/ref]

Det påstås
att den frejdade atomforskaren Niels Bohr nyligen fick besök av en nyfiken amerikan.

— Professorn har en hästsko ovanför dörren, sa han, Tror professorn på skrock?

— Naturligtvis inte. Men jag har hört sägas att en hästsko kan bringa tur även ät folk som inte är vidskepliga . . .

Here is one possible translation into English:

It is alleged
that the celebrated nuclear scientist Niels Bohr was recently visited by a curious American.

— “The professor has a horseshoe above the door,” he said. “Does the professor believe in superstition?”

— “Of course not. But I have heard it said that a horseshoe can bring good luck even to people who are not superstitious” . . .

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “I Understand It Brings You Luck, Whether You Believe in It or Not”

It’s Déjà Vu All Over Again

Yogi Berra? Jim Prior? Clifford Terry? John Anders? Tish Baldrige? Anonymous? Apocryphal?

Dear Quote Investigator: Déjà vu is the eerie and intense sensation that something you are experiencing has happened before. This feeling is often illusory because the event being experienced is genuinely novel. The term déjà vu can also be used to simply reference an event or circumstance that has happened many times before.

Yogi Berra is famous for his magnificent baseball skills and for his comical statements known as Yogiisms. Here are two humorously redundant or exaggerated phrases containing “déjà vu”. The second is usually attributed to Yogi:

It’s déjà vu again.
It’s déjà vu all over again.

I have been unable to find a solid citation ascribing this sentence to Yogi, and I know some Yogiisms are misquotations. What do you think?

Quote Investigator: Analysis of this quotation is complicated by the conflicting testimony provided by Yogi Berra. In 1987 the New York Times language columnist William Safire spoke to Berra by phone, and Berra denied that the phrase was his. However, by 1998 Berra had embraced the quotation, and he presented a scenario circa 1961 in which he made the remark during a baseball game. Of course, it is unfair to demand from a person perfect memory for all utterances. The details for these citations are given further below.

The earliest evidence located by QI was printed in a Florida newspaper in 1962. A humorous love poem titled “Thanks To You” by Jim Prior used the expression in the first line of the first verse. The poem was composed of six verses, and these were the first two:[ref] 1962 September 22, Evening Independent, People to People: Poem: “Thanks To You” by Jim Prior of South Pasadena, Page 4B (GN Page 19), St. Petersburg, Florida. (Google News archive) [/ref]

It’s Deja Vu again
Out of the blue again
Truer than true again
Thanks to you.

It’s homerun time again
Rhymes seem to rhyme again
My chimes can chime again
Thanks to you.

The jocular tone suggests to QI that the author knew the phrase was pleonastic. Semantically, he could have said “It’s Déjà vu”, but the longer phrase fit the rhythm and rhyme scheme.

The more elaborate statement: “It’s déjà vu all over again” appeared in a movie review in the Chicago Tribune in 1966. The singer and comedian Dean Martin starred in a vehicle called “The Silencers” which spoofed the secret-super-spy genre popularized by James Bond extravaganzas. The reviewer was not impressed by the fancy gizmos and the provocative women featured on screen:[ref] 1966 February 22, Chicago Tribune, Gimmicks Jam ‘The Silencers’ by Clifford Terry, Page B5, Chicago, Illinois. (ProQuest)[/ref]

It’s déjà vu all over again—the usual gaggle of gimmicks [miniature hand grenades disguised as coat buttons, a gun that shoots backwards], and the familiar covey of quail [Stella Stevens, Daliah Lavi, Cyd Charisse, Beverly Adams] that frequently makes the put-on more of a take-off.

This is the earliest known citation for the most common modern version of the saying, and it is listed in the Yale Book of Quotations. [ref] 2006, The Yale Book of Quotations by Fred R. Shapiro, Section Yogi Berra, Quote Page 58, Yale University Press, New Haven. (Verified on paper) [/ref]

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Continue reading “It’s Déjà Vu All Over Again”

I Am an Old Man and Have Known a Great Many Troubles, But Most of Them Never Happened

Mark Twain? Thomas Jefferson? Martin Farquhar Tupper? Seneca? Winston Churchill? James A. Garfield? Thomas Dixon? Michel de Montaigne? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: Everyone faces difficulties in life; however, the worry-filled anticipation of possible setbacks pointlessly magnifies dangers. A comical statement illuminating this theme has been attributed to both Mark Twain and Winston Churchill:

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

I hope you will be willing to explore this saying. An upbeat perspective suggests that great discoveries await.

Quote Investigator: A version of this quip was ascribed to Mark Twain in a Singapore newspaper in 1923, but Twain died in 1910; hence, this evidence is quite weak. Winston Churchill employed an instance of the saying in 1924, but he attributed the words to an anonymous “old man”. Details for these citations are given further below.

The earliest strong match located by QI was published in 1881. The humorous remark was spoken by President-elect James A. Garfield who was discussing the large number of tasks he would be facing as President. The statement was reported in the Cleveland Leader of Cleveland, Ohio, and the phrasing indicated that Garfield was referencing a saying that was already in circulation:[ref] 1881 February 19, Cleveland Leader, The Next President: Visited Yesterday by the Now Popular Governor Murray, Article section header: I Have Got Into A Way, Quote Page 2, Column 3, Cleveland, Ohio. (GenealogyBank)[/ref]

I remember the old man who said he had had a great many troubles in his life, but the worst of them never happened.

Interesting ideational precursors of this expression were used by Seneca the Younger, Thomas Jefferson, and Martin Farquhar Tupper.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order which trace the evolution of the sentiment and the saying.

Continue reading “I Am an Old Man and Have Known a Great Many Troubles, But Most of Them Never Happened”