Quote Investigator® – Page 196

Quote Origin: It Seems As If Anything I Like Is Either Illegal, Immoral, or Fattening

Alexander Woollcott? W. C. Fields? Frank Rand of St. Louis? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The candor of my favorite saying makes it wonderfully humorous. Here are three versions I have seen:

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Anything in life that’s any fun is either immoral, illegal or fattening
Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

Can you track this down?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In the past, this saying has been attributed to the noted wit Alexander Woollcott who was an influential columnist in The New Yorker magazine and a member of the celebrated Algonquin Round Table. Now QI has found a significant piece of new evidence indicating that Alexander Woollcott was not the coiner of this popular phrase, but he was an important locus for its popularization.

On September 16, 1933 the Albany Evening News of Albany, New York published a column called “As I Hear It” by “The Listener” which reported on the content of recently broadcast radio programs. The columnist stated that Alexander Woollcott could be heard on the WOKO radio station on Wednesday and Friday nights at 10:30 PM.

The program began with a cry of “Hear ye! Hear ye!” and the ringing of a bell according to “The Listener”. Indeed, Woollcott’s CBS radio show “The Town Crier” used precisely that introduction. Fortunately for 21st century researchers, the columnist decided to record some of the remarks made by Woollcott over the air:¹

As for instance quoting Woollcott’s story about the Mr. Frank Rand of St. Louis who in the interest of his girth was lunching on bouillon cubes and undressed lettuce.

“Do you eat that stuff because you like it?” someone asked Rand.
“No, I hate it,” he replied. “But it seems as if anything I like is either illegal or immoral or fattening.”

Hence, the first known instance of the expression occurred in an anecdote told by Woollcott to his radio audience, and the words were credited to a person named Frank Rand. Top-notch researcher Suzanne Watkins identified “The Listener” as Mary A. O’Neill based on an engagement notice in the Albany Evening News in February 1934 that stated she was the writer of the “As I Hear It” column.²

The second earliest citation appeared in the mass-circulation Reader’s Digest in December 1933 where the saying was directly credited to Woollcott:³

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening. — Alexander Woollcott

The saying was printed on a page titled “Patter” which listed a collection of fourteen unrelated miscellaneous quotations. No precise source was given for the Woollcott attribution. QI hypothesizes that the phrase was derived from the radio broadcast, but a process of simplification and elision resulted in the omission of Frank Rand’s name.

Here are additional comments and selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid

Albert Einstein? Amos Dolbear? Matthew Kelly? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: The following saying is popular on Facebook where it is credited to Albert Einstein. I have also seen it on numerous websites:

Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

Sometimes “everybody” is used instead of “everyone”. Did Einstein really say this?

Reply from Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence that Einstein made this statement. It does not appear in the comprehensive collection of quotations “The Ultimate Quotable Einstein” from Princeton University Press.¹

The earliest evidence of a close match known to QI appeared in 2004, and that is decades after the death of Einstein in 1955. The self-help book “The Rhythm of Life: Living Every Day with Passion and Purpose” by Matthew Kelly contained a chapter titled “Everybody is a Genius” which began:²

Albert Einstein wrote, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” The question I have for you at this point of our journey together is, “What is your genius?”

This quotation alludes to a long-standing allegorical framework. It is inappropriate to judge an animal by focusing on a skill which the creature does not possess. A fish is specialized to swim superbly, and its ability to climb a tree is non-existent or rudimentary. In the domain of education this allegory has been employed repeatedly for more than one hundred years. Hence, this quotation is built on ideas that have been in circulation among educators for many decades.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Losing An Illusion Makes One Wiser Than Finding A Truth

Ludwig BÃ¶rne? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Several websites have attributed the following quote to Ludwig BÃ¶rne, yet I can find no reference to its original source:

Getting rid of a delusion makes one wiser than getting hold of a truth.

If you can shed any light on the source of this quote, it would be greatly appreciated.

Reply from Quote Investigator: Ludwig BÃ¶rne wrote in the German language, and he died in 1837. The earliest evidence QI has located for this saying appeared in 1840 in Volume 6 of BÃ¶rne’s collected writings. The German title for this set of books was “Gesammelte Schriften von Ludwig BÃ¶rne”.¹

To provide a fuller context for the expression the end of this article has an appendix displaying an image of the German text together with an extended English translation.

The saying moved into the English literary domain by 1893 when a “Dictionary of Quotations from Ancient and Modern, English and Foreign Sources” by Reverend James Wood was published. One English version of the saying was listed under the German word “Einen”, and another English version was listed under the word “Parting”. Both instances were credited to BÃ¶rne:²

Entry “Einen”: Einen Wahn verlieren macht weiser als eine Wahrheit findenâ€”Getting rid of a delusion makes us wiser than getting hold of a truth. BÃ¶rne.

Entry “Parting”: Parting with a delusion makes one wiser than falling in with a truth. BÃ¶rne

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Eat a Live Frog Every Morning, and Nothing Worse Will Happen to You the Rest of the Day

Mark Twain? Nicolas Chamfort? Émile Zola? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a best-selling self-help book called “Eat That Frog!” that presents strategies to stop procrastination. The author discusses the meaning of the curious title in his introduction:¹

Mark Twain once said that if the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that that is probably the worst thing that is going to happen to you all day long.

Your “frog” is your biggest, most important task, the one you are most likely to procrastinate on if you don’t do something about it. It is also the one task that can have the greatest positive impact on your life and results at the moment.

The author emphasizes the desirability of focusing on and accomplishing this salient task. While reading this slim volume I started to wonder about the quotation attributed to Twain. I could not find it on the twainquotes.com website. Did Twain really say this?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive evidence that Mark Twain spoke or wrote the expression about eating a live frog each morning. A variant about eating two frogs also has no substantive linkage to Twain.

QI believes that the statement evolved from a quotation written by a famously witty French writer named Nicolas Chamfort who socialized with the aristocracy but supported the French Revolution. Chamfort’s collected works were published in French in the 1790s, and a memorably caustic remark about high-society was included. The words were actually credited to a person named Mr. de Lassay who functioned as a mouthpiece for Chamfort. Here is the French version:²

M. de Lassay, homme très-doux, mais qui avait une grande connaissance de la société, disait qu’il faudrait avaler un crapaud tous les matins, pour ne trouver plus rien de dégoûtant le reste de la journée, quand on devait la passer dans le monde.

In 1851 the expression moved into the English language when a group of essays called “Causeries Du Lundi” or “Monday Chats” were translated. One essay profiled Chamfort and included the quotation:³

M. de Lassay, a very indulgent man, but with a great knowledge of society, said that we should swallow a toad every morning, in order to fortify ourselves against the disgust of the rest of the day, when we have to spend it in society.

Metaphorically, the consumption provided protection, inoculation, or habituation. The original root saying used the French word for toad, but the sayings in English that grew from the root used either toad or frog.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: You Are Only Interested in Art and I Am Only Interested in Money

George Bernard Shaw? Howard Dietz? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a wonderful anecdote about a meeting between the famous movie studio chief Samuel Goldwyn and the renowned playwright George Bernard Shaw. Goldwyn flew to England to convince Shaw to write material for him to use in films. Goldwyn emphasized the high quality and the artistic merit of the movies he hoped to produce, but Shaw was more interested in the extent of the compensation. Shaw responded with a classic line that humorously reversed the formulaic expectations present when an artist meets a moneyman. Could you research the veracity of this tale and determine the precise statement made by Shaw?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI was printed on May 1, 1921 in the Baltimore American newspaper of Baltimore, Maryland. The famous remark of Shaw was relayed from London via a special cable message according to the dateline:¹

Mr. Goldwyn is a ready talker and G.B.S. being Irish, was a little behind him at times. After going over the entire film situation in a discussion lasting several hours, Mr. Shaw closed the interview as follows:

“Well, Mr. Goldwyn, there is not much use in going on. There is this difference between you and me: You are only interested in art and I am only interested in money.”

The passage above was reprinted in other newspapers during the following days and weeks, e.g., The Springfield Sunday Journal of Springfield, Illinois,² and The State of Columbia, South Carolina.³

In 1922 Shaw recounted the episode with Goldwyn during an address before an organization of wordsmiths and composers. His speech provided additional background that helped to explicate his remark. He repeated the quotation but used a different phrasing. In 1926 Shaw described the meeting again, and this time he used a third phrasing for the quotation. In 1937 a biography of Goldwyn contended that the statement was actually composed by a publicity man named Howard Dietz who was employed by the movie mogul. The details for these cites are given further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Mind Is Not a Vessel That Needs Filling, But Wood That Needs Igniting

William Butler Yeats? Plutarch? Socrates? Plato? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a superb quotation about education that I have encountered many times. Here is a collection of examples with attributions that I have been accumulating. None of the examples came with citations:

Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel —Socrates

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. —William Butler Yeats

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. —Plutarch

The mind is not a vessel that needs filling, but wood that needs igniting. —Plutarch

What do you think? Who should properly be given credit, and what was the original statement? It is embarrassing to find that even educators who should be sensitized to the problems of improper or non-existent citations are sometimes careless. But my criticism is muted because determining a proper ascription can be difficult, as your website illustrates.

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has located no substantive evidence that Socrates or William Butler Yeats produced one of these sayings. These two attributions apparently are incorrect.

This family of statements probably originated with a passage in the essay “On Listening” in Moralia by the Greek-born philosopher Plutarch who lived between 50 and 120 AD.¹ The following excerpt was translated by Robin Waterfield for a 1992 Penguin Classics edition. Boldface has been added to excerpts:²

For the correct analogy for the mind is not a vessel that needs filling, but wood that needs igniting — no more — and then it motivates one towards originality and instills the desire for truth. Suppose someone were to go and ask his neighbours for fire and find a substantial blaze there, and just stay there continually warming himself: that is no different from someone who goes to someone else to get some of his rationality, and fails to realize that he ought to ignite his innate flame, his own intellect, …

Here is an alternative translation of the first sentence published in the 1927 Loeb Classical Library edition:³

For the mind does not require filling like a bottle, but rather, like wood, it only requires kindling to create in it an impulse to think independently and an ardent desire for the truth.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Not a Book To Be Lightly Thrown Aside. Should Be Thrown with Great Force

Dorothy Parker? Bill Miller? Frank Dolan? Sid Ziff? Bennett Cerf? Groucho Marx? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The most scathingly hilarious quip about a novel is usually credited to the famous wit Dorothy Parker who purportedly included it in a book review:

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Unfortunately, no one seems to know when this line was written or spoken. I have become skeptical of the attribution to Parker. Also, I have not been able to determine the name of the book that was being slammed. Would you please explore this?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Multiple researchers have attempted to locate this joke in the writings of Dorothy Parker and have been unsuccessful.

The earliest match known to QI appeared in 1929 within the self-published book “To You I Tell It” by newspaper columnist and boxing publicist Bill Miller (William Eli Miller). This work included a collection of recommendations supposedly written by well-known people; however, the blurbs were comical and absurd. QI believes that all the recommendations were actually written by Bill Miller, and each of the attributions was fake. Here are four examples. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

DAMON RUNYON, New York—The last word! HOW I enjoyed the last word!

JIMMIE BRONSON, Chappaqua, N.Y.—For years I suffered from insomnia. “To You I Tell It” cured me. I have only to open its pages to fall fast asleep.

CHARLES DUNKLEY, Chicago—Nothing like it in print! Thank God.

FRANK DOLAN, New York—Not a book to be lightly thrown aside. Should be thrown with great force.

Thus, Bill Miller gave credit to Frank Dolan for the quip under examination, but QI believes this was a deliberate misattribution intended to be funny. Miller deserves credit for originating this remark.

The joke was rephrased and reassigned to Dorothy Parker in 1962 by publisher Bennett Cerf who enjoyed collecting and popularizing quotations. Details are given further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Keep Away from People Who Try to Belittle Your Ambitions

Mark Twain? Gay Zenola MacLaren? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: The following compelling advice is credited to Mark Twain in self-help books and on websites. It is valuable guidance in my opinion:

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

While searching to learn more about the saying I came across another version which used a different wording. The word “people” was replaced with “those”, and “feel” was replaced with “believe”:

Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.

Did Twain say or write either of these expressions?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence known to QI was published in 1938 in the memoir of an extraordinary elocutionist who gave recitals at Chautauquas around the United States. Chautauquas were assemblies that combined entertainment and education by presenting lecturers, preachers, musicians, and other performers to a largely rural audience. Gay Zenola MacLaren wrote in her memoir that she met Mark Twain when she was still a child who aspired to be a great performer. Twain offered her the following counsel:¹

He opened the door for me himself. As we said good-bye, he put his fingers lightly under my chin and lifted my head up so that my eyes met his.

“Little girl,” he said earnestly, “keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

The date of the meeting was not listed in the book. The distinctive artistry of MacLaren was described in a promotional brochure for her act:²

Gay Zenola MacLaren attends the production of a modern play five times, and then, without ever having read the original book or dramatization, or, in fact, any of the lines in any way, can go upon the Lyceum or Chautauqua platform and give an imitative recital of the entire production, impersonating every character. This, at once, places Miss MacLaren as an entertainer in a class entirely by herself.

In 1901 a review of a performance by MacLaren was published in a Brooklyn, New York newspaper:³

She has an almost ventriloquistic power of changing her voice from the light tones of women to the heavier speaking of men, so the recital was thoroughly well balanced and was given with intelligence.

In 1909 the periodical “The Lyceumite and Talent” printed an advertisement for Gay Zenola MacLaren that included a testimonial statement from Mark Twain:⁴

Opinions from Prominent Men

An unusually gifted young lady. Mark Twain.

I do not hesitate to say that I think Miss MacLaren’s work phenomenal. She is a genius. Major James B. Pond.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: When I Read About the Evils of Smoking, I Gave Up Reading

Groucho Marx? Henry G. Strauss? Phil Harris? Joe E. Lewis? Anonymous?

Topic: Smoking? Drinking?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a family of jokes about smoking, drinking, and reading. The quips certainly do not reflect the actions of role models, but they are funny:

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

He read so much about the ill effects of smoking that he gave up – reading!

When I read about the bad effects of drinking I decided to give up reading.

A man was so horrified by what he read about effects of smoking that he gave up reading.

When did this family originate? Were the initial gags about smoking or drinking?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in 1950. The topic of the quip was smoking, and the words were ascribed to a well-known comedy superstar:¹

Groucho Marx says he became disturbed over the effects of smoking, after reading an article on the subject, he gave up reading. (That’s right, not smoking. That’s Groucho.)

In 1954 a version of the joke was told in the Parliament of the United Kingdom where it was credited to Henry G. Strauss who later became Lord Conesford. Strictly speaking Strauss assigned the gag to an anonymous American:²

As I listened to the hon. Baronets I could not help thinking of a story told to the House two weeks ago by my hon. and learned Friend the Parliamentary Secretary to the Board of Trade (Mr. H. Strauss) about the American who was so horrified at what he had read in the newspapers about smoking that he gave up reading.

The comedic remark credited to Strauss was reported in North American papers, e.g., the Lethbridge Herald or Lethbridge, Alberta,³ and the Big Spring Daily Herald of Big Spring, Texas.⁴

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: The Only Unnatural Sex Act Is That Which One Cannot Perform

Alfred Kinsey? Richard Brinsley Sheridan? Xaviera Hollander? William Burroughs? Sigmund Freud? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Years ago I read a statement credited to the researcher Alfred Kinsey who was famous for producing the Kinsey Reports on sexual behavior. I do not remember the exact phrasing but the expression was similar to this:

The only unnatural act is one you cannot perform.

Kinsey’s book “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male” was released in 1948, and “Sexual Behavior in the Human Female” was published in 1953. Both of these books were very controversial when they were published. I looked through them but was unable to find the quotation. Could you explore this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: A precursor to this statement appeared in a satirical comedy by the prominent Irish playwright and poet Richard Brinsley Sheridan in 1779. “The Critic: or, A Tragedy Rehearsed” was first performed in London, and it included the following line in Act 2, Scene 1:

Certainly nothing is unnatural that is not physically impossible.

This statement appeared within the comedy when a character named Puff was explaining the plot of another play which contained a love match between two characters of different nationalities:¹ ²

SNEER. No scandal about Queen Elizabeth, I hope?
PUFF. O Lud! no, no.—I only suppose the Governor of Tilbury Fort’s daughter to be in love with the son of the Spanish admiral.
SNEER. Oh, is that all?
DANGLE. Excellent, Efaith!—I see it at once.—But won’t this appear rather improbable?
PUFF. To be sure it will—but what the plague! a play is not to shew occurrences that happen every day, but things just so strange, that tho’ they never did, they might happen.
SNEER. Certainly nothing is unnatural, that is not physically impossible.

QI has not yet located the statement in a work written by Alfred Kinsey. The earliest evidence known to QI of a close match appeared in 1963 in an article in the Mattachine Review by Harold L. Call who was President of the Mattachine Society. The words were credited to Alfred Kinsey:³

I suggest that the varied forms of sexual behavior are simply a part of nature. I urge others to regard them so. I remember Dr. Kinsey once said that the only unnatural sex act is that which one cannot perform. Then let’s start accepting the fact, and chuck into the rubbish can a lot of the prudish nonsense the anti-sexualists are feeding us.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.