Rhyme Does Not Pay

Dorothy Parker? Oscar Wilde? Mike Porter? Arch Ward? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Composing poetry is rarely a lucrative occupation. A traditional moralistic adage has been transformed into a comical warning for versifiers: Crime does not pay. Rhyme does not pay. This word play has been credited to the prominent wit Dorothy Parker who published multiple …

Say Anything You Like About Me, But Spell My Name Right

George M. Cohan? P. T. Barnum? Mae West? Elinor Glyn? Babe Ruth? Damon Runyon? James J. Johnston? Charley Murphy? Max Schmeling? Walter Winchell? Oscar Wilde? Samuel Johnson? Ed Sullivan? Dear Quote Investigator: A person once planned to write an article or book containing derogatory material about a celebrity. The unruffled response of the celebrity to …

Famous for Being Famous

Daniel J. Boorstin? Andy Warhol? Charles Godfrey Leland? Marshall McLuhan? Raquel Welch? David Brinkley? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Achieving fame required some significant accomplishment or impressive quality in the past. Now it seems that people are deemed notable for absurd reasons. Here are three phrases describing the self-referential nature of modern celebrityhood: Famous for being …

I Really Don’t Mind What People Do, So Long As They Don’t Do It In the Street and Frighten the Horses

Mrs. Patrick Campbell? Beatrice Stella Tanner? Helen Maud Tree? Oscar Wilde? Linkum Fidelius? Washington Irving? Alice Roosevelt Longworth? Eric Erskine Wood? Mrs. Claude Beddington? Frances Ethel Beddington? John Moore? King Edward VII? Ronald Reagan? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Enforcing societal norms and taboos is an important activity for some people. Others hesitate to proscribe conduct. …

There Are Only Two Tragedies. One Is Not Getting What One Wants, and the Other Is Getting It

Oscar Wilde? George Bernard Shaw? Oliver Onions? Anonymous? Quote Investigator: The psychology of human desire is paradoxical. The failure to achieve a goal can lead to unhappiness and ever despair. Yet, attaining an objective can produce an aftermath of uncertainty and lassitude. The following adage is humorous and poignant: There are two tragedies in life—not …

Some Cause Happiness Wherever They Go; Others Whenever They Go

Oscar Wilde? Success Magazine? Olin Miller? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Individuals with energetic, warm, and joyful personalities are welcome at most gatherings, but individuals with sullen and mean-spirited dispositions are often unwelcome. This observation accords with the following insight: Some people bring happiness wherever they go, and others whenever they leave. This statement is usually …

Patriotism Is the Virtue of the Vicious

Oscar Wilde? A. H. Cooper-Prichard? Alvin Redman? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: The Irish playwright Oscar Wilde achieved his greatest fame in London. The historically fractured and deadly relationship between Ireland and England has led some intellectuals of the isles to adopt a skeptical attitude toward patriotic fervor. Intense emotions have been inspired by both patriotism …

I Know Artists Whose Medium Is Life Itself, and Who Express the Inexpressible Without Brush, Pencil, Chisel, or Guitar

Frederick Franck? Oscar Wilde? Donna J. Stone? J. Stone? Timothy Morrissey? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Artists do not always require implements such as brushes, clay, chisels, hammers, or guitars to create works. Some artists use life itself as a medium. This fascinating notion has been expressed in a family of quotations that I have been …

Socialism Would Take Too Many Evenings

Oscar Wilde? H. G. Wells? George Bernard Shaw? Michael Walzer? Arnold S. Kaufman? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Some forms of socialism are implemented via a participatory process. An engaged citizenry would attend meetings, learn about different approaches, discuss topics, formulate policies, build consensus, and vote. These tasks can be quite laborious. Here are two versions …

Success Is a Science; If You Have the Conditions, You Get the Result

Oscar Wilde? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: Recently, I encountered the following bromide within a get-rich-quick self-help book: Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result. I was astonished to find that the words were attributed to the famous wit Oscar Wilde. The websites listing the quotation were useless. None of …